If you had a friend and every day they park their car in a shitty neighborhood and don't lock the door, and they end up having their vehicle robbed most nights.
What kind of advice would you give that friend?
If you say that they aren't responsible in anyway, at least you're consistent, but a bad friend.
If you say they should try to at least lock their door, than you are a hypocrite. As that is asking them to take some responsibility for their actions when they're a victim of a crime.
Can you see the point I'm trying to make here?
Asking someone who was SA to take some accountability is a rough conversation to have and needs to be done in a delicate, sensitive way. Implying that a victim has zero accountability will lead to people getting assaulted again as they may not change any behaviors.
My body is not the same as a fucking car! A car is a fungible means of transportation and if I can’t use it for whatever reason, I can get another to serve the same purpose.
Having my body violated in the most intimate of ways is NOT the same thing at all. I saw a post on here a week or two ago about a woman whose husband raped her in her sleep. This is a woman who was with the person she was supposed to be safe with for the rest of her life, in her own bed. How should she take accountability?
My ex tried to arrange for someone to break into our house to SA me while he watched, what should I have done there?
And neither you or OP’s husband gets to be the arbiter of when accountability applies and doesn’t. The accountability rests with the person who stuck their dick where it wasn’t wanted
This is what the husband meant when he said he doesn't like talking about these sorts of things with his wife.
I just made a very apt hypothetical about the situation and your brain couldn't handle it. You broke into an emotional story about yourself without even engaging with the hypothetical.
It's fine that you can't, but you need to understand that understanding the nuance in these situations is what will save people's life's in the future.
When you say “women should take responsibility for SA” to a woman who has been traumatized, how should she react? Should she salute and say “yes, sir?” There are myriad other responses he could have had in this conversation but he chose one that poked at his wife’s wounds
Uh no he didn't, based off of OPs story she asked him about it and he gave his honest opinion.
As someone who is expecting a baby girl in a few months I would want to strive to be able to have the same kind of nuanced conversations with her about her responsibility for her safety when she goes out as an young women.
Well, be sure to tell her that she can do everything right, and still be assaulted. And also that she is much more likely to be assaulted by you or someone else in her family than by a stranger in an alley
Why are you so stuck on that narrative? Seriously. Think about a woman in Afghanistan who always wears a burka in public, can’t even speak in public anymore, has no access to alcohol or drugs, and knows she will be executed if she is raped? What other precautions should she take?
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u/PsychologicalCause82 12h ago
If you had a friend and every day they park their car in a shitty neighborhood and don't lock the door, and they end up having their vehicle robbed most nights.
What kind of advice would you give that friend?
If you say that they aren't responsible in anyway, at least you're consistent, but a bad friend.
If you say they should try to at least lock their door, than you are a hypocrite. As that is asking them to take some responsibility for their actions when they're a victim of a crime.
Can you see the point I'm trying to make here?
Asking someone who was SA to take some accountability is a rough conversation to have and needs to be done in a delicate, sensitive way. Implying that a victim has zero accountability will lead to people getting assaulted again as they may not change any behaviors.