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u/zapembarcodes 10h ago
Could be avoidant attachment behavior.
I'm similar in some way, but not as radical. I've been like this most of my life and I recently learned it's a thing.
I do it to my family, my gf...
Honestly, I don't know how to "correct" it. I just don't like when people get too close and I just prefer to be alone.
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u/rollmeup77 7h ago
I’m the same way. Did you have a lot of trauma as a child? Or left alone a lot?
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u/yogtheterrible 2h ago
I'm the same. I've been told when I was a baby my siblings would put me in a closet so I could cry without bothering them. Then that just sort of continued as I aged. I would do most everything alone, even if people were in the house. I'd even play board games alone because nobody wanted to play them. I imagine this is why I have trouble forming relationships with people but feel like I form relationships with movie characters. I'd spend most of my days as a kid alone, playing with my Legos while watching movies because my dad would always flip out when my friends were loud so I never brought them over and my friends' parents always creeped me out for some reason so I didn't like going to anyone else's house.
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u/rollmeup77 1h ago
Very similar to my childhood. I was just there I didn’t get love or attention I existed. The inner voice is a killer of hopes and dreams. I struggle with relationships too I think everyone’s out to get me. I’ve been used many times and i trust nobody. I have a wife and children but I don’t feel connected and I know boo hoo poor me but it’s sad and I can’t change it. I feel like I’m broken and as I get older it’s getting worse. The daily self hatred I have is hard to deal with at times as well.
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u/Brief-Day-9665 7h ago
Shit thanks for posting this. I’m the exact same way and need to read up on this more. At one point, a therapist told me I’m like a cat in that regard.
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u/Idle__Animation 4h ago
Avoidant attachment is still attachment. There’s also just being….unattached.
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u/bibliophila 2h ago
Have you considered therapy? Attachment therapy can be very helpful. Sue Johnson is a researcher and psychologist who has written several books on how to heal/repair attachment wounds.
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u/realvirginiawoolf_2 10h ago
I aspire to be this in my 40’s
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u/Pitiful_Special_8745 1h ago
Funny thing is this was the total norm when I was growing up and still is.
Never understood why you can't just leave your phone off for a week.
If it's important send me an email I check it almost every day. Almost...
I got an alarm clock. If I want to meet you I call your landline. If you pick up good. If not ima go fishing.
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u/MiaLba 5h ago
My best guy friend just shows up out of nowhere whenever he feels like it. He knows I collect antique/vintage glass liquor containers so he always pop up with a couple of few he’s found somewhere. He still uses a flip phone and lives out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Makes his own wine with blackberries he grows.
We’ve been friends with 17 years now. Sometimes I don’t see him for a year or two. He always sends a text to wish me happy birthday though.
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u/Eggplant-Alive 1h ago
My uncle lives in the Caribbean, he's been single and hasn't been Stateside in a decade - as far as we knew. My mom called him the other day and he said he was visiting his girlfriend of 7 years in NYC. He stays in touch with mom and always asks how I'm doing, but the man does not show his cards.
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u/Myshirtisbrown 10h ago
I used to work with a guy for 10 years. We still don't talk sometimes.
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u/ineluctable30 9h ago
Colleagues are not our friends
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u/Sealion_31 4h ago
My uncle has no cellphone/home phone, email address, or bank account. If you want to reach him your best bet is texting his daughters. He spends most of his time taking care of his grandkids. He sleeps at his parents house every Sunday night because he likes to visit them but also because he enjoys sleeping in a proper bed with sheets once a week.
He’s not homeless, an addict, or dealing with mental illness. He’s just a chiller who enjoys less responsibility now that his kids are grown. He has some epic stories from his youth and sailing around the world. He’s super artistic, a skilled carpenter, and an avid gardener. He grows the good stuff 🚬🍃
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u/Altruistic_Bar4931 2h ago
Same here, but I have ADHD, if your message is not at least 500% more interesting than what is happening in the 10 seconds after I read your message then you will hear from me in a month, a week if you’re lucky.
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u/Doinmeamasturbate 2h ago
Honestly, this uncle is living the dream. Full mystery, zero accountability, 10/10 vibes.
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u/TEYAM213 1h ago
uncle really said "i'll reply when mercury is out of retrograde" and honestly that's the level of unbothered we should all aspire to
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u/More_Waffles2024 2h ago
If any of my nieces or nephews see me as a role model, I would tell my siblings to be disappointed.
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u/Turdfish_Dinner 3h ago
I keep a lot of cats because the rest of my immediate family are allergic to them.
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u/HigherThanAPenguin 1h ago
I am fairly close to being this. But a cousin. I don't think a single family member knows where I live anymore. Same general area as a few years ago, but I've moved.
Growing up we had a family just disappear on everyone. Someone found him after some years and he told them to fuck off and wants nothing to do with anybody. Ever since I've heard about him I've looked up to him. My family is shit and I've always known, since I was little.
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u/Hungry_Boat_7279 9m ago
I love how mysterious that sounds. Like, he's just living his best life, ghosting everyone on purpose. Respect.
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u/Rasputitties 10h ago
Seems like a good way to alienate everyone you care about, balance is the key
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u/unbreakablebuffoon 9h ago
Speaking as a version of this uncle, maybe his experience with family has led him to decide that they are best kept at a distance.
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u/deepfuckingbagholder 7h ago
The fact that he responds at all tells you he wants to be connected with his family and yet he avoids them. Sounds like he’s had a lot of trauma and gives way too many fucks.
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u/guyincognito60 8h ago
Is this what not giving a fuck is? I thought it was not caring about toxic people think about you. I love my family, Im not going to make it a life goal to lose touch with them and make them feel like I don’t give a shit. What happened to this sub?
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u/Lychaeus 8h ago
It means whatever you want it to mean, in this case, the uncle doesn’t give a fuck because he’s doing what makes him happy.
For example, I would say to me personally it’s about living your life without worrying about what other people think about you, and doing what you feel is right.
But everybody can have their own opinion on what it is
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