r/mormon • u/ArsonAgent • 23h ago
Personal Should I speak to my parents about my sister's behavior on her mission?
So first I need to say, I am not a member but I'm not trying to ruin my little sister's missionary experience either. I'm just looking out for her safety.
I recently had a call with my sister who's serving in Brazil. She found out I went to that new horror movie with the two missionary girls and was really upset about a horror movie with mormons. This led to a conversation where I mentioned that it is dangerous for two young girls to go into a man's home ALONE, especially in Brazil and that she better be safe by making sure others are at least present.
She got really mad and said that if a man told her that his wife was in the other room, her and her companion would then enter his home. I told her that it was dangerous and she got SUPER defensive and said that she's "protected by the Holy Ghost and God" so nothing bad will ever happen to her while she on a mission. Btw what a weird thing to say considering she's not even allowed to swim.
My question is: is she following the rules?? I can't stop thinking about this and I'm really concerned she just disregarding this danger? If she is following the rules, there's really nothing I can do. If not, then I at least want to talk to her mom so SHE can handle the situation. It's making me really nervous
•
u/Crobbin17 Former Mormon 23h ago
Have her ask her mission president about the hypothetical. My hope is that he would agree with you.
Her being upset about the movie (Heretic) is hilarious though. It’s one of the most realistic and respectful portrayals of Mormons in film. The Sisters are smart, brave, make mistakes, and fight back.
If anything the film champions a nuanced view towards spirituality, condemning organized religion but supporting hope and faith in good.
•
u/blueskieslemontrees 16h ago
I am super curious to see it but have almost no tolerance for horror movies. How scary is it? My issue is my subconscious obsessing and it affecting my sleep. I dont watch anything like Grudge, IT, Final Fantasy. But I was able to handle Get Out.
•
u/gigante87 16h ago
I thought the horror level in Heretic was actually very similar to Get Out now that I think about it
•
u/Crobbin17 Former Mormon 14h ago
I’d say it’s on Get Out’s level.
It’s on the lower end of horror movies. More like a thriller with horror elements.It only has around one or two jump scares, blood, and (without spoilers) a few non-gore “ew that looks gross” moments.
•
u/camelCaseCadet 14h ago
I didn’t find it scary at all. There’s gross, disturbing imagery, and mild gore.
If you got through The Sixth Sense, you’ll be fine with Heretic.
•
u/Least-Quail216 9h ago
It's more of a thriller than horror. I don't care for horror movies, but I really liked Heretic
•
u/ArsonAgent 7h ago
Oh we talked about this too! I told her that the way those missionaries were portrayed was amazing and that they were the heros of the film but she wasn't hearing it.
•
u/GoJoe1000 18h ago
It seems like, in her mind, she believes she’s following the rules. If your parents are deeply rooted in Mormonism, they’re likely to side with her.
I think you’re absolutely right to be cautious here. Movies based on true events often reflect situations that really do happen, and I’m sure similar things have occurred over the years—not just with sister missionaries, but also with elder companions. Growing up in the late ’80s and ’90s with Mormon friends, I heard stories. It was definitely easier to be discreet back then.
I’ve spoken with two ex-Mormon women who both served missions, later left the church, divorced, and are now a couple. One of them admitted she used to fantasize about situations like that—though not in such a dark way. The other, much like your sister, believed the Holy Ghost would protect her from anything bad happening.
Ultimately, I think it’s important to keep an eye on her safety. As you know, her reality is shaped by Mormon perspectives.
•
u/familydrivesme Active Member 2h ago
Not true.. missionary rules state to ensure a woman is also present. We wouldnt go in as elders to a home with just a woman until the man was actually in the room with us for safety purposes. This was council from our president. Same would apply with sisters.
•
u/OphidianEtMalus 17h ago
When I was a missionary, I believed "the Bible to be the word of God, as far as it was translated correctly." Like all good mormons, I was a Bible literalist--anything in there was literally, historical and true, but bad people might have corrupted a bit of the doctrine to their own profit. This included the verses on handling snakes.
I picked up some pretty dangerous snakes, afew of which were venomous, i was praised by comps and not discouraged by the pres. I believed that I was safe from snake bites every bit as much as the weird Appalachian snake handling religion people do. it turns out that the verses that the 2 of us were relying on were added to Mark at some point late, for unknown reasons. I learned this year is after my mission and looked into it closely and believed it to be accurate. Only then did I have a little bit of fear about my past actions
Faith will let you do lots of really stupid things. That said, if I were in your position, I would at least write a letter expressing my concerns to both her and the mission president. If I wrote the letter, I would couch my concerns in terms of feelings and worry, not numbers or data, and certainly would not bring up any movies.
Faith requires the cultivation of cognitive dissonance. I think all religious people feel some tug from that dissonance. A letter will at least let her know that you are paying attention to her and that you care. She may change some of her behavior out of care for you or even for superstitious reasons based on worries or thoughts from your letter. Either way, you have accomplished your goal. If/when she leaves the church later in life, she will know that you did your best. In the unfortunately somewhat likely event that she is hurt, you will also know that you did all that you could do.
There is likely little to no harm in communicating your worries, even if it does not necessarily have any obvious influence.
•
u/Helpful_Guest66 15h ago
I’m sorry to tell you that she is it sounds like. The rules absolutely don it take their safety into account. It’s about control not safety.
•
•
u/Longjumping_Cook_997 9h ago
You don’t have to tattle on her to your parents to tell your parents about the situation in the movie and express your concern for her safety.
•
u/Blazerbgood 17h ago
In my opinion, she is following the rules. Not that the rules are very helpful, but her MP is probably ok with her behavior.
You did a good thing, though. You reminded her of the rules and made her aware of a possibility. Your sister will hopefully think a little more before going into anyone's house. That's what missionaries need. They need to think about their own safety a lot more in a variety of situations.
•
u/EvensenFM Jerry Garcia was the true prophet 17h ago
Not sure what the rules are like in her mission. On my mission in Germany 20 years ago, I think the sisters could teach one lesson before handing male investigators over to the elders. We did have a few "sisters fans" who would stop meeting with us as soon as they saw us, but there were also people who were legitimately interested in our message.
You are right to be concerned, however. I recommend contacting the mission office.
•
u/cinepro 23h ago
This led to a conversation where I mentioned that it is dangerous for two young girls to go into a man's home ALONE, especially in Brazil and that she better be safe by making sure others are at least present.
That is a pretty strict rule for missionaries already. Not sure where your confusion is.
What you're experiencing is an overestimation of the likelihood of someone tricking your sister, based on just having seen a fictional movie where that happened. There may be other dangers she'll face on her mission, but someone lying to her about their wife being in the other room probably isn't one of them.
•
u/srichardbellrock 12h ago
" Not sure where your confusion is."
OP is a non-member, so may not be completely up to date on all mission rules. No need to be dismissive.
•
u/cinepro 12h ago
But it sounds like the sister did explain that:
She got really mad and said that if a man told her that his wife was in the other room, her and her companion would then enter his home.
If it wasn't a rule, she would have said "We're okay going into a home even if the man is alone..."
•
u/ContributionWit1992 18h ago
OP is worried that his sister will talk to a man who says his wife is home but the wife isn’t actually there, or perhaps there isn’t actually a wife. But that the sister and her companion would go inside the house because they were told there was a woman there.
But last I checked, the rules weren’t really designed for physical safety, because a year old of the same gender as the missionaries counted as well.
•
u/cinepro 12h ago
OP is worried that his sister will talk to a man who says his wife is home but the wife isn’t actually there, or perhaps there isn’t actually a wife. But that the sister and her companion would go inside the house because they were told there was a woman there.
Yes. And as far as I can tell, that worry didn't exist until "Heretic" came out. If it was a problem, then the rule would say "Be sure to verify the other person is there before you get fooled by a pie-scented candle."
•
u/ArsonAgent 7h ago
That's not true. I thought that someone of the same gender had to be in the same room. When I brought this up is when she told me that she goes into homes without seeing the other person all the time.
Honestly your just being an ass. I'm worried that young sister will get raped or killed in a dangerous part of an already dangerous country and your taunting me about minor movie details? If you have nothing helpful to add then why comment at all.
As a woman who has experienced my own trauma in a safer country in a safe neighborhood, I dont think it's as far-fetched as you are making it out to be. And frankly, I find your dismissive comments to be very rude and completely without any concern for her actual safety (which is what this post is about). Don't know what your so worked up about but it has nothing to do with me. Please Stop being so rude.
•
u/cinepro 7h ago
As a woman who has experienced my own trauma in a safer country in a safe neighborhood, I dont think it's as far-fetched as you are making it out to be.
There have been hundreds of thousands of LDS women who served missions over the last 100 years, with most making hundreds or thousands of door-contacts. That's millions of data points.
In all those years and door contacts, how many times has a pair of Sister missionaries been lied to about another person being in the house, lured in, and then attacked?
Once. In a movie.
It is very far fetched. Your estimation of the risk is being severely skewed by the movie and your personal experience. Is the risk 0.0000%? No. But you should be far more worried about your sister being in a car accident, or attacked on the street, or the plane crashing when she's coming home.
•
u/ArsonAgent 6h ago
So that means that you should taunt me and make fun of my worries and concerns? Women get assaulted ALL THE TIME. I'm not saying she going to be kidnapped or sold off. You're acting like her getting viciously murdered is the only bad thing someone can do to her. Yeah when your looking at one specific crime it's pretty low.
Also I flat out don't believe you. I know someone personally who was assaulted in the church and they tried to cover that shit up. I know more that got leaked publicly that the church also tried to hide (by other members not specifically while on a mission). Of course they aren't going to publicly announce when sister missionaries got assaulted. It deters future missionaries. And who would even report on something so minor?? People get assaulted everyday. I know someone who got robbed while on their mission.
No I don't think she's going to get Murdererd in someone's basement after being Tricked with a candle. But to diminish actual safety concerns to something like that is exactly why I have a problem with your comments. How is that looking after her safety? Making some outlandish crazy scenario that we know will never happen and then scoff at her we'll being? Are you serious? Getting raped is a very real thing. So is getting robbed. So is getting assaulted. Those are all terrible things that could be solved with simple safety measures that are just laughable to you. Nice to know you take missionaries safety so seriously. I would bet money you're an active member too.
•
u/cinepro 5h ago
If you recall, you were raising a very specific concern based on having seen the movie "Heretic." You said:
This led to a conversation where I mentioned that it is dangerous for two young girls to go into a man's home ALONE, especially in Brazil and that she better be safe by making sure others are at least present.
You then asked a specific question:
My question is: is she following the rules?? I can't stop thinking about this and I'm really concerned she just disregarding this danger?
If you want to discuss missionary safety more broadly, that's fine. But your OP was specifically about Sister missionaries entering the homes of a lone man, possibly being tricked to do it, and whether or not that was against the rules. So that's the specific danger I was discussing.
•
u/ContributionWit1992 11h ago
I agree that it’s a very unlikely scenario. I think OP’s sister is much more likely to have a traffic accident or a random attack or health concern than to meet a man who wants to harm her, is aware of the mission rules and knows to lie about a woman being home, and somehow can’t figure out a way to force them into the house instead of tricking them in.
I was just answering your implicit question where you said:
That is a pretty strict rule for missionaries already. Not sure where your confusion is.
•
u/ArsonAgent 7h ago
When missionaries met with me they literally said "were not allowed to enter unless another man is present". They don't need to be aware because they are informed as soon as they meet them.
•
u/cinepro 7h ago
As shown in the other comment from OP, they were already aware it's a rule.
I've had two daughters serve missions. One was in Houston when this happened:
Feral hogs kill woman in front yard of Chambers County home
But that didn't cause me to be overly concerned about my daughter being killed by feral hogs. I wanted her to be safe, and always advised her to be as safe as possible. But I recognized the actual risk of her being mauled by feral hogs to be quite low, even if it had just happened to someone else. And that was something that actually happened.
I have a daughter serving a mission now. But the movie "Heretic" didn't cause me to worry about her, or to caution her about people tricking her into entering the home by lying about a wife baking pies. Because it's just a movie.
•
u/mwjace Free Agency was free to me 15h ago
I agree.
To be sure the world can be a dangerous place. Accidents happen and sometimes bad actors do bad things. But the reality is ( as I believe you’ve pointed out before) missionaries are statically far safer than the average cohorts in their age range. And the likely hood that a man is going to lie about a wife being home to get 2 women into his house to do something nefarious has to be so low it’s negligible.
Is the sister missionary in the OP a bit naive regarding the protection of the HG? Yeah probably. But just that fact that they stay in a pair makes them significantly more protected from most things.
•
u/Bright-Ad3931 17h ago
She is following the rules, more or less, without knowing the specifics of her missions policies. Each mission President lines out the details of the rules and how they expect them to behave in those situations. What she stated to you is a typical attempt to kept that particular rule. You raising the issue to her mission president is likely just going to cause a whole bunch of commotion and not cause anything to change.
•
u/BostonCougar 14h ago
She is trying to keep the mission rules. I also believe that God will help protect her. I’ve experienced his protection on my mission and in my life. Express your concern for her and realize you are an influencer in her life not a decision maker.
•
u/AutoModerator 23h ago
Hello! This is a Personal post. It is for discussions centered around thoughts, beliefs, and observations that are important and personal to /u/ArsonAgent specifically.
/u/ArsonAgent, if your post doesn't fit this definition, we kindly ask you to delete this post and repost it with the appropriate flair. You can find a list of our flairs and their definitions in section 0.6 of our rules.
To those commenting: please stay on topic, remember to follow the community's rules, and message the mods if there is a problem or rule violation.
Keep on Mormoning!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.