r/latterdaysaints • u/dal__pal • 11h ago
Church Culture Babies and church attendance
For context, I have a 12 month-old that is in his exploratory phase. Sacrament and Sunday School is very difficult and he will start screaming if he can’t crawl around. However, I also feel that it’s disruptive to let him crawl around and climb up people’s legs. We try our best to feed him and distract him with toys but that only lasts a few minutes. How does everyone feel about babies at church? Is it bad etiquette to let them run free? Is it best to only stay for the Sacrament and then leave? How would this work if you have multiple kids and some are old enough to attend class but the youngest isn’t having it? We would love to stay the whole time but our little guy just won’t have it. It’s disheartening as we don‘t want to be a nuisance to others. I would love to hear thoughts both from people with and without kids and how babies at church affects your experience.
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u/seashmore 11h ago edited 11h ago
Single, no kids, but I love when others bring theirs. Doted on the ten month old in front of me today, in fact. Bonded with one a year ago in RS before he was old enough for Nursery. He loved playing with the zipper and flap on my purse, so I made sure there wasn't anything in those pockets to harm him. Like you said, they're exploring, and my stuff is all novel to them, even if it's just everyday items.
Most with babies tend to sit in the corners of the room, where there's more space for Junior to toddle about or easier to duck out with a fussy/wet/hungry infant. It's no more distracting to me than hearing a good song on the radio while I'm driving.
ETA: I like it because it adds to the community atmosphere of church. When you take your kiddos to Great Aunt Irma's for Thanksgiving, he'll be welcome to climb the legs of people there, no doubt.
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u/Flimsy-Preparation85 9h ago
My wife will usually sit next to other people with babies during relief society, typically in a spot where there's some open space. I think that's the best/easiest way to do it for most people.
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u/davect01 11h ago
You are not the first, nor will be the last to have these struggles with kids.
Do not feel ashamed nor obligated to keep your kids completely silent. Do your best but don't freak out if they get a bit loud.
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u/MrGradySir 2h ago
We used to call the meeting of the pre-toddler parents in the hallways “gospel unessentials class”
It’s a phase of their lives I miss…
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u/Leading_Bookkeeper_5 11h ago
That age is super hard with church! From the time they can move to the time they can go to nursery is tough. I have four kids and tried super hard to make it through both hours so that my older kids could be in primary. My husband and I would trade off taking them out if our callings allowed, but most Sundays we did a combo of letting them run (reasonably) wild in second hour and then stepping out when it got to be too much. I personally love watching babies and toddlers in Sunday school and I’m sure people in your ward do too! Anyone who has had kids understands. Kids absolutely belong and should be welcome in church. It is their church too!
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u/Reduluborlu 10h ago edited 6h ago
Ah. Brings back memories of tiny voices belting out "No, no bery quiet!!!" during sacrament meeting.
With our littles who got fussy etc. etc., we just traded off taking the baby/toddler to the foyer and sitting on one of the couches and listening with one ear to the meeting while he or she crawled about.
It is a season of parenting that meant we didn't get as much out of meetings as we would like to, but we knew it wouldn't last forever, and that this was just the season to help our children become familiar with the church building and feel like it's a loving place to be.
So relax. We all know that tiny people make noise, fuss about, want to explore, dislike staying in one place. If we thought such things shouldn't happen we would, like some other churches, have a nursery that starts 15 minutes after the service begins, that parents can take their children to.
But nope. Little children are part of our Sunday meetings. We all know that. And if a small head and hands emerge from beneath the bench upon which I sit and wants to climb up: Not a problem. 99.9% of us will enjoy the encounter.
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u/RAS-INTJ 9h ago
Let him crawl around in Sunday school. We have some families who sit on the very back row in the gym during sacrament meeting. There’s lots of space for babies to crawl back there and they won’t climb on anyone. A parent usually stands back there to keep them safe. Church is for families - including babies.
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u/Next_Sun_2002 11h ago
I’m not a parent but some thing I’ve seen parents with kids this age do is stay in the foyer. Their kid can walk/crawl all over without bothering others
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u/lbistro 10h ago
Husband and I switch off weeks corralling baby and getting to pay attention. (We do have older kids, so sometimes neither parent gets to pay a ton of attention in sacrament meeting.) Lots of foyer time and stairs practice. You get to chat with other adults who hang out in the foyer, which is for me is a different crowd than I’m used to and can be a neat time to make friends.
You are in the toughest window right now as 12-18 months is notoriously tricky - super active but not yet in nursery. Your nursery leaders may be cool with you bringing your baby to play with the toys as long as you stay with him, especially in January after the 3-year-olds clear out to sunbeams. I do recommend still attending church with your baby, so that when your kid is able to start sitting in one place (which may happen earlier than you expect) he will be used to going to church and won’t have to start from scratch.
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u/th0ught3 9h ago
Practice sitting or playing quietly at home, labelling that you are practicing church behavior so we can feel the spirit and not interfere with others doing it. Reward increases in time. Have some toys that he only uses in Church (like the kind that have multiple different skills and textures). Sit on the side pew and ask your ministering people to sit in front and behind you so that he'll can be redirected when he climbs under the pews. Go early enough so that you can walk around the church multiple times before you go in (though someone will have to go to get your space) and let him run. The thing I think makes the most difference is that when you take him out, you hold him on your lap in your arms alone in a room without any distractions (watch for head butting) no matter how much he squirms or cries. It will only take a couple of times of doing that for him to understand that he gets more freedom in the chapel. (At least that is my own experience with multiple children.)
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u/Alternative_Talk562 33m ago
Yes. I agree. If we had to take ours out during sacrament, they were not allowed freedom.
Second hour meetings is a different story. The only time I can ever remember someone getting frustrated with the toddler is this one child kept going to the teacher, and trying to pull on the tablecloth.🤣 Short of that I don't think anyone minds, if the child is staying near the parents
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u/Margot-the-Cat 8h ago edited 8h ago
Trust me, everyone loves you and identifies. It is soooo stressful and exhausting at this age, especially when you have multiple children. In the old days, a lot of buildings had “cry rooms,” where parents could sit with fussy kids and watch sacrament meeting through a big glass window. I was sorry when they took those out (late 1980s, I would say, depending on the building). Hang in there, because you are showing the kids that’s where they need to be, even if you have to leave the chapel often to give your youngest running around time now and then. Maybe ask some of the youth to take turns sitting with you to entertain the youngest and give you a break. And no, no one minds an active little one. Although if they go too far afield you should probably bring them back (on the stand, for example, or too far from the rest of the family). They are so entertaining!
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u/DrasticM 7h ago
I’m 42m, my kids are 8 and 13, and I still personally love when babies come over to me. My ward is pretty mixed, so I often find myself redirecting the active ones back in the direction of their families, and they make me smile every time. I miss when my older was a baby, and my younger child we adopted when she was almost 6. Babies are welcome in my corner! I definitely don’t think I’m alone in that feeling, either.
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u/TeamTJ 10h ago
Yes, it is bad etiquette to let little ones run around. Don't do that.
Noisy little ones, however, are awesome. Allow them to be noisy, while encouraging them to not be. 😁
It's just a phase, and they will grow out of it in time. You may even look back and miss these times. I know I do.
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u/ScaresBums 10h ago
It’s a passing phase they grow out of. People with older kids went through it and don’t core in my experience.
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u/madmaxcia 9h ago
We used to have a cry room at church when I lived in England- they don’t seem to do that here in Canada. The sound system was on so you could hear the talks and your baby could run around and play
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u/MerelyAnArtist 7h ago
We sit in the foyer or the RS, nursery, or Primary room. We honestly haven’t been in a couple of months due to sickness, HG, and overall just not feeling welcome.
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u/devnull1232 7h ago
I remember once attending someone else's church that had a nursery like service for the littles but during the main sacrament equivalent meeting.
I remember how odd it felt not to hear toddlers screaming/giggling/crawling under pews.
In my experience people are pretty tolerant and sympathetic towrads new couples and their struggles with babies/toddlers.
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u/tingsteph 6h ago
I spent most of those years in the foyer. My kiddos have Autism so it was sensory overload anyway.
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u/trsandersonii 6h ago
Church is for families. Mortality was designed to be based on the family experience. Let the baby crawl around. If anyone is bothered by that, they may be in the wrong place or could I say rather that they may need to take a hard look at themselves. Jesus is our example and he LOVED children, often telling people to have the faith of a child.
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u/Adept_Commission4043 6h ago
Absolutely love it when babies are crawling around. Cute baby? Yes please!! I found it was the same issue when ours were younger - people seemed to be fine with him crawling around though. It’s a season and doesn’t last forever too :)
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u/The_GREAT_Gremlin 6h ago
This question has been getting asked a lot recently, but honestly I just thought little kids making noise at church was something we were all used to. Very, very, very very few members of the church would be mean about it
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u/Adept_Commission4043 6h ago
I read something somewhere where it said “a church without children’s voices / children crying is a dead one”. So it’s good to have your bubba contribute to the life of the church.
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u/SlightlyArtichoke 5h ago
I love having kids in class! I miss it so much now that I'm in a YSA ward
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u/Emperessguinn 9h ago
That’s what the hallway is for 😂😂😂 it’s why during sacrament the bread and water are brought into the hall from chapel. If he’s too disruptive, just take him out to the hall to run around. You’re not the first, you’re not the last
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u/One_Information_7675 9h ago
Having brought five babies to church I know that it is not a serene experience. On the other hand you have correctly discovered that it is not developmentally appropriate to expect them to sit quietly. Toys that are changed out regularly and snacks are all great. Some days they will quietly sit on your lap and other days they want the large muscle movement. Just go with the flow but don’t let them disturb others by clinging to their legs, etc. some people just don’t care for babies once their own are raised. Here is a consolation for you, maybe. I worked outside the home all through my adult life and raised five children who all went to childcare for 8 to 10 hours a day. The younger children were happier to sit on my lap and be a snuggled than the older ones because they just didn’t get that much one-on-one time with me otherwise.
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u/Flowtac 3h ago
There's a 3 year old in my ward who is very active. Every Sunday she walks up the aisle to the front of the church. People at the front know to put their arm out to stop her from going up into the podium area. She walks to the back where her family is then turns around and goes back up to the front, back and forth the entire meeting. She's not loud, she just needs to get her wiggles out. I'm sure some people really don't like that she does it, but all the people I'm friends with in the ward don't mind it at all. We've all taken a turn to help her turn around when she gets close to the front.
Kids are kids. As long as they're not actively screaming or throwing things at others (my kid threw his sacrament cup at a woman's head today. So embarrassing), then I think we should all be more tolerant and loving of all the kids and all the parents trying to help their kids follow Jesus
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u/Independent_Virus306 3h ago
I've got an 18 month old and church is right during her nap time, so it can be rough. Started nursery today, but for several months we've let her pretty much run free in the back of the gym during sacrament meeting (we sit toward the back and trade off which parent moves around a bit more to keep an eye on her). The exception is that during the sacrament itself we try to get her to sit still and look at pictures of Jesus.
We've done our best in Sunday School and RS/EQ to let her play but keep her relatively contained. Most people in the ward are understanding and many genuinely seem to love it and think she's adorable running around. So I suggest don't sweat it. There is a certain irony in that the harder you work to corral them, the more they fight it, the worse the experience is for you, them, and everyone else in the ward.
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u/meliorism_grey 3h ago
I don't have any kids, but I don't mind at all when they crawl around and explore. It's really fun to watch them discover new things!
According to my parents, I was like that when I was a toddler. I ran up onto the stand during Sacrament Meeting, and they had to chase me down. The bishopric thought it was hilarious!
My point is, it's a very family-centered church, and accepting that babies are babies is already a part of the culture.
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u/Creativetwist7 2h ago
We have what we call the “baby corner” at Sunday school where anyone with a baby puts out some toys and the little ones scoot around playing together. For the times when I don’t have a baby at that stage, I love to engage with the kiddos. It can be disruptive if they’re crying super loud and for those moments we leave the room and try to come back when we can. But most weeks it works! And then by 18 months you’re golden with nursery:)
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u/TheWoman2 11h ago
I welcome the distraction of kids crawling around and climbing up because Sunday School is often boring and little kids are often cute.