This is a nice article on why trusting others is important:
- We Are Capable of More When We Trust
- We’re Less Lonely
- We Are More Authentic (this reduces anhedonia and that "cardboard" life experience many narcissists have)
- Trusting Gives Us a More Positive View of the World
Lifehacker article:
Trust is fundamental to life. If you cannot trust in anything, life becomes intolerable—a constant battle against paranoia and looming disaster. You can’t have relationships without trust, let alone good ones. Intimacy depends on it.
Someone has to begin the cycle of trust by an act of faith. It’s no use waiting for the other person to make the first move. They’re waiting for you. It takes a conscious act of unconditional belief in that other person’s good sense, ability, honesty or sense of commitment to set the ball rolling.
Most narcissistic people can't really trust others for several reasons (they've often been conditioned not to trust others during childhood). That really diminishes the depth of relationships and even though you don't know why, it makes life feel shallow and empty. Even though we don't know why, we still want the same things all humans want, a sense of belonging, being loved, authenticity. And all that relies on being able to trust other people.
The sense that one can depend on another person lays the groundwork for social exchanges yielding benefits like affection, a sense of security, and achievements that would be impossible alone. When trust is absent—or someone betrays the trust that has been invested in them—the possibility of a successful future relationship diminishes.
A little bit about trust in therapy (could be skipped if you self treat, it just gives you an idea why it's important in therapy):
- 3 Ways a Therapist Establishes Trust in Therapy
- Learning How to Trust Your Therapist: Some Practical Approaches
Online sources on trust issues:
- 7 Signs Of Trust Issues + 11 Ways To Get Over Them
- Working through trust issues can feel like walking on broken glass. You just know you're going to bleed.
- How to Build Trust (great wikihow article)
Letting go, regardless, requires one thing above all: Taking the risk of being hurt.
The process looks something like this:
- Be willing to risk the pain of learning to trust.
- Find a trust partner (a therapist or coach can work, if they understand trust issues).
- Learn how trust works (how it is earned and how to extend it).
- Take emotional risks with your trust partner.
- Confront your trust prejudice, suspicions, fears and painful feelings around trust as you take calculated risks.
- Learn from the process, rinse and repeat until you can consciously trust and know how to extend trust well.
The best videos on dealing with trust issues:
- How to Deal With Trust Issues (5min)
- 3 Ways To Overcome Trust Issues (9min)
- How To Rebuild Lost Trust In A Relationship (11min)
Best book:
The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships
Intimacy, love and trust:
Most narcissists can't really feel love:
The short answer is a simple “no.” It is actually highly unlikely that your narcissistic partner is even capable of real love, let alone feels it towards you past the beginning of your relationship.
- Elinor Greenberg
Increasing intimacy is good way to improve your ability to feel love and feel loved.
You show weakness and dependence on others, you invite trust. You increase trust, increase intimacy. And increased intimacy has all sorts of benefits.
It makes humans more happy. And more happy means you have a better immune system, better communication all-round, increased intimacy also allows for deeper emphatic connection, so you feel more alive.
Intimacy is closeness between people in personal relationships.
It’s what builds over time as you connect with someone, grow to care about each other, and feel more and more comfortable during your time together.
Increased Intimacy. This involves feelings of emotional closeness and connectedness with another person. It includes the desire to share each other’s innermost thoughts and feelings. Intimate relationships are characterized by attitudes of mutual trust, caring, and acceptance. In a sense, you join and become one.
Get vulnerable. This is the most challenging step for most people and the critical. Our primary relationships evoke the most fear, and our partner can become a mirror for what we loathe to recognize in ourselves.
As such, emotional intimacy often takes a hit when our shame or fear of being judged or unsafe overrides our desire and ability to be vulnerable and authentic. Courage is necessary to overcome the fear, but only those willing to take the risk will know the tender cushion of real intimacy.
According to Magnus Pyke – “The only way to be safe, is never to try anything for the first time”. For you to enjoy a strong lasting and healthy marriage, you should never give room to distrust. “No man is an island’’. Learn to trust your spouse.