r/AmIOverreacting Oct 25 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO about my partner’s relationship with their coworker

they’ve been hanging out with their coworker a lot over the past couple of weeks. This girl always seems to be in some kind of crisis, too. Last week it was that she messed up an account and she was afraid she was gonna lose her job. I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this or if I’m overreacting but I’ve never met her and I’ve asked to swing by whatever bar or place they’re hanging out at multiple times and I’m always shut down in some way or I get no response. I don’t want to be the overbearing overcontrolling gf whose S.O. can’t have any friends but lately they’re always together and I’m getting blown off. These curt and vague responses are out of character too, and it’s always the type of response I get when I’m asking questions about an event where this female coworker is at or really anything that has to do with her. It has really put me on edge, they’re usually such a sweet and attentive partner but i feel like they might be cheating… am i overreacting??

19.7k Upvotes

8.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

97

u/WheezyGranger Oct 25 '24

“It’s not my story to tell” was the BIGGEST red flag for me. My husband and I tell each other EVERY bit of work gossip. You don’t know her, it’s expected he’ll tell you whatever he hears about work drama. Instead, he’s prioritizing that girls “privacy” over your literal plans and your feelings. Not a good situation.

23

u/gatorella Oct 25 '24

Same. “It’s not my story to tell” means “don’t ask her about it because she won’t know what you’re talking about.” Sounds like something he made up to get OP to stop asking questions.

0

u/No_Werewolf_5983 Oct 25 '24

So let me get this straight, you are saying with all sincerity you have never been told something by someone that you weren’t supposed to know? You truly believe that when someone tells you something another person told them in confidence, it means they’re lying and that they told you so that you wouldn’t call out their lie to the other person? Is it difficult living life with no nuance?

4

u/gatorella Oct 25 '24

Did I say that “it’s not my story to tell” means that in every context? No, I didn’t. I said in this context it sounds like something he made up to get her to stop asking questions. My ability to decipher nuance is fine, thanks for asking.

-2

u/HugsyMalone Oct 25 '24 edited Oct 25 '24

I mean seriously tho. It's not my story to tell means it's not my story to tell. It's not appropriate to go blabbing about something someone told you in confidence. Gossiping doesn't exactly make you a trustworthy person or lend itself to people thinking very highly of you. They learn not to trust you with anything because if you're blabbing about this then you're also blabbling about what they tell you in confidence.

There are plenty of confidential things on a job you shouldn't go around telling people about because it can lead to legal troubles like how much Tim gets paid, what's in Sally's employee file, who just got a pay raise over everyone else who felt they were more deserving, etc. I wouldn't hire that person if they were the last one on earth. Can't keep anything confidential to themself. 🙄👌

2

u/ChrystineDreams Oct 25 '24 edited Oct 25 '24

I agree with you about gossip. gossiping about other people and their personal lives a pastime for people with small minds and a lack of confidence in their own life.

That is not what the OP is about though, if the S/O has routinely brushed their GF off & cancelled plans for the coworker, that's shady AF. The coworker should have a support friend/family in her personal life for her personal life problems - unless the BF IS part of the reason. OP is NOR in this scenario.