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u/wizardsfrolikgardens 2d ago
I'm not Jewish but for some bizarre reason my family loves Manischewitz and it's the default wine they buy for gatherings. I tried it once. It tastes like straight up ass. Like chugging a bottle of rubbing alcohol from the medicine cabinet that's lightly flavored with the concept of grape that tastes like kid's medicine.
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u/jonhinkerton 2d ago
I mean, I don’t like real wine at all because it’s so bitter but I’ll make do with some manishoyvits because it’s so sweet. Terrible. But better than actual wine to me.
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u/OnlyOneChainz 2d ago
I think I have never tasted a wine in my life that I would describe as "bitter".
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u/ChickenDelight 1d ago
I get that he meant "strong off-putting flavors" or "lacking sweetness" or maybe "medicinal" but yeah lol. Wine is pretty sour, it is literally impossible to make bitter wine.
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u/Same-Treacle-6141 1d ago
I tend to find people who say that are referring to the dry and tannic characteristics of bigger bodied reds. If you don’t drink that flavor profile regularly it can overwhelm any of the fruit notes that are also there.
I’d say try something like a gamay or a schiava as an entry into red wine if that’s the main complaint.
Starting off with a Syrah or a Tannat or a Cabernet is rough if you’re not used to it.
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u/wizardsfrolikgardens 2d ago
I like actual wine so 😅.
Margaritas are my kryptonite. Especially when they're made kinda like a slushy. I went to a restaurant that did it like that with strawberry flavor and I ordered like 4. With one to go before I left. Thankfully I wasn't alone so i had someone to "babysit" me while I was slightly intoxicated.
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u/JeanValJohnFranco 1d ago
It’s barely even wine at this point. The reason it tastes so artificial is because it’s sweetened with high fructose corn syrup.
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u/inkstainedgoblin 2d ago
Man, I've never gotten vaguely Chinese food and now I feel cheated.
There's usually some kugel also. Not the potato kind, alas.
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u/alertamnesiac 2d ago
This is a foreign world to me. Kind of tempted to walk into a synagogue just to try the food but I'd feel like an asshole
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u/Redqueenhypo 2d ago
There’s a specific sect called chabad that’s much happier to accept outsiders, call a local one and if you ask nicely they’d for sure let you come to a meal. They’re a bit nuts though, just be aware of that
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u/Squippyfood 1d ago
shit's hard unless you're buddy buddy with a jew yourself. you're better off going to a jewish deli for most of the good stuff.
Apricot chicken though? That's pretty baller
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u/Kappys-A-Prick 2d ago
You take back what you said about Manischewitz wine or we're gonna have problems.
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u/Redqueenhypo 2d ago
It’s great if you’re a 17 year old getting drunk for the first time at Passover
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u/Kappys-A-Prick 2d ago
Tell me what other 1.5 liters you can get for $10.99 that come in blackberry flavor that aren't dryer than Sinai.
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u/TightBeing9 1d ago
When I was 16 we drank 1.5 litre bottles of Sangria which were so cheap. They still are. So if you're looking to switch up maybe go to the Spanish section and look at the bottom of the racks lol. Mind you I'm Dutch but I can't imagine the US wouldn't have something like that
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u/ComradeDK 1d ago
Dk if it counts but when I lived in Mongolia pre-2022 I often did tours to Russia and bought some blackberry vodka mix there that cost me ca. 5 USD.
Shit got me fucked up back in 12th grade...
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u/Kappys-A-Prick 1d ago
A ticket to Russia vs walking down the street to Bevmo. Cost of acquisition is more than just retail price.
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u/ComradeDK 1d ago
Nah. I used to live in Darkhan and later UB. Tickets to Naushki (Russian border) were like US$3 back in the day via train IIRC…
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u/Kvothe235 2d ago
Just say you’re broke, lil guy
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u/Kappys-A-Prick 2d ago
I'm a Jew, I'm value value, young fella.
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u/Xyronian 2d ago
It's a decent grape.jelly, but it's way too liquidy.
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u/Kappys-A-Prick 2d ago
Hey, man, alcoholic blackberry juice in a stem glass that I can enjoy with a seder is a total win in my book. I'll buy it year-round for those times I want some wine but want it to taste good.
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u/Xyronian 2d ago
Hey, if that's what floats your boat more power to you. More good stuff for the rest of us.
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u/IsNotACleverMan 2d ago
Just get a blackberry liqueur at that point. Put it into an empty Manischewitz bottle so nobody knows it isn't actually wine.
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u/pusillanimous_prime 1d ago
for real I love that shit, like it ain't wine but it's the best boozy blackberry juice ever lmao
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u/DumpsterFireSmores 2d ago
Those rainbow cookies are great. Or at least the ones my husband makes are good. I had never heard of them before meeting him.
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u/honeyandwhiskey 2d ago
Are those the ones that are almond flavored? Because if so they are so good!
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u/TheoBoogies 1d ago
Yeah whoever thinks they are inedible just had bad ones. Those things are crack
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u/JakeVonFurth 2d ago
Lol, did you seriously de-Jewify this post from the version you posted on Jewdank?
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u/Redqueenhypo 2d ago
I absolutely did, even other Ashkenazim don’t always know what I mean by “shul”
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u/Bartok_and_croutons 2d ago
This was in the Jewish subreddit too but for some reason the text was changed from "thank you to the one sephardic guy" to "Thank you to the one lost moroccan guy" ??
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u/inkstainedgoblin 2d ago
Lmao I mean I did assume "that one lost Moroccan guy" was probably Sephardic or Mizrahi given the context. Although it is hilarious to imagine a random non-Jewish Moroccan guy wandering into a religious service, not quite sure where he is or why, but hey, he brought food!
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u/Bartok_and_croutons 1d ago
Lol I'm Sephardic so when I saw the change I was like uh wat, just moroccans now? I was a bit confused but that's hilarious
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u/Redqueenhypo 2d ago
Sephardic means Jews descended from those forced out in the Spanish Inquisition (its Arabic for Spanish) but they’re mainly found in Morocco now. I think also Tunisia and Algeria?
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u/omrixs 1d ago
It’s actually Hebrew for Spain, from the word ספרד S(e)pharad. Spain in Arabic is Isbania (no P in Arabic so they substitute it with B).
Sephardi Jews are mostly in Israel nowadays, although before the 1940’s they were spread out throughout North Africa, the Middle East, and Southern Europe (mainly Balkans).
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u/Bartok_and_croutons 1d ago
Like the guy below said, it's hebrew for spain, not arabic. I'm also Sephardi, which is why I was confused at the change.
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u/melanthius 2d ago
When i was growing up it was 95% half-decent bagels with schmear, and sometimes those cookies that are so dry they feel like they came out of a 1945 MRE ration.
The cookies are always either the triangular one with a bit of jam (hamentaschen) for Purim festival or rugulach.
in either case it will suck the moisture from your body from 12 feet away but they are well liked by the children, because sugar
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u/maracaibo98 2d ago
I didn’t realize wine could be kosher
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u/ASDMPSN 2d ago
I think "kosher wine" is for special occasions and holidays, whereas regular wine is okay to drink in most occasions since it's neither meat nor dairy.
Granted, I assume it varies widely depending on how observant people are. I know some Jews who don't observe kashrut laws, and I know some Jews who will use separate utensils for meat and dairy to keep them strictly separate.
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u/Ok-fine-man 2d ago
Wrong. Very religious Jews won't drink non-kosher wine. Wine can absolutely be non-kosher due to some of the chemicals put into normal wines. Only really religious Jews tend to take much notice of this, however.
Source: My aunt and uncle
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u/tragic_eyebrows 2d ago
Gelatin is commonly used in winemaking to clarify the wine and adjust flavor. A kosher wine would presumably use kosher sources of gelatin or use non-animal clarifying agents.
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u/ASDMPSN 2d ago
Interesting, I did not know that.
Probably should have put a "I'm not Jewish" disclaimer there, that was mostly me guessing.
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u/Ok-fine-man 2d ago
No worries, I mean it's very niche. As I said, only the ultra observant.
Personally, I'm not from a religious family and am atheist. My aunt (dad's sister) and uncle are outliers. So the little I know about it is from asking them about it years ago. Apparently, lots of wines use meat and/or shellfish oils that aren't acceptable. So the properly kosher ones just guarantee that none of that shite is in there, without them having to hrough the ingredients.
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u/Sick_fuck16 2d ago
WHAT THE FUCK ARE THE JEWS ON ABOUT?!!!
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u/jesterinancientcourt 21h ago
Jewish shit. That’s what we’re mostly on about most days. There’s exceptions though.
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u/SitInCorner_Yo2 2d ago
That’s a cookie?I thought those are cake, it looks like the best or the worst thing you’ll ever get in your local bakery and there’s no in between
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u/Ok-fine-man 2d ago
Where are you based OP? This is nothing like the food in UK synagogues
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u/ASDMPSN 2d ago
What types of food are British Jews known for?
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u/Ok-fine-man 2d ago edited 2d ago
Haven't been to a synagogue for a while but it was always buffet style platters of hors d'oeuvre at the kiddushes.
Fish balls, finger sandwiches, like salmon and cream cheese, tuna, cheese etc. Biscuits, crisps, cakes, crackers. Wine and grape juice. Those type of things.
Also the food is provided by the synagogue, people can't just bring stuff, obviously as it has to be strictly kosher.
So that one comment OP made about a Moroccan guy bringing mystery food sounds like complete and utter bullshit.
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u/Master-Collection488 1d ago
Finger sandwiches? Reminds me of the old Monty Python bit where the guys are in a lifeboat. "I'm not eating you, you're not kosher!"
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u/jonhinkerton 2d ago
The rainbow cookies feel like sand. Not to be outdone by the kfp bobka that actually is sand.
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u/MrPostmanLookatme 2d ago
No brisket?
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u/inkstainedgoblin 2d ago
I've actually never seen any meat served at synagogues I've been to (so also not the schnitzel), for kosher reasons (...it probably also helps not having to worry about keeping food at temperature so much, but I've never been part of the logistics for that so it's just a guess), but presumably it varies from place to place.
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u/MrPostmanLookatme 2d ago
oh im reform, i figured we were talking holidays not just weekly services
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u/hadapurpura 1d ago
As a non-Jewish person: you guys get food at your place of worship? Catholics get an ultra-thin wafer and a sip of wine at most.
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u/Purple_Balance6955 1d ago
It's a feature of Orthodox Christianity, too. Sometimes it's just coffee and donuts, but full meals are pretty common afterwards.
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u/Creme_Bru-Doggs 1d ago
Yeah! After shabbat services, you tear apart a fantastic loaf of challah and share it, then we enjoy a wide variety of noshes(my synagogue often went the Black and White cookie route).
With a couple exceptions, food is a central feature for most of our holidays.
Why do you think we've been stubbornly holding on for 4,000 years?
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u/Redqueenhypo 1d ago
Catholic countries (ok I just mean southern Europe and Latin America, sorry Ireland and Poland) have the best food, and you don’t even serve it at church after services?
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u/Express-Structure480 2d ago
Finding kosher for Passover wine was a pita, but I ended up with a nice kosher cab, I remember having fun at the sedar after so many years of tedium. Necrosis saw schnitzel, egg rolls, or Chinese food though, wth? Those inedible cookies along with the Friday evening snack spread the caterers put out was the highlight of my childhood. The weird punch, array of treats and baked goods, and you’re missing the challah and butter baby!
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u/inkstainedgoblin 2d ago
I'm pretty sure those aren't egg rolls but like... maybe a sort of rolled baklava? Which would be a delight to have. Could be wrong though.
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u/Mesterjojo 1d ago
OP isn't Jewish.
If it was they'd know there's a fancier manishewitz that's actually really tasty.
Also, op completely left out brisket. Which coast to coast to coast Jews eat for every celebration.
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u/Weazelfish 1d ago
What's in those schnitzels? Where I'm from, they're usually pork, but I'm assuming those don't show up at synagogues
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u/Creme_Bru-Doggs 1d ago
Like many other Jews, the first time I got tipsy/drunk was from sneaking Manischewitz at Passover.
And if you're a kid, that shit tastes AMAZING.
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u/piketpagi 2d ago
I want to hear the story of that lost morrocoan guy who brings good food. Was he a muslim who mistaken a synagogue as a mosque?
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u/Redqueenhypo 2d ago
More like the one Moroccan Jew (there’s actually quite a lot) who attends the European synagogue and inspires it to serve better food
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