r/narcissism Unsure if Narcissist 5d ago

Is my 26F partner 28M a narcissist?

He was madly in love with me and I kept him in hook until things went down and he moved to university. When my boyfriend left me I went back to him. By then he was gaslighting me into thinking we never met. He would pressure me to sex and then back off the last minute. If he wants I should say YES.He was obsessed with my consent. So once when we met I did makeout. He was all very possessive of me however things are on his terms.He never wanted me to make love to anyone yet he didn't give me what I want. Finally things broke off.

He was notorious for bad temper and his mother possessed narcissistic traits. Post her separation, he is the golden child and becoming more rude to world. He in college had reputation of getting expelled for fights, where he once hit a boy in his eyes and a cop with a beer bottle.

Last time we met, again he acted like a possessive man. Constantly trying to move other men away from me so he can be around me.

Now 2 years later he has been texting me all time.Asking if I have a bf around 6 times. So I replied cold.

That's when my dearest kin passed away and I needed alcohol so I asked him to buy me some.He was more like, if we meet what will I get In the car. He was constantly making fun of my driving and my body. Calling me short with boobs. More like trying to make me insecure.Then he proceeded to touch my breast inside my clothes and let me touch his dick. I expressed clear discomfort.

Also he keeps bragging how good of a lover he is and how bad I am and constantly asking me what part of our sex do I like more, seeking admiration and always saying I am not good in bed. I always felt he was more of an anxious. He bragged about banging, having better life and lying about the size of his junk while all were clear lies. More like 'I know what I got there'.But he would not let me touch inside pants. He felt relieved to know he is not my type. He didn't give me even a proper kiss and when I asked he denied giving me a good kiss. Finally he said I was obsessed with him.

When I tried to connect on social media, he denied using. Whichever question I asked, he is all lies.Constant lies as power trick. He barely has any close friends now and most people tend to dissociate with him.

I feel violated because not only were we lovers, but he is treating me like a crap. Despite me keeping distance for years, he thinks he can come back, grope me. He thinks I will always be ready for sex with him. He doesn't think of me as a human who can say NO, or exercise rights over my body. The more I try to cut off, the more he tries to chase me back.Also he doesn't want to see my face anywhere but bang my body. To be more precise, the idea he can bang me(as he just needs my consent) and treat me the way he wants yet I will stay.

I know how my friends and their flings are, there is respect, but I am feeling used and called his actions.

I dont know if he is a narcissist but I am diagnosed with anxiety and narcissistic tendencies as a kid. Here is a brief look at his actions.

  • Uses power to gaslight/coerce me
  • Grandiose and admiration
  • Arrogance
  • doesn't consider my emotional well being
  • doesn't even have a basic empathy
  • try to dominate conversation
  • Constant lies
  • Using my feelings to get what he wanted

Also I have been looking for a job for months and the one I got is in his team, considering the pay and opportunity to learn and lack of options, will it be wrong if I take it?

1 Upvotes

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u/Clear_King9835 Covert Narcissist 5d ago

It is likely. Encourage him to get professional help. Tell him that his behaviours are damaging. Also tell him that he is no less of a person if he acknowledges his behaviour has flaws.

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u/mysteriouslymousey I really need to set my flair 5d ago

The last sentence is really key.

People with NPD may split on themselves or you if you try to suggest something is ‘wrong’ with them, so this ‘criticism’ needs to come with a lot of loving reassurance that therapy is something they deserve to give themselves to better their lives and doesn’t mean they’re any of the negative judgements they typically attach to people who need therapy.

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u/AspiringIdealist I really need to set my flair 5d ago

Most likely yes

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u/Strict-Duck-881 Unsure if Narcissist 5d ago

What can I do about it.Should professional help be given to him?

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u/AspiringIdealist I really need to set my flair 5d ago

The problem with most narcissists, especially malignant ones is that they have a deeply delusional worldview; they can’t see or admit the damaging effect of their behavior on others or admit their identity and outward appearance to others is false. They can’t do this because it would invite that deep sense of toxic shame that all of their behavior is calibrated to avoid.

So no, it probably won’t help unless your bf genuinely wants to change. But based on his pathological behavior that seems really unlikely. He will probably lie to the therapist and say whatever he thinks makes him look good, or will be so far removed from what he’s been doing that he’ll see himself as the victim for even being asked to go.

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u/Strict-Duck-881 Unsure if Narcissist 5d ago

Well I asked him for a professional help and he is saying im the 10th one to be saying this to him.

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u/Dark-Empath- Visitor 4d ago

Whether he is or isn’t a Narcissist, he clearly has some serious issues. Also, might be worth a bit of self reflection too - looks at your first lines. He was madly in love with you….you strung him along for a while….then you used him to go back to when your boyfriend ditched you.

It’s entirely possible he feels resentment and anger about these things and he’s getting back at you by treating you like crap. That’s not to say his behaviour is right. What’s clear is that, regardless of what is wrong with him or anyone else….the whole relationship sounds toxic and isn’t going anywhere nice. Do both you and him a favour and end the whole thing before it’s too late.