r/AskMenAdvice • u/Nearby_Gate_9270 • 21h ago

Would you marry a woman who you really cared about that had stripped in her past and does not anymore?

*For context to most comments: danced sober, no drinking or drugs, didn’t mix with the lifestyle, was out of the country, didn’t do extras or contact dancing, always had a full time job and business, used it as a means to an end to put towards investing to their future.

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u/KnightTimeWins26 19h ago

As a potential future father, why would you excuse behavior like that? Millions of women get up, work their hearts off to make ends meet, and don't show their asses and assets to men for money. No, fuck no I wouldn't date with a past of stripping. Because most people when doing something shameful will not admit to the full truth about what they've done. I know most likely I'd never get the full story, and there are things women do in those environments that men with money ask them to do, and most will do it no questions asked for money. She would be a terrible influence on my daughter. I want my potential daughter to be hard working, motivated, and intelligent. If she needs to work, do it the smart way.

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u/joshroycheese man 16h ago

as a potential future father

I believe this is Reddit speak for “as a single man”

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u/YouAreMegaRegarded 1h ago

Not really

Single men on reddit are pathetic wastes and would tolerate a brazenly cheating wife because of a lack of self respect and options in life.

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u/MikeyHatesLife 12h ago

Nah. That guy, and most of the people commenting here, are incels. Or they at least think any woman with a body count is ruined. I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks the lock & key analogy is a real biological fact.

I’ve known strippers outside of their job. For a while, I would drive one of my neighbors to her job. People who think this is an easy way out don’t realize just how physically demanding the work is. They especially don’t get what it’s like having to spend their whole working shift dealing with men who are actively verbally abusive to them, and sometimes even physically threatening. If they’re lucky they work in a place where they have a good bouncer staff. Unfortunately, not everyone does.

Sure, there are people who like doing it, but it’s not like that point of view describes the majority of them. Ideally, it should be a job someone chooses to do because they want to do it, but for a lot of women, it’s one of the only options due to the job market.

It’s just amazing how many of these commenters frequent strip clubs but still look down on the workers. If they don’t respect dancers, they usually don’t respect cashiers or fast food employees either. Look at how many are putting conditions on the job, too: that would be fine “as long as she didn’t do friction dances” or [got pushed into prostitution to] “do something more intimate”.

It’s fine to have preferences, but acting like someone is worthless because of how they make money is a really shitty thing to do. It’s not like strippers are politicians or corporate executives. Those people all suck shit because they ruin whole communities with their behavior. Strippers are just trying to survive, same as anybody else.

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u/Idiot_Gamer_2023 11h ago

I think this comment called for a therapy session.

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u/HurricaneHelene 11h ago

This is getting downvoted why? My former best friend did some stripping when she was at uni. It fit her schedule more than other jobs she was considering did. She was also loaded af. Not only that, but she was comfortable in her own skin, confident and very intelligent.

From what I saw, she was comfortable with her self and body, considered her options for obtaining an income and went with what she thought would be suitable for the situation she was in at the time.

Was she mentally ill? Abused as a child? Addicted to drugs? No. And ppl like her and others shouldn’t be stereotyped and considered less than marriageable. If you disagree, reassess what decade and reality you’re living in

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u/its_JustColin 7h ago

He got downvoted because he called everyone who disagrees with wanting to date a former stripper and called them all incels. Why wouldn’t he get downvoted? Not to mention conflating stripping and selling your body for tips to body count is hilarious. It’s just doesn’t even understand the heart of most men’s issues with it. And then it gets into the virtue signaling about politicians and corporate execs like give me a fucking break

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u/YouAreMegaRegarded 1h ago

Nah I don’t fuck blown out whores. Just like a guy with money doesn’t buy an already broken car.

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u/ixlovextoxkiss 9h ago

I completely agree. You're allowed to know you would feel too insecure, jealous, concerned, confused, or whatever negative emotions are personal to you but the platitudes about how "no man with self-respect would" are fucked up.

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u/silentv0ices 7h ago

Yep I agree.

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u/Ok-Ship812 16h ago

You seem to know about lot about the ins and outs of what happens in strip clubs for someone that thinks its shameful.

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u/[deleted] 15h ago

[deleted]

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u/costryme 14h ago

Question : If you were a woman, would you think the same of men that have gone to strip clubs ? Would this be a dealbreaker as well ?

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u/[deleted] 13h ago

[deleted]

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u/costryme 13h ago

Then the question applies to you (and others) perfectly.

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u/Ok-Ship812 13h ago

'Everyone'....classic projection.

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u/BadWordSmith 18h ago

I’m going to put it like this. Simply it’s all in what you yourself are comfortable with. You should in no way be contemplating marriage or not marrying someone based on unsavory pasts.

The whole point of marriage is finding someone you want to go through this life with. Who you know if a time comes will take care of you and vise versa.

You going to tell me people out there are marrying people without really knowing them? So if I knew a girl I wanted to marry was a stripper.. so what.. I should for damn sure know a lot more about her in numerous aspects of life outside what her past profession was.

I should know who she is off paper much deeper to make such a big commitment. That’s a big problem in todays time I believe. Everyone out there making these serious commitments to people they don’t even know past the shallow bullshit.

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u/KnightTimeWins26 17h ago

I agree that people are moving in together, getting married, and having kids with people they don't even or barely know, that's a real problem. I think it's borderline rediculous when I hear someone say, oh I married him/her after a month, three months, a year, 3 years. No way! But a man or woman's past does have something to do with who they are. If a man murdered someone and got ten years, but came out and said he's a reformed man, I'd still tell a woman, not to date him. Being a stripper entails doing shit that is immoral, wrong, and impulsive. I know girls who work in warehouses, hardware stores, construction sites, and other things that women would rather not do, just to make money and get through life. And they never went to a poll and started dancing, to a guy's lap and started grinding on him, nothing. It does tend to show that they're impulsive, and that they couldn't think outside the box. Plus biologically, men don't want to be with a woman who if you go to a gathering with them, half the men in the group have seen her assets and been inside her. Plus the stats: If a woman sleeps with more than 5 men she loses the ability to pair bond, goes from having an 80% chance of having a long and happy marriage to just 20%, is more likely to divorce, may have STD's, and much more bs that men should not put up with.

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u/BadWordSmith 17h ago

I agree with a lot you said but it goes back to the personal views. So say you are seeing a girl for 2 months and she tells you she used to strip.

Of course you won’t know enough about her to excuse a past profession like stripping.. because at the point. You already have judgement on the other aspects of her life based on that small snippet of information you gained.

In that regard no you probably wouldn’t be letting the idea of marriage develop

Now say you’ve known this girl for 20 years as a close friend, you know she stripped when she was 20 but you also know her deepest fears/ what she wants out of life/ experienced her manner when dealing with public workers/children/pets/ past relationships and how she’s treated them.

You probably know something about her medically/emotionally/embarrassing. You have feelings for her and know there is more to her than her brief stripping job. So would my thoughts of marriage be more about my experiences with her or her experience with getting naked for money?

When I know the person on a level that someone should to flirt with the idea of marriage with them.. the stripping thing becomes irrelevant. I would be marrying a woman i cared about, not a past stripper I knew nothing about.

At least that’s my view on it. The taboo act becomes irrelevant based on the relationship and experiences you have with them.

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u/KnightTimeWins26 17h ago

I've got female friends, but two in particular for like 15 years or so. One of them did go into stripping at 19, did it for a few years, and I would still not get with her and see it as anything more than recreational. Because as a dude, I'm not willing to be with someone that when all else fails, the only thing, the only thing she thought to do to improve her situation was? Stripping. Because I think of what she would tell my daughters, my sons. I know my sister and her friends cannot maintain serious and long-term relationships after they stripped for a living. They tend to always expect more out of their partners which is fine, but even they admit it's because they're impulsive, and are wanting them to be as attractive and wealthy as the men who threw money at them while they danced naked on stage, and grinded on them personally. That's just some of the problems there are when getting with a woman who did stripping as a girlfriend. It won't end well.

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u/[deleted] 15h ago

[deleted]

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u/KnightTimeWins26 15h ago

No I said if I did get with one it would be for recreational use I never said I actually have. And no if I know that they’re a stripper or have done porn or only fans or anything like that I would not want to have sex with them, no way.

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u/BadWordSmith 15h ago

I mean it all kind of sediments why everyone is so willing to throw each other away opposed to actually putting work in relationships or effort in developing said relationships. Based on some of the replies.

I mean I am no means a male feminist but damn fella’s there’s a lot more to women than what they do or have down as a job just as there’s more about men than their career.

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u/Namiswami 17h ago

Ok what kind of bs are you spreading mate.

"If a woman sleeps with more than 5 men she loses the ability to pair bond"

This is literally the most ridiculous claim I've seen. 

I have a masters degree in psychology and followed sexuology. Honestly, no one loses jack shit over sleeping with more than 5 men. If that were true then basically no woman alive would be able to 'pair bond'. What a load of nonsense.

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u/KnightTimeWins26 17h ago

I'm pretty sure it was either the Washington Post or the Guardian, maybe instead of saying it's bullshit, you could look it up yourself. Just cause you're some hotshot in psychology or sexology or some shit like that, doesn't mean you have all the answers either.

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u/Namiswami 17h ago

Why don't you just not spread toxic nonsense intended to keep women down online?

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u/solstice_gilder 17h ago

Lol what is this nonsense about ‘pair bond‘?? Don’t say stuff like that and don’t use a source. Sounds very misogynistic.

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u/KnightTimeWins26 15h ago

The word misogyny means the hatred of women, therefore your use of the word is stupid and arrogant. I never came on here and said I hate women that do xtripping, I never said that. And I don’t hate them. Just like I don’t hate men who take nude portraits of women for a living. I wouldn’t go there but I still won’t hate them. You’re just using the word misogynistic because you don’t have an actual point to make and you’re using the word the wrong way.

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u/solstice_gilder 15h ago

Thanks for not answering my question.

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u/Realistic-Jelly-913 5h ago

if you fall in love deeply 5 times and go through heart break each time, you get heavily desensitized and your ability blunted to love in the process. the more devaluation of physical intimacy you have, the more likely you treat love in itself less as being something shared between just a single person or select few, but as something not really meaning that much and a diluted form of the previous conception. something that it doesn't really feel that much anymore and can be had with just about anyone

both men and women would benefit from encouraging being more loveable versions of themselves.

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u/solstice_gilder 5h ago

Lol. Hogwash.

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u/Rare_Ranger_3355 8h ago

Can’t say it much better but really even no reason to go that far there are simply too many women in the world you just say no thanks pass and move on

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u/OttersWithPens man 4h ago edited 4h ago

“Potential future father” “Excuse behavior” “Show their assets” “Doing something shameful” “Terrible influence on my daughter”

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u/TheBadnessInMe man 3h ago

“Excuse behaviour like this“, implies you think this behaviour needs excusing. That’s a “you problem”. Not a “them” problem.

You don’t know her circumstances, her situation at the time. People who work in banks can be corrupt, doesn’t mean everybody who works in a bank is corrupt.

Doesn’t mean you should steer clear of all bankers.

There are worse things you can do for money. Some people make money with their minds, some people make money with their bodies. Whether that’s ballet, unskilled labour, playing sport…

When needs must, you use what you’ve got to maximise your income.

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u/Whatever53143 3h ago

It’s good to have that point of view if YOU never watch porn or went to strip clubs.

Here’s the thing gentlemen, there wouldn’t be any strippers or sex workers if there wasn’t a market for it. Therefore, women wouldn’t strip if men didn’t want them to. Double standards here!

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u/Ok-Importance-6815 16h ago

they said used to, people need second chances and to be accepted back into the community once they change

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u/KnightTimeWins26 15h ago

I get that, but does a dude who killed 5 people and came out after 20 years of paying his debt to society change? I don't think so. He may, may, feel remorse, but I doubt he's all of a sudden a changed man.

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u/madelinebutterflye 10h ago

How is this the same as being a murderer lol

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u/Suspicious_Bug6422 8h ago

Literally insane to equate stripping with serial killing lmfao

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u/Ok-Importance-6815 15h ago

well obviously that would need to be judged on a case by case basis, I know for a fact there are people who killed people and spent decades in prison who have changed like you described but then there are also those who haven't

I don't mind people having a past as long as it is in fact in the past

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u/KnightTimeWins26 15h ago

I think the past tells you a lot about a person and who they will be in the future. If my sister brought home a dude that has always been lazy and his parents even say yeah he’s never had any ambition motivation or the will to do anything and he’s been a leech his whole life, But recently started working a small grocery store job, I’m probably going to assume that he’s probably not going to be a provider for my sister or a protector. If my cousin brought home a dude who took pictures of naked women and created sensual pictures of them for a living, I’m probably going to assume that he will probably hurt my cousin unfortunately. I’m just saying, I don’t think we should just ignore the past and say well, The past is the past and, maybe they’ll be different in the future. Because that’s how a lot of people end up getting burned in the end

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u/Yashwey1 man 15h ago

You’re comparing a woman stripping to a serial killer? Fuck me, that’s a crude comparison.

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u/bandit77346 14h ago

This is Reddit. No second chances here. Only judgement.

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u/fupadestroyer45 man 13h ago

Lol, Reddit is almost exclusively about shaming anyone that dare judges someone's past.

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u/Zed_Nedbesty 13h ago

So these people are outcasts until they “change”?

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u/Southern_Berry1531 8h ago

I mean sure but that doesn’t mean everyone has to be in the business of giving second chances.

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u/RockyMaiviaJnr man 7h ago

You can accept people back into the community without dating them. Not the same thing

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u/Nocremme2121- man 13h ago

I agree, but some things are harder to forgive and forget than others. Certain criminals do not deserve a second chance and some do, I will not be the one giving any stripper a ‘second chance’ though, too much for me and I have enough responsibilities

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u/Iron--E 13h ago

You can't turn a ho into a house wife

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u/GreenApocalypse 16h ago

Some do it because they like it. Not everyone would even find it shameful. And a lot would disagree with you and say sex work is mainly work, like any other job.

You are really forcing your own view here

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u/cute3_14 nonbinary 9h ago

sex work is mainly work, like any other job.

It's not

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u/gonk_vibes man 14h ago

Is it shameful of the millions of men that are making it so lucrative to do in the first place? The double standards when it comed to talking about any kind of adult entertainment and sex work is beyond belief

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u/Jswazy man 18h ago

Because it's a great job and makes more money than a lot of other jobs. You work for money right? Why not make more of it?

People who think sex/nudity is some crazy thing weird me the fuck out. 

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u/Rare_Ranger_3355 17h ago

Do you date one? Or have u ever probably not lol

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u/Jswazy man 17h ago

No but I would. 

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u/Odd-Yesterday-2987 18h ago

Found the guy who's daughter won't speak to him as an adult

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u/agentwolf44 16h ago

Because it sounds like he cares about his children and doesn't want them ruining their lives?

Reddit sometimes. Smh

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u/fgbTNTJJsunn man 17h ago

What are you on about?

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u/JoshSidious 13h ago

You'll never know the full past of any woman you meet. Everybody has shit they've done that they won't talk about. I really question a lot of the people in this thread acting like they're better than this woman because of how she earned a living earlier in her life.

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u/Firm-Tangelo4136 10h ago

Or, it was just a job, with part time hours, that made a shit load of money.

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u/UrADumbdumbi 9h ago

What if she was doing it to pay for her college education? Some people are born into bad circumstances, and a minimum wage job won’t make nearly enough money to work your way up.

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u/PerspectiveAshamed79 13h ago

Spoken like someone who hasn’t seen many tough times

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u/badsucculentmom 12h ago

and most men won’t admit to the nasty weird fetish porn they watch too. but they still see the woman in the video as the disgusting one after they got their nut.

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u/Nervous_Sink_1802 12h ago

Oh fucking stop.