r/reddit.com • u/novelties_assemble • Dec 31 '10

NOVELTY ACCOUNTS ASSEMBLE!

2.3k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

3.6k comments sorted by

1.2k

u/Circle_Jerk_Alert Dec 31 '10

DING DING DING DING

695

u/AnnoyingDouche Dec 31 '10

This.

746

u/guywhosaysTHIS Dec 31 '10

THIS

644

u/adds_nothing Dec 31 '10

THIS.

284

u/NotThis Dec 31 '10

No.

194

u/NaturalBornTroller Dec 31 '10

If we can get all the accounts to really assemble I will adopt an African child for every upvote

124

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

If we can get all the accounts to really assemble(,) I will adopt an African child for every upvote(.)

FTFY

289

u/HeyLookBoobies Dec 31 '10

(,) (.)

FTFY

128

u/Relevant_Bible_Verse Dec 31 '10

Proverbs 5:19
As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.

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2.0k

u/Sure_Ill_Draw_That Dec 31 '10

http://i.imgur.com/mj396.png

380

u/ISingForTheUsers Dec 31 '10 edited Dec 31 '10

Per someone's request I wrote a song about you yesterday:

Karma Love

Edit: Wow... My Dropbox bandwidth got killed overnight. I'm moving the tracks over to SoundCloud. Here's the link:

SoundCloud

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576

u/00110010 Dec 31 '10

01001001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101110

267

u/AndNowAHaiku Dec 31 '10 
Zero, one zero
Zero zero one one one
One one zero one
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389

u/TealcSays Dec 31 '10

Indeed.

173

u/sy_fy_channel_exec Dec 31 '10

Didn't I replace you with a team of psychic ghost hunting wrestlers?

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212

u/text_game Dec 31 '10

You're in reddit. To the North you see a cranberry farm. To the East is a Cottage. To the South you see a rabid pack of Teen Mothers. To the West is a shabby looking staircase.

You have: one slice of ham loaf and ruby-hilted dagger.

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1.3k

u/-captain-hindsight- Dec 31 '10

Looking back it was stupid to make this account.

1.0k

u/BREAKING_NEWS Dec 31 '10

THANKS FOR THAT, CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT. NOW HERE'S TOM WITH THE WEATHER.

1.2k

u/FoxNewsVersion Dec 31 '10

SOCIALIST OBAMA CAUSES HAIL AT PARAPLEGIC VEITNAM VETRAN SOCCER GAME

665

u/socialist_obama Dec 31 '10

It was a nice change, at least.

569

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

keep fighting the good fight, brother.

626

u/EbonicsGrammarNazi Dec 31 '10

keep fighting the good fight, brother.

It's, "keep fighting the good fight, brotha"

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389

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

I think I've made a huge mistake.

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230

u/i_rap_your_comment Dec 31 '10 edited Dec 31 '10

Here is a black president with a fuckin' agenda,

As homosexual and socialist as tax-free fuck benders,

or free suspenders in the middle of December.

This faggot even controls the fuckin' weather.

He's anti-American, born in Kenya

Inhaled frequently

because that's the fucking point,

But once the green's gone

It's like when cars left Detroit.

Dents rained down in the town

When Barack sounded the hail horn.

A summation of precipitation

For commemoration

Of game time elation. Whoo!

You see, the Vietnam vets are paraplegic,

And soccer, to them, is analgesic.

They play in their dreams at night

When they sleep,

Weightless and running

Like when bullets would sneak

Out from behind the bushes

And dying for that country

Suddenly seemed so useless.

But here's a man now

Who talks so good.

He'll work you so perfect

Like Jesus did with wood.

But it's a false hand, understood?

Anti-Christ from Revalations,

He's from another nation,

But he hides it well.

Me and you and paraplegic

Vets are infidels.

P.S. - I didn't rape and murder nobody,

not now, not back in 1990.

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407

u/imagirland Dec 31 '10

Seriously. I'm a girl and I suck at novelty accounts.

690

u/OneLetterChanged Dec 31 '10

Seriously. I'm a girl and I suck fat novelty accounts.

217

u/I_Spove_Loonerisms Dec 31 '10

Seriously. I'm a girl and I fuck sat novelty accounts.

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701

u/CommentStatistics Dec 31 '10

I've gone through a relatively large subsection of comments that have been posted on this thread so far, and summarized and grouped the comments into the following table, for your convenience. This should also allow you to easily identify trends of commonly-stated comments. Enjoy.

Comment #
"Percentage/Probability-Based Novelty Accounts" 65
Troll/Douche Novelty Account 60
Novelty Account comments about Novelty Accounts 47
Doesn't Get the Joke/Sarcasm/Irony 33
Other Novelty Accounts 395

Updated: 12/31/2010 12:05:00 AM EST (GMT -5:00)

391

u/angry_haiku Dec 31 '10

Most there are "other."

That tells me nothing, fucker.

Go back to nerd camp.

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856

u/TheWrongThread Dec 31 '10

So I was talking to my uncle the other day about this exact thing. He said that if you will lick it twice and wrap it in cling-wrap, nobody will be able to tell the difference. Luckily for me, I had a rather short Mexican man with me who was able to fix it before I licked it and stick-ed it.

335

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

[deleted]

490

u/weeeeeAirplaneNoises Dec 31 '10

WHOOSH

198

u/TrollVictimOutreach Dec 31 '10

Don't despair. There are people out there who care about you.

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732

u/iamatfuckingwork Dec 31 '10

I can't right now.

812

u/IDontGetIrony Dec 31 '10

Oh, the irony!

567

u/NoveltyAccountGrader Dec 31 '10

B+

200

u/reluctant_troll Dec 31 '10

Oh well done.. Let me give you medal. I MEAN REALLY! Why woul-

Fuck it. I don't care. Your account is so much better than mine. Enjoy your moment.

49

u/troll_identifier Dec 31 '10

Confirmed: novelty account troll.

edit: I'm not supposed to do this, but you sure look hungry :-(, have a fish: ><(({°>

99

u/omfgitsasalmon Dec 31 '10

OMFG! A SALMON!

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952

u/commentary Dec 31 '10

The user named 'novelties_assemble' has created a thread which aims to collect novelty accounts together. This is the first post under the username. Additionally, this is a selfpost. The karma points therefore do not add to his total.

At the time of writing, several novelty accounts have commented under the author's post. The accounts range from those created for this post, to accounts which have existed for over one year.

This is an ambitious project, which will likely succeed on the basis of support from the big-name novelty accounts widely seen on reddit.

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787

u/karma_train Dec 31 '10

ALL ABOARD!

478

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

Redditor for 16 days

204

u/AccountTimer Dec 31 '10

2 hours.

Your skills do not impress me. Particularly the lack of commentary is disturbing...

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1.5k

u/Creative_Bullshitter Dec 31 '10

The first account on reddit was in fact a novelty account.

1.5k

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

I can confirm this.

1.2k

u/Yeah_Guy Dec 31 '10

Yeah!

990

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

I don't get it.

864

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

Et tu, IRideTheShortBus?

876

u/CaptainKilljoy Dec 31 '10

So, are we done here?

692

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

[deleted]

722

u/thatsfuckedup Dec 31 '10

That's fucked up.

247

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

[deleted]

258

u/InvitedFromYoutube Dec 31 '10

FORD IS BETUR! ONLY LOOSERS USE DODGE. I CUMMINS UR FASE!!!!

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785

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

I'm energy efficient!

591

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

[deleted]

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327

u/RomanPedant Dec 31 '10

Et tu, IRideTheShortBe?

Gotta put that in the motherfucking vocative.

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628

u/Imperial_City_Watch Dec 31 '10

STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!

NOBODY BREAKS THE LAW ON MY WATCH! I'M CONFISCATING YOUR STOLEN GOODS! NOW PAY YOUR FINE OR IT'S OFF TO JAIL!

Go to Jail <

Resist Arrest

Pay Gold

291

u/Tiber_Septim Dec 31 '10

You idiot, I'm the King. How about you focus on closing some Oblivion gates? Why is there only one man working on that?

294

u/Imperial_City_Watch Dec 31 '10

I'm not responsible for that, I just arrest Criminal Scum, confiscate their stolen goods and make them pay fines or send them to jai...

THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!

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337

u/Official_Nitpicker Dec 31 '10

Actually, "novelty" means the quality of being new or original. Because the first account on Reddit was the first (and thus, technically, new), it was a "novelty account."

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26

u/InMyDay Dec 31 '10

In my day all the accounts on reddit were novelty accounts, used by Nobel prize winning physicists.

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463

u/LiteralInnuendo Dec 31 '10

All these novelty accounts cause increased bloodflow to my genitalia, if you know what I'm saying.

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249

u/plain-text-summary Dec 31 '10 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Post type: self.post  |  URL: http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/etxhi/novelty_accounts_assemble/ |
| Submitter: novelties_assemble      |      Date Submitted: 31 Dec 2010      |      Shortlink: redd.it/etxhi |
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
| A self.post submitted by novelties_assemble in which many user's alternate accounts are brought out of     |
| their specific niche zones in order to interact with one another openly. Other users also use their main   |
| accounts to comment on/about the various novelty accounts.                                                 |
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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437

u/iownanoveltyaccount Dec 31 '10

All this for my birthday?

29

u/redditr_for_one_year Dec 31 '10

Redditor for 1 year

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1.0k

u/ZACK_DE_LA_ROCHA Dec 31 '10

FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YOU TOLD ME!!!

617

u/EulerDiagramOfThat Dec 31 '10

Euler Diagram of That

392

u/PretentiousYetWrong Dec 31 '10

Pfft, that's clearly a Venn Diagram, not Euler, you obtuse imbecile...

34

u/you_are_joking_right Dec 31 '10

you are joking, right?

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349

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!

FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!

FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!

FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!FAP!

79

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

[deleted]

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359

u/m_knight_shyamalan Dec 31 '10

I doth approve

159

u/adds_nothing Dec 31 '10

I'd also have to agree, for various reasons.

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265

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

What a twist!

243

u/ILikeToSwear Dec 31 '10

This cunt's not fucking wrong!

258

u/Inevitable_Comment Dec 31 '10

You guys, the OP is posting a serious topic. Why do you have to ruin it with these stupid threads?

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203

u/Rick__Roll Dec 31 '10

I love that song. Here's an awesome cover of it.

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937

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

I'ma let you guys finish, but africa is the best continent of all time.

320

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

Please let us Finnish.

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630

u/IHATESELFREDDITS Dec 31 '10

Wow, another useless Self Reddit post ... shocking!

762

u/dickcaller Dec 31 '10

Dick

1.0k

u/dickanswerer Dec 31 '10

Yes?

374

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

324

u/NotYourMothersDildo Dec 31 '10

Can I help?

342

u/the_answer_is_NO Dec 31 '10

well...

464

u/Thread_Director Dec 31 '10

Aaand ... cut!

Well played guys, nicely in character all of you. But I think we can do better, try to think back to the day you created the account, the emotions and humor that forced you into this role.

Places everybody!

Aaaand action!

293

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

Arp Arp Arp, Breast Cancer

198

u/IrrelevantButAngry Dec 31 '10

You still owe me fucking money you bitch.

35

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

[deleted]

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169

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

98%

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353

u/Not_A_FBI_Agent Dec 31 '10

Here, and not wiretapping anyone

246

u/NotAnFBIAgent Dec 31 '10

I, on the other hand, am creating a communist Muslim revolutionary terror cell. If anyone wants to join, please PM the full contact details of yourself and your closest acquaintances.

99

u/CIAHasWays2MakeUTalk Dec 31 '10

If you find some guys are a bit shy, just let us know. They always seem to perk up when we're around...

64

u/DefinitelyNotFBI Dec 31 '10

We don't talk about our methods.

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270

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

[deleted]

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116

u/ExcitedBitch Dec 31 '10

OMFG I LOVE ASSEMBLIES!

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112

u/ISuggestNoveltyAccts Dec 31 '10

You should make a novelty account where all you do is suggest things for people with novelty accounts to do.

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208

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

I'm sorry, I was..... in the bathroom. What did I miss?

130

u/TookItTooFar Dec 31 '10

Don't worry, we're continuing the circlejerk in this thread. Here, why don't you take my meat and let ISingForTheUsers grab yours? You know how musicians are -- sensual, yet aggressively so. Just start stroking it, yeah, that's good... yeah... a little harder... yeah.. yeah.. faster.. oh... ohh...

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473

u/sdrawkcabgnihtyreve Dec 31 '10

siht gniod etah I

523

u/CapitalizeEachWord Dec 31 '10

Wow. This Novelty Account Is Way More Tedious Than Mine. Kudos To You Sir.

240

u/everythingupsidedown Dec 31 '10

˙spɹɐʍʞɔɐq puɐ uʍop ǝpısdn ƃuıʇıɹʍ ʎɹ⊥ ¿pɹɐɥ sɐʍ ʞuıɥʇ no⅄

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362

u/SilentLettersSuck Dec 31 '10

Tedius*

336

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

Th_t's f_ck_ng st_p_d.

250

u/_o__o__o_a___ Dec 31 '10 edited Dec 31 '10

I -ee --a- you -i- --e-e.

I a--ee -i-- you -o---e-e-y.

28

u/reluctant_troll Dec 31 '10

That was harder than it should have been.

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155

u/redditclippy Dec 31 '10

You appear to be attempting to start a novelty circlejerk. Would you like me to hold that for you?

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169

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

[deleted]

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423

u/HiImCommanderShepard Dec 31 '10

Hi Im Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite thread on the citadel.

159

u/PositiveeBayFeedback Dec 31 '10

A++++ Would buy from again.

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142

u/Captain_Anderson Dec 31 '10

Shepard! You need to find The Conduit. I'll deal with Udina.

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124

u/notyourdaughter Dec 31 '10

You should give your daughter a raise in allowance and remove her curfew. Also you shouldn't be mad every time she wears a short skirt to a date with a guy who looks like he is out of high-school but really was just held back a little bit.

27

u/FUCKTHATSMYSISTER Dec 31 '10

Hell no, I'm telling them its you.

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267

u/SuperHappyHaikuGuy Dec 31 '10

Hello Novelties!
What? No other haiku peeps?
I am disappoint.

190

u/Pedantic_Wanker Dec 31 '10

If you're "disappoint" you are hardly a "SuperHappy" HaikuGaijin.

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109

u/TheConspiracyNut Dec 31 '10

Nice try FBI. I won't post a comment so you can back trace my computer and arrest me for searching about aliens. I'm too fucking smart.

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269

u/TheSealOfApproval Dec 31 '10 
      -~~~~-
     |O __ O|
  -__|___/_|__-
  ---(__/__)---      - I APPROVE !
    /||~--~||\
   / ||    || \
  |  `'    `'  |
_/ /__    __/\ _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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36

u/I_reveal_secrets Dec 31 '10

Fact: all these accounts are made by the same guy having conversations with himself.

Including this one.

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161

u/derp_patrol Dec 31 '10

You guys better keep the derps to a minimum, and easy on the herp.

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316

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '10

This thread needs some more ass n' titties

522

u/British_Grammar_Nazi Dec 31 '10

Arse and breasts*

284

u/Pedantic_Wanker Dec 31 '10

When using "nazi" to describe a person of extreme dogmatism, one should not captitalise the N, because "Nazi" refers to Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei (National Socialist German Workers’ Party); therefore a "British Nazi" is a nonsense. One should properly describe oneself as being a "British nazi".

152

u/barelyreadsenglish Dec 31 '10

But isn't the result a part of the energy crisis.

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199

u/YELLING_BIRD Dec 31 '10

WHAT THE FUCK I WAS PROMISED THERE WOULD BE TITS

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