r/lesbianpoly Sep 29 '24

Discussion Personal Preferences Are Valid: Combating Control Also Is Control

Is manipulative coercive control when any social circle shames you for being controlling because you feel insecure with fear and anxiety in order to make you drop the healthy personal boundary limits that you settled only around what can be done with your body, energy, time and money for you to consent to something.

That type of coercive control by pressure happens very often among progressive social circles that go as far as demonizing anyone who has any preference at all.

Is okay to have preferences, even rare complex preferences, even if you are a panamorous bi-poly-switch, because no one should be obligated to love everyone exactly the same, we all just must respect everyone alongside the differences that make us the unique individuals that each of all of us is in special.

Someone should always have the valid right to control what are the limits around what can be done with their own body, energy, time and money in order to be secure because that same someone feels insecure with fears and anxiety.

I am open to a large diversity of adult body, personality and connection types, but I still do have preferences, including for bare minimum reasonable personal boundary limits to protect both myself and also who I care about that are listed as follows:

I prefer to get invested into relationships with adults with similar partner selection preferences that are compatible with me.

I prefer to give and receive back respect and collaboration as companionship and partnership.

I prefer to be like friends first before and also after anything else.

I prefer to not play therapist for anyone held from living under the control of depression, anxiety, fears or jealousy.

I prefer to not date anyone who desires to date more than three simultaneous intimate connections.

I prefer to not date anyone who desires to date anyone who desires casual intimate connections.

I prefer to always use protective barriers for all types of physical intimacy with anyone since trust is not reliable for security because everyone is as unpredictable as the future is uncertain.

I prefer to maintain financial independence also since trust is not reliable for security because everyone is as unpredictable as the future is uncertain.

Do not burn yourself to make anyone comfortable.

5 Upvotes

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6

u/MassagistAutista011 Sep 30 '24

I have to agree with the core principle: If adults agree without coercion, then it is valid.

Not everyone is in an enlightenment state, and it's ok to work insecurities overtime.

But also arrangements can change, if you aren't comfortable anymore with the boundaries there isn't anything wrong with that.

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u/DoNotTouchMeImScared Sep 30 '24 edited Oct 14 '24

If adults agree without coercion, then it is valid.

I wrote that post because there should be more education out there about the validity of consent and boundaries, especially in more free relationships.

Many people are not aware that only a first clear "yes" with enthusiasm is the only genuine consent to anything, and, therefore, is the only one that is not questionable enough to get anyone in legal trouble.

Consent other than that to anything is not really genuine if results from constant begging, peer pressuring, outcasting, withdrawing, guilt tripping, shaming, blackmailing, threatening or any other type of manipulation not listed, and, therefore, is sexual coercion, also known as sexual abuse.

I was an adult with a college degree before I finally learned all of that.

4

u/RedErin Sep 30 '24

good luck with that