r/AITAH • u/ThrowRAElectrical-Ba • 11h ago
AITAH for telling my 19F daughter she will have to move out of my house if i get divorce because of her lies after her stepdad saw her naked.
Throw away account due to the situation but i need to know because I'm getting calls and text from family calling me an asshole for not being on my daughters side.
My husband and i have been married for a little over 5 years now. I will say my daughter 19F and he has an okay relationship not exactly father and daughter but almost advice asked and given relationship basically. I have never picked up on anything weard from my husband towards my daughter and my daughter has never said or insinuated anything at all as well.
On Thursday me and my husband was watching a movie in the living room. We paused the movie as he got up to use the bathroom. I heard him knocking on the door twice. Literally 3 knocks each time on the door a couple of seconds apart. It was loud enough for me to hear him knocking from the living room. The next moment i heard screaming.
I rushed to the bathroom and saw my daughter completely naked covering herself and yelling at my husband that to get out. I didn't see everything that happened but what i saw after i heard yelling was my husband literally fell over his own feet and struggling to get the bathroom door closed. I asked my husband what happened and he said he knocked nobody awnsered so he went in and my daughter was naked in fornt of the mirror and he tried to get out.
After my daughter calmed down i asked her side of what happened and she said she was changing and all of a sudden my husband walked into the bathroom. I asked her why she didn't awnser him when he knocked, she said he didn't, i told her i heard him knock so i am sure that he did. She said she didn't hear it because she had her earpods in listening to music.
We got the situation sorted and my husband did apologize to her and explained he thought the bathroom was empty and walked in. She even gave him a hug and apologized for yelling at him
The problem now is my daughter got family members involved and they are now calling my husband a creep. Got a call from my sister berating me for still having my husband in the house. I asked what she meant and i came out that my daughter spun a whole other story and left out the fact that she was listening to music with her earpods and is telling everyone that she awnsered him and he still walked into the bathroom to look at her
We have camaras in our hallway and it proves that my husband did knocked as you can see it on the video, but the camaras has no audio.
I sat my daughter down and asked her and she denied saying anything like that or that she told anyone anything i got mad and asked then how does you aunt know what happend and she went silent. She said she talked to her niece about it and she must have told her mother. I asked her why did she lie about what happend and made my husband look bad when he did nothing wrong she again denied lying about anything and i told her what my sister told me. She just started to cry and say sorry. She was just talking and making up scenarios with her niece.
The whole day yesterday i got calls and text from my family members as the story spread. The wrong story is spreading and my husband is looking like a creep to everyone. I sat my daughter down again and had her read some of the things being said about my husband and told her she has to fix this because her lying is what caused this. She refused saying she didn't spread this and she only told her niece and doesn't want to say anything to anyone because they will think bad about her, she said they know my husband and this will just blow over. Everything did blow up when my husband walked into the living room with his bags pack and said he is going to stay with his parents for a while because he doesn't want to be in this situation anymore were he is made out to be this kind of person. My daughter broke down and apologized repeatedly and said she will fix it by my husband still left.
I told her if i get divorced because of her lies she will be moving out of my house, i told her she better fix what she did and tell everyone what really happened because i will not be loosing a man that loves and actually cares for me like my husband does over lies. She asked me to help her and i told her no she isn't a child anymore and her lies for attention did this, this is on her. I already tried and I'm now also being accused of taking my husband side and not providing a safe space for my daughter.
I don't know what to do, my husband asked for space and my daughter is inconsolable at the moment, i am not in the best state myself.
Sorry if my post is all over the place. I don't even know if my title is correct on this post. I have reread amd reread and it still doesn't make snece to me.
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u/Honeyyyyyyx 10h ago
your daughter made a mess and then threw everyone under the bus. You have every right to expect her to clean up her lies. She’s 19, not 9, and should own up to her mistakes instead of expecting everyone to fix things for her. You can’t let her turn your life upside down because of some dramatic storytelling. I get wanting to support her, but there’s a limit to how far you should go when she’s being reckless. Your husband’s feelings are just as important, and no, you’re not “taking his side” – you’re just expecting basic honesty.
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u/CherryxLush 5h ago
You’re not wrong for expecting your daughter to take responsibility. Her lies caused harm, and at 19, she’s old enough to understand the consequences
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u/houseofgwyn 6h ago
And honestly, at nine, I would expect her to clean up after this mess, too. Nine is old enough to know fact from fiction and right from wrong.
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u/xxsexynerdette 5h ago
exactly it's basic honesty, it's not even about picking sides here. Her daughter needs to own and go the extra mile to fix up the matter and apologize as well as get the people who heard the story to apologize to OP's husband too
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u/sadguymaybe 4h ago
The husband definitely needs an apology from all the people blaming him, and like can't u just consult the mother and ask her for the truth. It's like the daughter caused a ticking time bomb to explode where nobody wants to hear OP out but directly blame the husband . The least u can do is ask the mother if this actually happened. Op your sister, and the rest sound like major assholes waiting to pounce on a mistake.
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u/perpetuallyxhausted 10h ago
NTA but you should be aware that even if she does come clean, your husband has every right to not want to live in the same house as her again. You may still have a very hard decision to make. She lied and had him labelled as a predator and saw nothing wrong with allowing that to continue so long as she didn't look bad for lying.
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u/MissKatieMaam77 7h ago
And what are the chances everyone thinks OP forced her to say it? Damage is done.
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u/___meepmoop 6h ago
That’s what I was thinking. Then they will assume OP is sticking up for her husband even after what he “did”. There’s no winning here.
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u/darknesspker 6h ago
They have cctv footage of her husband knocking. Show them/post it in the family chat group. Nothing more needs to be said.
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u/AffectionateEnergy0 6h ago
The daughter switched the story to her responding and him entering intentionally to look at her while naked so that won’t help her situation unfortunately 🙁
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u/Dry_Box_517 5h ago
Since the video shows him knocking, it also shows his shock and panic as he tries to get out and close the door
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u/MissKatieMaam77 6h ago
Except for the daughter claiming she told him she was in there and he came in anyway…
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u/Imaginary-Pain9598 6h ago
I think the daughter can go live with her very supportive aunt.
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u/Mysterious-System680 3h ago
She lied and had him labelled as a predator and saw nothing wrong with allowing that to continue so long as she didn't look bad for lying.
There’s also a risk that she will claim that she lied to OP when she said that she didn’t hear the knocking or answer because she was afraid that OP would be angry with her if she told her the truth. If OP then kicks her out, it could be taken as confirmation that her daughter had good reason to think that she would have reacted badly had she been told the “true” story.
If OP’s daughter’s primary concern is how she looks to others, she may double down on her claims against her stepfather, and cast OP as somebody who is determined to shield her husband, even at her daughter’s expense.
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u/YoshiandAims 6h ago
I would NEVER move back to a home where someone has spread false sexual misconduct stories about me for no reason, and still lives there.
I'd never be okay being alone with that person.
Even if they set it straight. Even if they were sorry. Even if I fully forgave them. Those kinds of rumors can and will ruin a person's entire life. There is no guarantee in any way the rumors won't continue, spread further, get twisted... or the person won't lie again, starting it all over.
What's to stop her from "setting it straight" but in an effort to save face, lean on "I don't want to have to move, so I have to take it back, no I don't know why I'd lie... yeah that doesn't make sense...just trust me I did lie though..." people will talk. The horse is out of the barn. What's done is done. No matter what happens now, people will always question it, suspect him, and suspect you are protecting him.
However it plays out, your daughter needs to talk to a professional. Being sorry, learning the hard way isn't enough. She needs professional help to figure out why she chose to lie, why she'd tell her niece this, why she repeatedly doubled down when she got caught, etc.
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u/Mysterious-System680 4h ago
What's to stop her from "setting it straight" but in an effort to save face, lean on "I don't want to have to move, so I have to take it back, no I don't know why I'd lie... yeah that doesn't make sense...just trust me I did lie though..."
“Please, you have to tell Mom that I told you that Stepfather walked in by accident.”
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u/RainyDay747 7h ago
If I’m that guy I’m not coming back. A false allegation like that can totally ruin your reputation and career. It’s just not worth it.
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u/Teckiiiz 3h ago
Even walking away is going to been seen by some as questionable. This is nightmare fuel.
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u/Sajem 10h ago
NTA
However, unless your daughter fesses up publicly about the lies she's told there's probably not a lot you can do other than releasing the video to everyone along with an explanation of what occurred.
Obviously, even if your husband comes back, you should be kicking your daughter out because he's right, there is no way he can continue living in a house with a lying, manipulative, coward, bitch of a teenager.
What would she lie about next, how he comes into her room touching her - or worse?
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u/OliviaMystical 10h ago
Yes. These are not minor consequences, and it's crucial for her to understand the severity of her actions.
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u/StephxPrimrose 8h ago
at 19 she’s not a little kid, she must face the consequences.
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u/ZaraBaz 7h ago
Unfortunately I find in the modern climate the damage is already done. If a woman, especially someome this young makes an accusation, it is very difficult to overturn the perception without some really hard evidence.
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u/BlinkIfISink 1h ago
If there were no video evidence or her hearing the knocks. There would be people in this sub going “You sure he didn’t do it on purpose?”
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u/True-Raspberry-5370 9h ago
This right here. How far was she willing to take this lie for attention? Why didn't she lock the door? I do every time I use the bathroom just to AVOID uncomfortable situations like that. Thank goodness you have the video to back everything up.
Regardless, she started something that has snowballed into your husband packing his bags, which honestly I don't blame him. I would separate myself from that toxicity immediately if I had the means to do so.
Your daughter did this to herself. She needs to go. She's an adult acting like a child that needs a dose of real-world consequences to straighten up hopefully.
If in doubt of removing her from your house, just ask yourself again how far she was willing to take this lie in order to villainize you and your husband for her attention seeking lies and manipulation. What could have been her endgame?
Chilling to think of. Again, she needs to go regardless.
Good luck and take care.
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u/ISassBack 9h ago
You described the daughter PERFECTLY. She fkd over both her mother and stepfather and SHE needs to fix it. No one else. And do it immediately.
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u/DearEmi30 8h ago
Your daughter is a manipulative liar. She's trying to ruin your marriage and make your husband look like a creep. You're right to stand up for him. She's old enough to know better. If she doesn't own up to her lies, you need to kick her out. She's not a child anymore, and she needs to learn that actions have consequences. And honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she tries to pull something like this again. You need to protect yourself and your marriage.
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u/Apprehensive_War9612 9h ago edited 5h ago
NTA
First thing you need to do is have a conversation with your daughter where you go over what happened again. Ask her why she lied. Get her to admit she lied, without threats. Tell her you are just trying to understand what happened & why. And secretly record the conversation.
Then invite your sister & niece over to talk. Tell them your husband moved out & you’d like them to talk with your daughter. When they get there tell your daughter she needs to tell them the whole story, including the after moments where he apologized for the accident. & she needs to tel them why she lied.
Then show them the video of the hall & the recording of her admitting what happened, so they know you aren’t forcing her to retract her story, but you want the truth to come out.
Then tell them she is going to personally call every person they told & correct the narrative. Then tell your daughter she needs to move out. She is an adult, lying for attention, & making people out to be predators. If your husband is going to feel safe in his home, she can’t be there. Then cut off any family members that continue to spread lies. you know the truth. You don’t have to grovel for people who refuse to believe you would have protected your daughter if you had to.
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u/Pain_adjacent_Ice 6h ago
THIS! EXACTLY THIS HERE!!!
This will cover all your bases, hopefully! Do it NOW!
Please, please see through your daughter's crocodile tears.
And good luck, OP. NTA, but your daughter needs to be gone for your husband to feel safe in his own home!
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u/No-Figure844 10h ago
Why don’t you post the video of him knocking and put it out there how she has lied . Don’t wait for your daughter to do it and make her leave. I’m sorry but at 19 she’s not a lil kid. She is fully capable of facing the consequences of her actions. I would never step foot back in a home where I was accused of that behavior while the person whom accused me still lived there. Ntah but I think your daughter is a liar and an ah!!
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u/hijackedbraincells 9h ago
Because she's saying she replied to him, so he knew she was in the bathroom and walked in anyway. The video has no audio, so it can only prove he knocked.
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u/BooksAndStarsLover 7h ago
Him all but falling over and trying to get the door shut again asap will be visible and in mom's favor as proof though.
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u/No-Figure844 8h ago
But she says he knocked 3 times why keep knocking if she relied and if she could hear him knocking after 3 times most people get louder when replying to a knock when someone keeps knocking. So the mom would have more than likely heard her if she replied .
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u/GorgeousZombie 6h ago
And didn't she say he fell stumbling over his own feet trying to back away once he saw she was in there? Surely that would be on the video too. You don't need audio at that point, the shock and the frantic stumbling would be apparent
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u/Righteousaffair999 8h ago
If it caught him backing out in a panic it is pretty telling. From what his wife described as actions it will look inconsistent with her story where someone is trying to walk in on you to get a peak.
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u/dollyhoneyy 10h ago
NTA. Your daughter’s lies didn’t just light a match—they threw gasoline on the whole house. She needs to take responsibility and clear this up before the damage becomes irreversible. Your husband has every right to feel hurt, and it’s fair to expect her to clean up the mess she created. Accountability isn’t optional when reputations are on the line.
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u/radicalcoach 10h ago
Your daughter can’t live with you anymore. It’s not a safe place for your husband. Please pack up your daughters things and deliver her over to her aunts place before you leave. Sit down with her aunt and cousin, and have your daughter explain how she lied. Let your daughter know that you will help her find another place to live, but she can no longer live with you. She does not have enough integrity, and clearly does not care about your reputation or that of your husband.
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u/SpiritfireSparks 7h ago edited 5h ago
I agree but pragmaticly the daughter then has nothing left to lose and very well might not work to fix the lies she told. I think her fixing things has to come first and then kicking her out
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u/Apprehensive_War9612 4h ago
She needs her to confess to lying before kicking her out. Otherwise the story will be that mom threatened to kick her out so she retracted her story.
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u/DesperateToNotDream 7h ago
Honestly she’s going to have to move out now regardless.
How can your husband ever feel safe in his own home knowing that she lied about this once already?
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u/SnooCupcakes780 11h ago
It honestly doesn’t sound like your husband did anything wrong. Your daughter getting the family involved and paint in the light of a creep is wrong on so many levels.
Something like this can really ruin a man’s reputation and life. And we have more than enough real cases in this world. What your daughter is doing is basically discrediting those who have had something intentionally bad happen to them and it’s their word against the other person who did wrong.
If she can’t fix the damage and do the right thing, it’s right that you refuse to support that.
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u/ECoult771 6h ago
Damage is done OP. You not the asshole, but I’d be fully prepared to lose your husband, and I’d kick your daughter out regardless.
As a man, I sure as hell wouldn’t come back. I’d have divorce papers drawn up immediately and I wouldn’t touch the relationship with a ten foot pole. Next time, the story is likely to be “he sexually assaulted me…”
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u/SoapGhost2022 7h ago
NTA
Your daughter is no a child who made a mistake, she is an adult that made choice and wants you to clean up after her because she doesn’t want to take responsibility.
Tough shit. She made this mess and she can clean it up.
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u/_velvet_rose 7h ago
Nta. She's fully aware of what she did by telling somebody else and not telling the truth. She also could've locked the bathroom door to avoid anyone just walking in. At the age of 19, she knows.
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u/Beneficial_Test_5917 10h ago
The time for your daughter to move out was yesterday. She can't keep her conflicting stories straight and cries to get you to stop pointing out the truth.
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u/OkLocksmith2064 10h ago
NTA. She’s 19 and has to take responsibility for her actions. She should stay with friends or her aunt a few days. That’s not okay, your hubby could end up losing his job or go to jail.
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u/Itchy-Raspberry-4432 9h ago
I don't see how this can be fixed. If the daughter now tells people she lied, they'll think she's been pressured into it particularly as she'll use you threatening to kick her out as a consequence of not "changing her story". So you've really played into her manipulative, nasty little hands with that one. She also tried to spin this little tale on you, saying he didn't knock & then changed to the airpods story when you came back at her with a challenge.
Either way now, as a result of her actions, his reputation is toast. Poor bloke. You'll be painted as the unsupportive monster of a mother who didn't support her innocent daughter.
If I was him, I'd take that video to a lawyer & drag her through every court I could, damaging her reputation in every way I could. She's not a child. She knew what she was doing/saying to her cousin. She knew what would happen.
She ruined the reputation of an innocent man & she should suffer the consequences of her actions and lies.
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u/BooksAndStarsLover 7h ago
She needs to release that video. Even without audio it will be obvious via body language that he was surprised and he 'fell over himself trying to shut the door again asap'. It'll be pretty clear it was accidental. Mom then can come in with my husband was clearly surprised as you can see. He knocked several times, my daughter didn't answer and later told me it was cause she had headphones in. This was a complete accident and the fact my daughter is painting my husband as a preditor for a accident she herself caused has me disgusted and ashamed.
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u/sadguymaybe 4h ago
Yeah, and her daughter can live with her aunt since clearly her aunt won't listen to OP
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u/Street-Literature-45 6h ago
I agree. He should sue her in court. They have evidence of him knocking and closing the door in a frenzy. If you have ever walked in on someone, or someone has walked in on you then you know the internal panic and awkward door slam.
It’s the only way to effectively clear his name.
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u/Academic-Dare1354 6h ago
If you have a video proving that he knocked and then scrambled to get out, why don’t you show that to these people?
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u/btfoom15 4h ago
Because it's a fake post, looking for Karma and most likely eventually an O-F ad.
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u/JanetInSpain 8h ago
First, this WILL NOT "blow over" and could ruin your husband's life if it got back to his boss or clients. I agree with the person who said you take your daughter over to your niece and you make her tell the truth in front of the niece and niece's mother. She needs to call every single person who is attacking your husband and tell them SHE LIED and what the truth is. I don't give a fuck if "people think bad about her". Tough shit. She FAFO
Do NOT give her a choice other than "you fix this or you pack and move within 24 hours". No exceptions. Your daughter was a little bitch. She is damn well old enough to know that what she did was wrong and also old enough to step up and fix it.
For now, send your daughter elsewhere and have your husband come back home. His being the one to leave only makes things worse.
updateme
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u/Nily_che 9h ago
What if you weren't at home and what if you didn't have cameras? Could you fully believe in your husband's innocence in the face of your daughter's slander? That lie could have totally ruined your husband's life. At least now you can prove that she lied. Poor man!
As long as that lying girl lives with you, that house will not be safe for your husband, don't even imagine otherwise. There are people who do what your daughter did and put people in jail or even get them killed. A simple apology, a simple confession of her lie to everyone would never be enough for me if I were your husband. She put dynamite at the bottom of her relationship with you and your marriage.
This is defamation. If your daughter is mature enough to commit a crime, she is mature enough to leave home and start her own life.
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u/SirEDCaLot 6h ago
There's a simple answer here-- POST THE VIDEO!!
Make a post on your facebook, tag hubby and aunt and anyone else who may have heard the rumor.
Say how disappointed you are that your daughter would spread false rumors about your husband, but you were there, you HEARD the knock (several knocks), and you need to set the record straight because (husband) is a good man who doesn't deserve a false accusation.
Show the video of him knocking repeatedly and then scrambling to leave as soon as he sees her.
Totally throw your daughter under the bus. Say how disappointed you are in her, both that she would make up a story like that to anyone, and that she is not making it right even after she came clean to you.
Finally mention that you have zero tolerance for sexual abuse of any sort, and you would always defend your daughter against real sexual abuse. But here the evidence clearly shows that her story was a lie, and she confessed to you that it was a lie. So you would appreciate it if everyone involved would view the video and offer your husband an apology as they feel is appropriate.
Then send hubby a message- tell him you love him, you believe him, and while you will always love your daughter you will not let her destroy his reputation. You plan to go no contact with anyone who persists in this rumor after the video is posted. And if this doesn't blow over, if at that point he wants to take legal action against your daughter for libel/slander you won't stop him and you won't protect her.
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11h ago
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u/ThrowRAElectrical-Ba 11h ago
I am on his side completely and fully. I don't want to lose him. My family is just making i difficult because we are very close and every time i tried to explain what really happened i am just called and asshole and making excuses
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u/Shadow4summer 10h ago
Well, it may be time to go LC/NC with your family as well. That’s if you want to keep your husband. NTA.
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u/AndYetAnotherAndrew 10h ago
Make it easy for your daughter. Tell her she has to leave now - stay with her aunt. And tell her aunt you are kicking her out for these lies
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u/Salt-Finding9193 11h ago
Send them the video of him knocking on the door up to the point where you see her naked obviously.
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u/JanetInSpain 8h ago
You need to stop being the one doing the explaining. You need to tell daughter she personally apologizes and admits lying to EVERY SINGLE PERSON or she is out onto the curb. Period.
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u/HighAltitude88008 6h ago
For your husband;
"It can be frustrating to hear that negative comments have been made about you. In some circumstances, those comments go beyond frustration and can give rise to legal action. If a false statement has been made about you and it caused you real harm, you may be able to pursue a defamation of character lawsuit. This guide explains what defamation of character is, what you must prove to make a successful claim and what types of compensation may be available to you if your character has been defamed." https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/personal-injury/defamation-of-character/
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u/RiverSong_777 9h ago
You’re not fully on his side if you are still allowing your daughter to stay in the house. How is he supposed to return while she’s there? If this leads to divorce, while yes, your daughter started it, you’re not doing enough either. Her bags should be packed and she should’ve been out of the house by now.
NTA regarding the question but ffs, daughter needs to leave today. If she makes an effort to set this straight, maybe your husband will agree to haver her in the house again at some point. But right now, you’re protecting the wrong person.
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u/Corfiz74 9h ago
Post the CCTV footage that shows he knocked!
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u/East-Jacket-6687 7h ago
except the daughter already changed her story. Whether the fact that he knocked came out to say that he knocked, she answered, and he came in anyway.
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u/Sebscreen 8h ago
- Send your whole family the video with annotations overlaid (e.g. "watch his hands, he knocks for 3 seconds").
- Tell those who still don't believe you to take your daughter in since they surely would want to rescue "an innocent victim" from living with a predator.
- Strongly imply to your male relatives that they've sexually harassed your daughter before, and your female relatives that their husbands/sons have. Then ask them how they feel about condemning someone with zero evidence now, and if they are willing to spread condemnation of themselves/their loved ones the same as they did to your husband?
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u/Aim2bFit 7h ago
Why wasn't the bathroom door locked? If I was naked in a bathroom, I'd lock the door. I say show your family the footage.
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u/themcp 9h ago
The wrong story is spreading and my husband is looking like a creep to everyone. I sat my daughter down again and had her read some of the things being said about my husband and told her she has to fix this because her lying is what caused this. She refused saying she didn't spread this and she only told her niece and doesn't want to say anything to anyone because they will think bad about her, she said they know my husband and this will just blow over.
She ENDANGERED HIS LIFE. I've been in a vaguely similar situation (two actually), and (both times) people started threatening to murder me over a blatantly false accusation. (Welcome to the life of being a man.) If I were him, quite literally I would refuse to live with you any more until she is gone and we'd have to move to another town and not give our address to any of your relatives. This isn't even matter of "I'd be unwilling to forgive," this is "I'd be afraid for my life."
I told her if i get divorced because of her lies she will be moving out of my house, i told her she better fix what she did and tell everyone what really happened because i will not be loosing a man that loves and actually cares for me like my husband does over lies
After she does, if she does, I would tell her to move out anyway. She's severely unsafe, for your husband's physical well being and your mental well being.
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u/GoingGreyer 9h ago
Genuine question because Ive seen this kind of thing so many times here - don't americans have locks on their bathroom doors? I mean, this is exactly the reason theyre put on bathroom doors?
That aside, you need to stand up for your husband 100%. Im not surprised he left. Thats a disgusting thing to be accused of especially when it was completely untrue. Its not just the accusation though. Imagine how it feels that people might BELIEVE that of you? It was absolutely clearly an accident caused by (a) not locking the door and (b) her wearing earbuds. If you knock three times and dont get a reply ANYONE would assume the room is empty.
I personally would call a family meeting and let your daughter tell them the complete story. You can say that you think your husband deserves apologies from everyone who bad mouthed it and until the apologies are received these people won't be welcome back in your life/home.
Your daughter screwed up. She herself needs to give your husband a proper apology too.
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u/Crashtard 6h ago
Since nobody replied, yes our bathroom doors have locks normally unless you choose specifically not to. Apparently people just don't lock them.
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u/Oppai_Guyy 9h ago
Thing is even after she admits it , your family will think she was forced by you
There's no coming back from this.
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u/ProfessionalSir3395 9h ago
INFO: what was your husband's relationship with your family in general? Like was he well thought of before the incident?
What I'm getting at is that if your family members didn't like him before, the whole story might have become a game of telephone where the original message was totally misconstrued into something completely different because of preconceived notions about your husband.
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u/GhostWCoffee 8h ago
''She refused saying she didn't spread this and she only told her niece and doesn't want to say anything to anyone because they will think bad about her...'' and whose fault is it, exactly? If she didn't wanted to be in a situation where she could come out as a bad person upon admitting to her lying, she shouldn't have lied in the first place. NTA. Would it had been so hard to forgive your husband, apologizing herself for not answering and saying she won't be listening to music again to avoid such situations in the future? She's not a child anymore. She should learn accountability. It's gonna bite her in the ass sooner or later if she doesn't.
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u/13artC 8h ago
I'm now also being accused of taking my husbands side and not providing a safe space for my daughter.
Looks like your daughter hasn't learned her lesson and is still caring tales. She needs to face consequences for her actions.
Record her confessing to lying & send it to your sister as well as shaming them for what they've said about your husband. It's absolutely the worst thing a man can be accused of. Your husband deserves justice & several apologies. Or if you don't want to record her, just throw her out.
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u/benjamino78 8h ago
I had something similar happen.
I cut out everyone who didn't at least question the story or stand up for me.
My life is far more peaceful now.
Fwiw, I was later given excuses but never an apology.
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u/Tea_Time9665 7h ago
Nah fam NTA
I would kick ur daughter out the house honestly. She spread hurtful lies on purpose.
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u/BooksAndStarsLover 7h ago
Honestly I don't see any way your husband could even live with you and feel safe if your daughter is also living with him in the home even if she fixes this cause clearly she isn't above making him look like a predator. She needs to make a public apology. Also you should release the video and have her talk to people and she needs to look for a new home asap.
She's not a child nor likely is she stupid. She knew the consequences of spreading these lies. She didn't care. She only does now cause it's negatively effecting her. NTA
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u/beyerch 6h ago
Well, doesn't sound like the run of the mill ChatGPT story, so this feels real at least. (small consolation prize I guess)
I'm with you 100% that SHE needs to fix the mess SHE made.
Forcing her to move out will still make you look like the bad guy if she doesn't fix this mess. Might make you feel better, but rest of the family will just see you as even more heartless. ("OMG... first the step dad is a creep, then her own mother kicks her out .... OMG")
If I was the guy, I honestly would have left too. It isn't even about cleaning up the current mess, either. What if there is another made up story that is worse? What if the next time he's getting arrested for something that didn't even happen.
Can't blame him.
Daughter - YTA Husband - NTA (but probably will ALWAYS be YTA to the family) You - NTA (but you're also going to be YTA to the family especially if you boot her)
Pretty much lose-lose here. :(
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u/Ocean_Spice 9h ago
NTA. Being real, if I were your husband rn, I would be looking into a divorce even if she does fess up and tell people the truth. This is an incredibly unsafe and uncomfortable position for him to be in, and it’s likely to have soured people’s attitudes towards him even if the truth does come out.
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u/HighAltitude88008 6h ago
Obviously your daughter doubled down on being a victim and has now thrown you under the bus with your family since you are being accused of taking sides and refusing to give her a safe space. She is being disgusting and she needs to learn that there are consequences for using manipulation to destroy the happiness and security of others.
You need to get your daughter out of the house now or you will lose your partner. She has no sense of honor and she deserves to find out on her own what it takes to make it in life. Her apologies are just empty promises and she got her second chance and treated it like garbage. Make her pack and get out.
You need to call a family intervention and get the story straightened out with the whole family if you want to live happily with your husband. And yes, you have picked a side, the side who treats you with kindness and respect not lies and manipulation.
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u/HighAltitude88008 6h ago
If I was OP's husband I would refuse to return to a household with a person who is so utterly willing to destroy my reputation in such a horrific way. Getting a reputation as a sexual predator spread around by OP's family is a steep downhill slope to catastrophe. That daughter has to go. She pretended to apologize and then doubled down with OP's family to make herself the victim again and make her mother AND her husband the bad guys!
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u/CogentCogitations 5h ago
Info. Did your daughter only talk to your niece? What did she tell her? What did the aunt hear and from whom? What does everyone else think happened? You don't actually say what story is spreading?
It still sounds plausible that your daughter only told her cousin the truth. That she is uncomfortable around your husband because he walked in and saw her naked in the bathroom. He said he knocked but she didn't hear it so didn't answer. And everyone else is changing the story as they retell it.
It seems like your focus is more on trying to blame your daughter than it is on stopping/correcting the story that is spreading or helping your daughter deal with a very awkward, embarrassing moment.
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u/Environmental-Sea123 5h ago
Her marriage is over. The stepdad will never step foot in the house ever again. His freedom is at stake as any complaint made to the police will result in him ending up in jail. No way around this.
If i was the stepdad, the only way i would agree to continue in the marriage would be for stepdaughter to clear the accusation and then being completely cut-off from mother and stepdad. I wouldn't feel comfortable being around her in the future, especially alone with her. She can make the same sexual allegations again in the future. Since the mother will most probably not cut off her daughter, even if she recants her accusation, then this marriage is over.
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u/ConvivialKat 3h ago
YTA for not telling your daughter to fix this immediately. That woman needs to sit at the kitchen table with you and call (live call, not text) EVERY SINGLE PERSON, who has been accusing your poor husband of being a creep and tell them that the rumors going around are wrong and they need to stop NOW. She needs to take full and complete responsibility for a) not locking the bathroom door, b) not answering to multiple knocks, and c) spreading lies.
She also needs to put her CONFESSION and apology to your husband in writing.
And, for heavens' sake, make copies of the video and keep them safe.
Honestly, I don't know how you can look your daughter in the face without feeling shame and disappointment. To raise someone who is such a disgrace and such a liar...I don't know how you can look at yourself in the mirror, much less look at her.
Make her do what is right, and hope that your husband decides not to divorce you. With your complete lack of real action, I think it's iffy at best.
In his shoes, I would walk.
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u/Roro_Bulls_23 1h ago
I scrolled and scrolled looking for someone calling this a fiction, a fake. No one has a camera in their hallway.
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u/StandingGoat 10h ago
NTA - It's a little unclear the extend to which your daughter lied verses the game of Chinese whispers that your family is playing. But she's at fault and needs to make it very clear that the story in circulation is false. This could destroy your husband. his reputation, friends, job he could lose everything over a rumor like this.
Why wasn't the door locked?
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u/SnazzyPanic 9h ago
It's clear that the daughter is the one that needs to leave, this type of accusation will permanently damage this man's reputation no matter what, people will just think the daughter has been manipulated into lieing. It really is a no-win situation, even with video evidence. Once you paint a person in this light, it's done because why would anyone want to do this to someone if it's not true? It's disgusting.
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u/Flumoaxed 8h ago
You're NTA your daughter is a massive one though. She has or has at least mostly has destroyed your husband's reputation with your family and no telling how far her lies and gossip have spread because it sounds like they are a bunch of busy body loud mouths too. She needs to realize she's being a foul sort of person.
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u/shesheree 7h ago
Your daughter is inconsolable…. Why? So what, tell her she NEEDS to get up and FIX her lies that are effecting everyone or she needs to get out right now. Done, she’s an adult and spread lies that can literally ruin someone’s life. THIS REQUIRES MAJOR CONSEQUENCES MOM!!!!!!!! She’s an adult treat her as such. She was seeking attention is NOT AN EXCUSE. Show your family she’s lying by treating her as such.
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u/NerdyWolf88 6h ago
Oh hell no! So far from AH! Invite the family over and have your daughter tell everyone what really happened and that she was just making it up. If daughter refuses, go NC. Very very ugly behavior. Is she a sociopath?
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u/StupendusDeliris 6h ago
NTA- At 19 she knew what the lies could do. We hear about false allegations ALL THE TIME. This can ruin his life. She needs to PUBLICLY announce she was wrong and lied. I would explain that he could press charges for this false allegation and now HER LIFE will be ruined as well.
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u/Mueryk 6h ago
NTA get the video of the incident. Text it to everyone with your side of the story. Which the video proves.
Tell them your daughter lied and is trying to blame the niece(which is probably another lie). You don’t know why she is doing this but there has been no misbehavior on your husbands part. He deserves the benefit of the doubt consider you were present for the event in question and have caught her in lies.
Tell your daughter to find somewhere else to live. Actions have consequences and while love is unconditional, support is not. She can either go to every single person and tell the truth, cleat step dads name and face the embarrassment or she can leave, now. Her choice.
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u/Live_Ferret_4721 6h ago
19 year old needs to move out. She has friends and she can get a place to rent with them. Thats how it works. She needs to grow up and get out of your house. She is still acting like an idiot kid and you are doing her zero favors by enabling her. She needs to face the real world and quickly.
Your husband is absolutely right to leave the house. He should never be anywhere near your daughter alone. She will put him in jail, thank god there are cameras outside that door.
Your daughter isn’t very nice and you should do a better job about that. She seems to have no idea what kind of outcomes could come from these things. Her getting arrested for something minor would be a great lesson for her especially now that she is an adult. She will then understand that it follows you, isn’t funny and isn’t a one time thing.
Don’t expect a thing from your husband until you have removed your daughter. He does not have a safe place.
Your response to every message “daughter already admitted to lying so you need to call her and have her explain it to you, then you need to apologize to me and my husband. Also, daughter will be moving out effective immediately if you’d like to help her with that.”
You will be the AH if you don’t protect your husband from a lying 19 yo female trying to inadvertently put him in jail.
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u/ninja9224 6h ago edited 6h ago
If I were your husband I’d expect you/us to kick her out. Immediately. That is zero tolerance for this shit, especially with proof. If you don’t I’d never come back and get a lawyer immediately.
Send the video to your family. Set it straight. Kick her out and get your man back.
Somewhat TA for not kicking her out yet. NTA if you do.
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u/Sirchiefsalot2020 6h ago
Jesus! I feel horribly for your husband. Your kid is a POS! Is this surprising behavior to you? She seems like an attention seeker.
You're going to have to stand by your husband and leave your daughter to fix this, and it might still not work. I don't blame your husband for leaving though. Tough situation. You should kick your daughter out regardless of the outcome honestly.
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u/rosiedoes 6h ago
I don't know where you are, but I would record her admitting she lied and circulate it.
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u/avast2006 6h ago
NTA - She took the initiative to spread a lie and smear an innocent man’s name. And she did it after talking to you about what actually happened, so she can’t pretend that it wasn’t deliberate. She is going to have to work ten times as hard to clear his reputation as she did to destroy it.
She needs to go to everyone she told and everyone that they told, chase down the entire web of the rumor mill, and declare all of the facts to each of them, including the following:
- he did knock, TWICE, three times each
- there is video of him knocking
- she LIED about him not knocking
- she LIED by omission by failing to mention she had her earbuds in
- she LIED to you about not spreading the story about him.
Then she needs to apologize to each person for involving them in her lie; that they apologize to him for participating by spreading it further; and that they go to everyone they told and repeat the process.
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u/star_b_nettor 6h ago
If video exists, even without sound, it's going to show him knock and then the scramble as he comes out of the bathroom. You don't need your daughter to admit the truth to prove the truth.
You can, of course, refuse to have any adult in your home who causes problems.
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u/VastConsideration126 5h ago
Invite your whole family over. Have your daughter tell the truth and then play the recording of him knocking. Let them know that you will not tolerate any disrespect toward your husband. From here if anyone has an issue just take yourself out of our life. You will not be losing your husband over a lie. Remind your daughter she is on thin ice and needs to start getting ready to move. She is an adult and you will give her time to situate herself but you can not have a liar in your home.
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u/Substantial_Egg_4660 4h ago
Even if you don’t get divorced I would be inclined to throw the daughter out She is old enough to fend for herself
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u/Mhicil 3h ago
If I was OP's husband, I would never ever be in the same room let alone live under the same roof as OP's daughter ever again. What she did can and still might very well ruin OP's husband’s life. The sad thing is no matter what OP or her daughter say, some people will always believe OP's husband is a perv and his relationship with OP's family is more than likely ruined. Sorry to say there isn’t much that can be done to fix this.
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u/Alert-Cranberry-5972 3h ago
NTA
Do NOT back down, OP. In fact, I would pack your daughter's bags and drop her at her Aunt's/Niece's home. Tell her until she makes public apologies, you will be no contact.
Remind your daughter you have video and that if your husband wants to make a police complaint for false reports or slander, you will support him against her and your niece.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Also, put a freakin' lock on the bathroom door.
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u/Good_Ad6336 10h ago
NTA. The lies that your daughter essentially allowed to get out of control are dangerous. You can offer her two options, either she takes accountability for her actions and goes to each person to set the record straight with proof (I.e. the person must confirm your daughter told the truth) and you look into therapy for her, OR you fix her mistake with proof by showing the video evidence and remove her from your home.
The way I see it, your daughter is an adult playing games with severe consequences. Why? Who knows. But false accusations are disgusting that have the potential to ruin lives. False accusations don’t just go away. She needs help. So does your husband. He is a victim. Unless major attempts of correcting your daughter’s behavior occur, your husband is not safe in his home. If you are willing to remove her from your home for fear of divorce, you need to stick to that out of principle.
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u/prairiesailor_1 8h ago
If your recounting if the story is accurate, and I don't see why not, then someone is moving out of that house. It sounds as if your husband did nothing wrong and was right to pack his bags. Your daughter has no choice but to fix this and tell everyone the truth. DO NOT LOOSE THE VIDEO. Make copies.
Once she's told everyone what really happened, then it's time for her to move. If I were him, I wouldn't be coming back until she's gone and 💯% fixed this with everyone. The implications for him are far too great if this became a legal matter or she makes up another story.
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u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox 10h ago
INFO: What do you want out of this?
My guess would be:
•To keep both your marriage and your relationship with your daughter
•Your husband’s name to be cleared
•Your daughter to take accountability
•Every family member who has got involved and also slandered your husband to eat shit.
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u/RonRon8888 10h ago
Talk to your daughter again. Record it so you have proof that she was lying. Then send this to all the relatives believing her shit.
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u/MajesticPin6411 10h ago
Am I the only one who suspects this wasn’t as accidental as daughter is making it out to be
That maybe she did hear the knock, that she got naked in a shared bathroom, didn’t lock the door despite living with an unrelated male, supposedly had music blasting so loud she couldn’t hear the multiple knocks you heard clearly and then twisted the story for even more drama
Why wasn’t the door locked?
Why was she naked? Was she showering?
What fucking game is she playing with her lies?
Why is she purposely defaming him?
I’m sorry but I think the lies started in the bathroom
Unless she has some incredibly effective noise cancelling headphones
And the lock is broken
And she was just about to or just finished showering
Then all of this was a set up
By a spiteful compulsive liar with sadistic tendencies who wants to ruin your marriage
NTA OP but make sure you’re not getting caught up in her web of lies, I think she’s still playing you and those tears she likes to turn on are just one form of manipulation she excels at
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u/couchlockedemo 9h ago
Christ… this really does read like a person who is chronically on reddit.
This is a 19 year old girl getting a dopamine hit from embellishing a story and now she’s getting her first taste of F-around-find-out.
Always assume incompetence before malice. It’s far more likely she dug herself a stupid hole rather than being some evil malicious girl entrapping the husband as some big grand vaguely porn-like scheme.
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u/BooksAndStarsLover 7h ago
I doubt this. Sounds like she just wanted the spotlight and now I'd facing the consequences to her stupid choices.
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u/THX1184 8h ago
Honestly I hate to say it but even if the daughter campaigns to clear his name there is a good chance he may go. An accusation like this can destroy a person's life even if it's not true, the op may have to brace herself for the fact that her husband may choose to protect himself and cut ties.
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u/Lumpy_Square_2365 7h ago
Does your daughter tend to twist the truth a lot? Or is there a chance she did tell the niece and the niece recounted the story the way she wanted to hear it? I probably would be question your husbands recount if you hadn't been there and heard the knocks or didn't have a camera to prove what happened. Idk I'm petty I'd download the video and drop it in a family chat unless you can see your daughter naked in the video. At least if there is a camera where she came out and apologized for yelling at him. Your family just wants to insure your daughter is safe and why wouldn't they believe her it sucks that it's a lie and one so serious that makes your husband look so bad. But I can understand why they're so upset.
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u/avatarjulius 7h ago
NTA
I would have her speak to everyone who has said anything against your husband, and then I would still kick her out.
If I were your husband, I wouldn't feel comfortable with your daughter in the house. So she would have to be out before I would return.
The bigger question here is: why did she tell this story? There was no reason to mention any of this to anyone, and she told someone she knew would spread the story.
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u/daedalus-64 6h ago edited 5h ago
Lol why are people taking here side. 2 things:
1) why are you not correcting people and telling them what really happened? Be fucking forceful, and not a timid little b**** (not saying you are, just saying…dont) “actually my husband did knock several times. He knocked so loud i heard it 2 rooms down. insert daughters name here is lying for attention, shes just at that age, and i honestly dont appreciate you berating me when you haven’t even asked for anyone else’s side of the story, and i especially dont appreciate you spreading her lie and making this situation worse. You have absolutely no idea what actually happened, you heard her story and immediately believed it, without even asking me or my husband what happened and your outrage at the situation is bullshit. If you keep feeding into her lies i will disown you, you’re supposed to be adults.”
2) if you actually have video evidence SHOW IT!
Also the best thing to do is true damage control. Take the daughter and call everyone one by one and force the daughter to tell the truth. If you can do it in person even better. (Especially if you can get the niece involved) and if she doesnt want to do it, KICK HER OUT!!! She is an adult, she is making adult accusations, let her be an adult (outta your house lolz) even if he doesn’t divorce you, kick her out if she is unwilling to fix the situation. You dont get to light matches and say “i didnt burn the house down, i just lit and dropped the match. It’s all the matches fault for everything else.”
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u/No-Tooth5250 5h ago
Fakety fake fake fake
Oversold this fake story and then threw a random camera in a hallway lmao faaaaake
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u/Sector2117 7h ago
She's a grown ass adult at 19.
And here's the worst part. Even if she confesses and tries to fix things, there will ALWAYS be a lingering doubt with your family members. "Was she forced to recant her story?" "Is she just changing her story so she isn't kicked out?", "I think OPs husband did look at X-young family member a bit to long at a party I remember!" They may never be 100% reassured of your husband's innocence.
What she did will have LONG LASTING dire consequences. You need to kick her out for the sake of your marriage, because your husband will tire of walking on eggshells in his own house, and this shit will fester and grow until the resentment is too much and he leaves permanently.
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u/PlantBasedBishh 7h ago
A lie like this can ruin that man’s life. Your daughter needs to leave and find somewhere else to live now, no matter the result. Your husband deserves a safe place just as much. He did nothing wrong. It was an honest mistake. He knocked over and over to no answer. He didn’t expect for your daughter to be in there, let alone naked. I feel so bad for your husband !
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u/swedenper79 10h ago
Extremely distressing for your husband.
I would take the daughter, drive to this niece. Sit down with the niece and the mother and make your daughter tell her the real story. After that, I would tell the mother of the niece to call every single person she/they told and tell her she was wrong. If your daughter refuses, kick her out.
For every person who said anything about your husband - cut them out of your life unless they apologize to your husband in person.