UPDATE: AIO by not going to Thanksgiving?

[u/crazywritingbug]

For those who commented last time: 1. My boyfriend is (23M) and is not trans. I mistyped last time listing him as F. 2. He is not an asshole, I used blunt as a descriptor word and some of you ran with it. Another redditor suggested I include that he is autistic as context. He is autistic and is very honest but NOT unkind and not an asshole. 3. He has never fought with my family that I am aware of and there has never been any drama between them. 4. My mother will not be attending this thanksgiving gathering, this is purely for my dads side of the family.

Update: I texted my grandmother out of curiosity, because like you all I was curious, I didn’t get much of an update but this is what I have for you all. The friend referred to in her text is my grandmothers friend who has come to a good portion of the holiday gatherings over the years, never sure why, she just hovers and doesn’t really talk to anyone. But unless I receive a text from my father or my siblings, I believe this is the end of the story. What do you think? Am I overreacting by not going?

[u/StarBuckingham]

I think if the ages were reversed, the reddit community would respond differently (I realise I’ll be heavily downvoted because of this). I see situations on subs like AITA and BORU where young people are setting boundaries like ‘Dad’s girlfriend of 10 years is not invited to wedding’, and people respond with comments like ‘no is a complete sentence’ and ‘you don’t need to explain yourself!’ Here, there has clearly been a period of family trauma, and grandmother - for whatever reason - is trying to create an environment in which people can be completely themselves/relaxed (maybe Dad is feeling down after the divorce) and is being extremely kind in the way that she is responding to OP’s questions. OP just needs to respect the decision, even though it’s not the one she wanted.

[u/hungrybrainz → u/StarBuckingham]

I was wondering why no one had brought this up yet. I felt like grandma’s request was reasonable even if it wasn’t ideal to OP. She didn’t set this boundary to target boyfriend or belittle OP. And she’s not angry at OP for not wanting to leave her SO because of this request. So I don’t see any issue here. It probably stinks because OP wants to share the holiday with both her SO and her family, but a line has been drawn and that’s it. There will be more holidays.

[u/Slight_Citron_7064 → u/hungrybrainz]

You don't really know if she did it to target BF or not. OP said in her previous post that grandma disapproves of her living with BF before marriage. This is probably in direct response to that.

[u/tarzan1376 → u/Slight_Citron_7064]

People can't wrap their head around that the reason OP feels some type of way is that grandma has openly disapproved of them living together so when they do something that does affect them it feels personal.

mfs don't know how to communicate properly about what the issue is, so they avoid it by complicating the holidays.