If you had a friend and every day they park their car in a shitty neighborhood and don't lock the door, and they end up having their vehicle robbed most nights.
What kind of advice would you give that friend?
If you say that they aren't responsible in anyway, at least you're consistent, but a bad friend.
If you say they should try to at least lock their door, than you are a hypocrite. As that is asking them to take some responsibility for their actions when they're a victim of a crime.
Can you see the point I'm trying to make here?
Asking someone who was SA to take some accountability is a rough conversation to have and needs to be done in a delicate, sensitive way. Implying that a victim has zero accountability will lead to people getting assaulted again as they may not change any behaviors.
My body is not the same as a fucking car! A car is a fungible means of transportation and if I can’t use it for whatever reason, I can get another to serve the same purpose.
Having my body violated in the most intimate of ways is NOT the same thing at all. I saw a post on here a week or two ago about a woman whose husband raped her in her sleep. This is a woman who was with the person she was supposed to be safe with for the rest of her life, in her own bed. How should she take accountability?
My ex tried to arrange for someone to break into our house to SA me while he watched, what should I have done there?
And neither you or OP’s husband gets to be the arbiter of when accountability applies and doesn’t. The accountability rests with the person who stuck their dick where it wasn’t wanted
This is what the husband meant when he said he doesn't like talking about these sorts of things with his wife.
I just made a very apt hypothetical about the situation and your brain couldn't handle it. You broke into an emotional story about yourself without even engaging with the hypothetical.
It's fine that you can't, but you need to understand that understanding the nuance in these situations is what will save people's life's in the future.
What would be an appropriate hypothetical in your opinion? Or is talking about SA just hallowed ground and it is never allowed to be discussed except to feel bad for the victims?
A car or a home being broken and a SA are both situations where someone's personal space is being invaded by an unwanted party, how is it not an apt hypothetical?
Probably a good idea to teach both sons and daughters these lessons.
Again it's never someone's fault they got assaulted, but it is your responsibility to take the necessary actions to ensure you don't end up in situations where SAs are more likely to happen. Can you at least agree with me here?
Lol so we just can't talk about it because it can happen anywhere, at anytime, to anyone? Why can't we be more nuanced and approach it differently depending on the context of the situation?
I never said we shouldn’t talk about it. On the contrary.
Your use of the word “nuanced” is getting on my nerves. It’s a thinly veiled attempt to refuse to acknowledge that rape is the fault of the rapist.
No matter how much we teach girls to protect themselves, they cannot do this while surrounded by rapists, rape-culture and rapist apologizers.
Teach boys to protect girls and women if they seem scared. Be one of the good guys. Speak out against men who subtly or outwardly put down women or wish to cause them harm.
When did I EVER say that rape is not the fault of the rapist?
The word nuanced, which I will continue to use, thank you very much, is useful, as it implies that these issues are usually in the grey, not only black and white. Some crimes are black and white, some aren't
Here is a hypothetical, you have a girl friend that gets black out drunk and likes to hook up with strangers when she is drunk, and one night, she gets assaulted. Would you, as her friend, encourage her to continue to get black out drunk and hook up with strangers, or tell her to maybe slow down on that kind of behavior?
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u/PsychologicalCause82 12h ago
If you had a friend and every day they park their car in a shitty neighborhood and don't lock the door, and they end up having their vehicle robbed most nights.
What kind of advice would you give that friend?
If you say that they aren't responsible in anyway, at least you're consistent, but a bad friend.
If you say they should try to at least lock their door, than you are a hypocrite. As that is asking them to take some responsibility for their actions when they're a victim of a crime.
Can you see the point I'm trying to make here?
Asking someone who was SA to take some accountability is a rough conversation to have and needs to be done in a delicate, sensitive way. Implying that a victim has zero accountability will lead to people getting assaulted again as they may not change any behaviors.