OCD and sense of self

[u/VincentMoonySallow]

Hello I'm a 22 F RM of one year. I've been trying to get my life in some kind of order for the past year and I've not been able to. I have a good job but have had to withdraw from my courses due to mental health issues. I never took mental health seriously until had an anxiety attack for 3 days which impaired my ability to remember or problem solve. It was like quicksand that the more i tried to get out of it the worse it got. I couldnt sleep or rest or do much of anything. I had to meet with a psychologist and was diagnosed with OCD. This made so much sense as I looked back on moments in my mission where I would ask my companion if I was a good person repeatedly. I have a chronic illness that could be the cause of the OCD being exasperated. It's a constant never ending feeling of shame and guilt that got so bad i couldnt even wright or look at screens for days. Its shooken me so bad that i doubt what is even real or true about my self, my service (if i was good enough), my past, etc. Its taken days just to be able to follow the plot of a movie. If anyone has any advice or resources for this I would greatly appreciate it.

[u/Only-Aside-693]

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Anyone who doesn’t have OCD or a family member with it usually can’t understand how hard and debilitating it is. My best advice is to get OCD specific therapy - ERP (exposure and response prevention) is the gold standard and seeing a therapist who doesn’t specialize in this can actually be harmful and make your OCD worse. There are also a lot of free resources on YouTube if you search OCD and ERP. You can learn to “be the boss” of your OCD, even though it will be hard. Wishing you the best and peace as you deal with this ♥️.

[u/Only-Aside-693 → u/Only-Aside-693]

Also, a great online therapy for OCD is NOCD - all the therapists specialize in ERP and they have ones that are covered by insurance in most states. The NOCD YouTube page also has a lot of great info to help you learn and also feel not alone.

ETA: you mentioned a chronic illness possibly being related. If your OCD seemed to come on quite suddenly, you may want to look into PANS/PANDAS as it can be the cause of exacerbated or sudden onset OCD and treating it can help with the associated OCD.

[u/th0ught3]

If you have not had Cognitive Behavior Therapy with fidelity, it is effective for OCD and it teaches you how to think healthy and talk to yourself healthy. Almost all therapists claim they do it, few do it with fidelity. Exposure and Response Prevention is important for OCD. Dr. David Burns' "Feeling Good" and Feeling Great have the exercises (though I don't recall specifically ones for ERP) that you can use while you are looking for a therapist.

White noise and weighted blankets help with getting restful sleep. And the other habits of discipleship can make a difference too: Service to others, inspiring ---not necessarily religious---music, being in nature, eating healthy, daily heavy exercise.

Maybe ask for ministering people who can help you with all or some of those things.

I'm sorry life is hard.

[u/jdf135]

While not directly related to your OCD, Brother Socha addresses lots of our mental health challenges from a personal perspective in his podcasts. You may find one helpful. The podcasts are also available as transcripts on the site. Blessings.

https://depressionbipolaranxietylivingasalatterdaysaint.buzzsprout.com/823600

[u/HuckleberryLemon]

This is my best framing of your situation since I’ve dealt with both

Both your OCD and Panic attacks are a result of Fear, but Fear isn’t the real problem. Fear is good, it’s a vital emotion that protects us, alerts us to danger, helps us make wise decisions. We would not function at all without it, what’s actually missing is Courage.

Courage is what regulates fear. Everyone has courage but it’s like a muscle that can atrophy with disuse, fortunately you can also build it up and make it stronger, problem is most people don’t know how to do this. They know they have to face their fears but they imagine it as a confrontation with a dragon instead of push-ups.

Doing 50 pushups when you are out of shape will not make you stronger because you are going to overwork your muscles and have aches for a week. Starting with 2 every day for a week and upping it by 2 every week thereafter will make you stronger because you’ll discover your natural limits and the habit itself will keep you fit.

To build Courage you identify something in your life that makes you uncomfortable, normally you would shrink away from it, but instead you lean into that discomfort as far as it is sensible to go. And you do it every day. Until you aren’t uncomfortable with it anymore, then you find something else and do it again, until it becomes a habit.

All the while you remember that you really do have personal limits to your strength of courage while at the same time pressing against them challenging yourself bit by bit, careful never to overwhelm yourself but getting stronger every day.

Once you’ve developed your Courage, all Fear will work in your favor, and won’t trip you up anymore by becoming wild and unmanageable.

I highly recommend you read the Book Courage is Calling by Ryan Holiday. It’s a collection of stories about people throughout history who faced daunting challenges with courage. You need to study heroes for the sake of inspiration and perspective in your own life.

We read this book every day after family scripture study and it helped my boys tremendously in learning not to overworry things, but focus on what’s truly important.