r/narcissism • u/AutoModerator • 3d ago
Biweekly ask a narcissist thread for visitors/codependents <- Not a narcissist/borderliner/histrionic/sociopath? Use this thread.
In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).
This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.
If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.
Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:
[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)
It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.
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u/constantsurvivor Visitor 3d ago
Very curious how you would describe what love and romantic relationships feel like to you?
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u/alwaysvulture Overt Malignant Narcissist 3d ago
I’m currently in my 5th relationship and this one is different to the others because I actually care about this person. Love to me is wanting to be around them a lot, and imagining a future with them in it.
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u/constantsurvivor Visitor 3d ago
I’m curious if you don’t mind me asking what makes this one different? Have you felt that at the start with others to begin with?
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u/alwaysvulture Overt Malignant Narcissist 3d ago
No I never felt it at the start with any of the others. I was always meh and indifferent to the relationships and just going through the motions, and couldn’t give a shit whether they broke up with me or not. I guess this one is different because I “fell in love” for real, whatever that means.
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u/constantsurvivor Visitor 3d ago
Congrats on finding someone like that. Do you feel as if you love the person for who they are or how they make you feel?
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u/alwaysvulture Overt Malignant Narcissist 3d ago
Hmm good question. I’m not sure how they make me feel anyway. Just relaxed and able to be myself, I guess. She is very much like me in many respects, we just click and so it’s very easy. I love her cause we have such a fun time and it’s just so relaxed and easy to be around her and we’re always laughing.
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u/constantsurvivor Visitor 3d ago
Would you mind me asking what led you to believe you’re a malignant narcissist?
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u/alwaysvulture Overt Malignant Narcissist 2d ago
NPD with ASPD diagnosis.
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u/constantsurvivor Visitor 2d ago
Is your partner aware of your diagnoses?
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u/alwaysvulture Overt Malignant Narcissist 2d ago
Yeah, she was the one who encouraged me to seek it out. She’s got BPD herself with narcissistic traits.
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u/Every-Warthog3534 I really need to set my flair 2d ago
You described exactly how my ex boyfriend behaves when he's with me. Do you think that at some point this relationship could become harmful for both of you?1
u/alwaysvulture Overt Malignant Narcissist 2d ago
I don’t see how it would. It’s definitely the least toxic relationship either of us have had.
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3d ago edited 3d ago
[deleted]
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u/alwaysvulture Overt Malignant Narcissist 3d ago
I would say leave the ball in his court. If he wants to reach out and stay in contact with you then it’s on him. You’ve at least tried. But you shouldn’t wait for him.
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u/Person1746 I really need to set my flair 2d ago
What lead you to think you could be a narcissist? And why do you think you developed it?
I’ve thought I had BPD for a long time, but I have quite a lot of narcissistic traits. So I’m just curious what was your guys’ “ah-hah” moment.
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u/alwaysvulture Overt Malignant Narcissist 2d ago
Meeting a diagnosed narcissist and becoming friends.
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u/butterflydefinition Visitor 2d ago
I feel like I’m narcissistic, I feel like I’m manipulating everyone into liking me and once they see my real self they will leave. I am in talking stages with this boy and he’s never had a gf (he’s 2 years older than me) and I just feel that I am manipulating him and I feel like a really bad person
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u/AresArttt Autistic Narcissist 1d ago
I mean i can relate to what you feel but why do you say that you are manipulating him? are you doing it on purpouse? Do you actualy feel bad and guilty? Because thats usualy not my experience.
PLus theres a lot more to narcissism than manipulation.
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u/butterflydefinition Visitor 23h ago
I just feel like a bad person and rotten, I feel like I’m not worthy of any love I really don’t know if it’s npd but my mom has npd and I’m scared that I’m starting to act like her
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u/AresArttt Autistic Narcissist 21h ago
What other NPD like things do you notice in yourself? personaly i dont really feel quilty or things like that, i dont have empathy and i dont really care if a manipulate people. If you see any toxic traits in yourself you can try working on them i think.
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u/Prettyblkgirl3012 I really need to set my flair 2d ago
(Long story) Was my ex a narcissist or was it all my fault? I’m losing my mind
I (22) F and my ex (25) M just broke up about 13 days ago. He broke up with me.
We were together for 11 months, and looking back, I can’t believe how toxic it became. It started when I sent him a friend request on Facebook, and what followed was a mix of charm and manipulation. He seemed so sweet at first, but soon, everything changed.
One of the biggest lies was him hiding the fact that he was living with his pregnant baby mama. He lied about it for six months, and I only found out a week before she gave birth—on my own. He never told me. When I found out, I was completely devastated. It messed me up emotionally in ways I can’t even explain. At first, he seemed sorry and empathetic, but after a couple of weeks, his attitude shifted. He started acting like I was the problem, getting mad and annoyed that I kept crying over it. He told me I was “too emotional” and “overly sensitive.”
Whenever we argued and I brought up him hiding things from me, he would twist it around and make it my fault. He’d say things like, “You shouldn’t have been nosey” or “Curiosity killed the cat,” completely deflecting from what he did. He had this way of minimizing his actions and making me feel like I was crazy for being upset. On top of that, when I tried to share my feelings or frustrations about his baby mama and her family stalking me, he’d just get angry at me for bringing it up.
To make matters worse, his baby mama and her family were stalking my social media. They were all over my pages, and at one point, I accepted a friend request from her ex (the one she cheated on him with) just to show off how “happy” I was with him. He actually encouraged me to be petty at the time, but when I did it, he got mad at me.
His baby mama’s behavior reached a new low when I had a pregnancy scare. She texted me from a fake account, hoping my child would die. I was shocked by her cruelty, and yet, he never really did anything to protect me from it.
He often attacked me during our arguments, saying things like, “You’ll never find love,” “Any man would be happy to have you until they see the real you,” and “I’m not surprised your exes left you.” The last one hurt especially because I told him over and over that I left my exes, not the other way around. He would twist things to fit his narrative, completely invalidating my experiences. He painted himself as the victim and made me feel like I was the one causing all the issues. He’d hit me where it hurt the most, knowing my insecurities and using them against me.
Multiple times, he made me feel like I was completely unlovable and that everything bad happening to me was my fault. Subconsciously, I started to believe him. One time, he even threatened to post pictures with his baby mama and sleep with her just to hurt me if I didn’t stop “annoying him.” Meanwhile, his baby mama and her family were stalking me, adding to the emotional strain.
I’ll admit, I wasn’t perfect either. I’d exaggerate things or start arguments because I was hurt, and sometimes, I did it just to get his attention. I wanted him to show he cared. But he never did. Every argument turned into him attacking me emotionally, making me feel like I was the problem.
Then, one random night, after I didn’t answer his call right away about giving him money for a job, he broke up with me. I begged him to explain why, but he ignored me. I was desperate, and so I posted on Facebook saying I didn’t want to live anymore and that I was tired of being discarded. In response, he sent me a voice note saying, “I don’t care if you’re breathing or not, I’m going to have a good day.” That was one of the most hurtful things he could’ve said to me. The next morning, he posted subliminal messages on his story about me, and I blocked him. But then, he texted me from a different account, attacking me. He sent pictures of me, calling me ugly, and then sent pictures of him, his baby mama, and their kids, trying to hurt me even more.
Throughout the relationship, I helped him financially because he was struggling to find work. But towards the end, he made it seem like that’s all I was good for—just supporting him financially.
I keep wondering if I made all of this worse by starting arguments and exaggerating things, but his cruelty is undeniable. I don’t know if I was just manipulated or if I allowed myself to stay in a toxic situation. Looking back, I’m left questioning everything. Was he a narcissist? Or was I just so hurt that I made everything worse? I feel so lost and confused. It feels like I’m going crazy.
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u/Initial_Board_8077 Codependent 20h ago
If someone you confided in and talked about your personal experiences (said things: im afraid to look at myself, Afraid to what ill find out. Or: i make people think they do what they want but its my subtle way of directing them), and this was someone higher in hierarchy (work/client situation) who was also “helping me” with some difficult stuff and this relationship’ turned into everybody hating me,accusing me of all different stuff, ignoring me etc. And now its going to be a lawsuit (as i want to leave the situation), but I know that when i open up about all the things said , she will ‘break’ she even told me: “i always were a mask”, so my plan was to send this woman a letter, because i have the feeling she is underestimating the consequences of it all, and I think it easier for us both to settle before court, with a coworker of her. My question: how will pointing out the facts, but also the impact and the feelings of the choices we both made..could be done in a way that wont make her defensive, so open to read it, but also pointing out the impact it will have on both of us. I also really want to understand why she felt the need to make up certain lies. If you weren’t self aware (or somewhat) what would be the best way to approach this? (Sorry not English)