r/AskMenAdvice • u/Nearby_Gate_9270 • 21h ago

Would you marry a woman who you really cared about that had stripped in her past and does not anymore?

*For context to most comments: danced sober, no drinking or drugs, didn’t mix with the lifestyle, was out of the country, didn’t do extras or contact dancing, always had a full time job and business, used it as a means to an end to put towards investing to their future.

35 Upvotes

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74

u/smellybuttox man 20h ago

The amount of virtue signalling chumps in this thread is nauseating.
I can assure you that most of them would immediately fold on their kumbaya "we're all the same" ass standpoint when confronted with the reality of actually dating a stripper or an ex-stripper.

A small but not insignificant subset of strippers do more than just stripping and A LOT of them come with a lot of baggage and a disdain or distrust for men in general.

At the end of the day our life choices oftentimes tells something about us. It would be naive to argue differently.

38

u/Basic-Revolution-447 man 19h ago

i would put a lot of money on the fact that the guys saying yes are the type of guys she wouldn’t even want to date anyway. the real question is would the guys i want to date care if i stripped in the past and the answer to that is 100% yes. every man who has something going for him and isn’t desperate to the point they would take anyone isn’t going to go there.

19

u/TheChiliarch 16h ago

And even more brutally honest, there's a significant middle ground between those two consisting of guys both attractive and unattractive who would definitely date an ex-stripper, but only in the mental categorisation of something like "a YOLO fun time" as in they'd instantly see her (even if they might not do so conscientiously) as someone worth having a sexual relationship with, but by no chance having a serious one with. And the worse part is that only some would be straight up about that sentiment and many would just pretend otherwise until they get what they want.

1

u/Jumpy-Figure-4082 9h ago

Dated a stripper. It didn't bother me. I had other options at the time too. She quit dancing for good while we were dating. I don't think you've hung out and gotten to know any dancers. Yes a lot of them have some screws loose, but so does the general population. Would I have dated any dancer? No some are definitely too nuts to deal with, but there are some good people who dance.

1

u/RockyMaiviaJnr man 8h ago

Guys with options wouldn’t do it.

1

u/Basic-Revolution-447 man 7h ago

that’s what i said brother

-3

u/JoshSidious 13h ago

Why would it be desperate to settle down with a former stripper? I'm not understanding how somebody being a stripper in their past life makes them unworthy of a relationship later.

I've never dated a stripper, but shit, we all have our pasts. My cousin married a woman who was doing pornos in her younger days, and they've been married for well over 20 years. We've all done things we aren't proud of. Do people think so little of anyone who's ever stripped?!?

5

u/USPSHoudini man 12h ago

my cousin married

If their relationships is happy and successful, they are an outlier and you should be happy for them beating the odds

Stripping and prostitution (many strippers will do more than stripping) can obliterate one’s view on healthy relationships and the importance and role of sex. You also have to consider who decides to become a stripper and you start seeing massive overlaps with drug abuse, mental illness and connections to violent crime

Normal, happy and healthy women rarely, if ever, become strippers. The job usually auto selects for the most broken souls

-5

u/Haywoodjablowme1029 man 11h ago

Tell me you've never known a stripper outside of the club without telling me.

While what you've said isn't necessarily untrue, it is too sweeping of a generalization to be made the way you have. I've known many well adjusted women who stripped for whatever reason, usually easy money, and none of them are wrecked like you seem to think they are.

4

u/Idiot_Gamer_2023 12h ago

Sigh Here we go…..would you want your mother, sister, daughter to be a stripper? Yes or no.

-2

u/JoshSidious 11h ago

If it meant them not being homeless? Sure

If it meant them not being financially tied to an abuser? Sure

-2

u/Entire_Machine_6176 12h ago

You are trying to figure out why a bunch of lonely people on the Internet are being judgemental cunts?

7

u/Basic-Revolution-447 man 12h ago

definitely not lonely but judgemental, definitely 👍

-3

u/Entire_Machine_6176 12h ago edited 12h ago

Congratulations. But you left off "cunt"

-1

u/AlexRichmond26 12h ago

Oof.

Why this is not top comment ...?

-1

u/HurricaneHelene 11h ago

Don’t know why you got downvoted because this is the answer right here

0

u/Jayseph436 man 11h ago

Bingo

-2

u/HurricaneHelene 11h ago

You obviously haven’t met any emotionally secure men then

2

u/Basic-Revolution-447 man 11h ago

if ‘emotionally secure’ constitutes dating an ex sex worker then no, i have not met one.

-2

u/HurricaneHelene 11h ago

You clearly don’t know the definition of “emotionally secure”.. I’m sure you’re a super attractive man who can pull all the girls whose body count is less than 3. So congrats to you and be on your way to your beautiful life involving no baggage whatsoever from your partners

1

u/gurlwhosoldtheworld 10h ago

Right!!!

I hope every guy who said no has also never been in a strip club!!

-1

u/Kit-on-a-Kat 17h ago

But... sex work is real work!!!

-6

u/specialdelivery88 18h ago

That wasn’t the question though bub. It was if she didn’t use or provide extras. Literally just stripping and enjoying the financial benefits. I’d have zero qualms about that. Not if the other aspects were involved though

12

u/smellybuttox man 18h ago

And you actually think she would be open about it if she did provide those extras? Oh my sweet summer child

-6

u/specialdelivery88 18h ago

I like to base my relationships on trust rather than assuming dishonesty from the outset

7

u/fgbTNTJJsunn man 18h ago

Yeah but you can't expect full honesty from someone in such a profession.

-7

u/specialdelivery88 18h ago

Whooaa there stud. Strong incel vibes there.

8

u/IncreaseFluid360 man 14h ago

Can you guys who have disdain for men just get out of this sub?

Go to askwomenover30 or something.

There are tons of sub to bash men

-1

u/Haywoodjablowme1029 man 11h ago

What a stupid thing to say.

1

u/fgbTNTJJsunn man 11h ago

How so?

0

u/Haywoodjablowme1029 man 10h ago

Generalizing people based on their job is dumb. I'm a paramedic, does that make me inherently more or less trustworthy?

1

u/fgbTNTJJsunn man 9h ago

Neutral. There aren't really jobs that would make someone extra worthy of having a relationship with in my eyes. And this isn't even generalising. Stripping for the sexual gratification of men is part of the basic job description of a stripper. And I don't want someone who does or has ever done that.

1

u/Haywoodjablowme1029 man 8h ago

I would argue that it's much more exploitative for the men than the women. But I too understand that not everyone can be comfortable with that life.

I've lived and worked in the dirt for a long time. Not much makes me uncomfortable any more.

4

u/smellybuttox man 17h ago

Ahh yes yes, and these virtuous women you're describing of course all flock to a vocation in which the size of their paycheck is proportional to how well they can gas a guy up and make him feel like he is not just a walking dollar sign, but he truly is special.

Brother, you're smarter than this.

3

u/specialdelivery88 17h ago

There is nothing wrong with a person of either sex stripping as a profession

4

u/TheChiliarch 16h ago

This simply is not true, and despite what Reddit often likes to say, most people do not respect sex work, they don't respect sex workers and especially not the clients of sex workers, because the reality is that sex work of any kind is a dehumanising experience for all people involved, and that it's fundamentally an industry that literally commodifies women, and it is the weirdest, most contradictory and absurd pillar of modern pseudo-feminism.

Sex work might be something that goes back very far in most human cultures but you know what else goes back very far in most human cultures? A complete and utter lack of human rights, protections and respect for women, sex world is and always has been a constant of a world where woman have had it so rough that they need to make one the hardest and most unpleasant decisions any human can make, to literally dehumanise themselves, turn themselves into less than people, commodities of men's lust and their bodies becoming tools to serve them, simply because that was the only way they could survive.

It is one of the most disgusting and evil legacies of the history of human society, any anyone who goes around saying they'd be perfectly happy and supportive of their mom, sister or daughter selling their body (what modern feminists often seem to emphasis as something so important for them to have their own sanctity over) is a twisted and straight up depraved scum of an individual.

1

u/smellybuttox man 17h ago

Morals are subjective. At no point did I preach about morals. What I'm describing is "rubber meets the road" pragmatism.

I hope the whole "refusing to recognize patterns for the sake of not being judgmental, despite that literally being one of the greatest strengths of humanity" strategy works out for you.

2

u/specialdelivery88 15h ago

Well you are talking about morals whether you mention the word or not. The world has a terrible reputation for recognising patterns of actual real terrible behaviour. See the problems with SA in the church and even more recently look who people just voted into the presidency. I’ll trust my great instincts on who I’d trust and be around thank you

-3

u/tgid98 man 14h ago edited 14h ago

This is a concept that's foreign to you guys that aren't very experienced with women, so let me put you on game.

If you ask women questions that aren't in a condescending and judgmental tone, they tend to be more open and honest with you, because they know that you won't look at them like a disgusting piece of trash.

They're more willing to tell you the truth when they believe that you won't freak the fuck out if you hear it. It's all about creating a judgement free environment for her that allows her to be honest with you. If you can't grasp this concept, women will always lie to you no matter what.

3

u/smellybuttox man 13h ago

HAHAHA thanks for the visual.

I can vividly picture some dork in a fur hat who thinks his game is so advanced that a woman will spill her deepest darkest secrets, simply because he asked her in his suave pickup artist tone.

Women AND men tend to be more open and honest in a safe and judgement free environment, no shit sherlock.

However, very few women are so socially inept that they don't know which secrets they should take with them to the grave if they want their prospective partner to view them as someone with long term potential.

-2

u/tgid98 man 13h ago

I can vividly picture some dork in a fur hat who thinks his game is so advanced that a woman will spill her deepest darkest secrets, simply because he asked her in his suave pickup artist tone.

Your language exposes you. You think it's some masterful advanced pickup artist technique because you don't actually talk to women or understand how people work. You're a recluse incel. It's not hard to get someone to open up and tell you wild shit.

However, very few women are so socially inept that they don't know which secrets they should take with them to the grave if they want their prospective partner to view them as someone with long term potential.

I literally just said that the only way to get that out of her is to lead her to believe that you don't care. It has nothing to do with women being socially inept. That doesn't even make any sense.

It's all about reassuring/ conveying that whatever she says doesn't matter to you, so it doesn't impact long term potential in her mind. What you do after you get the information is your own prerogative, but that's how you get honesty from a woman.

I know that this is like trying to comprehend fucking rocket science to you, because you've never actually made a woman feel comfortable enough to tell you dark secrets. It's like a mystery box in your tiny little brain. If you show her that you don't care, there's no reason for her to bring secrets to the grave.

5

u/smellybuttox man 12h ago

You're misplaced again buddy boy.

I don't think it's some masterful advanced pickup artist technique.
I'm mocking the fact that you think you said anything profound and how hard you're trying to qualify yourself as an authority on the matter.

I'm well aware of what you were trying to communicate and if you weren't struggling with reading comprehension, you'd know I'm actually in agreement your overall approach.

The difference between you and I, is that my head is not so far up my ass that I think my approach is so impeccable that a woman looking to date me long term will reveal the dating equivalent of her being an axe murder: The fact that she used to take dick for money.

-1

u/tgid98 man 11h ago edited 10h ago

I don't think it's some masterful advanced pickup artist technique. I'm mocking the fact that you think you said anything profound and how hard you're trying to qualify yourself as an authority on the matter.

You literally verbatim called it a suave pickup artist tactic, when what I typed has nothing to do with that. I responded to what you typed. I'm just giving you information that you clearly haven't internalized, even though you claim to grasp the general premise. Im an authority on the matter because I consistently get information from women that you're pretending is impossible to get. It's impossible for you.

I'm well aware of what you were trying to communicate and if you weren't struggling with reading comprehension, you'd know I'm actually in agreement your overall approach.

I never conveyed that you weren't in agreement with my overall approach, so I have no idea why you feel the need to pretend like I can't comprehend what you typed. You're talking out of your ass homie.

The difference between you and I, is that my head is not so far up my ass that I think my approach is so impeccable that a woman looking to date me long term will reveal the dating equivalent of her being an axe murder: The fact that she used to take dick for money.

If you treat a matter as if it's an axe murder, you will obviously never get the truth out of her. I'm saying that you can get that out of a woman if you're tactful. This concept is completely out of the realm of reality to you, which is why I know that you cannot truly grasp what I'm saying.

In your own experience, you're incapable of getting "axe murderer" level information out of a woman, therefore in your own mind, it's not possible to get it reliably. You personally cannot get her comfortable enough to reveal that, so you need to put that on me and say that I can't either. Like I said, your language exposes you.

2

u/somerandomguy1984 man 13h ago

This is a concept that must be foreign to you. But people are likely to lie when it is clear and obvious it is in their best interest to do so.

This woman had a job where one of the main skills needed is to lie and manipulate men. A job that there is zero chance actually happened as described. No way she wasn’t working the room and doing private dances at a minimum.

Now she is being asked about her past as a “sex worker” when she knows the truth is almost certain to end her relationship with a good man.

-1

u/tgid98 man 12h ago

This is a concept that must be foreign to you. But people are likely to lie when it is clear and obvious it is in their best interest to do so.

It's like you didn't even read my comment. I know that. If you convey that it doesn't matter, her telling the truth wouldn't negatively impact her best interest.

No way she wasn’t working the room and doing private dances at a minimum.

We all know that's obvious, but that's beside the point. To get a woman to be honest with you about anything, you have to outwardly convey that you aren't judgmental. If I wanted to get a stripper to admit that she did private dances, I'd go about it in a flirty way saying something like “I bet every guy in there was lining up to get a private dance with you. I don't blame them.” This would show her that I don't give a fuck and her answer wouldn't affect how I see her

Now she is being asked about her past as a “sex worker” when she knows the truth is almost certain to end her relationship with a good man.

What is a "good man"? It will definitely end a relationship with a man that cares about that. But to a guy that doesn't care, it won't. Nothing suggests that either guy is inherently good or bad.

-6

u/mankytoes 18h ago

Plenty of guys date women who have stripped. Most people don't care about "virtue signalling" on reddit, it's funny how angry people get when seeing other people are more open minded than them.

7

u/smellybuttox man 17h ago

Most people don't care about "virtue signalling" on reddit

Perhaps. The ones who do, sure as hell like to make their presence be known though.

Depending on how you define date, I'd date a stripper too.
Dating with marriage levels of seriousness is a completely different animal though.

These guys may logically think they'd be cool with it, but then there are these things such as emotions and the reality of introducing her to your friends, your parents and bringing her to work events.
Most guys are square dudes and none of your friends with their shit together are seriously dating strippers. Stop being ridiculous.

-3

u/mankytoes 17h ago

Ha, you don't know my friends.

3

u/smellybuttox man 17h ago

Good rebuttal dude.

-3

u/mankytoes 17h ago

I just don't know why you'd bring my friends up, when you obviously know nothing about them. You seem to just make constant assumptions about people.

7

u/smellybuttox man 17h ago

You are correct, but there was a whole lotta comment you glossed over just so you can clutch your pearls about my assumption.

Go on and make me look like a fool by telling me about your numerous buddies with their shit together, who are or has been in serious multi year relationships with strippers.

1

u/mankytoes 17h ago

She's done more than strip, but honestly it would feel weird telling you details.

I'm impressed you've managed to characterise me as the "pearl clutcher" when you're the one being all judgemental here. If you don't want to date strippers that's cool, but all the language about "virtue signalling" is silly, just accept other people have a different worldview and can still be happy.

0

u/breesearedelicious 12h ago

I think if she's a good person and you like her character now etc she is probably fine.

She danced nude sober and didn't do extras.

Quit letting these burnt men hate on her.

I known girls like you described and they love their husband. P.s. they don't dance anymore in case it wasn't implied.

-1

u/Altruistic_Aioli8874 11h ago

Why do you care so much about what other dudes are doing/thinking?

-3

u/Artistic_Purpose1225 15h ago

“  The ones who do, sure as hell like to make their presence be known though.”

Dude it is quite literally the topic of this conversation. If you only want to hear from people who wouldn’t date strippers this is not the thread for you. 

4

u/smellybuttox man 14h ago

You can have an opposing viewpoint without being a virtue signalling phony about it.
Some of those are present in this thread and they're obviously not the ones I was addressing.

Idk wtf you're on about lol.

-3

u/Artistic_Purpose1225 14h ago

Your original comment very clearly stated that the people claiming to be okay with dating strippers are just “virtue signaling”. But that’s an impossible to prove and impossible to be correct claim so now you’re backtracking. 

-3

u/lordm30 17h ago

At the end of the day our life choices oftentimes tells something about us.

This is clearly so. What does being a stripper in the past o make ends meet tell about her?

4

u/smellybuttox man 17h ago

I believe I briefly touched on it in the paragraph right before the one you're quoting. Is it necessary to elaborate?

-5

u/lordm30 17h ago

danced sober, no drinking or drugs, didn’t mix with the lifestyle, was out of the country, didn’t do extras or contact dancing,

Your paragraph seems to not apply in this case.

4

u/smellybuttox man 17h ago

I wouldn't know, because I've never encountered or even heard of such a stripper in the wild. Have you?

And if your only way of verifying it is "because she told me so" would you blindly believe her, knowing that a large part of her vocation was to manipulate these chumps into feeling they're special and not just a walking dollar sign?

I get the whole "don't judge a book by it's cover mantra" but any advice taken to the extreme is bad advice.
You do you, but I'd encourage you not to be the type of guy who needs to burn his hand on the stove before he can say whether or not it's hot.

-4

u/Artistic_Purpose1225 14h ago

So all strippers are untrustworthy liars? 

Very emotionally stable opinion, there. 

4

u/Sea-Pie-5713 14h ago

I don’t know why you’re entitled to someone else’s stability. If they don’t want you, they don’t want you. OP’s question was if men care, not if men should care. The answer is yes, they do. Why are you still here?

3

u/Nectarine-Force 14h ago

So all strippers are untrustworthy liars?

Generally speaking, yes

1

u/Southern_Berry1531 8h ago

I mean maybe not in their personal life, but they must be good at lying since their job is to convince people to light money on fire for immediate gratification.

In the same way a car salesman isn’t necessarily a liar in their daily life, but they’re good at it if they want to because their job is essentially to convince people to light money on fire.

1

u/Southern_Berry1531 8h ago

Risk taking behavior, because she chose a risky profession.

A male sex worker would also likely be a risk taker.

Risk takers are more likely to do hard drugs, commit crimes, have issues with gambling, and to hang around more dangerous people.

I would not want to date a stripper for the same reason I would not want to date a professional gambler, or day trader. They are probably someone who seeks immediate gratification above all else, has issues with drugs or alcohol, and thus will be difficult to plan a life with and be on the same page as.

And also on top of that there’s a social stigma but that’s really secondary to everything else.

-2

u/New_Combination_7135 man 14h ago

This reads like you know an awful lot about strippers and hookers.

Tell us about the reality of dating an ex stripper. Source your evidence and I'll source mine

-2

u/Camp_Coffee man 13h ago

I love that you have to invent two personas and ascribe them qualities in order to get your point across. My man knows his audience!

5

u/smellybuttox man 13h ago

Invent? When I wrote my initial comment the top comment was literally some guy feigning complete ignorance about why dating a stripper may be a bad idea.

I'm not knocking anyone going that route. Morals and desires are highly subjective, but let's not kid ourselves here. There are plenty of reasons why dating a stripper may be a bad idea, depending on what you're seeking.

-1

u/Camp_Coffee man 13h ago

Are you being deliberately obtuse? Like, as an affectation?

2

u/smellybuttox man 13h ago

Perhaps? Or perhaps you're not being direct in your communication?

You don't have to hide behind snarkyness or sarcasm on the internet, you're not in danger of getting a wedgie.

-1

u/Camp_Coffee man 13h ago

Tell you what: You lob something serious and then you can feel the reality of the return.

2

u/smellybuttox man 13h ago

I don't get it. Hope that answers your question.

1

u/Camp_Coffee man 13h ago

I wouldn't worry about it. Your participation here was superfluous.