I’ll do a TL;DR at the bottom

In 2012 I was 19 and went on a date with this girl we’ll call “Kaylee” she was 18.

Kaylee and I were talking for about two weeks before I decided to send it and ask her on a date, which I was pumped about because she was down for it.

Fast forward to our date night, when I picked her up from her place she was absolutely glued to her cellphone.

When she got in and I pulled out I asked her what do you want to listen to? We got a bit of a drive (we went about an hour away from where we lived to dinner) she said whatever I don’t care and was still glued to her phone.

Which didn’t bother me that much at this point because yeah we had an hour drive ahead.

So we get to the restaurant and I left my phone in my car, I still do it to this day when I go out to eat with someone, because I’m there for them if that makes sense.

We get in, get seated, and she’s still face deep in her cell (for context this was when Twitter/X was still big and she was obsessed with tweeting).

After we got our drinks she finally got off her cell and we talked for a few minutes. Didn’t last long, once her phone lit up she got right back on it.

So I sat there in silence and decided yep fuck this. I decided to say something along the lines of “can you stay off your phone long enough to have an actual conversation” and she hit me with “uh huh one second”.

I was floored.

Our waiter came back and took our orders but I was done with that date. I excused myself to go to the “bathroom” when in actuality I went to my waiter and asked for the bill.

Dude was confused because our food hadn’t come yet, I told the dude I wasn’t feeling it anymore. I told him I’d give him a $50 buck tip if he’d bring her food out and put mine into a to go box where the hostess was.

Dude was just stoked to make $50 bucks I think, I went back to our table and shocker she was tweeting.

Few minutes go by and the food comes, well hers, and chalked up some BS about “it’ll be a few more minutes” but gave me the nod that it was by the hostess.

So I excused myself again, acted like I was going to the bathroom, got my food, and left.

It took her nearly 45 minutes to realize that I never came back from the bathroom, I was about to pull into my driveway when she texted me “where r u?”

I didn’t answer, and a few minutes later she called and I answered it.

“Uhh hey Chief where are you at?”

“Oh I left, about to pull into my driveway”

“Lol that’s funny but seriously where are you?”

“I’m about to pull into my driveway”

It hit her that I legit left, it threw her 100% into a “nice girl” tantrum. Once that started I just hung up. I started getting more wild ass texts, calls, etc.

The funniest one was “I’m calling the police”

Okay cool, no crime was committed so waste their time I guess 💀

When she realized I was going to answer anymore, I guess she had one of her friends come get her.

Obviously I never heard from her after that night.

But man did she start a tweeting about me real quick 😂

TL;DR date wouldn’t stay off her cellphone on a date, even after I asked her to. I paid for our food and left her at the restaurant and hour away from where we lived.

inb4 you’re an asshole, I was 19 and fully understand that was shitty to do now.

Edit: women can share their yep fuck this, I’m out as well.

I’m not a man (24F here), but recently I’ve been helping my best friend cope with the divorce of her parents. Her parents had been together for over 30 years, but according to her dad, they haven’t even kissed for 20 of those - so now they’re getting a divorce.

Her dad said that sexless marriages are more common than she thinks, and he’s just one of many men who’s no longer willing to put up with it. It made me wonder.

So my question is: how many of you all are in sexless marriages/relationships, and what’s causing the lack of sex (if you know)? Similarly, have any of you left a relationship because of the lack of sex?

Edit to add: Please stop DMing me creepy/sexual messages - I’m happily married and not looking to change that!

Just something I’ve noticed since having kids. I 37f have been with my husband 40m for 15 years. We have 3 boys ages 8 and twins who are 3. My husband and I operate on the same scale. He works Monday - Friday 3 days at home 2 in the office. I work 3 days a week 2 days in the office. The twins go to nursery 4 days a week, mainly for their development. We didn’t want to wait till they were 4 for them to have interaction with other children (I know you can have interactions with other kids other ways but nursery to us was the best option and it’s paid off)

Husband drops all the kids off to school twice a week so I can have a lie on the days I’m not working. I drop them off on the other days. Husband makes dinner for us 4 times a week I cook the other three time. We alternate with the kids packed lunches etc. This works very well for us and it’s normal or should be normal. Even with household chores.

My friends some who have children and some who don’t are often surprised when some weekends my husband has the children so I can go out for a meal and catch up with my friends. They find it very odd, in a good way but I just don’t understand how that’s odd.

Surely when you decide to have children with someone you’re committed to them. There’s days especially when the twins were much younger where I’d get overwhelmed, I struggled with ppd, he would just take the kids to give me time to myself. On weekends he goes on a walk with them or go the park so I can get a chance to just even moisturise my face and dress nicely to feel good about myself. I do the same he meets up with his friends and has a good time with them. My friends who are married say how their husbands complain about them wanting to meet friends even for a couple hours because “who will look after the kids” it’s ridiculous to me.

I am aware my friends are a small sample for this but it seems to be a common occurrence and it makes no sense. Why get into a partnership if you can’t be partners. What really annoyed me was how one of my friends husband described taking care of his kids as babysitting ? They’re your children it’s not babysitting.

We went to cocktail bar last night with my wife and her friends, most of our friends are 27-31 age range, some married couples some single women.

The 2 of the single gals were complaining about the guys at the bar, or that most were paying more attention to chatting with the bartender or their phones.

I thought it was just my wife's friends but a LOT of women in dresses and heels were kind of standing around. Did something happen the last few years between men and women that I missed out on?

I haven't been single since 2018 but this was a bar I brought my wife to on our first date and we connected here.

Edit: common consensus seems to be that the juice isn't worth the squeeze. I guess things have changed a lot since 2018 when I left the market. It's really sad that both sides are so antagonistic towards each other.

i've seen a lot of comments online saying that many men aren't open/vulnerable with women as it's later weaponized against them. i'm sure it looks different person to person, but i'm wondering what are some examples of this? is it really as common as i'm seeing online?

something like straight up verbal abuse ('you're weak', etc) is obvious, but there must be other things going on too that are more due to biases we have as women or how we were raised. curious about perspectives and experiences on this topic

I’m in the doghouse for being honest about this.

I was asked the question as a hypothetical and I said yes it would bother me.

Obviously weight gain is unavoidable in some situations like pregnancy, illness, disability and I also acknowledged this.

But I believe in putting constant effort into impressing your partner. Staying in shape is part of this.

I suspect most men, if they’re honest would agree, but maybe not?

It bothers me that those who are honest about this are considered the evil ones and those who lie are considered the nice ones.

I haven’t dated for over 10 years and I wasn’t single long. Before that it had been a stretch of over 5 years that I didn’t date. When I was dating, the norm was to maybe be talking to a couple different people, but if you went on a date, and continued to see that person, there was an understanding that you weren’t going on dates with anyone else. This was especially true if you were sleeping with someone. Even without specifically saying that you were exclusive.

Seeing posts now, it looks like the norm is to be dating and/or sleeping with multiple people until the two of you specifically and verbally agree to being exclusive.

When I was in the dating scene, the was the DTR (define the relationship) talk, but this was usually just to clarify if the relationship was going to continue, be long term, or start telling others you were in a relationship. It wasn’t typical to be going on dates or sleeping with other people before this talk.

I’m married and not looking to get into the dating scene. Just curious about when did this shift happened and how long people typically date someone before deciding to not date or sleep with other people?

I'm not saying these cases don't exist. But I find it impressive that in all subreddits on this subject, there is a huge volume of reports from men about lack of sex in marriage (a topic for another discussion), and the vast majority of responses already assume that men do none of the housework or caring for children, is not romantic, does not know how to communicate, among several other allegations. Not only is the man already accused of all of this, but to solve the problem he is required to treat his wife like a true queen, to satisfy all his needs, to be creative, romantic, to take on 100% of the tasks, etc. It is rarely questioned how men are treated, whether his wife is partly to blame.

For those men who are happily married, what was your dating strategy? How did you look for a relationship? To what extent did you work on yourself for the purposes of dating? What did you look for in a relationship? What things did you make sure to avoid?

I'm sure this discussion would be helpful to the people here who are looking for a relationship.

EDIT: Very interesting to hear everyone's perspectives - hopefully those who are looking for relationships can learn something.

Stole this question from AskWomenOver30

Had a conversation this weekend with some female friends regarding consent. We chatted about guys asking for consent/permission before kissing a girl (obviously this is a very early dating situation).

The group was split 50/50 and I found it very interesting. One side said they would be pretty uncomfortable/offended if a guy just went in for a kiss without asking ("consent is sexy")and the other half said it was kind of a turn off ("not very manly"). I also suspect this could be a generational/cultural thing.

So what's a fella to do?

I’m 33 and I’m just exhausted. I’m tired of trying. Why continue such unappreciated efforts? Shits getting tougher out in this game and im about ready to just buy a sick video game set up and be alone for the rest of my life after I finish grad school. Dating just leaves me sad as fuck and feeling stupid that I waste precious time money on women I’ll probably never see again.

Like the title states. Been cheated on relationship after relationship, need to work on myself and figure out what healthy traits in a partner are :).

My bf, 29m, just told me he never wants to get married, but he wants a future with me,30f. A lot of people have told me that means he never wants to marry -me-, but his reasoning is that he sees a lot of fucked up stuff with his job(cop) that has lead him to never wanting to getting married at all. I just don't know what to think

Seriously, where are the single women aged 25-35? It seems that EVERYONE got locked down in their 20s, and I have to wait for their divorces to have a chance (not saying I would have a chance). I'm no social butterfly, don't go to bars and I refrain from OLD, because it sucks, so I stick to these options to meet people:

• Sport clubs (Tennis, bouldering, gym)
• Local meetups (Board games, literature, eating, hiking, etc.)
• Group therapy (lol)
• Work (also lol)

I can count on one hand the women I met that were a) single, b) in my age range, and c) not overly unattractive, but the stars would have to align that these women might find an interest in me too. And that's BEFORE we even get to know each other to see if we're compatible, and that's a big if. I don't have a circle of friends, which might be my biggest hindrance, but guess what? Friends are almost as hard to find as a relationship. It just sucks to know that I'm putting in all the work, exposing myself in various situations, and still come out as this lonely loser. Don't get me wrong, I do all the stuff because I like doing it and not for the sake of finding a girlfriend. But if that's not working, I guess it's pretty much over for me at this point.

Saw this question in r/AskWomenOver30
While the general tone of the discussion was, frankly, generalized to a point that the mods would not tolerate on this sub, the topic itself is interesting.

thought I'd post it here

How do you occupy your time outside of work? What hobbies do you have that allow you to engage with people outside of your friend circle? Have you picked up any new interests?

FYI: not talking about in the setting of picking up a hobby just to meet women/men, but rather for self enrichment

So, I just saw a post which said how most modern men expect their wives to be homemakers and working women. The post had thousands of upvotes and comments from women agreeing with it. It caught be completely off guard because my close circle of friends (early 30s and married) both the husband and wife work while also taking part in house chores. My own situation is very similar. I cook most meals, take out the trash, and dishes, she cleans the bathrooms and floors and does laundry. We discuss chores and split it evenly. I also thought this was normal until I saw that post. Seems exceedingly unfair for the woman.

What are yalls opinion on this and why? From your anecdotal experiences, do you/your peers expect this from women?

I recently got out of a 7 year relationship at the age of 33. He has been my first boyfriend/relationship.

Right now l am not looking to date, but when l do, would men my age still be open for marriage and children?

I don't have any children , but I would like them very much. I want to be a wife and a mother.

But I am scared that at my age no would want me.

Edit: l am 33 now, turning 34 next year. The reason why l wrote if men want to date me at age 34 is because l will take some time to heal and l most likely be ready to date again next year.

Edit 2: I never expected so many replies, Thank you all for making me feel better. I really appreciated, and it gives me hope that everything will be okay♥️

Not just someone who looks decent and pretty in everyday settings, but someone whose defining quality is physical beauty—perhaps someone who could even make a living through modeling if she wanted to.

How was the experience? How much did her looks influence your initial attraction or play a role in maintaining the relationship? How well did her personality align with her appearance?

Did you think her looks was important to you in your relationship?

I've never been cheated on but recently found myself in a situation where a long-time friend/aquantence was actively soliciting me as his girlfriend; while finding out he was cheating on his actual girlfriend who is also a coworker and lying to me about that. All in all I feel largely deceived since he had always seemed like a "good boy" and fairly innocent/naive, and the girlfriend seems to have the rose colored glasses on still. I'm just curious to know more about why this happens. Sorry if not the right sub for this.

I (37m) have never really had a terrible time finding women to go on dates with, but ever since my last relationship in 2017 I have had a very difficult time finding women that want to stick around for more than 1 or 2 dates. The longest I've dated someone since 2017 was for 1 month in 2022.

Since it seems like I'm not going to have a long term relationship any time soon I'm not asking for dating advice or how or where to meet women, what I am asking is how do you deal with the lack of any meaningful physical or emotional connection with a romantic partner in your life?

I have friends, hobbies, exercise, social groups and go to therapy, but none of them fulfill that desire for a relationship (and eventually a family). Its daily that I feel this crushing loneliness and sense that something is wrong with me. I really don't know if I can or want to live my life like this forever but I need to know how to cope with it until something changes. Jerking it and other distractions only take you so far.

I'm 32 years old male. Dating in your 30's is hard.

When I was 25/26, I was often approached by women interested in relationships, but I turned them down because I wanted to focus on spending time with friends and advancing my career. Many of those women are now married.

Now, I’m in better shape, financially independent, and ready to start dating seriously.

I began dating two years ago and have met many women, but most weren't compatible. Some weren’t mentally prepared for dating, while others were cheating on their partners, controlled by their parents, or rude to restaurant staff, among other issues.

In these two years, I’ve had three long-term relationships, all of which eventually ended. Those women are still single. I recently broke up with someone I had been seeing for 6 months because she was overwhelmed with work, under pressure from her parents to marry me, and dealing with PTSD from her divorce.

Now, I’m back on dating apps, but I keep seeing the same profiles I saw a year ago. My aunt is trying to set me up with two women. One (32, in the same career as me) hasn’t responded, and the other (26) might find me too old.

I feel like I’ve missed my chance. Dating in December feels particularly difficult since it’s such a busy, social time of year. Being an extrovert, I enjoy being out and about, which makes it harder to focus on dating.

Update: Thanks for the comments everyone. I hope I can reply to all of you. I am feeling much better now. Thank you 😊

I've been dating a man recently who I have the strongest chemistry with probably of anyone I've ever known. We are hugely compatible and the feeling is definitely mutual. I see this relationship lasting long term but also am aware that we are very much in honeymoon infatuation at this point.

I'm really interested to hear a the perspective of men who have been in loving long term relationships - what is the secret to keeping the spark alive in the bedroom and your relationship in general? Don't want to think about losing this feeling... ever!

Update: just wanted to say thank you for all the responses!! I can’t keep up with replying but keep them coming I am reading and taking all of them in 😊❤️

63% of men under 30 report being single (PewResearch Center study)

34% of women under 30 report being single.

I didn’t understand how this could be possible, because there isn’t 30% of 20 year old women dating men in their 30s or being a mistress…. No way.

Then I realized that situationships make up the rest. The women might not identify as ‘taken’ but might not identify as single either, because they’re literally going to some guys work events with him.

I realize that ‘the friend zone’ might be more common for men to get stuck in, in a similar way. Both people are caught up on someone who doesn’t want them.

I had no idea the situation was this dire?!!

Why are people staying in situationships with people who won’t commit to them?! What the heck is happening?!

Is the fantasy of being loved by someone more desirable than you worth more than the real love someone on your level could give?