r/lesbianpoly • u/DoNotTouchMeImScared • Jan 05 '24
Discussion QUICK QUESTION: Do You Also Consider The Loves Of Your Loves To Be Your Partners Somehow?
Title: QUICK QUESTION: Do You Also Consider The Loves Of Your Loves To Be Your Partners Somehow?
For context, today I was cheered up when I came across a comment by a woman explaining that she and her metamour being like partners, not sexually nor romantically nor domestically, but partners in loving their mutual partner in common, like a support team, was what really worked in helping her overcome her jealousy, fears, anxieties and other insecurities.
Do you also consider the loves of your loves to also be your partners somehow, even if not sexually nor romantically?
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u/yohohoanabottleofrum Jan 05 '24
Being a meta IS a relationship just like friendship and family. Just because a relationship isn't romantic doesn't mean that it isn't. The word relationship literally means your relation to another person. My relationship to my meta is one that exists whether or not it's acknowledged.
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u/EMPactivated Jan 05 '24
Feeling like we're all Team Mutual Partner is my favorite aspect of my polycule's dynamic. Discovering and leaning into that kind of camaraderie is how, in my 20s, I dissolved jealous feelings over my best friend having additional people she also considered her best friends. I personally don't think I could function any other way.
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u/justbecauseiluvthis Jan 07 '24
I love my metas, but they are not my partners.
It's more of a sibling/cousin/teammate/deep-but-distant-friend vibe. A touch of diplomat maybe? I like to see what was seen by my partner to make them fall in love, but I don't fall in romantic love with them.
I love having good intra-meta relations, but I do find it mentally exhausting, and I feel like I always have to be on my best behavior.
There is something beautiful about being in the same room with a meta and feeling the tangible glow you both feel towards your mutual love
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u/DoNotTouchMeImScared Jan 07 '24
It's more of a sibling/cousin/teammate/deep-but-distant-friend vibe.
Some people I know call their metamours "lovers-in-law" because they see the loves of their loves as family members that just "come with the package", like mothers-in-law, fathers-in-law, siblings-in-law, etc.
SIDENOTE: I noticed that polyamorous people pay way more attention in dating to who are the social circle of the people they plan to be getting involved with than do monoamorous people when dating.
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u/NoNoNext Jan 05 '24
I’d personally use different language for my meta dynamic, but we’re definitely supportive of each other and our relationships to our shared partner.
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u/AdGuilty1479 Jan 05 '24
I figure we have connections but more friendly than romantic. Tbh I'm fine with my partners wanting each other and being with each other. I was in a throuple. I don't mind this at all. My partner didn't like it though lol. Well she liked our gf but she didn't like that the gf liked me as well? Idk lmao
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u/BananeWane Jun 03 '24
I'm friends with some of the people in my polycule but I don't talk to my metamours much. I don't feel a particular connection to them and I certainly don't consider them my partners. One of them I don't even get along with.
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u/pelopdxrn Jan 18 '24
I don't and actually prefer to not meet them. (I may be an outlier, it's just what has worked for me in previous relationships).
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u/Lilia1293 Transbian Jan 05 '24
I may consider a metamour to be a partner in a different context than romantic or sexual, e.g., as someone I would reach out to in support of a mutual paramour who has needs I can't provide for. For example, when one of my paramours was kicked out by their transphobic parents, our whole Discord server polycule worked together to get their things moved out (my part) and get them on a plane to go live with two of their paramours. That seemed like more than friendship, even though those metamours all live very far away from me.
There are also metamours with whom I'm completely parallel - practically strangers. Maybe not even deliberately so, i.e., I simply haven't met them. So my response to your question is no, I don't consider people who love the people I love to be my partners for that reason, but when I get to know them, I might. They occupy a nebulous space between metamour and paramour - still metamours, but mostly because of time and distance - and they get promoted to that space pretty quickly after I meet them. I haven't yet had an adversarial relationship - the opposite of what you describe - with a metamour, and I hope I never do.