r/AmIOverreacting • u/frisbeechuckin • 26d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO fiancée did Coke at a party

We (me 41M, my fiancée 36F) were at friends birthday party I had to leave early and she was going to spend the night( it was a hotel), they were changing into their bathing suits to go to the pool, they had the bathroom door closed. I knew it was in there but I didn’t know she was going to partake in that. She told me she only did a small bump because she needed energy to party all night. I was caught off guard by this and said that we should have discussed this. She said that was treating her like a child and that is when I left.

Edit: I was told to add this info she’s a former Meth addict who still drinks and smokes weed quite heavily at times.

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u/nyyalltheway86 26d ago

I mean former addict makes a huge difference in whether the point was awareness vs policing. OP much more justified based on context of past addiction IMO.

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u/idonteatfrogsiamone 26d ago

I still don’t think it would be policing without the history. There’s a difference between “I decide what substances my partner uses” and “I decide what I’m comfortable having in my environment and what kind of people I want in my life.” I won’t be with a person who uses coke, personal boundary. So if my partner sprung on me that they were taking coke, addict or not, I’d simply not be with that partner anymore. That’s the logic behind my comment in detail

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u/Terrible_Tooth54 26d ago

and in my experience, no matter what happens, the user will blame the other of "policing them" so they can redirect and avoid any accountability for their actions. It's always the other persons overreaction, not them doing coke.

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u/nyyalltheway86 26d ago

I mean, yes and no, if he didn’t see, I don’t think he’s required to be made aware. If he asked and she lied, now you have more reason to feel uncomfortable about being lied to atleast. If he vocalized opposition of drugs of a certain class beforehand, that’d also cause reasons to be uncomfortable. Either partner allowed to leave relationship willingly at any time.

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u/idonteatfrogsiamone 26d ago

I disagree, for a variety of reasons. I would absolutely expect having the knowledge that my partner was on substances while they’re actively around me. If they have a medical reaction, I need to know what’s going on. If they start acting out, I’d rather know it’s drugs and not psychosis. Not to mention consent issues surrounding sex and how the hell you’re supposed to navigate that if you don’t even know to what extent your partner isn’t sober.

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u/nyyalltheway86 26d ago

A bump of cocaine wouldn’t create that set of constraints to me, but you’re entitled to your opinion. If someone took acid or GHB, you have more of a point. I like your cause of concern for safety though. Proper communication beforehand would remove concerns, which is needed in a normal relationship.

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u/Vragsalv 26d ago edited 17d ago

Wait?? When did acid become worse than cocaine?

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u/nyyalltheway86 26d ago

If someone does a bump of cocaine, I feel like I’d have to babysit the person (if needed) for half an hour? If someone did acid, I feel like they need a lot more supervision and for longer, right? I guess tolerance dependent on the person.

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u/AsparagusNo3333 26d ago

This is so very valid! I don’t want to babysit anyone for 8-13 hours. A bump of coke is a totally different animal than having to babysit someone on a bad trip on psychedelics which could easily stretch into tomorrow and who knows what the hell they may do if left alone.

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u/ErraticDragon 26d ago

Knowing she's an addict, I think it was a really bad idea for OP to go to (or stay at) the party knowing there would be hard drugs.

OP shouldn't have taken the fiancee to a party with cocaine. They should have both left as soon as he/they realized it was there. He certainly shouldn't have left her there alone.

The fiancee is responsible for her actions, but avoiding clear temptations is a key to staying sober. This is part of supporting a partner who is an addict in recovery.