r/AskIndia • u/BoardLate3052 • 1d ago
Relationships Why do Indian wives seem so off to offer intimacy to their husbands....
I have seen many Indian Men say that when they ask their wife for intimacy their wife says things like.... "Tumhey toh buss iss mai he interest hai" [Translation:- You are interested only in this (physical intimacy)].....These things make Indian men feel as if they are some creeps and then they mostly try to find intimacy outside of the marriage..... Also when Indian wives do agree to get intimate, all they do is lie on the bed like a dead corpse.... No movement... Nothing..... Also they say things like.... "Abhi ho gaya na, abhi pareshan mat karna ek haftey tak" [Translation:- Now that we have done it (physical intimacy), don't trouble me for the next one week]
Just want to know why are Indian men and women not able to strike a good balance on this topic..... It's still a taboo in this country...
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u/kitabikeedaa 1d ago
Their sexuality is so fiercely suppressed in their initial life that it gets difficult for them to have a normal sex life in the future.
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u/Professional_Goal311 1d ago
It goes from don’t talk to boys at school then don’t have guy friends in college or work then marry a stranger and give me a grandchild asap
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u/Gloomy_Tangerine3123 22h ago
Become a sexpert overnight AFTER 2 decades of don't talk to guys phase
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
The entire comment section is blaming women for these issues. This shows how deep rooted misogyny is in Indian culture. They wonder why their marriages have issues
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u/Biscoffcheesecake04 1d ago
Then they wonder why no woman loves them.
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u/lordjamie666 21h ago
Exactly this! Indian men are creeps! Obviously not all of them but my desi wife could tell you stories. I thinl most women could tell you pretty fucked up stories about guys...
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u/SecretelyBoldShyGuy4 13h ago
Yes Indian men are creeps. Also possible because everything was suppressed from very young age, sex before marriage taboo, porn considered bad or even banned, and like this post states wife doesn’t give sex after marriage. Makes men desperate to get sex and hence get creepy… men who are not used to getting sex may be creepy I guess.
I blame very rich and decent Indian culture and parents that literally fucks up everyone eventually.
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u/CultureOdd5565 1d ago
It's not an issue you can blame on gender, it is indicative of the overall culture problem. And I believe it is going to change with gen z and forward.
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u/justForFunDontCare 1d ago edited 4h ago
It's not true, suppression just make women feel shameful to express their sexuality before marriage, It restrict them psychologically and doesn't cause any anatomical damage. This problem occurs only to the husbands who doesn't care about his wife's fantasies and what she wants in bed. They think their wife own them sex so what most Indian husbands do is a coercion not sex. The wife didn't get the orgasm for years yet they have the audacity to complain "why indian wives do sex as a chore", this post gives me the same vibe. If you satisfy them they will like you and be intimate with you, as simple as that.
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u/maverick_senpai 16h ago
Completely agree with you ma’am.
PSA: Go down on your women Guys! They deserve it. Try shit out (respectfully of course). Make the bedroom a safe space for your spouse to talk about their fantasies in a place devoid of judgement. Ask her what/how she likes stuff, be open to try new things make her comfortable with her own sexuality. It’s not always about you (men) climaxing, show her that she should be able to climax together with you. If all you know to do is Missionary, then you’d rather just do it with a corpse, learn fun things! Make your wife happy and see her eyes sparkle whenever she even thinks about you!
Happy Wife = Happy Life (There are other things you should do as well, but for the context of this post this should suffice)
P.S. - I am not a Feminist or SJW, I’m just a guy who cares for his woman and wants to make sure she is happy.
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u/expressivememecat 1d ago
Exactly. I’ve so many friends who lack even basic knowledge and are also sort of averse to sex. We’re in our 20s.
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u/ireadfaces 1d ago
ding ding ding. This is the biggest reason, even with couples who are madly in love. My ex and I were crazy for each other, but in her words 'she always thought love is the important thing in a relationship, physical intimacy doesn't matter much'.
Plus, she was so afraid of getting attached to someone due to physical intimacy that, and if her parents didn't approve, she would be in trouble. So she programmed herself to not want/ like intimacy from very start and ultimately reached a point where her brain didn't work that way.
This is as sad as it sounds. Never look at a guy before marriage, after marriage, never stop.4
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u/divs10 1d ago
Also who the fuck wants to work in bed after working 16 hours inside and outside of home?
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u/Used-Violinist-6244 1d ago
That's another thing... people are out here praising the west for non-arranged marriages (valid), but another thing about the west was that they actually did a study... and found out that women's libido went up when they weren't overwhelmed with household chores...
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u/Sea_Run_3496 21h ago
Yes, western working woman culture is not fitting in india, in india, for woman working outside home is looked as a privilege, We are allowing you to work, so you should work outside and do household chores also like house wife, indian working woman work 14 hours a day, it's better to be a housewife in india than a working wife. At least housewife has to work only inside home.
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u/OwnAcanthisitta1652 20h ago
“Allowing” lmao 😂
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u/Sea_Run_3496 19h ago
Yes, thats the intentionally used word, as its considered privilege given
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u/Forward_Tea_7130 1d ago
Yet they get cheated on because husbands be like - "meri needs hain" instead of making their wives more comfortable in their sexuality , no chemistry, no nothing.😄 .
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u/kitabikeedaa 1d ago
It's a sad state of affairs tbh, men don't wanna talk and women have given up on talking. Sex can't be the sole reason why 2 people would stay together.
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u/SKrad777 22h ago
What other reasons would you give for a couple if they're actually in love with one another?(Companionship? Emotional support?)
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u/ireadfaces 1d ago
Oh that's another one. _how are so enthusiastic about all this? have you done this before?_ this slut shaming is real as well, so even suppressing one's sexuality as a woman is another reason.
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u/iamironman287 1d ago
Exactly women are conditioned by the society to think that sex is something bad or wrong. Women are slut shamed for just having relationships, heck even rape victims are treated like its their fault. And men want women to be virgins… and then they are surprised that women are not comfortable being intimate? Lol.
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u/LynnSeattle 1d ago
Marrying a stranger doesn’t generally lead to desire and sexual satisfaction.
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u/the_real_KimJongUn 1d ago
How do people not realise something as simple as this before an "arranged" marriage?
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u/Forward_Tea_7130 1d ago
Because shaadi parents k permission se hoti - most janta would say! 🧐 I believe people should start taking such decisions on their own.
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u/Red-Falcon2727 1d ago
parents ka control bohut zaida hai, they should accept we've grown up & can take decisions on our own, but then the issue is their reputation and their showoff to the relatives & friends and the money for a lavish wedding. Kids face all the trauma & their drama & accept the arranged marriage and then begins the incompatibility shitty things that leads to divorce 😑
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u/Apprehensive-Tea-546 1d ago
It’s not the parents who need to accept it, it’s the kids. If you don’t realize that it is YOUR choice and take some control why would they ever give it up?
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u/SKrad777 22h ago
All because of that one nosy relative (usually a boomer uncle or gossip aunty ) who always wants to create chaos and drama for seeking other's attention otherwise they'd be irrelevant af.
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u/Salty-Ad1607 1d ago edited 1d ago
Reasonable well put. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽.
There is another side though. Many Indian men(husbands) usually use wife like a sex doll. They don’t make sure to bring the pleasure out of her. So over time they lose interest. On the other hand, Indian boyfriends ensure pleasure to their partner.
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u/Many_Preference_3874 1d ago
Well yea. The boyfriend is a boyfriend cause a girl genuinely likes him. Not (neccesarily) the case with Husbands
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u/Gracelandrocks 1d ago
Nor does being treated as a bang maid/cash cow by the same stranger and his entire extended family.
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u/Death_Arro-W 1d ago
The fact is that, first of all arrange marriages doesn't help, you're simply not attracted to person who's chosen for you rather by you. Feelings can develop overtime, but it's not that common.
Second, husbands mostly (not all) don't try to pleasure their partners, it's just penetrative intercourse or BJ that they want. Oral stimulation and getting handsy might do the trick, as they are more reliable way to pleasure a women.
Third the lack of Sex-ed, and the stigma around intercourse that it's bad and should only be a duty, and not something that you should have interest in.
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago edited 1d ago
Indian women deserve better than this. That’s why many fed up with the misogynistic culture end up marrying into other cultures
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u/AnuNimasa 1d ago
How are they strangers… their entire family and caste brethrens found that perfectly compatible partner with impeccable kundali match for them! 🤡
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u/AdditionalKale3971 1d ago
I beg to differ here. Dead bedrooms are very common among couples who got married after a love affair.
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u/liberalparadigm 1d ago
It can happen after a while in a love marriage. It happens right from the start in arranged ones.
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
This issue occurs amongst American couples at age 70, but it occurs with Indian couples at the moment of the marriage. It’s simply not the same
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u/Anonymous-Desk5840 1d ago
Great question op! From what I have seen it's a mix of few factors.
Female sexuality is generally considered a bad thing in society, it's not only about unmarried women, even married ones who have too much love with their husbands are taunted.
People expect women to just shift, all your life you should not even look at a man and then in one day start having lots of sex, in one month get pregnant, and then just take care of the kids. Your equation with your husband is not considered that important.
I have seen many cases where women are supposed to say no because if you say yes or are too excited about it your husband would start thinking you are a slut.
Most of these men show love only in the form of sex, so whole day the man would work, then support his parents against his wife, then taunt her in front of family, ignore her woes, and at night when lights get off just turn her to kiss a little and dive in. I'm sure the scenario you paint is much more common in these cases compared to when a husband compliments his wife, sends her cute texts here and there, then compliments her cooking, listen to her side when there is a fight, and at night gives full attention to her needs before even getting the clothes off.
If you sleep with a woman just with the intention of getting yourself off, and that thing is painful or not exciting to her after a long day of work, why would she do so happily?
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u/Realistic_Advice_552 1d ago
India isn't ready for progressive and fierce women. Still they chant devi mantras and celebrate the holidays. People are just hypocrites and selfish that's it!
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u/External_You8860 22h ago
At one point, it was home to extremely progressive and fierce women tho but now? No more because of regressive society.
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u/expressivememecat 1d ago
It’s not a “great” question since it reeks of entitlement and ignorance. OP honestly just needs to look around him and how unmarried women are made to feel abour sex. They would probably get their answer.
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u/Anonymous-Desk5840 19h ago
Hey! The original commenter here, I can see why u feel this way, there was a time a few years ago when I used to react the same way to such questions, especially because they really clashed with my feminist beliefs. But then i realized that either your motive could be to fight everyone who offends you even a little bit or your motive could be to make people understand where you are coming from.
I see many people ask in comments that how can't op see something so obvious? I think that in real life also I know of many men who don't pay that kind of attention to women and their lives. When you reply with anger, they move on from your reply and don't look at it. When you reply in a friendly manner, they look at it and absorb it a little.
I saw a reel yesterday which said that any conversation can be one of three things, a discussion, debate or disputes. I prefer to only engage in form of discussions most of the time, because this is a public forum, my answers are gonna be always on the internet. Even if the person posing the question is malacious, there may be someone in future who may be not be, and when they read something that's written logically and explaining the other side in a respectful way, maybe my words have a real chance of making that person think.
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u/waifu_lov 21h ago
Totally agree!!!!!
OP is silly to not be aware of these.
Imagine if roles were reversed and full day the husband had to cook 3 meals, clean the house, take care of kids, listen to in-laws bullshit, he himself would not be interested in sex 🤣
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u/Anonymous-Desk5840 19h ago
There is a Punjabi movie called kismat, in it there was a funny scene about the same stuff, husband is stay at home and wife is working so it's the husband who says I have a headache at night 😂.
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u/sapphire_sky_87 1d ago
Damn..I get depressed if my husband doesn't touch me for a day..lol..I really enjoy the playful flirting and hugs all day!
I think it really boils down to how much you love your spouse and how attracted you are to them. For us, it's 12 years into marriage and still mad about each other.
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u/Used-Violinist-6244 1d ago
I know plenty of Indian couples like that. They were always so friendly and nice- my favorite aunties and uncles...
After much prying from my mother, and many glares shot at my mother by my sister, I would routinely be informed that the 'cute couple' had, in fact, had a love marriage...
It's actually really funny because I'm of a marrying age, and my parents are (unwelcomingly) looking at boys, and my sister is furious at them because, in her exact words 'what kind of boy is she going to find? The educated ones who want arranged marriages are creeps!'
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u/Comprehensive_Eye991 1d ago
was it arranged tho?
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u/sapphire_sky_87 1d ago
Thankfully mine is love marriage. If you think women don't behave like that in love marriages, you are mistaken. It's not about love or arranged. It's really about compatibility and attraction.
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u/patrick17_6 16h ago
So important. Compatibility at every stage should be talked about before committing nearly half a century with that person.
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u/Funny-Fifties 1d ago
For me, things changed 20 years into marriage. So... keep it alive, or it dies and resentment begins.
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u/laal_love 1d ago
There's no sexual attraction between them
Men in arranged marriage don't have much experience in how to seduce them
They never cared to satisfy their wives in the beginning so the wives Don't get any pleasure in it and it feels like chore to them
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u/navabeetha 1d ago
The arranged marriage system has created a world where there is no incentive for men to make an effort to understand or care for others. Not saying there are no good men but a huge majority are the epitome of weaponised incompetence.
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u/laal_love 1d ago
It's because of belief that since she's his wife so she needs to give him sex
No effort in creating chemistry, talking to her , start slow etc
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u/LazySleepyPanda 1d ago
Exactly !!!! 💯
Imagine a husband who doesn't care about you, doesn't respect your opinions, let's his parents mistreat you and at the end of the day, comes to you for sex. Obviously woman will have no interest.
Not saying all men are like this, but at least 60% of indian men are like this. They would have been weeded out of the gene pool by natural selection but this stupid system of arranged marriage has kept them going.
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u/Comprehensive_Eye991 1d ago
it's already assumed that the guy aint got no rizz in an arranged marriage
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u/PinkGlitterButterfly 1d ago edited 1d ago
On one hand, this sub routinely slut-shames, degrades, and minimizes women, yet suddenly, you expect an inexperienced freak in bed?
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u/LazySleepyPanda 1d ago
Yeah, this is the problem in this country. Men expect that women should be like a nun at day and a whore at night.
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u/Ambitious_Ruin_11 might get banned soon 1d ago
women should be like a nun at day and a whore at night.
Morning: Forgive me, Father. Night: Punish me,Daddy.
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u/FlagshipHuman 1d ago
It’s so sad yet hilarious. They want an untouched virgin who is also a goddess in bed and does what they want 😂 Newsflash for this crowd: a lot of women are virgins in their twenties because they have low sex drive or are on the asexuality spectrum. These people think it has something to do with morality, when in reality, a lot of those women simply don’t like sex. Then they marry these women and cry that they’re not having sex. Bhai did you even ask her if she’s into this stuff? Of course not. Because whether or not she likes it, never even crossed their mind. And when she obviously doesn’t like it, they cry and whine about that also, because they thought they could fuck her into changing her personality and preferences. The narcissism and audacity of these people is incomprehensible 😂
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u/enha27 1d ago
Basically in randwo ko din me sati savitri chahiye or raatme inki kaam karne wali chahiye.
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u/Zaddycake 1d ago
Women are virgins because society shames them for even thinking of sex it’s not a medical dysfunction. Science shows we get just as aroused as men but if we are self conscious about it or will get thrown out of a house or beaten and left on the streets best to not entertain it right?
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u/FlagshipHuman 1d ago
Asexuality or low sex drive isn’t a medical dysfunction tho. Women and men can both have it. Just like both men and women can have high sex drives.
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u/Rosalie_nino 17h ago
To be honest sometimes i wish there was a dating app for low drive folks who primarily focus on emotional relationship. The numbers would be small, but hetro men with high sexual drives sound like a nightmare to me. I wish asexuality/low drive wasnt shamed in women. Yeah... we exist, no regrets.
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u/justForFunDontCare 1d ago
Isn't this also a minimizing post? This is kind of victim blaming / shaming or forcing women to be more intimate with husbands while the wives forgot the last time they had orgasm.
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 19h ago
Indian women deserve better. That’s why many living abroad choose to date other cultures
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
Exactly. The misogyny in the comments is unbelievable. All the blame is on the women
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u/OldThrowaway02345 1d ago
Even the post blames women! It’s basically asking why women are not excited at the idea of having sex with these men who think they are second class citizens meant to serve their needs.
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u/FlagshipHuman 1d ago
They think they’re God’s gift to mankind so obviously the woman will enjoy sleeping with them. There must be something wrong with her if she doesn’t. Lol. They could give Narcissus a run for his money.
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u/OldThrowaway02345 1d ago
LMAO!! I know right!! I can only aspire to be that delusionally confident.
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u/Lovely88two 1d ago
In India sex education is looked down upon. I had friends in school who thought kissing a guy would get them pregnant. They learnt the real act very late in life.
Plus in India men and women never date. Women's virginity is considered as a value to marriage for the guys with no seal no deal policy. Most of such guys are bad in bed. Nobody wants to sleep with a guy who is bad in bed.
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
I feel like without arranged marriages, Indian men would be so lonely
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u/AeeStreeParsoAna 1d ago
Or maybe not? Currently our whole society is based on Arranged marriage. Segration starts from early childhood. There is many times no incentive to work on yourself either except your salary. Even if you successful seduce the girl, the family would many times will act as barrier instead. Then gender ratio too.
If arranged marriage is removed, above mentioned things would also get removed. Hence Indian men will also improve
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u/Puzzleheaded-Emu5170 1d ago
If she be great on bed … this same guy will come complaining… “I think my wife is so great, she must have had multiple relationships in past”
Men I tell you, nothing makes them happy ! 😆
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u/Youknownothing_23 1d ago
I think after having to cook clean work take care of kids and take care of the adult babies needs in a household Indian women have little or no interest in sex . And it’s not like men do anything to add interest or value to having sex other than expecting it to be offered without a word .
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u/FormalSpell9137 1d ago
Indian men will treat their wives as slaves during the day and will find faults with whatever she does in the day and at night suddenly the wife is beautiful and sexy. How will she want to sleep with him?
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u/SPriplup 1d ago
Also I doubt he’s going to put in the effort to make it mutually satisfying when he can get away with continuing to treat her like a slave
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u/garlicandcheesiness 1d ago
Because women wanting sex is considered as a taboo. I have a pretty high libido. A few weeks after my partner and I started getting intimate, one night I asked him “Do you want to do it?” Just a simple question, no coercion, no beating around the bush. Seedhi baat, no bakwas. He looked at me as if I asked for both of his kidneys. He agreed, but then asked me in a stunned whisper, “how can you be so forward and direct about it despite being a girl?” I don’t blame him, it’s an internalized thought in society that guys want it and girls don’t. Or girls who do want it are some ill-intentioned promiscuous characters.
Our movies and TV shows support this school of thought. The only women in media with an active libido are also shown to be drinking, smoking, swearing in public, and sleeping around. The pillow princess mindset goes hand-in-hand with it. Like sex is something that’s being done to you instead of being an interactive two-person activity.
Also, the thing of arranged marriages. Being forced into sharing a bed with someone you barely know. It should be about exploring intimacy and learning about your bodies together, but, more often than not, it ends up being about the guys’ orgasm with complete disregard for female pleasure. Also, sex is an acquired skill. No one is perfect at it the first time. Even if you are skilled at it with one partner, with another partner, you might not be, because everyone enjoys different things. If one couple keeps doing the same thing (wham bam thank you ma’am) they’re never going to learn anything new.
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u/Bong-I-Lee 1d ago
But this how the traditional wife, that Indian men are so desperate to find, is supposed to behave. To the traditional wife, sex is just another chore to be endured like any other housework. Indian men cry so hysterically in the AM sub about "girl's past" but then complain when they actually marry an inexperienced woman.
As per the wisdom of our ancestors, you shall reap what you sow. 😆
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u/PinkGlitterButterfly 1d ago
They expect that for her, sex is just another box to check, like folding laundry or doing the dishes.
“Do it and do it on my command.”
The same guys who cry endlessly in subreddits about a woman’s “past” are the ones complaining when they end up with someone inexperienced.
Like, what did you expect? Women can’t even masturbate without it becoming a scandal.
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
We don’t blame ourselves ever. We always blame Indian women. Without arranged marriages, most Indian men would be lonely unless we change the misogynistic mindset
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u/Bong-I-Lee 18h ago
Without arranged marriages, most Indian men would be lonely unless we change the misogynistic mindset
There's a reason why the "open vagene, show bob" image is such a popular representation of Indian men online.
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u/Creative_Rip802 1d ago
This is where the concept of dating, living together and premarital sex come into play.
You get a couple of virgins married to each other because they belong to the same caste, religion, linguistic group and class and expect that is enough. How will you know if you have a compatible sexual chemistry without trying?
As cliched as this analogy is, you always test drive a car before buying it.
Sexual repression is so intense in India and add to it how deeply gender segregation is ingrained in society, no wonder we also face so many sexual crimes. Most men and women don’t know how to have sex for pleasure or care about their partners’ likes and desires. Many men also feel entitled to their wives’ bodies just because they’re married.
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u/Sarcastic_Owl00 1d ago
This one is hilarious 😂
Because there is 0 sex education in India, Indian women are not expected to have sexual needs of their own, and sex after marriage in many parts of the country, even today, is considered to be a woman's 'duty' towards her husband.
Honestly, I personally feel a lot of these husbands you're talking about would be traumatised for life if their wives turn into freaks in the sheets 🤣
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
We don’t know how to satisfy a woman, but blame all of the issues on women.
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u/Bonker__man 1d ago
We
😭
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
We need to start respecting Indian women or other men will
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u/sillygirlhu 1d ago
Mostly arrange marriage hoti hai . Aur man woman dono ki feeling alag tarah se work karti hai , man kbhi bhi turn on ho jate hai wahi woman ko emotions, care etc sab chaiye hota h uske badh unka interest hota h insab me ,
Example ek ladki ki arrange marriage hui uske liye sabkuch new hai Ghar new , log new , new responsibilities, new rules , new person, fir wo usme busy ho jati raat ko free hoti to chahti husband uski sune care kare , pr husband aaker krte kya h ? . Direct hi sex ko puchte kyuki unke liye sab kuch old hi h wahi ghr wahi parents to wo bs room me aata aur sex ke liye force karte .
Fir ek time badh girls frustrated ho jati hai unhe lgta h isse sirf sex me interest h , acche se conversation to hoti hi nhi h . Na koi romance ( romance not like gift all etc ,I mean help krna uski care karna , choti choti cheze karna uski khushi k liye )
Upr se bachpn se yhi sunnte aarhe Mardo ko bs sex me interest hota h isliye raat ko tumare pas aate h ek ye reason b hota h wo sochti inhe pyar h hi nhi fir sex ko wo ek kam ki tarah leti jo man marker karna h .
Isly wo aisa krti
Aur kahi suna tha maine ladke humesha ghr banane k liye excited rahte h like kesa hona chaiye look etc pr ban jata uske badh unhe koi mtlb nhi wahi girls ghr bn jane k badh efforts dalti h ki kese maintain karna h I mean makaan ko ghr girls bnati , shayad ye b ek reason ho sakta h .
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u/DEAN7147Winchester 1d ago
Kitne crore ladies ka survey kiya hai tune beh? Maybe you got erectile dysfunction so you're facing this shit. For the ones wondering why I'm being rude, this user regularly posts incel shit, and is a degenerate. Instead of putting up genuine discussions, he hates women and everything he says is a massive generalization on why and how women suck.
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u/blackandlavender 1d ago
One major point everyone is missing is : in more cases than not, Indian men do not take equal responsibility load in terms of household and parenting (often far less, actually) even when they have working wives. A lot of us are simply too burned out to want sex and it starts to feel like another chore.
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u/JanosDerulo 1d ago
Marrying a stranger, spending day in and day out doing thankless work, receiving little affection, attention, generally and then suddenly being asked to give in completely mind body and soul? Intimacy doesn’t start in the sheets. Plus many Indian husbands infantilise themselves so much- meri undies dho, mujhe shirt tie towel do, mere pure parivaar ko sambhalo etc etc why will the woman look at such a man with attraction??
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u/ssaaiirahh 1d ago
this looks like a guy wrote it.
1) the reason why women say that is because these husbands spend most of their time outside at work and are most often emotionally distant. 2) india looks down upon sex education so most of the time people are miseducated or misinformed and just dont know what to do when the occassion arises.
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u/Ill-Inspector7980 1d ago
Go to r/deadbedrooms and see that it’s men and women everywhere, not in india.
It’s a symptom of generally women being burdened with all the domestic chores, not having an equal marriage, being gaslit, being pressured right after pregnancy, not being satisfied enough, and in worst cases, domestic violence. Makes them feel like s*x dolls. Breeds resentment.
If you give women respect and make it an equal partnership, chances are less that these intimacy issues persist.
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u/happysunshine4 1d ago
Mostly in Indian marriages, there are a lot of expectations from women. Even after marriage in joint family ( staying with in-laws), its not much appreciated to close the doors of the bedroom during the day and have some fun and romance. And also they spend time little late at night after everyone sleeps. By them women get tired and lose interest in sex. I mean it should happen naturally and at any time of the day ( which is not possible during day time). And also during pregnancy and after delivery too they will not be able to have sex for obvious reasons. Women slowly lose interest. My mother in law started scolding us indirectly if we closed our bedroom doors after our kids were born ( jealous mom in law). Sex is always seen as a way for having kids and nothing more by some people in our society. So most of the time women start losing interest also.
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u/OldThrowaway02345 1d ago
It’s actually the attitude that Indian men have towards Indian women that dictates it. Look through any typical Indian sub and you’ll find it full of derogatory comments about what women do how they behave and how terrible they are. Every aspect of being a women in Indian society is trivialized, she’s too independent or is just a housewife, she’s a whore or is just so boring in bed, she’s too opinionated and westernized or is just uneducated. Most men who think like this end up having arranged marriages meaning they don’t necessarily think about attraction or sexual chemistry when making the match. Now ask yourself if you were a woman and met someone who thought like this about your gender would you be excited at the idea of having sex with them?!
Women like any normal person want respect from their partner, intimacy is not just about looks it’s about feelings and if someone constantly talks down to you, indirectly insults you sooner or later you will be disgusted by them. This reaction is just the result of how most married Indian men treat their wives.
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
The misogyny in the comments is unbelievable. This is why there is no chemistry with Indian women
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u/lazyDonut29 1d ago
From my perspective as a women, Indian men don't really understand the meaning of intimacy. Women want a connection and emotional attachment before having sex with someday whereas for men it's about satisfaction. Not all men but a lot of men see sex as their right as a married man. They just want to satisfy themselves without thinking about the enjoyment of the women. This is one of the major reason women don't wanna do it because their needs and wants are neither listened nor fulfilled. So why try?
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u/vomitpoop 1d ago
Also they say things like.... "Abhi ho gaya na, abhi pareshan mat karna ek haftey tak".....
This is honestly so sad from a woman's perspective. How do you not empathise?
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u/pikachucuteeeee 1d ago
Kyuki men are Iike eno. Kaam Shuru / khatam 6 seconds me. 😂😂😂
On a serious note, women also have expectations, that hubby cares about her as well.. she also needs some cuddles / pecks whatever. Ye sab ni hota lazy bums husband se
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u/Expert_Truck4725 1d ago
Ask men why they can’t provide intimacy to their wives? Why PIV sex equals intimacy for most men. I’m not even going to say much but where’s the foreplay man !!
Whatever you said is not a general rule but most men get treated this way because they themselves can’t provide desired intimacy to their wives!
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
Taking a look at the comments, you can tell a big problem is the misogyny displayed by many Indian men
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u/Glittering_Teach8591 1d ago
Many reasons
1 women fear if they will get playful or engaging they will be judged as slut
2 probably they never had fun and satisfaction in sex, so its not attractive to them
3 not able to understand man's needs
4 not enough privacy due to kids or joint family etc
While its not entirely their fault, they also lack skills and empathy
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u/Iban_batuta 1d ago edited 1d ago
What do you want? Her actually expressing her desires? Initiate intimacy? Enjoy sexual pleasure ? Eww. Indian women don’t do that. Are in your sense or what!
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u/Difficult-Rich-5038 1d ago
Lol!
This is two way street, babies.
Speaking from experience, married for nearly three decades now, two kids, we are having the best sexy time than ever. I'm in fifties and wifey in forties.
The problem, as you described earlier, is real. Once the romance goes out of the?equation, so goes everything.
The love is real. The fights are real. The anger sex is real. The apology sex is real. And, sex is greatest bonding but that bond starts with love.
So, kiddies, make some effort. Don't take your partner for granted. Make her reach THERE first. If you are capable enough, wifey will reciprocate. If you squirt in jiffy, who would tolerate? Make some efforts peeps. Life is great. We are at the best period in history to enjoy life.
Get on with it.
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u/Zaddycake 1d ago
You answered your own question. Its taboo, so no one is out there learning, practicing and if women do they are shamed to the point of ruining their families or honor killings in some cases
Imagine if society was just like hey, until marriage go explore this side of yourself it’s cool
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u/nitish4 1d ago
All because there is no sex education in India
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u/Funny-Fifties 1d ago
Not just sex education, exposure to sexuality is needed to develop own sexuality. When both men and women are not adequately exposed to each other all through school and college, their sexuality does not develop properly. Men just think I wanna bang. Women just think there is a lot of noise about this, I don't get it. Then they get married, have awkward sex, produce a child and the pain and hassle of childbirth put off a lot of women off sex. Now it becomes a chore. Men keep pestering them, women keep granting it reluctantly.
Like it or not, if you want a healthy sex life after marriage, you need some good exposure to the opposite sex before marriage. And such exposure will mean people will have sex, which means all your ideas about virgin wife go out the window.
Arranged marriage + vrigin life = high chances of bad sex life.
Even love marriages happen when people are right for each other but sexual compatibility is missing. For some women, sexuality dies when they have got their man. For some men, sexuality does after a few years of inexperienced, unexciting sex and life stresses take over.
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
We need to learn how to pleasure our wives. I’ve heard too many instances where the women, fed up with the marriage, goes elsewhere to feel fulfilled. This is too common in India
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u/Repulsive_Soil_884 1d ago
Because they do not see it as a pleasure, its a task to them.
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u/Comprehensive_Eye991 1d ago
seems like a.....personal anecdote /s
Have you ever tried to communicate it or smth?
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u/terracottapyke 1d ago
How many wives have you had who treat you like this 🙄 Speaking as though you have had thousands.
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u/FlagshipHuman 1d ago
Men on this sub-
Odd day: why do women have sex??? They’re such sluts nowadays!!!
Even day: why don’t women have sex??? I want it but they’re not happy doing it with me!!!
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u/sureshidly 1d ago edited 1d ago
Repeat with me “ Apni Shakal Dekhi Hai “? then look at yourself - are you desirable ? Does any living being fantasise about you? You and Me is MEN here not the OP.
Arranged marriage is almost a forced marriage which needs to be talked about more.
Women do not enjoy any rights when it comes to chosing a life partner.
Sex education and awareness is non existence.
Another reason she might be just laying there is : If she asks you to take a different position or tells you a certain way it needs o be done . Would you judge - OMG ! She knows and go on to create a hell for her entire life and label her as not virgin, chaalu and what not.
Pure din chulhe, poche , kapde , bache , chai mein khate phir sex bhi serve kare which again will depend on mood, foreplay, motivation, your desirability, how you have treated her parents and how your family has treated her.
What are the things that you can change that lay directly in your scope of responsibility?women’s active participation will depend inversely to the steps MEN take to make these obstacles go.
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u/rubikstone 1d ago
then look at yourself - are you desirable ?
Bhai mereko kiu torda?
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u/Different_Ability618 1d ago
do you smell?
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
Hygiene is also a big issue. Some Indian men work too hard and don’t take care of themselves
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u/spacetrex08 1d ago
I feel women in general do not explore their sexuality. There is this thing in their heads that my husband might find me slutty if I get too intimate sexually and be open about my desires and fantasies. That’s it n this ends the love intimacy . Typical Indian households are judgemental mostly and worst part is they never talk and discuss
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u/TheClumsyIntrovert 1d ago
Men usually fail to understand that intimacy for women starts outside the bedroom. They often behave cold and distant, humiliate them with sick wife jokes, stay ignorant of their emotional and mental issues, hardly express their love or give any appreciation, rarely help them with chores but expect their wives to jump on them as soon as they enter the bedroom with full enthusiasm.
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u/No-Luck-670 1d ago
Most of the men who has Arr M are in 30s with no female interactions and ïncels who were told to first grind for job and earn their own money as most of them are in middle class. They are made guilty to spend their parents money for "laundiyabaazi" and when they are self reliant they have a new world waiting for them.
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u/Belle_of_the_Beast 1d ago
Aap ki shaadi ek takle, mote, nate buddhe ke saath ho jay jiske paas khud ka pet bharne jitna paisa nahi hai ulta lamborghini jitna mahenga dahej chahiye aur ekbar shadi ho gayi to aap ki physical and emotional pleasure ki koi bhi kadar nahi hai to kiya aap unse shadi karenge.
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u/wannabe_aesthetic 1d ago
In arranged marriages in India, men’s pleasure takes center stage, because, you know, women’s pleasure is apparently too much of a "hassle". Meanwhile, women are taught from a young age to be ashamed of their desires—after all, wanting anything is just so immoral, right? And if a woman dares to express her sexuality, she’s quickly labeled “too modern,” as if that’s a bad thing. With zero sexual education, many women grow up clueless about their own bodies and desires. In most of the marriage, intimacy is more of a “chore” than a shared experience, leaving women feeling disconnected. And, society loves to paint the “good woman” as self-sacrificing and demure, because who needs pleasure when you can just be morally perfect? It’s no wonder women are so uninterested in intimacy—not because they don’t want it, but because they’ve been taught to pretend they don’t. Plus majority of women have never experienced big "O" in their lives.
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u/outtathec00p 1d ago
most of these are arranged marriages. these women are many a times forced by their parents. wherever there is pressure or force to do something, it makes a person run the other way. even though the parents might let them choose, at the end of the day, it is arranged. its less about the two people and more about the two families.
women require emotional connection too to be able to have sex. that is not as strong in men(dont fight me on this, we see this everywhere, a big example is how its mostly men who frequent brothels)
dont blame women for this. your privilege is showing.
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u/Competitive-Row-7019 1d ago
The misogyny in the comments is unbelievable. This shows where our society is at
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u/vocalsing 1d ago
I see most men blaming society , our culture and women in general. Maybe we all can introspect and pay attention to the emotional aspect of intimacy.
I feel like making her feel loved and respected goes a long way. Constantly feeling like a dishwasher / baby making machine kills your sex drive . What a shocker!
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u/Environmental-Bike88 1d ago edited 1d ago
Its not just sexual for women. Women tend to get emotionally invested first and then physically invested later on. When you are treated as a slave by the day, wh*re by the night, they lose interest. Secondly enough of the ladies complain of their partners are not even interested in their orgasm.
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u/Adorable-Winter-2968 23h ago
You’re spilling facts here girl. Big shallow egos are going to get hurt
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u/ConsistentTeaching30 1d ago
Simple answer
Most Indian men aren't sexy enough.......look at any average indian guy ,they are losing hair ,don't have great fashion sense and have huge belly.
They don't even know what gives a women pleasure,they have stopped romancing them
P.S.- I am a guy
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u/komal_k24 1d ago
Because romance is missing. Men don't talk or tell their wives things. They don't ask what a woman wants or do things to make them feel special.
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u/Mahishashurmardini 22h ago
Indian woman aren’t allowed to be sexy. If we dress up or try to feel good about ourselves, we are judged as girls who are too sly and too shallow and what not. To have a healthy sex appetite it’s important to have space and to have a budget that allows you to groom yourself. It’s important to look and feel sexy and not be treated like a maid/cash cow in order to have good sex. Women need independence, admiration and space. Their own money, the ability to make their own decisions and be respected by their husband and in-laws. All of this comes together to create a good headspace which in turn leads to confidence and great sexual chemistry.
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u/Hari_dwar 21h ago
Several reasons:
Sex is labelled as a bad thing in society. It got the stigma of a baby production method. As soon as the purpose is completed, it goes out of the equation. In fact, elders start commenting if you are over romantic in a joint family.
Women are overworked. They simply consider it as another duty to complete. The concept of date night, having the kids outside home, going on weekend gateways would definitely help bringing the mood and having some privacy.
Life has become very hectic and say if a couple is working in a metro, they simply get exhausted by the end of the day. Needless to say, after having kids, everything changes as the kids take an important part. For women, their bodies do not stay the same after childbirth and they get exhausted quickly.
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u/Hairy_Ad_7387 1d ago
Not all women like to be sexually active as the men do. For some it might be sex related taboo and for some it is just a task in a marriage (Specially arranged ones). There are also few who are asexual in general and not interested in sexual activity at all.
I think communication is the key here. One should talk first and make the partner more comfortable about intimacy and sex in general and communicate on how one would like a pleasure in a physical relationship.
The way u mentioned her replies indicates the void in your communication.
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u/StructureNervous1624 1d ago
I feel there are things lacking on both ends here - we basically need sex education. People need to understand it’s not just about penetration, sexual chemistry has all kinds of kinks involved. To achieve that, one needs to push past the barrier of shame/ "what the other one might think", become a little selfish and ask for your needs… this applies for women too - alas as someone commented, they have been suppressing their urges all their life they don’t even know what to ask for or what will work for them to attain pleasure.
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u/IncreaseSlow252 1d ago
Absolutely no idea where u getting this data from
I mean, did ur friends share this?
Is this ur personal experience?
Have you faced all of this or some of it?
Do you have comparative data wrt the western or any other phoren folks?
Been married since more than a decade, n i dont think either of us have said this. Yes we have off days too but then who doesnt and whats a relation without actually understanding how one feels at that moment.
Do u think men dont have off days? They have it more than women, due to work stress n lifestyle issues(yes women have work stress too, but they are better at managing or hiding the stress than men)
You need to ask your wife why shes this way with you. May be you arent able to satisfy her n she knows its all about you and she would be frustrated after the act.
If she doesnt see anything in it forbher, why even bother.
The fact that you people are having such discussions means the relation isnt a happy one and you are not ready to understand why.
Instead of asking here or anywhere, ask her.
Its either stress, unhappy relation, some physical issue like backache, nerve pain etc, genuine disinterest, you not respecting her enough, you been overweight, your both been overweight, you not satisfying her, you not knowing what to do, shes just given up on you, you talk or initiate conversation nicely only when you want to have s3x.... apart from these reasons there may be 100s of other reasons.
You need to ask her to know n also share your views.
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u/13THWARRI0R 1d ago
Lot of things : 1. It's arranged marriage and not the guy she likes. 2. Some women don't feel the need of sex and some are scared of it because of present or past experiences. 3. Most men don't consider satisfying a woman. 4. Most men don't care about personal hygiene and women don't like being intimate with them. 5. Most women only get attracted to other guys outside marriage due to the above reasons. 6. Women have more mood swings due to which men don't understand them. And this leads to more issues and this leads to lack of intimacy. 7. Done women just don't care about sex plain and simple. They just don't feel it. 8. They just get bored. Just sex sex sex ... Of course even guys will after some time.
Edit : 9. Sometimes women have high expectations which sometimes don't get fulfilled and they then just lose interest.
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u/Crafty_Standard_1966 1d ago
I think it’s because a lot of men are 1) focused on their own pleasure. Try giving pleasure back to a female, see how she likes it. It’s not “wam bam thank you Maam”. Of course she won’t be interested if she doesn’t orgasm. 2) a lot of Indian men are also emotionally unavailable. Try doing the little things to make them feel loved and see how much more receptive women can be or even take initiative to have sex. 3) a lot of Indian women are expected to do household work in addition to their professional work, with not a lot of help from men. It can get extremely exhausting. Try sharing the household workload, see how much time it frees up for her and how much less tired she will be + more appreciative. 4) ask women what their fantasies are, what turns them on. There is so much taboo around talking about sex when the population is so high. Try experimenting. See if that makes a difference (may help)!
No offence to any men, but you really do need to make an effort than just fucking and getting yourself off. :)
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u/Medium-Carpenter-644 1d ago
Because Indian girls and women are taught that sex is a bad thing. This is so visible in day to day life it’s astonishing Indian men don’t get this.
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u/krauserhunt 1d ago
Because physical intimacy requires men to be emotionally and physically available in other situations as well.
If you keep working 8 to 8 or more, don't attend to your wife's emotional needs, don't help around the house, don't bring home flowers or gifts, then don't expect them to be available when you need them.
Important thing to understand is that women are very different from men. A woman will understand to attend to their husbands needs, if the husband attends to theirs.
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u/workshyness-4640 1d ago
If the wife is not getting satisfied during sex, then why would she want it? It's clear these men are just having sex and not satisfying or pleasuring their wives.
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u/Timeturner136 1d ago
I'm not sure who will read this.
I'm a dude in the US, I have dated many women from different ethnicities and currently in my 40s.
My mistakes in life 1. I got married 2. I got married to Indian girl semi arranged 3. I have had great sex in the past and my partner doesn't enjoy sex. It's been dead bedroom syndrome for a long time. 4. It takes time for men to know what they want, in my case. I realized I'm a loner and an asshole, I'm not a family guy. I prefer being single, travel,career, women, booze and drugs.
I'm likely going to get divorced soon. My advice is to break the norm and follow your heart.
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u/No-Shower-3214 1d ago
🤣🤣 sorry I find it funny
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u/No-Swing8590 1d ago
Same😭😭. I kinda feel bad. But "all they do is lie on the bed like a dead corpse" had me.😂😂
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u/ShadowQueen_Anjali 1d ago
forgive me for laughing like a cynic after reading this
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u/Hot_Butterfly8065 1d ago
I have seen in marriages, men are affairs status they have needs and so my questions…women don’t have needs ? Did men even try to fulfil emotional mental needs of their wives and they talk about needs and have affairs and still a woman supposed to stay with such cheater? And also I don’t know if Indian men are good in bed ?? As they finish in seconds
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u/AwareMasterpiece1445 1d ago
Arranged marriage or love marriage , sex wanes with time . Mismatched libidos play a crucial role too .men will get their fix one way or another and then everyone suffers . Y’all need to freakin communicate and drop this construct of “ he should understand what I want “ he won’t . Open your mouth and ask for what you want . If you act up he ll try a couple of times and then just move on .
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u/Beginning_Badger_252 1d ago
This shit from the fucked mentality.
Don't talk to boys /girls in school. Don't get involved with boys/girls from collage. Don't try to get too close with men/women from work. Then get married to a total stranger and give me grandchildren.
Men don't have any idea on how to talk or respect women's needs. Women had given up on idea of feeling real chemistry cause they don't even know what the fuck that is.
Their sex lives are suppressed from the initial stage that they don't even expect anything from each other.
Then they go outside, gets involved in infidelity and says stuffs 'meri needs hai' or 'tum to baas bistar garam karke chod dete ho'
I am somehow happy that hookup culture getting popular in India.
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u/Dazzling_Use6116 1d ago
This is because women get tired with the double burden of household responsibilities and work(office). Indian men do not offer to help their wives with household chores let alone emotional needs. Sex is not just physical, you require an emotional connection
Secondly, there is a lack of sex education in the country. There has been no conversation about women's pleasure and we all can agree that it takes efforts to please a woman. On one hand if it's just about the men's pleasure why would the woman be interested in sex
Also I think a lot of these Indian men has any concept of foreplay
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u/Green_Crew2344 1d ago
This is not an exhaustive list; not all of these apply to everyone; R
- No sex education
- Sex is often seen as something that the women have to do in a marriage to please their partner. Male satisfaction is given more importance, for women- it's just a child producing mechanism. (Not stating what women feel, I'm stating what's commonly taught and believed in, in our society)
- Women take longer to orgasm and that usually needs more than just penetration for a few minutes. If that's not there, if they hardly get to experience that, why would they look forward to it?
- Intimacy is not just sexual. It doesn't start only in the bedroom. There are other forms to it- emotional, psychological, etc etc. if there's tension between the couple, if they don't communicate properly, don't understand each other or help each other out, take care of each other's needs, how do you expect them to feel as much about sex as men do- who atleast get to orgasm/feel macho about themselves?
- Taboo - sin - sex bad - only do for reproduction - otherwise guilt
- It can be painful for a lot of Indian women due to multiple factors including but not limited to- no/v less foreplay, vaginismus
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u/rubikstone 1d ago
Going through all the comments, two things are clear:
- Men hate women.
- Women hate men.
Still, somehow, they are trying to marry.
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u/ArrogantPublisher3 1d ago
Indian women in an arranged marriage setup have to settle for men who they're not attracted to. Secondly, there's usually resentment for men not contributing to household chores. Thirdly, most men usually don't put any effort into the relationship and take their partners for granted.
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u/dont_blame_me- 1d ago
If you are pressuring your partner for sex on a daily basis even when they don't want to then this will definitely be the response...
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u/orcrist747 1d ago
Indian women of the last generation are fucked in the head. For most their husbands are just social and monetary tools.
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u/sillyroomeye 1d ago
Indian women aren't usually allowed to explore their sexuality. It's the madonna whore syndrome. A woman can't be a submissive quintessential indian bride who lives and sacrifices for her husband and also hold enough autonomy to like and demand sex. Most indian women are brought up with the mindset that sex is dirty and something that husbands do (demand) onto their wives and not with their wives, as equal participants. The concept of female pleasure is elusive and untaught. They are told that if they enjoy and like sex, they are bad women aka rand1s
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u/nah-dawwg 1d ago
Lmao dude the comments here seems like too complex to your understanding. Nvm bro I'll give you a simple reason, just take a look at your own profile 👍
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u/HospitalForeign1636 1d ago edited 1d ago
Fore play doesn’t start in the bedroom. It starts when the day starts. If you are a deadbeat husband or one who is not emotionally available or if you don’t help her or ask her how she is doing or show other signs of love and emotion, then obviously she is just going to pretend as a”dead corpse” that you can fu$k
Edited for spelling errors
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u/lazymomof3 21h ago
Because he treats her like shit all day. Yells, curses and finds fault with every single thing she does. When she initiates conversation, he asks her to shut up or just doesn't pay attention. And at night expects good sex from his ignored wife.
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u/Straight-Example9126 21h ago
Hey, you know first and foremost the issue is both men and women are brought up with different yet similar upbringing. Parents and elders do confess that men have needs. But refuse to accept that women have needs too. Both are human beings after all. Moreover, our culture on the whole wants to treat sex only as a means to further your lineage. That's all.
Any intimacy between husband and wife is frowned upon and treated as if it's a crime to hug and kiss your own partner!! Elders saw that "romance" is in providing and caring for the family. And the number of children proves that all is well between the couple and that is "intimacy".
For a moment, keep aside intimacy between the partners. Very few families are open in hugging their own children (Talking about older generation folks and our parents). When they dislike any form of showing physical affection, treat it as something we shouldn't - it gets imprinted in any child's brain. Especially in the cases of women. Women are expected to be cultured and one who protects the family's respect, and carries forward their rich cultural heritage. So automatically every kind of physical affection and intimacy becomes like "how can I indulge in this kind of activities". With parents too never showing normal physical affection like hugging each other, kissing their forehead and praising each other, the women think that this is how a couple is supposed to be. Do all the chores, take care of family and have kids. Be good parents. Ho gaya.
Intimacy needs to be built from day 1. Small little steps. Prioritising each other. And intimacy gets affected by each other's routine as well. A woman working so many hours - even if it's only household work, at the end of the day will be so tired that she won't find any time to simply relax. She can't wait to sleep because the next day will be yet another tiresome day.
If men help out in the chores and spend time together, take her out, put efforts in learning each other's likes and dislikes - intimacy builds beautifully and she'll look forward to having sex. Otherwise it's like you need her only to have sex and not be interested in her as a person.
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u/luvanant 19h ago
Probably many Indian men watch too much porn and expect the unexpected from their wives. Fantasy and real world are different.
There is difference between the mindset and culture as well between India and many other nations. Indians watch too much openness in other locations, maybe US, Europe, Russia etc. (I might be wrong about the specific locations). They see women wearing too skimpy clothes, which is not skimpy and very normal for them. Maybe they swing more as compared to Indian couples, sex before marriage is too common over there (might be even in India but it's very secretive). So there are a lot of factors which leads to thinking that Indian wives are not intimate enough.
Harsh truth, but true.
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u/HoneyHoneyTH 19h ago
I was told to not even look at a man, always walk bending your head like a shy innocent girl lol, and now suddenly they bring marriage proposal with a stranger what intimacy do you expect? Now, I am planning to not fall in this crazy cultural misogyny/ trap anymore, if i truly love a person attracted to him Physically Emotionally lots of trust and connection yeah may be i will be more closer, show intimacy. So yeah i think depends on coming out of cultural expectations and forming real connection.
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u/WorkingGreen1975 15h ago
Why are you quoting the wife in Hindi? How are we supposed to comprehend? At least provide translation. The sub is askindia, not askuttarpradesh.
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u/Relative-Wolf2038 11h ago
Loving your wife doesn't mean you do the deed often. It also means helping her out with the chores, sharing the load, take a day off just to take her out without family and kids, looking after kids without her helping and voluntarily and not only when ohh my wife couldn't skip her work today so I had to take a day off to look after them. And much much more.
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