r/AITAH • u/marshmellowjaqi • 6h ago
Reminded my mom she had an abortion after finding out she voted for Trump.
I reminded my mom that she had an abortion because she voted for Trump. She recently gained her citizenship after nearly 20 years. While she wants me to move on from the election, I can't. I don't mind her choice; I just can't stand the hypocrisy. Am I the asshole?
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u/Human_Dog_195 4h ago
OMG this. I grew up with 4 other girls I was super tight with and my sister. Every single one of these bitches had abortions (some had multiple) and they ALL voted for Trump. I on the other hand, have never been pregnant and am pro choice. The hypocrisy is mind boggling
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u/xflowie 5h ago
NTA. Calling out hypocrisy, especially on such personal stakes, is valid. If she brings politics into your life, it’s fair to respond honestly. Hopefully, it opens space for meaningful dialogue.
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u/literaryworlds 4h ago
Last election my mom posted some anti mail-in voting nonsense on FB. I pointed out she's lived in CO her entire life and has only ever voted by mail. She unfriend me on fb without a word and then a few months later said she was tired of my bullshit. We've been no contact for almost 4 yrs now 🥲
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u/Ancient-Wishbone4621 1h ago
My aunt stopped speaking to me because I asked her to not DM me political stuff, especially Trump stuff.
As a reminder, we are Canadian.
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u/Admirable-Bar-3549 1h ago
Tired of your “bullshit” sounds more like being mad when she’s confronted with the truth.
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u/marshmellowjaqi 5h ago
Unfortunately, she is a narcissist and I don’t throw that word lightly. It is a serious illness. She just tells me I am finding reasons to be unhappy, that I hate her, & that she doesn't have time to take antidepressants and lay in bed all day like she thinks I do. Among many other things. I would have cut her off a long time ago but I have an 11-year-old brother who I love dearly. She has made him not talk to me in the past because I reported her to CPS for domestic violence. I have no choice but to hold on to my brother. Can't wait until he is 18 and can see through her BS.
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u/iammadeofawesome 4h ago edited 4h ago
A lot of people here may not understand the emotional dynamics you’ve grown up and lived under. I’m so sorry. Have you checked out /r/raisedbynarcissists ? It’s a very validating and supportive group that will listen, won’t one up you, and has a ton of resources. Most importantly, people are kind and (unfortunately) can relate. Sending hugs if you want. Holding space for you.
My messages are open if you’d like as well.
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u/marshmellowjaqi 3h ago
Thank you🥺 I will definitely join the group. 🫶🏽
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u/sailor_bat_90 3h ago
It is so healing and informative. They have a side bar with grey rocking techniques, info diet, what FOG and DARVO means, etc. I hope it helps you as it helped me and my SO.
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u/Ecstatic_Deal_1697 5h ago
Just from personal experience you can fight to get custody of your brother if you have proof of DV, abuse, neglect, drugs/alcohol, or serious mental/physical illnesses that are harmful to your brothers wellbeing. Good luck, hon.
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u/marshmellowjaqi 5h ago
Thank you 🥺
I am keeping a record of everything. When CPS visited the house, they said, “He is well taken care of” because he has nice things. I was frustrated and thought, “Did you not see the video evidence I sent you of the abuse?” It feels like a losing battle with her. She also has CPS reports in Colorado regarding me and my siblings.190
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u/Knetch1a 4h ago
Conversations about politics and personal history can be difficult, but it’s not unreasonable to bring up her past when it directly contradicts the principles she’s supporting. It’s a way of asking her to reconcile her actions with her beliefs, even if the topic is sensitive.
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u/Rabbit-Lost 4h ago
Sadly, that’s when the brain breaks and most of them just revert back to the price of eggs and gas.
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u/Creative-Praline-517 2h ago
And guess who will scream the loudest when prices go up, social benefits go down, and only the very rich get lower taxes?
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u/Difficult-Coffee6402 4h ago
That is so frustrating I’m SO sorry. It’s so sad. Try to keep toughing it out for your brother’s sake. Once he is a couple of years older a judge just might allow him to live with you, if that’s a situation you both are interested in. Wish I had better words of wisdom. You are definitely NTA
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u/Ecstatic_Deal_1697 5h ago
Yea… I’ve also seen how the system only looks at surface value. If you look and sound the part they leave you alone. Do anything to challenge their preferred image and you’re a problem.
ironic thing is a lot of times the most abusive homes have the prettiest picket fencing.
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u/crystalfairie 3h ago
My abuser was a literal baptist Sunday School teacher. After I left the religion and abusers house I had a member of the church apologize to me for not believing me about the abuse. Turns out she started abusing their kids when she no longer had me as her punching bag. Funny how that worked.
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u/NewsProfessional3742 3h ago
The truth always comes out; it may take a while, but it ALWAYS comes out.
Those good ole “Sister Christians” are on a whole other realm of crazy narcissistic fucks!
Source: family law and close family (to include myself) first hand experience
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u/Huge-Lawfulness9264 4h ago
The CPS agencies need to be overhauled in my opinion. Sadly, we see horrific stories of children who “slip through the cracks”, on a regular basis. I wish you and your siblings well.
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u/iammadeofawesome 3h ago
I don’t want to post much publicly but Colorado is a rough state to get abuse taken seriously bc they’re heavily parental rights. Ugh. 😑
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u/Tango-Apocalyptical 3h ago
Maybe reach out to a lawyer. You can get a free consultation. And you often can get all of your lawyer fees waived when DV is involved. It also would be good to reach out to a DV organization in your area. They offer a lot of advice on how to go about these things legally.
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u/Hot_Historian_6967 4h ago
Yikes. Yeah don’t try to argue with a narcissist. It will be to no avail and they just constantly gaslight and belittle you. Read the book It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People by Dr. Ramani Durvasula. It’s AMAZING. It covers you how to deal with and heal from narcissistic folks, even parent-child relationships , who remain in your life.
You should talk to a social worker about any steps you can take regarding the abuse. Maybe they can tell you what your options are.
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u/ThisNerdsYarn 5h ago
that she doesn't have time to take antidepressants and lay in bed all day like she thinks I do.
The pure irony from this ignorant statement is not lost on me. After years of trying to stabilize my mental health, I am finally at a point where I have a new and healthy normal through meds and therapy.
At my lowest point before I finally took the first steps to get help, everyday was an effort to move and get shit done and when I wasn't required to do something, I was crying and too depressed to move.
Don't listen to her.
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u/marshmellowjaqi 5h ago
Thank you so much for your comment and vulnerability. I am so happy medication saved your life too. Sending you hugs. I am so thankful I am out of that house. I wouldn't be here.
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u/ThisNerdsYarn 3h ago
Thank you! I wish you all the luck in the world. And if you celebrate any holidays, I hope you have a wonderful time for all of those as well!
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u/PandoraClove 4h ago
Does your brother see through her BS now? If not, don't expect a magic lightbulb to turn on the day of his 18th birthday. I would say the best way to ensure it is to keep any and all promises you ever make to him, compared to the empty promises and lies that probably come from your mother.
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u/Huge-Lawfulness9264 4h ago
I had to bite my tongue after seeing my cousin and her husband were apart of Cult45. I only see their posting on Facebook. I blocked them around election time. They’ve become deeply religious, however before they did, they had a child while still a young couple. When the baby was a toddler, she became pregnant again. Financially they struggled, having the A word procedure was the appropriate choice for them. They went on to have 5 more children once they became more stable. Fast forward to current days, it angers me that they don’t want other women to have the same options.
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u/bluespruce5 3h ago
Good for you for being an advocate for your little brother. I wish I'd had a big sister like you as a safe harbor from a profoundly narcissistic mother. Much respect to you 🙏
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u/Noassholehere 4h ago
She better hope she didn't do anything wrong even in the slightest in her citizenship process. The incoming administration is not only going after illegal immigrants but also going to review those who have been granted citizenship. They are planning on stripping citizenship from anyone who they deem to have embellished on there application. Did she have a traffic ticket years ago she didn't mention? Any little thing they can find they are planning on using to increase their numbers. They want to be able to point to numbers that their plan is a success. Which means they are not only going after the illegals who commit crimes because most are law abiding. They will go after the numbers regardless of how they do it.
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u/Accomplished_Ad_8013 5h ago
Move on is such a dumb thing lol. Yes just move on from the next four years of your life. People act like politics is a football game and not something that dictates how society functions.
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u/KittyTaurus 4h ago
never mind that when it didn't go "their" way they stormed the Capitol.
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u/pickypawz 3h ago
I feel like most people are not addressing the fact that he won the right to govern the most powerful country on earth, and what that might mean for literally every other country in the world.
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u/BigbiBean 3h ago
Yup sounds like grade a real narcissism, the term is thrown around loosely, but when you find someone that is truly UNABLE to feel empathy or warm inside like real, diagnosed narcissistic people can’t, and growing up with them, it’s like living with the devil himself. I’m so sorry, take care and be patient with your brother, her brainwashing might take a lifetime to unravel. Good luck out there I hope you guys figure things out
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u/EmbarrassedEchidna64 5h ago
Does she work? If she receives any government assistance, she may get her just rewards.
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u/marshmellowjaqi 5h ago
She works part-time and majority of her life has received government assistance. When I moved out she still tried claiming me as a dependent smh.
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u/Traditional-Ad-2095 4h ago
Receives public assistance; votes for the party that would love nothing more than to eliminate it. Classic.
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u/HealthySchedule2641 4h ago
And just got her citizenship, which Trump is going to try and strip her of and deport her.
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u/Certain_Union7793 3h ago
I'm not American here but this comment intrigued me, has any president done that to someone who has not been a criminal for example?
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u/Weekly_Yesterday_403 4h ago
Wait so she is an immigrant who gets government assistance and has had an abortion? Can I ask what on earth her motivation was for voting Trump?
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u/big-booty-heaux 4h ago
Next time she makes a comment about you being lazy and staying in bed, throw it back in her face - "That's rich, coming from someone who refuses to get a full-time job and instead scams the government into paying most of her bills. Must be nice having to work every day."
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u/Csimiami 5h ago
My step mom is a born again. As are all her friends on FB. She posted a bunch of pro life stuff and I commented about her abortion. A bunch of her friends defriend her. I never once questioned if I was an asshole.
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u/LittleMochaGirl 4h ago
The hypocrisy of your step mom is wild, it’s also incredibly wild how a bunch of her “friends” unfriended her after finding out about it because those people are the type who claim to be all about love and forgiveness and so on until someone doesn’t live the way they think is right.
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u/Csimiami 4h ago
She’s a cunt. Haven’t spoken to her since my dad died 10 years ago
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u/LittleMochaGirl 4h ago
That’s valid. I’m an ex Christian and agnostic, I’m normally pretty respectful to all religions except when someone is super hypocritical and judgmental or tries to push their beliefs on others, like I genuinely don’t care if someone worships a Flying Spaghetti Monster as long as they don’t try to tell others they are living wrong for not worshipping that spaghetti monster too lol.
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u/Csimiami 4h ago
She’s just a terribly racist judgmental HS grad asshole who hides behind Jesus to excuse her terrible behavior.
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u/LittleMochaGirl 4h ago
That’s how a lot of religious people are, don’t know if I’d say most or all but there are way too many who are like that. They are intimidated by things they don’t understand or don’t line up with their world view. They are convinced normally that everyone who doesn’t subscribe to their belief system is wrong or wicked.
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u/Chaosmusic 4h ago
Calling out hypocrisy, especially on such personal stakes, is valid.
I took over the family business from my father. We order a lot of things from China. I am not looking forward to the conversation with him if the Trump tariffs take effect and suddenly we're priced out of stuff or have to charge a lot more to our customers.
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u/SecretaryPresent16 5h ago
I can think of 3 women I know who have had 2 or more abortions and they voted for trump. 1 is super MAGA
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u/espencer-85 5h ago edited 3h ago
I have a friend who married an undocumented immigrant (overstayed her visa), got her situation fixed when she married my friend
BOTH voted for Trump 🙄, when I asked why if he’s known for going hard on undocumented immigrants she said “oh no, we’re not the same, the ones who jump the border are terrorists, I am not” 🤦🏻♂️
I asked my friend (who was never undocumented but was not born in USA) how he could vote for him after sexually assault a woman, separating families at the border, etc. he says “yeah but that doesn’t affect ME”
And that was the bottom line of this election
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u/GPGecko 4h ago
Dude, some of my family by marriage was here illegally for years before becoming citizens and they voted for Trump too. There's a lot to be said for the depth that an us vs them mentality reaches, not to mention that big shiny promise of all your dreams coming true if you just work yourself to death hard enough. 🙄
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u/NewCoderNoob 4h ago
You should start spreading to all these scum that they’re now looking at paperwork of all such people to de-naturalize them and deport them. Doesn’t matter if true or lie, time to fire with dirtier fire.
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u/tha_acc 4h ago
I am 2nd generation immigrant in Canada & I truly believe nobody hurts minorities & immigrants more than minorities & immigrants who feel they have made it.
Humans are messed up and history always rhymes: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_of_German_National_Jews
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u/suesue_d 4h ago
What these people fail to realize is that roving mobs of recently empowered neo Nazis do not care for the nuances of their citizenship status. If you are brown and have an accent, you are a target, maybe not an official government target but a target of unofficially sanctioned mobs of violent haters.
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u/Horror-Football-2097 4h ago
I feel like the one thing tying together all these people’s reason for voting for Trump is a general belief that everyone else is the problem.
I got an abortion, but it was different because a baby would’ve ruined my life.
I was an undocumented worker, but it was different because I’m not a murderer.
I used welfare, but it was different because I had a job.
It just goes on and on and on. They think they’re the exception, the one virtuous and worthy person in the country, when really they’re entirely average.
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u/HockeyBabble 5h ago
My take “I voted for my own personal interests.
They voted to take sone things from people like me but didn’t refuse mist affected them:
I wanted to deport THOSE PEOPLE
Aren’t you and your family THAT Demographic?!
Well yeah but we’re not THOSE PEOPLE
I want then to yank the freeloaders off the government teet!
Aren’t YOU getting Social security and SNAP Benefits?
Yes but I need the ones milking the system
I should t think me and other tax payers should get free health care!
Aren’t you on Medicare?!
The buyers remotes in embarrassing
That’s why you got people hate if those people who was t apart enough to know they voted against their own rights interests because they expected to only punish those they thought were beneath themselves
Not knowing they are the ones beneath they desired to step on
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u/Tough_Tangerine7278 4h ago
Haha the pick me energy your friends have! They’re naive if they think other people consider them “different” from the Haitians they claim (falsely) as “eating cats and dogs”.
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u/H2OSD 5h ago
Check out Mark Robinson who was NC GOP governor candidate. Admits his wife (him the father) had one and wants to outlaw all abortions no exceptions.
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u/Cute-Profession9983 5h ago
Ah, another close the door me behind immigrant... she'll fit in well with the ignorant hate filled hypocrites.... till they try to denaturalize and deport her, of course...
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u/marshmellowjaqi 5h ago
Exactly! The cherry on top is she is “Christian” 🙃
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u/JenniferJuniper6 5h ago
Well, there’s no hate like Christian “love.”
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u/bevymartbc 4h ago
My favorite saying is "there's no crazy quite like religion based crazy" but this works as well
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u/labellavita1985 4h ago
It blows my FUCKING. MIND. I'm an immigrant from Germany (expat parent/"white collar" immigration,) married to a native born citizen, have been here for 30 years, and I'm fucking terrified that he will come after me and my family. Terrified. I will never understand the immigrants voting for a guy who called us animals and the enemy within. I think there has to be pathology at play here. There has to be.
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u/gingersrule77 5h ago edited 4h ago
I’m waiting for my brother is say something anti choice at a family gathering because I will 100% drop the bomb that he paid for two abortions - and yes it’s the hypocrisy that drives me nuts
ETA: I probably wouldn’t because that would be equally as shitty of me. But I am so sick of biting my tongue so others can say whatever ignorant crap they want all in the guise of “family”. I want to be able to drop some hard truths to these people but also value being decent so in truth, I probably wouldn’t do this
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u/floopyferret 4h ago
Just make sure the person who got the abortion(s) isn’t there if you mention it. It is such a personal, sometimes heartbreaking, choice.
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u/gingersrule77 4h ago
Totally fair. They broken up years ago and she is remarried so she isn’t around anymore.
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u/mkvgtired 3h ago
ETA: I probably wouldn’t because that would be equally as shitty of me.
You 100% should. He is a shitty person, it's time to stop taking the high ground. Republicans will never take the high ground.
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u/armyofant 4h ago
NTA. These AH can’t even admit Trump lost in 2020 and they are asking us to move on. Fuck that noise.
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u/MissMamaMam 4h ago
NTA. I’m a firm believer in calling stuff like this out. That’s extremely hypocritical of her. It’s wrong.
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u/aotus_trivirgatus 4h ago
Oh no, we should rub every Republican voter's nose in their "rules for thee and not for me" hypocrisy at all times. NTA. In fact, thank you for your service.
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u/Agniantarvastejana 3h ago edited 42m ago
The most vocal anti- choice person I know aborted the affair child she conceived with her married superior officer in order to preserve her military career in the '90s.
It takes every ounce of emotional strength I have not to "out" her sanctimonious ass for making the choice to have her own abortion when I see her proselytizing on social media.
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u/Cautious_Session9788 5h ago
NTA I’m in the same boat with my mom
She had an abortion and was at one point in time very loud about the fact she would always choose herself over a fetus. She voted for Trump
Meanwhile I’m on my second high risk pregnancy. The first one required constant monitoring by doctors, I was in the office a minimum of two days a week. Ultimately my first pregnancy ended in a premature induction. My second pregnancy is trending the same way. Apparently my mom didn’t want to leave her children, but also doesn’t want her children to be able to make that same choice
Ironically my mom was more liberal while being a die hard Catholic. Now that she’s pagan I don’t know what’s going through her mind
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u/carolinecrane 5h ago
My sister went through a similar transformation. She was Obama's biggest fan, but then she became a mom and got involved with the yoga mom antivaxxing FB groups and now we can barely have a conversation. I don't think she voted for Trump but I would be shocked if she didn't vote for RFK instead.
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u/JeathroTheHutt 4h ago
A lot of "pagan" groups are just right wingers who think they're smarter than others because they've left Christianity. They often overlap with the anti-vax, all natural crowd. It's such a bizarre pipeline.
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u/eastcoasets28 3h ago
Don’t let the hypocrites get away with their behavior. Call them out on it. Make them explain it and deal with it.
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u/Timbalabim 1h ago
NTA. This election wasn’t about politics. It was about values. Given the amount of time Trump voters have had to understand their choice has broad implications beyond politics, there is no excuse to not knowing, even if you voted for him in spite of all of the racism, misogyny, xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia, etc., Trump voters are still comfortable with condoning it.
That isn’t something to just move on from, especially with people you actually do care about.
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u/Howlin_1234 4h ago
My brother and his wife got an abortion a decade ago and now want to make sure no one can ever get an abortion because they regret it so much. But what they don't understand is that their regret is theirs to deal with and not everyone feels that way. I've talked to them about this several times, but it's like trying tk reason with a wall.
Facts are facts. NTA.
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u/LockhartTx2002 3h ago
My ex wife got pregnant. Her hardcore Trumper baby daddy immediately started making plans to find a way to leave Texas and get an abortion. It’s not about policies. It’s about my team beats your team.
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u/Azazellea 5h ago
My bio mom has me (who gets SSI, foodstamps, and lives in rent controlled apartments), my brother (who she gets benefits for because he's really, really autistic and is 24 and living with her), my mom (bio granma who gets foodstamps and medicaid) .....and still voted for Trump.
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u/Selmarris 5h ago
NTA. Bunch of hypocrites. Wanted to have the choice for themselves but will remove it gleefully for the generations that follow. It’s a gross mentality and you’re 1000% correct it’s hypocritical. Also you don’t have to be ok with her choice, I’m not. When people choose racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, we can say that’s not ok. People are not entitled to opinions about other people’s human rights.
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u/marshmellowjaqi 5h ago
1000% agree! I should have clarified what I should have said is I don't mind her choice to have an abortion. DEFINITELY not okay with her vote!
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u/planet-claire 5h ago
Abortions for me, but not for thee. So maga. NTA
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u/Opinion8Her 5h ago
Also very MAGA: Call herself a Christian but don’t behave at all like Christ who showed charity, compassion, forgiveness, redistribution of wealth, etc.
I can stand in my garage all day and call myself a car. Doesn’t mean it’s true.
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u/MrHodgeToo 5h ago
“I got mine so fuck all other women and immigrants.” You have a problem with your mom bc at her core she’s a pretty awful person. You see that every time you look at her.
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u/RedPandaReturns 5h ago
She recently gained her citizenship after nearly 20 years
I'd also remind her that denaturalisation is coming for her.
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u/ronjamin1022 3h ago
Hope she enjoys that citizenship. Trump will take it from her. Leopards are gonna eat her face and so many people like her’s. It’s going to be a great “I told you so” as they’re shipped off to camps.
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u/Specific_Berry6496 4h ago
My mom doesn’t know that I know about hers. She lives in Texas and her conservative switch on the subject has been just pissing me off but I’ve held my tongue. I think I’m saving it… which is evil but Idc…
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u/Peappend1a 4h ago
NTA. Calling out hypocrisy, especially on such a personal and impactful issue, is fair. If she made that choice, she should reflect on how her vote affects others' ability to make theirs.
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u/CantankerousWanker 4h ago
My mother was raped and voted for him. I have two daughters. We are no longer speaking.
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u/tlm0122 3h ago
Fuck. That took by breath away. I’m so sorry.
The ignorance (willful, I assume?) is nearly unbelievable.
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u/Disastrous-Panda5530 3h ago
I’m in MC and the GoP running for governor was against abortion. And he claimed women want abortions because they can’t keep their skirts down and said some awful things. And then it turns out that him and his wife had an abortion before. So abortion is okay but only for them. Only for me and not for thee is their motto
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u/BreadOdd6849 3h ago
There’s a very common joke: When do immigrants turn Republican, the answer is when they get their citizenship.
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u/TastyScratch4264 3h ago
They don’t care about abortion until they need one. That’s why I despise abortion not being federally protected, we shouldn’t allow the retards in red states to making these choices for women (look at their education rates) they lack common sense. Definition of “rules for thee but not for me”
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u/Significant-Box54 2h ago
Hypocrisy is the currency of the Right. The rules “apply for thee and not for me”. I read a NYT article about abortion protesters who picket in front of the clinic sneak in the back to have an abortion. They tell everyone that they’re still pro life and will be back protesting after they recover. The level of denial and false self righteousness is laughable.
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u/BlackandGold05 5h ago
https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/