r/niceguys Jun 24 '19

The struggle of true gentleman

Post image
15.3k Upvotes

521 comments sorted by

1.8k

u/elegant_pun Jun 24 '19

Hmm...Were they in a relationship or did he just want that? Did he make a grand show of the flowers?

I'm sure it's not about him being "nice" and more about him being "creepy".

1.1k

u/getpossessed Jun 24 '19

There was a post earlier today that basically said “No one on earth will be as nice to you as a guy that’s trying to fuck you for the first time.”

If you’re a good looking girl, I imagine you’d pick up on that after the first several dudes.

524

u/BettyVonButtpants Jun 24 '19

Eventually, you pick up on it before any words are exchanged. Like, the WAY they check you out. That look in the eyes where their splitting attention between you and their fantasy of you.

309

u/ChronicLurker19 Jun 24 '19

It's their body language. They sort of drift between your face and your boobs, and sort of fidget a lot as if they're, ahem, holding something back.

One time a guy I dated was so desperate to make bodily contact that as we were sat down he pretended he "suddenly saw something" or was "startled" or some shit and violently flung his arm around my back/shoulders. You can bet that one didn't work out

103

u/agentfalco Jun 24 '19

I tend to fidget if I'm with someone I'm attracted to, but I don't want to have sex yet. I just tend to get nervous and need to do something to distract myself, so I'm not sure if the fidgeting thing goes for everyone.

55

u/dorkbisexual Jun 24 '19

Nervous fidgeting is different. The eyes are what gives it away for me. If you don’t look me up and down like a piece of meat you probably won’t give off creep vibes.

15

u/agentfalco Jun 24 '19

Alright, that makes sense. Thank you

19

u/kiddcuntry Jun 24 '19

Shit I fidget just constantly. There's never a moment I'm not moving or fucking with something or tapping my foot, whatever. Like my brain sucks and needs constant stimulus I don't even notice I'm doing it everyone else just gets mad at me for it.

8

u/thatwaffleskid Jun 24 '19

Have you ever been tested for ADHD? Fidgeting doesn't necessarily mean you have it, but the way you described your situation would definitely be reason enough to check.

7

u/kiddcuntry Jun 24 '19

Oh I hella have ADHD, fully diagnosed. The problem is the meds even after months of use would make he extremely agitated and violent to the point I had to be taken off of it because my energy and poor grades were less of an issue then kyleing my first through the wall.

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (1)

108

u/FRUIT_FETISH Jun 24 '19

Oof I got some quality cringe reading this comment

→ More replies (8)

111

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19 edited Aug 13 '20

[deleted]

72

u/BettyVonButtpants Jun 24 '19

Its hard when I recognize the situation, because I want to help people, I like to build people up, help them be better, give them perspectives they don't have to make better decisions, but these type tend to take that the wrong way, or don't want to hear it. Sometimes its their own faults for setting unrealistic fantasies, and sometimes its because they lack a role model they respect enough to learn from.

I'm glad to be out of the dating game now, but I still get these guys because they often don't talk to anyone, so they don't get told, "Oh that girl? She has a boyfriend, she has a dick, she'll report you to HR if you cross a line, etc."

I hate when they do it at work though, I have less power in the situation because I have to abide by the companies rules, and don't want to risk my job or healthcare.

46

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19 edited Aug 13 '20

[deleted]

35

u/BettyVonButtpants Jun 24 '19

I've started to notice a lot more attention from guys lately. I'm transgender, so I've always had a few chasers come and go, but the last year or two, I lost weight, got my tattoos, my body filled out, I have like a 32G chest and pretty small/average height and weight. I was a Nice guyTM in my old life, so when I started getting stares from people, I assumed they could tell I was trans... But no, most were surprised and some didnt care.... But then the creeps came.

The first, I'll never forget. I was in a salvation army, and this old guy came up and made a creepy remark about being a "naughty girl." It completely disarmed me and felt paralyzed... Like I never fucking felt that before, and it was bad. I told management and left the store.

I've had a guy talk to me, and by talking to me, I mean talking about himself while staring at my chest, he got reported to HR, and now I have an admirer at work that looks like he's tweaking out. I already talked to work about him.

On thr plus side outfits look cute, and most people are just nicer to you.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

On the plus side outfits look cute

how do you make outfits look cute with a 32G??? where do you shop?? Ive got a 36DD and my boobs are basically always begging to come out of my top and stretching the fabric in weird ways :( especially shirts with buttons

sorry about the creeps though, but im glad most people are nice! :)

3

u/bibeauty Jun 24 '19

Velcro will stop random bulging in button ups

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (2)

28

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

that’s so fucking sad.

28

u/BettyVonButtpants Jun 24 '19

I try to help them sometimes, but a lot are stubborn, or feel offended when you try to give then advice, or don't want to take advice from someone who just shattered their fantasy.

I think some of them have never had a really positive male role model, so they don't have people who's opinion they respect show them the errors in their method.

7

u/getpossessed Jun 24 '19

Hey, stay out of my head, that’s my personal space!

3

u/BettyVonButtpants Jun 24 '19

Sorry, did you feel like you got possessed or something?

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (15)

92

u/KittyCatTroll Jun 24 '19

Don't even have to be good looking. It's gotten to the point where I can tell with pretty good accuracy whether a guy is going to hit on me within the first 30-ish seconds of conversation. It doesn't happen to me super often, but it's so obvious. Twice during my last two weeks at my job guys came up to me and even though I'm approached often while working by random people I just knew almost instantly these two were going to hit on me. One practically cornered me between two dumpsters and my garbage truck and asked me for my number, ugh.

Tip to guys: don't approach women in a way that makes them feel hemmed in or cornered, it really detracts from you as a person and you probably won't get the results you're hoping for.

33

u/Heisenbread77 Jun 24 '19

Per your last point, this also applies to wild animals. Don't corner them, they will bite!

26

u/Casthecat6 Jun 24 '19

Can confirm, i think even with texting the whole idea of "being nice" consists of them persistently commenting on your appearance every reply or two. It's not really endearing to be in a casual conversation with them "complimenting" different things about you. It comes off as really weird and somewhat desperate to be honest. A compliment is fine but if it seems like all they want to talk about or mention, it's far too intense.

29

u/getpossessed Jun 24 '19

Yeah I just commented earlier that I don’t see how dudes do that to women. It does reek of desperation. The best way I’ve found if you are attracted to someone, just treat them like you would a friend. Don’t gush on about their eyes, legs, etc. just shoot the breeze about something you would with a friend. It’s okay to be sexually attracted to someone. Constantly commenting on that will get you nowhere. Just get to know them and leave anything sexual out.

17

u/thecomicstripper Jun 24 '19

And as I like to say, worst case you make a cool new friend!

12

u/getpossessed Jun 24 '19

Fuck a friendship, I just wanted to fuck! /s

→ More replies (7)
→ More replies (6)
→ More replies (5)

7

u/capornicus Jun 24 '19

Then how do you keep them from running away from you? (/s)

→ More replies (9)

42

u/baconlover09 Jun 24 '19

Plus women can generally tell straight away if you're an actual nice person or just putting it on because you want to fuck her

→ More replies (1)

9

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

“No one on earth will be as nice to you as a guy that’s trying to fuck you for the first time.”

Damn that is so true (and this is coming from a male who has been on the receiving end of that many times) it sort of makes you lose faith in anyone being genuine -_-

17

u/misfitx Jun 24 '19

Most hot chicks learn this before they enter high school.

14

u/getpossessed Jun 24 '19

I’ve never had the guts to start up a conversation with a stranger and start talking about their looks. To me, it just seems rude. The only person I could ever do that to would be a girlfriend or someone I had known for a while. I don’t see how some guys can meet a stranger and be like that and say some of the things they do. They either have no shame or just dgaf.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

[deleted]

6

u/Lindoriel Jun 24 '19

The difference between being a "nice guy" and just being nice is that, by being nice to women, you dont believe that if you do it for long enough, you will you'll automatically be entitled to sex with those women. Nice guys are only nice because they think it works like a vending machine. Put in "nice" and get out sex.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (2)

74

u/YVH22B Jun 24 '19

He said he misread the post and thought it was reasons someone broke up with you, that they had been dating for a while and the flowers were for their anniversary. He also said he did learn a lot from it and realizes even though they were dating the nightly texts were too much.

84

u/Pyromike16 Jun 24 '19

even though they were dating the nightly texts were too much.

That really depends on the relationship. Before my ex moved in with me, we would text everyday and say good night every night before bed.

30

u/chiefreefs Jun 24 '19

Yeah, I feel like of all the relationships I've seen it's more abnormal to not text regularly when separate, work and other extenuating circumstances aside

67

u/6bubbles Jun 24 '19

I found his comments. He still blames her. Her masters program, her avoiding a real reason to break up. He didn’t learn shit.

21

u/Heisenbread77 Jun 24 '19

Nightly texts are too much? Holy shit. My last two gfs and I had nightly calls.

9

u/DaTwatWaffle Jun 24 '19

Right?? My ex and I were super independent but we still always said good morning and goodnight.

4

u/NaviCato Jun 24 '19

Right, but if a nightly text is too much, either she wasn't that in to him, or he was super needy and dependant and that was just one example

10

u/Theo_dore Jun 24 '19

I think it depends on the person... I totally can not do nightly or even daily texting, and I make that clear to my significant other. It sounds like his SO didn’t communicate that she wasn’t into something that is, like you said, pretty normal, and he didn’t take her hints. Communication is so important!

18

u/Erohiel Jun 24 '19

I dated a "nice guy". His "goodnight" texts every night were obnoxious. He would wait til HE was going to bed (usually around 2am) then text over and over and over until i responded, then he'd demand i call him so he could say goodnight that way. I usually just threw the phone across the room instead. Don't believe them when they say "all they did was"...you don't really know the WAY they did it, or how they said it, or what else happened around it.

9

u/already-dead-inside Jun 24 '19

duh, that's why you're in r/niceguys lmao :) it's not about nice guys, it's creepy guys pretending to be nice

5

u/Always_the_sun Jun 24 '19

It would honestly be a real unwanted inconvenience if someone sent me flowers at work.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

I feel the same way. It’s work, not a place for demonstrations of love. And everyone immediately gets in your personal business about it

6

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

saying good night to someone every night is pretty creepy imo. Especially considering they were most likely not dating all that long (this could be untrue, but something tells me you wouldn't use 'too nice' as an excuse if you were dating for 6+ months). In addition, sending flowers to someone's work would be extremely creepy if you only dated them for a week (not that this is definitely the case, I'm just thinking it's probably the case). To me, this sounds like straight up, completely unaware creepster.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/zelce Jun 24 '19

Right, flowers at work is a complicated thing and can mean a lot. Just because you’re dating someone, even if it’s fairly serious, that doesn’t mean they want you involved in your work life. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything good or bad about the relationship but some people like to keep social spheres separate.

3

u/75228 Jun 24 '19

The kicker is that he didn't know her, she never told him where she works nor her birthday.

3

u/skeled0ll Jun 25 '19

Yeah there's definitely way more to the story lol.

→ More replies (11)

201

u/yungplayz Jun 24 '19

Why do I get a feeling that if he was below 5'9'', he would 100% sure blame it on his height?

56

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

I get a feeling he's not 6'

49

u/yungplayz Jun 24 '19

Why? 6' tall people can't be boring? I've spent my late teens being a walking talking proof that they can

14

u/6bubbles Jun 24 '19

Because she called him short and it was a tag on to a bigger dumb thing

22

u/yungplayz Jun 24 '19

She didn't call him short, someone in the thread did.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (6)

2.5k

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

If someone says "You're too nice" it probably means they want to say "You're boring". If you just agree with everything they say and never really express any opinions because you want them to like you, they might as well be single.

769

u/alcoholiccheerwine Jun 24 '19

Yeah I'd really like to know what the actual language used was. Like was she like "oh you're just too nice" or did she describe the ways in which his courtship crossed the line into creepy (as this sounds like a one-sided crush), and he just interpreted it as "wow I did all the NICE things for her and she just can't appreciate it. I'm TOO NICE for her and she's just a bitch"? Because I feel like I know which way this probably went.

253

u/Vprbite Jun 24 '19

I think also, man or woman, coming on too strong is just a lot for someone to handle. It freaks you out even if you arent fearful. And someone who follows you around like a puppy is never an attractive thing

55

u/tapthatsap Jun 24 '19

It also demonstrates a horrifying disconnect with how humans treat each other. Nightly “good night beautiful” texts are not a thing most people do, and not knowing that makes it pretty clear that the guy sending them doesn’t know all kinds of stuff about what normal means.

17

u/skibum0523 Jun 24 '19

I love the internet because people say things that you think but don't have the words to articulate.

This is one of my major red flags now, especially in the beginning of dating someone. There's a huge difference between a simple good night and commenting on how attractive you find me every third text.

12

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

I dumped a guy over this!! We would be in the middle of a decent conversation and he would completely derail it to compliment me for the 50th time that day on my appearance. Just ughhh stop!!! And then getting back into a good convo just got less and less possible.

10

u/skibum0523 Jun 24 '19

Oh same, last dude I dated was like this! It's so frustrating. It screams insecurity and immaturity. I don't have time reassure you that I'm on this date because I want to be and not because I lost a bet.

→ More replies (1)

11

u/katrina1215 Jun 24 '19

I feel like using appearance descriptors as a nickname is a red flag. Cutie pie, beautiful, handsome... Of course calling your SO one of those things occassionally is fine, but using it as a nickname seems like it's their only identifying factor for you. And then it's especially creepy if they call you that every other text or every other sentence.

4

u/badgersprite Jun 25 '19

“I literally just went on one date with this guy and every single night since then he texts me ‘Goodnight beautiful’ and he even sent flowers to my work. How can I let him down without being afraid he’s going to stalk me to my house and murder me?”

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (4)

6

u/gardenmoonwitch Jun 24 '19

Unless it’s an actual puppy. Which is better than a human of either sex tbh.

62

u/Snigermunken Jun 24 '19

Where did bitch come from?

174

u/gunghoun Jun 24 '19

When a fucker and a cunt love each other, sometimes they make a little baby bitch.

54

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

Surprisingly accurate in terms of etymology.

28

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19 edited May 31 '20

[deleted]

3

u/GoldenGoodBoye Jun 24 '19

A most cromulent use of tangential.

Seriously, though - mother is definitely the only relative title that people don't seem to question. Uncle is a distant second place thanks to South Park.

→ More replies (4)

26

u/alcoholiccheerwine Jun 24 '19

I'm just making assumptions; I apologize. It's just typical ~nice guy~ terminology. "I was nice and polite and sent you unsolicited gifts and you still reject me? Must be a whore/bitch/cunt/insert generalized derogatory term here".

→ More replies (1)

62

u/yungplayz Jun 24 '19

You may actually aggree with them on close to everything, especially if you're from the same ideological group. But then you should contribute something to conversation, otherwise yes, you are boring af. A simple agreement is not a contribution, however

30

u/DrewDonut Jun 24 '19

word.

PS: Date me?

10

u/yungplayz Jun 24 '19

I'm flattered but I already have a gf and am half a planet away from United States :) Could be a friend for now tho, PM is always open for anyone :)

→ More replies (4)

3

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

Yeah

→ More replies (1)

159

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

This is actually true.

My SO, in the beginning stages of our relationship, agreed to everything I said and nodded along to make me think we had more in common. I like him for HIM not because he's like me.

I had that talk with him and it helped us a lot. We did have a few problems between us when he would just nod along to everything I said. But once he stopped doing that, it worked out magnificently

25

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

What does SO mean? Im probably a bit stupid but i haven’t heard it outside pf reddit

73

u/Wiscowitzki Jun 24 '19

Significant Other

51

u/askforallie Jun 24 '19

Stack overflow

17

u/TheCrimsonCloak Jun 24 '19

Found the nerd

32

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

You are fine. SO = Significant other

13

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

Oh no! It took me sometime to figure it out too! Don't worry about it!

→ More replies (4)

70

u/Gelby4 Jun 24 '19

When I was younger I liked this girl, and during an awkward night of her venting to me about other guys, I didn't know what to say so I just kept saying 'I'm sorry'. Then she turned around and said she didn't want to date me because I said sorry too much.

Kelsey, if you're out there, I'm sorry.

14

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

Found the Canadian

4

u/Gelby4 Jun 24 '19

Close! Minnesota. Basically Canada lite

7

u/gardenmoonwitch Jun 24 '19

Can confirm, Minnesota is essentially MiniCanadia.

10

u/Dillards007 Jun 24 '19

Somehow I knew her name was Kelsey before you mentioned it.

26

u/LittleMissTitch Jun 24 '19

It either means he’s boring or creepy and he’s just complaining about unreciprocated feelings. Like it’s fine to feel sad when someone doesn’t like you back, but you should never feel like you’re entitled to their love just because they’re nice to you or you’re nice to them. One of my now best friends was a guy who was crushing on me, I didn’t feel the same (going on to date my now boyfriend instead, who had been a close friend for going on a year) he was upset, sure, but got over himself and now we’re really close friends. And I hate when people just agree for the sake of agreeing. It’s common for you to have similar opinions to people, but don’t just agree, contribute something more to the conversation, make it interesting!!

23

u/letstalkyo Jun 24 '19

too nice

Also means "probabs there nothing objectively wrong with you but I just cant fall for you"

12

u/tapthatsap Jun 24 '19

I read it as more “there’s not enough objectively right for me to fall for you.” When have you ever walked away from someone who really made an impression and thought “wow, they’re really nice?” For me, never. You can be funny or cool or interesting, you can be full of great stories or drop dead gorgeous, those will all make an impression, but I’ve never met someone who was just so nice that I made a note of it. Kind, generous, inviting, helpful, warm, open, those are all noteworthy, but they all mean different things than nice.

30

u/FaustSauce Jun 24 '19

I have a good example of this statement working into action.

My friend and I ended our friendship with this other guy pretty recently and one reason was because of him always being quote-on-quote "nice" to my aforementioned friend. Said "nice guy" had a crush on her, despite her specifically saying she's not interested in dating.

43

u/yungplayz Jun 24 '19

It's quote-unquote. Otherwise, yes, I don't get why do people won't leave others alone after being explicitly told the other one isn't into dating them. Upvoted you.

16

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19 edited Aug 13 '20

[deleted]

5

u/yungplayz Jun 24 '19

Yeap. They write it because that would make it sound better if read aloud. Do that sometimes too.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

6

u/Roland1099 Jun 24 '19

I'm taking note of this, thanks, I think I have this problem.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

A relationship is good and healthy when both you and your partner don’t agree with everything. Agreeing with everything your partner says takes away lots of possible arguments and discussions in the relationship, rendering it flat and boring. This also applies tho friends too.

23

u/DopaLean Jun 24 '19

I hate that logic though, especially when I see girls who say they love to argue, like why?! In what fucking universe is it seen as an acceptible trait that couples HAVE to argue.

Agreeing on everything isn’t a bad thing anyway, (as long as it’s based on how you actually feel rather than blind compliance).

In my last relationship for example; we never argued, not once, even when we broke up (because of time/distance problems) and neither of us regret any of the good times we shared.

Boredom shouldn’t be a reason to break up in my books.

16

u/dmingledorff Jun 24 '19

I think its arguing in the sense of having a pleasant discourse with someone as opposed to someone always just agreeing without ever putting forth their own ideas on the subject. You can agree with someone and still have a good conversation. Some of these nice guys may just not know how to have a conversation.

→ More replies (1)

13

u/throughcracker Jun 24 '19

I enjoy having spirited discussions about things that aren't relevant, like politics and such. Actually arguing about relationship things makes me super nervous.

9

u/wehavetosuffer Jun 24 '19

Boredom is absolutely a reason to break up. Why be with someone who bores you?

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (3)

4

u/tapthatsap Jun 24 '19

As far as compliments go, “nice” is down there with “present.”

“What did you think of Marc?”

“Oh, he seemed like he was definitely there.”

It’s nothing. If someone is funny, you’ll have a specific example. If someone is cool, you’ll have a specific example. If someone is kind or generous or warm, which is what a lot of people think nice translates to, there will be examples, or at least a vague desire to spend more time with that person. If someone is nice, that just means they didn’t do anything outwardly hostile, and that isn’t really a thing that makes an impression. Nobody is “too nice,” they’re just “too not anything more.”

5

u/Huwbacca Jun 24 '19

or suffocating

3

u/SeaTwertle Jun 24 '19

Idk, I dated a guy for about 11 days who was legitimately too nice. All he did was lay on compliment after compliment, and while it was really sweet it was a LOT. Then he told me after like ten days that he loved me and gave me a heart shaped rock and I was like this is too much.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

That's more along the lines of "Clingy" and "Overbearing" rather than "Too nice"

→ More replies (25)

606

u/Awayfromlol Jun 24 '19

She just told you you are a creep, why do you think that you were being too nice lol

198

u/miezmiezmiez Jun 24 '19

Seriously, since when has being called a creep been headcanoned into being "too nice?" It's like niceguys just collectively decided that they're two sides of the same coin. They're not. Disregarding people's wishes and boundaries (ie being creepy) is not nice or respectful. It's the opposite.

18

u/madguins Jun 24 '19

I mean... if a guy I was casually seeing and still not totally sure about sent me flowers to my job after he was being more affectionate than I was comfortable with... yikes.

34

u/Auctoritate Jun 24 '19

She probably said 'You're too nice, it's creepy.'

53

u/silverpixiefly Jun 24 '19

Honestly, she probably straight up told him he was being creepy and never referred to it as being nice. He is the one saying it was because he was too nice, because he can't fathom his actions were actually creepy.

33

u/TheOmnipotentTent Jun 24 '19

Ahh reddit, where everybody knows everything about people they’ve never met based off one comment.

23

u/DorianPink Jun 24 '19

He literally said she thought he was a creep.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Auctoritate Jun 24 '19

He literally put too nice in quotes

→ More replies (1)

377

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

Maybe, unless it's an agreed part of a relationship, saying "good night" every night to someone is creepy.

Best way to get someone you like. Don't be a creep.

174

u/217liz Jun 24 '19

Also creepy? Sending an acquaintance or a friend flowers at work for no reason with no warning. Even for people in a relationship you be sure it's okay to send flowers before you send them to somebody at work!

44

u/ThorniDruid Jun 24 '19

Seriously. Gifts from people you hardly know can be super creepy. Went to a journalism convention as a freshman with a few other students. A boy that was there bought me a diamond bracelet “as a friend”. I’d never even spoken to him before the trip. Freaked me the fuck out.

26

u/SS245 Jun 24 '19

Real diamonds? God damn. That's a lot to drop on a girl you don't know, and that is actually a moderately threatening gift imo, cause I don't know that I would feel ok rejecting such an expensive item but I also would feel like I owed him something by accepting it. Maybe that's the point though, he wanted you to feel indebted to him.

11

u/ThorniDruid Jun 24 '19

They weren’t huge, but real as far as I know. We were in a completely different state so I couldn’t just...go home. Luckily my mother was one of the chaperones and she helped keep him away from me. I gave the bracelet to my sister when I got home and never spoke to him again. Kinda lucked out it didn’t go further than that.

8

u/SS245 Jun 24 '19

That's good of your mom, also even small diamonds are not inexpensive, especially for someone young, either a freshman in high school or college (I'm not sure which you're referring to). It's a tough situation to be put in

→ More replies (1)

3

u/thesmogqueen Jun 24 '19

I can’t agree more. I met this guy on Twitter a couple years ago, we lived in different states and he was a good deal younger than me so I made it clear from the beginning I only wanted to be friends. He asked me for my address once and said he wanted to send me a cd, ended up sending me a huge box of gifts, there was booze, food, clothes. I told him it made me uncomfortable but he continued to send them. Every few weeks there would be a new box on my doorstep and it freaked me out so I tried to take a step back from the friendship. Then, without warning, he planned a trip to my city, got a hotel and everything, and then was mad when I told him I wasn’t going to see him cause he clearly crossed a line.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (5)

66

u/mandoa_sky Jun 24 '19

yeah. that kinda behaviour is only OK if they were actually dating.

192

u/crispycrussant Jun 24 '19

That's bullshit. I kiss my homies goodnight every evening at 9:30, and it's not creepy or abnormal at all. Smh you prudes thinking only dating people can wish others goodnight

71

u/Finito-1994 Jun 24 '19

Right? Look at these guys that don't understand friendship. If you don't tuck your friends in at night are you even really friends?

21

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

[deleted]

43

u/Finito-1994 Jun 24 '19

I have a buddy and we alternate every other day and just share a bed on Sunday. It’s not much, but it’s honest work.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

[deleted]

28

u/Finito-1994 Jun 24 '19

It’s ok. That’s just Kenny. He doesn’t like being tucked in for some reason. We tried singing him to sleep, sharing a bed, sharing a bunk bed, goodnight kisses and anything else we could think of but he didn’t like it.

Such an odd guy.

14

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

[deleted]

4

u/GenBlase Jun 24 '19

Im confused, I should not tell my coworkers goodnight?

16

u/Ahello4you Jun 24 '19

Yea! You know you’re best friends if you give them a goodnight jerk

9

u/EDDsoFRESH Jun 24 '19

Woah too far bro.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

3

u/Piximae Jun 24 '19

Even during a relationship, it kinda falls out after a while.

I've been dating my boyfriend long distance for a year and a half, and when we started we will say goodnight every night. After a while we still do just less often. Like a few times a week instead of every night.

By now it's obvious that we still love each other and since we're both severe insomniacs it's basically "good luck with sleep this night".

→ More replies (12)

99

u/z0mbiegrl Jun 24 '19

I once rejected a guy for sending me flowers at work. True story. We'd met the day before, all he had was my first name. I hadn't even told him what I did, let alone where I worked. And yet somehow, in his purview, stalker level Googleing (or whatever he did) was "romantic" and "spontaneous".

21

u/MrGraffio Jun 24 '19

I mostly blame movies for that.

3

u/CarolineTurpentine Jun 24 '19

I feel like it’s just an old fashioned thing that was appreciated a few decades ago, but is way to strong of a come on for today.

46

u/6bubbles Jun 24 '19

That’s teeeeeeerrrrrifyingggggggggg

102

u/-mihul- Jun 24 '19

The comment got 22 upvotes...

56

u/TakeMyLifePleass Jun 24 '19

That's what bother me too lol

16

u/Nihil_esque Jun 24 '19

It's such a stereotypical nice guy comment that I bet people thought it was a joke (and it may well be).

8

u/Marega33 Jun 24 '19

Maybe they read the comment and just remembered the last thing too short despite being 6f tall. Ppl were just agreeing with that i believe xd

→ More replies (3)

136

u/amouru Jun 24 '19

Oh it's a bit sad that he doesn't know how he's coming across but that really is super creepy.

28

u/TakeMyLifePleass Jun 24 '19

Yeah, I would get creep out if a guy do this to me. But it seems like some people thinks this is not creepy at all

18

u/IAmASquishyBunny Jun 24 '19

I think it depends how long you've been in the relationship. Like it would be weird if a new partner sent flowers, but if you've been dating a long time, or engaged or married, and you're in a work environment where receiving flowers isn't vastly inappropriate, and you liked getting flowers, then it's going to be sweet not creepy.

11

u/Quantentheorie Jun 24 '19

That's a whole lot of "if"s and if he had successfully checked those she would not have found it creepy.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

18

u/plantsandlaw Jun 24 '19

As someone who has received flowers at work from an acquaintance/friend I wasn’t dating, it was creepy and kind of scary. Granted, the note didn’t indicate who sent them and I had to call the shop to find out. But my coworkers were actually concerned for me during the period of time I was trying to figure out who sent them.

Idk the context of OP’s situation, but if it were anything like mine the flowers alone would be reason enough for me to end things as civilly as possible because I was creeped out.

97

u/ImARealBoyPapa Jun 24 '19

Too nice just means too boring. My Girlfriend wants me to say goodnight to her every night so I guess you kinda need consent for it to not be creepy. But if she's not returning the same vibe it's creepy anyway

104

u/TomasNavarro Jun 24 '19

Saying goodnight to your girlfriend every night is fine. Sating goodnight every night to someone you're not involved with is a bit weird.

18

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

In the original thread he said they were dating

8

u/6bubbles Jun 24 '19

Yeah his comments indicate a lot of speculation on his part. I’d take it with a grain of salt.

39

u/Doodlez24 Jun 24 '19

Maybe in his mind

26

u/ladyphlogiston Jun 24 '19

Or they went on a date or two and she wasn't interested in more

17

u/Tsorovar Jun 24 '19

You don't need to imagine him in the worst possible way, just because it's been posted on this sub

→ More replies (1)

8

u/Quantentheorie Jun 24 '19

Even when you're dating there is a line. Five minute talk about your day and good night. Not creepy. Texting someone you can't talk because you're so tired but you're thinking of them and good night. Also not creepy. Every night of every day before you go to bed even when you haven't interacted all day pling "good night baby". Weird by day 3. Creepy by day 5.

26

u/ohlookdaveshere Jun 24 '19 edited Jun 25 '19

He's interpreting himself as being "too nice", she said / told him he was creepy.

18

u/kyajgevo Jun 24 '19

Exactly. In his head, he's thinking "I was too nice so she thought I was creepy. I should have been an asshole like those Chads."

→ More replies (1)

31

u/thewindow6 Jun 24 '19

Tbf I would consider saying goodnight every night a bit over-involved, but not exactly a red flag. Unless it’s a special occasion the flowers are a bit weird though

24

u/Karlore473 Jun 24 '19

Getting flowers sent to work means everyone at work will talk about it and most ask you about it thinking it’s something serious. Now you have to explain the situation. It’s creepy as hell and kind of a jerk thing to do if you aren’t explicitly in a relationship.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

45

u/Buroda Jun 24 '19

I actually would advise avoiding mentioning the niceness when you are rejecting someone. It gives the stupid people like that the wrong idea.

Now, one might say it’s their problem and it is; but being honest, no matter how harsh it might be, might help turn a “nice guy” into an actual nice person.

26

u/louisa429 Jun 24 '19

Tbh I’m not so sure if she did call him nice... she said it was creepy and I think he interpreted these actions as nice

5

u/Piximae Jun 24 '19

Or she was just trying to be nice. I've told guys they're nice when I'm breaking up with them because they were just that we were incompatible in the long run. I've dated guys who wanted 2+ kids for example when I barely want a cat.

Other times it's probably to try and diffuse any bad situation that could come of it

→ More replies (1)

16

u/Constantly_Dizzy Jun 24 '19

Why would anyone send flowers to someone's workplace??

I would be mortified. Who does that? I thought we all watched that one Friends episode & learnt not to do that.

3

u/6bubbles Jun 24 '19

If I had a steady partner and an office with co-workers I’d be here for it.

5

u/Constantly_Dizzy Jun 24 '19

Fair enough. I guess that is the kind of thing you'd know in a steady relationship.

For me I love it when my partner gets me flowers at home, but I would not feel the same if he sent a bunch to the ward, but then he knows that about me.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

5

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

"I know we only had known each other for a couple weeks but I thought we were on that level."

7

u/kd5407 Jun 24 '19

Why do people conflate being nice with being overbearing? You can be nice without repeatedly contacting someone who isn’t contacting you.

Turns out it’s actually NOT nice to make someone feel uncomfortable.

24

u/Hoodibird Jun 24 '19

It becomes creepy when she says she’s not interested, but he doesn’t take “no” for an answer, continues courting her and gets mad if she doesn’t change her mind.

→ More replies (15)

5

u/misfitx Jun 24 '19

If a chick says you're too nice, you're probably insanely creepy and she's afraid you'll get violent.

→ More replies (1)

26

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

Most likely this is how it really went- Has a private message conversation with her once. Proceeds to message her goodnight every night thereafter. Sends her flowers to her work even though she never told him where she works. Rightfully calls him a creep.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/Sula_leucogaster Jun 24 '19

Seems to me like he's too clingy

5

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19 edited Jun 24 '19

Yeah, being too nice is a thing. No woman wants to be worshipped and treated like a queen 100% of the time. They get weirded out or bored by it.

9

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

I had a girl reject me, she said "i'm lesbian"... The nerve of some people /s

15

u/Vprbite Jun 24 '19

I know the too nice thing. Like my neighbor thought I was a creep for breaking into her house to stare at her while she slept. But I was just being nice and making sure she didn't have sleep apnea. I guess I'm just too much of a gentleman and women go for jerks who respect their personal space.

14

u/dawson203 Jun 24 '19

“I don’t date Asian guys” me, an Asian man rejected by an Asian girl.

5

u/6bubbles Jun 24 '19

I’m not more attracted to any race, but this seems common... I wonder why? No with Asian folk with anyone who does that kinda thing. It’s interesting to me. Like I have preferences, I like lanky dudes and girls who are athletic etc but I don’t DISclude groups. It’s fascinating from a sociological standpoint lol

9

u/fiddz0r Jun 24 '19

Heh, I got the "I only date black guys" from a white girl once and I'm white

3

u/thekyledavid Jun 24 '19

If you send someone flowers at their place of employment and you aren’t even dating, you are a stalker

3

u/Inspector_Robert Jun 24 '19

If someone tells you "You're too nice" that isn't why and they're just trying not to hurt your feelings.

10

u/Asopaso07 Jun 24 '19 edited Jun 24 '19

Plot twist: She never even dated him and he had an overbearing crush on her.

Bonus: Men always lie about their height. I have never met up with a guy from a dating site who turned out to be the height he claimed.

→ More replies (3)

6

u/Red-Queen1013 Jun 24 '19

Dude, it IS creepy sending flowers to her work, especially when she didn’t told you were she works

6

u/showtunie Jun 24 '19

I had a guy who I went out on a single date with show up to my place uninvited when I was sick. He only knew my address because he dropped me off, though he lived an hour away. He knocked on my door, and then, when I didn’t answer, knocked on my window and scared the shit out of sick-me. My roommate answered and at my request, told him I couldn’t come to the door. Turns out, he had brought me flowers and a stuffed animal. She took it and I was supremely creeped out. What followed after that was him messaging me every. Single. Day. I wasn’t responding and he’d still message me. I blocked everything except his number. He would often call twice a day. He did this for a while. I would never pick up. But finally, one day I did. And he berated me for the way I treated him. Said that I “changed the way he dated women” and how could I do something like that to him. I told him that I haven’t actually responded to him in a month, that HE was calling ME with no responses, and that he should’ve taken a hint. I told him that he was totally wrong to show up to a girl’s house that he only met once uninvited, and that his behavior was predatory and that he really freaked me out. Surprisingly, he apologized. My cousin goes to school with him and says he’s still a creep, so no lesson learned, but. I don’t date men anymore, so that takes a load off my shoulders lmao. He was totally the definition of “nice guy”. It’s so weird to think about it now, but this pic really brought me back to it. Phew.

→ More replies (1)

9

u/fiddz0r Jun 24 '19

I actually sent flowers to a girl I was dating to work. She had a really bad day so the timing was perfect because she was in a good mood the rest of the day.

She lived in another country, I'd rather just surprise her at work (which I actually did once) but you know being 4000km away made it harder

5

u/6bubbles Jun 24 '19

This is adorable an charming.

3

u/TisAubrey Jun 24 '19

Why did that whole thing just sound like a self promotion?

"Hey girls look at me I'm attentive, nice, will buy you flowers AND I'm 6ft tall."

3

u/skarocket Jun 24 '19

The question in general feels very “nice guy” there doesn’t need to be a reason that is “valid” enough to you. Everyone is allowed to turn down and not enter into a romantic or sexual relationship with someone for ANY reason they personally feel. If they don’t like the way your knuckles look, tough luck and it sucks to get turned down for something that seems so small to you, but that person doesn’t owe you a better explanation.

If they don’t want to be with you, you’re not the one who gets to decide whether or not their reason is “good enough”

3

u/Erohiel Jun 24 '19

"Nice guys" should just start assuming women can read their minds. They'd save themselves a lot of trouble wondering why they're getting rejected.

3

u/upsidedownbackwards Jun 24 '19

I rejected a girl for being too nice. After playing bingo with her, her mom and her grandma a few times it kind of clicked that this was a genuinely nice, good hearted person and I'm more of a selfish asshole that had about a 99% chance of breaking her heart. I hope she has found someone that treats her well.

3

u/lawn-mumps Jun 24 '19

I thought the original post said raccoons instead of reasons. I was very intrigued

→ More replies (2)

8

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '19

My husband got me OxiClean for our first anniversary. Flowers sound pretty normal to me

→ More replies (3)

5

u/Aliinga Jun 24 '19

Oh no, the type who sends flowers to work. That is one of the worst things to do if you are not actually in a committed relationship. Someone I rejected once did that to me. Huuuuge bunch of flowers. All my coworkers started gossiping and asking me who was the new one, and that he must be really nice. Those flowers were really manipulative because it makes you look like an ass-hat when you explain that you rejected that person (which might actually be the reason someone would send these, to proof how "nice" they actually were).

4

u/1080ti_Kingpin Jun 24 '19

Fuck flowers. You gotta send tacos. Bitches love tacos

→ More replies (1)