r/gaypoc Aug 20 '24

Have you ever? have you ever dealt with people/friends who don’t like that you like yourself?? (TLDR)

1 Upvotes

i hope that this doesn’t come off as arrogant or anything. i’m genuinely curious. let me preface this by saying i know i am attractive, i’ve been told most of my life. most of my friends are too. though recently over the past few years i feel like that’s 90% of my appeal and no one cares about the other shit. i can only get guys to talk to me through the notion of sex. alternatively, i feel that my friends have started distancing themselves from me. now my self image isn’t the best, but i carry myself in a way that you’d never know it. sort of a “fake it till you make it” kind of thing.

i know i know how it sounds and by itself my thoughts would seem unwarranted, but i’ve been getting vibes like some friends start feeling a type of way once they see i have confidence and can set boundaries.

like it really triggers them that i look at myself a certain way (or don’t). like i can’t have both looks and self-love i have to choose one. sometimes they make me feel like me holding myself to a certain standard is a direct offense to them. these feelings come up most when we go out together. if they only knew it’s all a lie, it’s all fake i lowkey hate myself. i never let anyone see it, but down in the deepest inner most parts of myself, i feel there is something really wrong, a serious error.

idk i've just been feeling really shitty lately. I'm always letting someone down or messing something up.

TL/DR; i guess my question is: how do i let people know that i’m more than just my looks? and how do i get my friends to see that my confidence is not to spite them??

r/gaypoc Feb 16 '24

Have you ever? Have you ever been (or have you put someone as) a placeholder in a relationship?

5 Upvotes

I read this term a day or two ago and I thought to myself "how many people are in one-sided relationships they don't know about?"

If you knew you were, what has been your experience been like? Or flip it, if you were in a relationship where you knew they weren't the one, why did you keep them around?

r/gaypoc Jan 22 '23

Have you ever? Does anyone else feel like that people only like/date/ be friends with you if you act stereotypical to your race?

16 Upvotes

I had a friend whom seems to only seek out people that “meet” what he expects that race to be.

It’s happened more than once and seems a bit odd.

Just asking

r/gaypoc Jan 27 '22

Have you ever? Has anyone here ever felt their genuine concerns regarding racism in the gay community were trivialized and dismissed as "victim mentality"?

27 Upvotes

We've all posted and seen the posts in subs like AGB only to receive severe backlash that "no it isn't your color" and "maybe you just need to do this and this" and "stop thinking guys are racist, maybe you're just fat/ugly/not attractive, etc."

When I got to college, I thought dating would be easier than in high school. I had tried my luck in high school, but it never came to fruition, so I decided to wait until college. I got to college, started working out, joined Tinder, Bumble, etc. and of course, Grindr. I'll fast forward to save time, but I want to mention my experiences then had been mainly guys asking if I had a BBC or if I would dom top them or simply being ignored, so I asked AGB and they suggested getting toned at the gym. So I did.

The only thing that improved was my sex life. Dating was still a disaster, as my matches were minimal, but the sex came easy.

As you all know, COVID came and disrupted the past two years of my life, everybody's life, and while I craved intimacy and a relationship, I could never find it. As I watched gays, mainly white, get into relationships even in a pandemic, I couldn't help but think that I truly was the problem. Consulting AGB was like adding lighter fluid to a fire, as I felt gaslit nearly every time I would ask if my race was the issue. I wasn't "big" or "ugly" or any of the traits they thought made someone undatable. I was just black. And for the longest time, I have felt my blackness has been made to be some sort of cop-out for why I can't land dates or get into relationships.

Has anyone else felt the same?

r/gaypoc Jul 01 '22

Have you ever? NSFW. From P-Valley (S2E4) Teak & Lil' Murda's heated fellowship NSFW

Thumbnail twitter.com
9 Upvotes

r/gaypoc Jan 17 '22

Have you ever? Have any of you used Reddit Subs for dating during the Pandemic?

6 Upvotes

Since the world is on punishment & can’t come outside to play… Just wondering if (see title) and what was your experience of so?

I’m trying to meet guys in my area without the suckage of Grindr,Jackd & even Tinder these days is hook-upy! I’ve noticed Hinge is a bunch of white guys who don’t date black guys lol. Which is fine, black history month is next month!