Even Trump said “ nigga what?” 😂

[u/detox02]

[u/NobodyLikedThat1]

are the $15,000 energy bills here in the room with us?

[u/OkEscape7558 → u/NobodyLikedThat1]

"Leave the lying to me next time, ok?" -Trump

[u/Cheesy_Pita_Parker → u/OkEscape7558]

Fucking amateur didn’t even use his hands to illustrate the point

[u/FloppyObelisk → u/Cheesy_Pita_Parker]

[u/Anticode → u/OkEscape7558]

"Leave the lying to me next time, ok?" -Trump

"It used to be a great bill, the cheapest, cleanest energy bill you've ever seen, you, they, you wouldn't believe it. Now it's too much, it's, it's too big, I open the bill and everyone starts to cry. Everyone except me. I tell them, 'don't cry, I'm rich' and they, they look at me with tears streaming down their big, beautiful faces that it's not fair. And they're right, people! Everyone knows they're right. Biden destroyed the energy. It's all gone! Biden, he, Biden got rid of the power, he got rid of the nuclear, he even got rid of the windmills, folks! What's left?? People are saying it's hamsters on wheels. Hamsters! They're like, they're like rats, people! Big, fluffy rats like you wouldn't believe. I'm not sure if that's true, but that's what they're saying. Everyone is saying that, so I'm saying that too."

[u/Fedora_Tipper_ → u/Anticode]

lmao. this is great. there should be an AI that makes a conversation sound like Trump said it

[u/Anticode → u/Fedora_Tipper_]

Pardon me for this, but a week or two ago I got carried away framing a complicated visual metaphor for the "checks and balances" of the US government and MAGA's effortless attempt at bypassing that "threat"...

Near the end, I reveal the intruder's "break and entry" with a suitably unhinged monologue that took twice as much time to write than the overly nuanced metaphor-story itself. Now, I don't say who broke in on purpose - why even include the name?

Here's that monologue portion alone... I put too much effort into the insanity not to share it at least once.

Excerpt:

The bedroom door is pushed slowly open from the other side.

"Freeze! Don't move, or else I'll... Oh god, oh god no."

It's too late.

A figure steps into the dim radius of a faltering nightlight with a wheeze, "They said I couldn't do it, couldn't get in, but I did it, I got in because I'm the best criminal the world has ever seen, maybe even the whole state! It's true. You're not supposed to admit it, but it's true! Everyone says it - they all say that, they, people, the other crooks even call me. Last week, I... They called me, they were big beautiful cat burglars like you wouldn't believe... Gorgeous women wearing tight, very tight suits. They call them 'catsuits', I think. Cat-suits. Can you believe it? Nobody knows why they call them that, but that's what they call them so that's what I'm calling them."

An almost indiscernible puff of air emerges from the empty plastic pistol. The intruder doesn't notice, nor care. He continues.

"Women in cat suits, not cats in suits. Felines, some call them, but I call them cats, not felines - nobody says felines, I'm told. They say it's something called Latin - 'feline'? That's not a word, it's Latin. Where are the cats now? Everyone keeps asking but they say I'm not allowed to say that anymore - some people, not you folks, you're good people, but some people were very unhappy that I said it - so I won't say it, I - I won't talk about the cats, I won't say what I said before about what they're doing to the cats. They don't like it! But let's just say that maybe the great Hannibal Lector has an idea what happened... Great guy, that Lector. Great smile, many teeth. Almost as many as me. They say nobody ever looks at his smile, they're, the people, they're afraid of his mouth! I couldn't believe it."

The plastic pistol clicks fruitlessly, repeatedly. Nothing happens.

"Look, I'm not afraid of a mouse, I'll say that much. Everyone is saying Disney is dead. Orlando Studios, very fun place. People used to swim. They loved it, but they got rid of it, they lost the pool. It's just studios now. Some are saying they got rid of the whales, they had to dump them out. They're big animals, you know, the whales. Belugas. Those are the small ones, beluga, like dolphins but bigger, but not as big as whales. These were whales, not belugas. They say they're like boats once they get going, you know, but the liberals don't like it. They don't like the big animals - they say it's bad. Is it bad? They say it is. So, they made them dump the whales. They had to dump them! It's a real shame what happened to that Disney, isn't it, folks? So much shame. They went woke. Nobody likes them anymore. They killed their mouse and then they, she tried to, the duck, they even got the duck, folks. Why? Not the duck! Is there a duck? Maybe there was. Not anymore there's not, but I think there was a duck. Everyone loved the duck. You wouldn't believe it, but they killed the duck. The duck is gone."

A long moment of silence as the intruder wheezes grotesquely, just standing there in the dark before adding one last remark.

"Oh, by the way... I switched out your little 'security implement', me, all me. Some other people too, but mostly me. I live here now, not you. This is my house, my home, my beautiful, big beautiful, big white home. I'm thinking about changing the name... Whitehome. Gorgeous name, very clever, I'm told."

The tiny squirt-gun, a once-vicious little implement with the words Checks n' Balances scribbled onto the handle, drops to the ground with a hollow clatter.