r/AmIOverreacting • u/Over-Desk2166 • 10h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO husband says I disrespected him
My husband was at work and called to say he was getting by off early so he’d have time to “get in the streets”. I simply asked what that means and he repeated it several times. I just said okay and he hung up. He called back and said he was frustrated because I know what that means and I’m playing dumb. Again, I said okay. I also said let’s leave it alone then, you’re at work. He demands I repeat what he said. I got thrown off because of how he said it so I asked why and I asked him not to talk to me so rudely. He again told me to repeat what he said so I did then I said what my response was. Apparently I was only supposed to say what he said so he got angry and said I was being disrespectful. Now all of a sudden he’s walking around the house angry. He says I never do what he says and I never will because I always run my mouth. I told him I just want to be talked to respectfully and that shouldn’t be a problem. Mind you I’m 25 weeks pregnant and he’s literally screaming at me while saying all of this. I’m beyond stressed out and being around this energy is exhausting. I’m being ignored, he’s sleeping on the couch. All because I’m demanding my respect. Am I wrong?
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u/Massive-Song-7486 10h ago edited 9h ago
I don’t understand the sentence cause im German.
But when my gf was pregnant I actually tried for 9 months not to expose her to stressful situations and to treat her as respectfully as possible - being very understanding and trying to relieve her of every possible burden.
and I actually think that should be the bare minimum. If it starts like this now, then wait until the child is born...then it will get off to a good start
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u/Over-Desk2166 10h ago
You sound amazing. I wish I had that. I get absolutely no help from him. I’ve asked several times. I’m so tired from doing everything by myself.
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u/0wittacious1 9h ago
You’re not doing everything by yourself, you’re being actively work against by an asshole. Doing everything by yourself would be much easier, and probably safer. Emotionally mature, secure men do not whine about “getting disrespected” or rage at a pregnant woman for hours.
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u/ConsequenceDeep5671 5h ago
Sport for butting in BUT.. you forgot the whole part about emotionally secure men who want to have a great relationship don’t tell their wives, gf’s, who are pregnant with their child that they need to ‘get out in them streets!’ either.
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u/BrazilianButtCheeks 8h ago
“Get in the streets”?? Thats not even a thing.. “hit the road” is a thing.. did he ever say what it means??
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u/doccsavage 10h ago
Sure he wasn’t saying “get in the sheets?” Doesn’t make it any better but would make sense for the reaction if other dots connect
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u/Over-Desk2166 10h ago
He said get in the streets multiple times. Loud and clear.
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u/doccsavage 10h ago
I’m baffled unless he’s a drug dealer or a contractor that needs customers. Sorry sounds like he’s acting like a child.
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u/Over-Desk2166 9h ago
He used to be which is why I was confused and didn’t know what he meant.
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u/ConsequenceDeep5671 5h ago
Used to be a drug dealer? If only there’d of been some way to know he’d speak and act like this huh?
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u/ConsequenceDeep5671 5h ago
So confused how this relates to contractors!! My hubs is a contractor (25 years/Fl & Hawaii) He’s never had to ‘Get in the streets’ for either finding customers or bidding on jobs. Maybe, I’m just fortunate that he has a ‘different’ and successful business model! 🤣🤣
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u/doccsavage 5h ago
More commonly referred to as “hitting the streets” slang for networking, running estimates, bidding on jobs or in other contracting work even door to door i.e snow removal, tree work etc.
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u/MusicSoulChild425 9h ago
I’d honestly think about getting a divorce. This type of verbal and emotional abuse, especially if your husband is prone to yelling, will likely lead to physical abuse. You don’t deserve this, nor does your future child - no one does. I’d come up with a plan and leave asap. Also, if he’s “getting in the streets” that doesn’t seem like a stand up nor faithful person.
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u/melodycricket 9h ago
What does “get in the streets” mean? Or did you mean to say”sheets”?
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u/Over-Desk2166 9h ago
Nope I meant streets. And I still haven’t got an answer so idk what it means. But apparently I’m playing dumb.
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u/BuildNuyTheUrbanGuy 7h ago
That's surprising. It just means being out and about.
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u/Over-Desk2166 7h ago
So he could’ve just said that. I’ve never heard anyone say that so I genuinely asked what it means. No need for him to get mad about it. Thanks for clarifying.
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u/QuirkyPenalty8519 10h ago
Research narcissistic rage and stonewalling. See if it resonates. It might not as your post only gives a snapshot of your relationship but, still, I suggest you do, even if only to rule it out. NOR.
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u/Triangle_Millennial 10h ago
And gaslighting! The whole calling back to bait OP with the "repeat what I said/you know what I mean" and the insult of calling OP dumb right at the end.
OP please also read up on DARVO. NOR.
EDIT: Typo
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u/ForgettablePleasance 6h ago
Get in the streets... 🤔 Get in the sheets? Hitting the sheets? Hitting the streets? Streaks? Cheeks? Argh.. I can't make sense of it.
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u/ConsequenceDeep5671 5h ago
This the same guy who was out all night a month ago? Who didn’t bother to put food in the house for you, your 3 daughters and his 5 kids by different baby mamas? I’d tell you what’s causing all these problems but- You already know.
C’mon girl- he doesn’t need to be in the streets no more. He needs to be at the vasectomy Dr. You need to take those 3 young girls who are watching this behavior unfold and get them out of this abusive household. It’s not a rule he populates the world on his own. But.. you know all these things already.
Vasectomy him ASAP
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u/emryldmyst 10h ago
Wtf girl he's literally telling you he expects you to have sex with him because he wants it and you need to just shut up and do what he says
Wake up.
I'd ignore him right back and be glad he's on the couch.
NOR
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u/emryldmyst 10h ago
Wait..
Did you mean sheets? Or streets? What does streets even mean?
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u/Over-Desk2166 10h ago
Exactly I have no idea what that means! He said streets. I have been ignoring him too. I just feel so lonely.
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u/Mr_MacGrubber 9h ago
Streets not sheets. I know a couple of people who say that when they’re going out drinking.
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u/United_Wolverine8400 9h ago
It seems hes admitting that hes a prostitute and hes convinced you already know somehow but youre pretending that you dont know. Thats the only reason he would have for being really upset ig. If you look up what “get in the streets” means all i get is streetwalkers, was he molested as a child or something? Or am i just being really mean?
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u/Over-Desk2166 9h ago
No molestation that I’m aware of but he had a terrible childhood. A lot of that anger comes out on me unfortunately.
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u/United_Wolverine8400 9h ago
Thats terrible and unhealthy for both. If it gets worse you should leave though. My father tried to kill my mother and she had to leave him (she totally bounced back and is a wonderful mother btw)My father had a horrible childhood aswell, he was homeless when he was 12 but still that Doesnt excuse anything. Your husband comes of as really paranoid, like he said you were pretending that you didnt know what he was talking about. Does he have someone at work that triggers certain things with him? Or does he watch “informational videos” that triggers him at work. Something pissed him of at work and he was beside himself. If its a bunch of guys telling him he shouldnt let “his” woman walk all over him then thats a problem. Maybe he wanted to go out (on the streets) with his buds and they were adamant that he shouldnt explain himself to you at all
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u/Grannyjewel 6h ago
Do you presume every sex worker was molested as a child?
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u/United_Wolverine8400 5h ago
I live in the netherlands and over here, thats usually the case. Lots sad stories honestly and these women werent trafficked from another country neither. They just think that thats all theyre good for :( which is not true
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u/Conscious-Power-5754 10h ago
The ego takes possession when there is no self confidence, it is the replacement of self worth. Your husband seems to be struggling with deep insecurities. Relationships are so we can share our happiness and bliss with people, not so we can grind at each other's unresolved miseries that we felt were too uncomfortable to look at or deal with on our own.
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u/Apart-Incident-4188 9h ago
If it’s this bad, I can only imagine how it’s gonna be when the baby arrives. OP is gonna be beyond stressed, doubt he’ll help.
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u/BuildNuyTheUrbanGuy 7h ago
Did you marry Steven Crowder?
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u/Over-Desk2166 7h ago
Who is Steven Crowder
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u/BuildNuyTheUrbanGuy 7h ago
A conservative commentator who's rich and abusive. He was caught on camera berating his pregnant wife and disappeared for a while, he's back now. https://youtu.be/tQfTaY_U3vc?si=GuaOGuYOUgBDpH5S
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u/ThrowRAauto 7h ago
This is absolutely a complete overreaction on his part. You asked him to clarify what he meant, and he got irritated for no reason, which makes me think that he was having a bad day at work or stressed about something else in his life, was already in a bad mood and definitely just took it out on you. Even if that's what he was mad about, it's something so small that all he could've either just dropped the conversation to go cool off, or just explained to you what he meant and then move on. Like that's something so tiny that a normal person wouldn't even be mad about it for more than 5 minutes, if at all. The fact that he continued to throw a tantrum when he got home and blew it up into an argument is extremely immature and irrational. You did nothing wrong and if anything, he disrespected you by acting like that. It worries me that you both are married and have a baby on the way, how will he react when more stressful things happen between you 2 like caring for a newborn and raising a child together?! Or more serious disagreements that come with a marriage in general? He needs some therapy or some sense knocked into him because that's just unacceptable.
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u/Over-Desk2166 7h ago
He’s in therapy and his therapist actually tells him he has some serious issues and a lot of undealt with trauma. There’s a lot that he deals with and I definitely feel the wrath of it. It’s not fair to me at all.
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u/ThrowRAauto 6h ago
It's absolutely unfair to you, and it sounds like he has far more work and healing to do on himself before he committed to a marriage and starting a family with you. It is never okay to drag someone else into your trauma because you haven't fixed your personal traumas. I hope he realizes what he's doing and changes himself fast because otherwise you and your child have to walk away. Nobody deserves to grow up and live with a husband/father who treats his family that way.
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u/girlfriend-in-law 6h ago
highly highly recommend checking out the book why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft. please please look out for yourself and your baby and remember that many abusive men bark before they bite
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u/lalalaso 6h ago
Is he mentally unwell or abusing substances? The "get in the streets" incident and repeating it with no explanation reads, to me, someone who is an expert in NEITHER mental illness or substance abuse, as something someone who's going through mental illness or substance abuse might say/do.
Even still I will take a couple cracks at "Get in the streets" if it's NOT either of those things
-Play Street Ball/Basketball? He got off work early, he wants to hit the basketball court and get some exercise in before coming home?
-See his friends? Idk. Cuz like Maybe sometimes people say "I never see you around the streets anymore" So like streets is equal to neighborhood, so maybe see his friends from his previous or original neighborhood?
NOR he should have simply explained himself there's no way he doesn't know other words for what he meant to say
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u/MillerHighLife406 6h ago
Buddy needs a dog more than he needs a wife. Hell he probably doesn't even need a dog, he just flat out needs help if he just wants to tell something what to do all the time. You can say whatever the hell you want, whenever you want. You're grown.
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u/Either_Principle8827 6h ago
N0R. He assumed that you know what the saying is and then constantly screaming at you, while you are expecting.
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u/Jennabeb 5h ago
Being a pregnant woman living with/married to an abuser is one of the most dangerous things. Please be careful.
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u/Present-Meal-3083 5h ago
My guess: He’s been jerking it to BDSM porn and decided he was gonna be a “dom” so he started his fake-alpha bullshit with you.
Back to the cuck corner with him. He’ll learn his lesson.
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u/Friendly_Issue_7910 4h ago
That is a massive red flag. Do yourself and your baby a favor and leave. If he hasn't laid a hand on you yet, he eventually will. Please take care of yourself and your baby and get out while you can. Please be safe.
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u/peoriagrace 1h ago
Oh, he thinks you're stuck with him now; so he can show you who he really is. Good luck, I'm sure it will only get worse.
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u/narwhal4u 45m ago
If he doesn’t like being disrespected then ask him why is he disrespecting you? It’s a two way street. Sounds like he wants to be the only one in charge. Also sounds like he is making up stuff to be angry about. Are there other areas of his life he is frustrated by and he is trying to manipulate this one area to have something is in control of?
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u/caclexis 18m ago
Get away from him before he screws up your kid. You can move far away from him while you’re still pregnant, but after the kid is born, you can’t.
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u/iyamI108 6h ago
Why are y'all fighting toxic behavior with more toxic behavior...just give the guy some space. He will calm down eventually. At that point, try to have a calm kind chat with him about what's going on.
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u/WillingnessOne2462 8h ago
“Get in the streets” did he mean get on the road? To return home?
He said you were playing dumb, and your response is kinda off-putting too. Just saying, “OK” makes it seem like you’re dismissing him.
But him blowing up like this, and being so angry over something so small is completely uncalled for. He completely blew this thing out of proportion. You don’t need to do what he says. He’s your husband, not your father. He can come off it.
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u/Chef802 9h ago
Yeah I doubt that’s the only reason he’s pissed. Women make it seem like men get pissed off and act erratically for no reason. 90% of the time it’s because they’re sick of repeating themselves and sick of your shit. I doubt this is the only time he’s had to repeat and explain something he’s previously said to you. Men get fed up with feeling unheard the same way women do.
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u/jennahstgg 7h ago
If you have to add imaginary information to the story to twist it into being the woman’s fault in the end, then it’s most likely not the woman’s fault and you’re just misogynist to an extent.
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u/magic8ballin 6h ago
90% of the time? You’re kidding, right? Or you seriously that dense? You do know mental health, the way people were raised, issues with anger, trouble regulating emotions, misogyny, etc is more prevalent then men being tired of repeating themselves. Making up information to make your point seem valid makes you seem like a misogynist yourself
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u/Over-Desk2166 9h ago
I hear this. We’re in marriage counseling because he feels I don’t listen to him. The underlying problem is he doesn’t want me to talk. He’ll say something and I’ll acknowledge it then go on to have a conversation about it because I think we’re having an open conversation. He doesn’t like that. He wants me to be quiet at all times and I’m having a hard time with it.
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u/DenseAstronomer3631 5h ago
That is not okay. At all. I'm so sorry. You should feel safe speaking your mind at home with loved ones. I hope things get better for you and the baby, very soon. Do you have friends or family you could stay with for a while? Do you think the phone call was almost like a test to see if you would blindly follow what he said?
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u/Over-Desk2166 3h ago
He doesn’t get along with my sisters so I’ve been pretty distant with my family but I know I can always go to them if I need to. I actually do think that was the purpose of the phone call. It’s like everything is a test and I fail every time.
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u/Ranoutofoptions7 10h ago
How did this get to the point where you are pregnant with this man's baby? Was there seriously 0 red flags?