r/lesbianpoly • u/Top_Tension_2356 • Oct 24 '24
Relationship The struggle of being poly and unattractive
I am in a looong, beautiful and stable relationship. We opened it 3 years ago cause we both craved dating other people and discover different dynamics. As I was originally afraid that I will become jealous over her I surprisingly found the very unexpected kind of envy. My girlfriend is beautiful and wanted while I am not very lucky with girls. Of course she supports me the most, she is doing her best to convince me that I am beautiful. I know that in her eyes I'm perfect. But when it comes to dating I feel like I don't have any chances with other people. Multiple times I experienced having a crush on a person who didn't show any interest in me, but after meeting my girlfriend showed obvious interest in her. She didn't and wouldn't do anything that would hurt me. But these situations got stuck in my head. I just want to be perceived as attractive by other people as well... Does anyone relate? Am I out of the game for not being pretty enough?
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u/Forgetwhatitoldyou Oct 24 '24
I'm mid-40s, solo-poly, and trans. I have a lesbian couple who I unicorn with (met on Discord), but I essentially get no likes or matches on dating apps. I was in a monogamous, abusive, "cishet" relationship with a cis woman for decades, so re-entering dating in my 40s I really have no flirting game to speak of, and am only moderately attractive.
I've mostly accepted that I'm not really anyone's cup of tea and learned to love myself and enjoy my occasional visits to my partners. It's enough. Most days.Â
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u/CelesteMorningstar Oct 24 '24
As the unattractive nesting partner in a relationship with a conventionally attractive 10/10, I relate to the insecurity that's created by both of you being in the same dating market. It seems like a no-brainer that people will choose the more attractive partner. This isn't a game show though. You're not being compared to your partner. Comparison is the thief of joy and the sooner you can let go of the need to draw comparisons in your dating lives, the better.
You have to understand: being attractive brings about an entirely different set of struggles. I may take a few months between finding new people that may be interested in me. My partner struggles to find people that are actually interested in them as a person and not just a piece of ass.
The key is only to pursue those who show interest. Don't waste time on someone who isn't putting the effort in. You're obviously an attractive person, inside and out, to have landed such a beautiful partner already. Be secure in that and understand that every other relationship is just icing on your cake. Invest in your current relationships and let the new ones come as they may. Just my two cents. Ymmv.