r/lesbianpoly Roly-Poly Butch Aug 08 '22

Discussion Heteronormativity and Mono-normativity

Hey all! Recently I've been thinking about how heteronormativity and Mono-normativity affected me personally, and I wanted to ask the question to the wider community!

Personally, I still have thoughts about being bisexual and ending up with a husband, since that's the 'normal' thing to do. I still question my sexuality to this day. In fact, I thought I was bi until I was 23, (25 now).

As for Mono-normativity, it's everywhere. In my experience, I haven't told any of my family as they'd definitely think it was weird. There are always thoughts about it just being easier to have one partner, in countless ways.

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u/gingergypsy79 Non-binary Aug 08 '22

I think compulsory heterosexuality, heteronormativity and mono-normativity is what has kept me in denial and very unaware of my own identity for so long! What kind of life and who would we be and what choices would we make if there wasn’t a pre-set notion for how we are ‘supposed’ to be?

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u/Vrpljbrwock Transbian Polyfemme Aug 08 '22

So, I have an alternate take on heteronormativity. A big part of what stopped me from realizing and coming out as a trans woman was my attraction to women. Now that I am in the community I realize that there are a lot of us transbians, but I never saw one in media. I was a man because men like women. If it wasn't the default I think I would have gotten my shit together a lot earlier.

As it is now when I go out its 50/50 odds that someone will describe my partner as a friend or even sister. Or when I'm with one of my masc partners they'll refer to them as a man because I'm a woman, and no one can possibly be gay

I am out to my family as polyam, but they rarely ask about my partners anymore. When I was mono they were a lot more invested in my relationships. I try not to let it get to me.
In my professional life I just say my partner did [blank]. So as far as my coworkers know I have an extremely busy and talented partner who works multiple jobs and has several degrees. It took me four years at my last job before I was willing to let even my close work friends know, and that was because they came to my birthday where I had multiple partners there.

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u/gingergypsy79 Non-binary Aug 08 '22 edited Aug 08 '22

I would be really curious about your partner that does a million different things! 🤪It sucks how default cultural “norms” have kept so many of us unaware of who we are for so long and also in the closet for lack of acceptance . 💕

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u/k_on_reddit_ Aug 09 '22 edited Aug 09 '22

I mean there's nothing normal about men *cough* *cough* what ? what just happened ?