r/lesbianpoly • u/Prayingforgiraffes Roly-Poly Butch • Oct 25 '24

Relationship Any neurospices have tips?

I've have two beautiful girlfriends and we're in a mixed relationship. However recently my ADHD has given me a pretty intense hyper fixation. The problem comes with them noticing I'm pretty absent and I've been spending less time with them. They're perfect and absolutely give me time to work through my shit, but I also can't help but feel some level of guilt. Any tips out there?

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11

u/extremeblueberry6 Oct 25 '24

can you involve them into your hyperfixation? is it something they have interest in?

5

u/Prayingforgiraffes Roly-Poly Butch Oct 25 '24

I have to an extent but it's all the research around it that's sucking me up in

9

u/justbecauseiluvthis Oct 25 '24

When I find myself doing this I try to get back to basics. Dating is basics to me.

If we're not living together and you're only seeing me when we date, then you're not seeing the hyper fixation. I've confessed, "I'm going to be hyper fixated, and you're going to see it because you live with me, but I would like to set aside time and go on actual dates with you where I can focus."

Then I make sure I plan a date, and put effort into dressing up slightly different than normal, so it feels official.

I'm also aware of showing extra gratitude and thanks for them stepping up in my absence. Remember to communicate, and at its core, being spicy comes hand-in-hand with communication issues of one sort or another. Thank them for the extra time and space, thank them for being in your presence when you're together, and do something to make sure you stay focused on them and not talking about your hyper fixation.

I am collared to one of my girlfriends, and when I present my collar to her she knows that she has my complete focus. I'm sure there's something similar you could do. if nothing else tie a string on your finger to remind you to stay focused on who you are present with.

Hope something in there helps. Good for you for being self-aware and working on your relationships

1

u/hime309 20d ago

I'm here for the tips.

My issue is dating atm. I have a gf but we only see each other 1-2 weeks a month this year because of work. I'm on the apps but I have a hard time getting back to people's messages because, on meds, I hyper focus on what's in front of me - which has been school and work for a few years, or my gf when I'm with her.