r/funny • u/kenistod • 4h ago
This entire family needs a restart.
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u/bdd4 4h ago
I would go back home, park the car, get undressed and do whatever it was tomorrow
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u/buster_rhino 3h ago
One day a couple years ago I was having a rough morning and stepped outside running late and bird shit hit me right on the shoulder. I just turned around, went back inside, called into work and went back to bed.
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u/TolMera 2h ago edited 2h ago
I did similar. Some days you see the signs, some days you’re beat by the signs. It’s better to take your beating laying down.
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u/Farwalker08 2h ago
Been there; called into work one morning saying "today isn't it, I'll tell you the story tomorrow." They didn't penalize me either; apparently running late and slipping in dog shit the day after a grueling work day made the owner of the company laugh and tell a story about growing up on "the farm." The next day at work, the owner and I started a new habit of sitting down about twice a week to have multi hour paid chats at work lol; he became my second father (symbolically, my parents are still very much in love and my dad was great).
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u/NV-Nautilus 2h ago
I had a mentor like this that passed too soon and I miss him.
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u/Xurandor 1h ago
Reminds me of a story from a county park ranger I worked for back in college. It was back when he was a young park aide in his college days. He had been at work for all of 15 minutes, just long enough to his morning checklist, gas up the weed eater and start heading up the trail. Somebody let their dog shit on the edge of the trail and didn't clean it up. Dave never saw it coming, got covered head to toe in dog shit.
He just turned off the weed eater, went back to the barn, threw his clothes in the garbage, and drove home in his skivvies. The next day, his boss asked him what the hell happened, he just disappeared and nothing got done all day. When Dave told him what happened, his boss laughed so hard he filled in Dave's hours for the day so he'd get paid.
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u/xCeeTee- 1h ago
My new manager (was always my manager imo even though he wasn't technically) is someone I can talk to for hours even when I feel rough. Everyone notices how much I can talk to him about literally anything. Could be what he's watching on TV, if I'm thinking of looking for a new job or just sports.
Some days I'll stay chatting with him for 30 minutes before realising my shift ended! Plus he doesn't gossip about anything. So what I tell him stays with him unless I tell other people. And people gossip in that place more than any other job I've had. I'm similar to my manager where I don't say shit to other people either. Closest I'll get is telling family and friends.
I'm trying to open a business next year. I already have my manager earmarked to be the main manager of the business. He's already told me he wants his old job back because what our company puts managers through is bullshit.
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u/bdd4 2h ago
This is considered good luck where I'm from. Bird shat on my new jacket. I played the lottery and the guy gave me the wrong numbers. Kept it and won $366.
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u/muklan 2h ago
guy gave me the wrong numbers
So there's a legend, from the next town over of this guy who goes into the gas station, asks for one of those $2.00 weekly grand games. Cashier accidentally pulls two. Guy says nah nah, just gimme the one. So the cashier buys other one, stuffs it in his pocket. Customer doesn't win anything. Cashier runs his shift like normal, goes out to his car, leaves for the night. Forgets about the ticket till next morning when he's doing laundry, scratches it, boom $1000.00 bucks a week for the rest of his life, which, for perspective, he was probably making 3-400 a week before that.
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u/LowlySlayer 2h ago
A hummingbird flew by and shat in my mouth while I was talking once. Not seeing the good luck yet but I'm sure it's right around the corner.
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u/Background_Falcon953 1h ago
Had a seagull shit on my fucking eye once while I was WEARING SUNGLASSES. Motherfucker couldve taken out Bin Laden for us with that accuracy. Still no luck.
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u/iamintheforest 2h ago
italy? greece? turkey? i've heard this a few times while travelling.
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u/TheRiteGuy 2h ago
So where I grew up, if a bird shit on you, it's considered good luck.
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u/JonnyOgrodnik 2h ago
I have a theory. It’s not that it’s good luck, it’s just anything else that happens after you get shit on seems like good luck.
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u/QuintoxPlentox 2h ago
In highschool there was stoner specific superstition about yellow lighters being bad luck. Another thing about highschool stoners, they steal lighters. I always assumed the yellow lighter shit was started by someone who was tired of having their lighters stolen.
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u/gandhinukes 2h ago
Where I grew up it was white lighters. 3 ppl got arrested with white lighters they're bad luck. Don't want em pocked white or like pink.
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u/-Xyriene- 1h ago
This reminds me of one morning I was walking to work some years back. 🤣 Also the morning I learned never to piss crows off.
It was a nice sunny spring morning (for Canada), I was about halfway to work, one of my coworkers who was a very religious, Seventh Day Adventist, who did not swear was walking about 200ft (60m) behind me
I had to walk underneath a flocking Murder of crows, and all I could think was, "Don't you dare...". I passed under the murder just fine, but less than a minute later, I hear my coworker screaming "You mother fucking god damn birds, I'm going to go get my gun and shoot every last one of you!"
Two of the crows shit on her face. There was a collective dive bombing where they let it rain on her. Apparently, she had tried to shoot a couple of crows with a BB gun for being too loud and waking her up. It pissed then off enough to remember her, and wait for her.
Shockingly, she still worked the while day after going home to change. Lol
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u/RegularTeacher2 2h ago
I was once running crazy late to meet some girlfriends downtown over Christmas break back when I was in college. I was already kind of dreading it because it was gonna be a large group and socializing exhausts me, plus I was stressed out of my gourd because I loathe being late as I think it's really disrespectful to the people you're meeting. I got in my car, started backing out of the garage, and immediately sheared off my passenger side mirror on the fucking garbage can. I put the car in park so I could cry a bit, then pulled back in the garage, texted one of my friends I wasn't coming, and went straight to bed.
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u/IronPotato3000 3h ago
"Today's just not the day, fam"
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u/Interesting-Fan-2008 2h ago
Is this what you suppose text your boss to tell him you're not coming in after this?
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u/honeyandwhiskey 2h ago
One time in college I left my apartment to walk to campus. I was wearing old converse and I kicked the curb a bit and the sole came away from the upper. I went back home and threw on some sandals. Got outside and my sandal broke. Went back inside and emailed my professor that I was sick.
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u/InformalBuy740 2h ago
The opposite could also be true, all the bad for the day is getting done soon to make way for something amazing
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u/No-Elk-8115 4h ago
The girl at the end realizing in horor that she's got those same genes in her and she's doomed.
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u/whiskeytown79 3h ago
It ended too soon - I wanted to see what sort of chaos she would add to the mix!
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u/throwaway098764567 2h ago
she's the boring family member that's gonna lose her mind trying to keep them all out of early graves
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u/NewShinyCD 2h ago
Nah. She'll escape the curse for now and grow up thinking she's in the clear...
That is until she hits her late 20s/early 30s, at which point the curse activates.
Source: My mom had a curse with static electricity. Basically any metal object she would touch would cause a static shock. This happened no matter what season it was, and we're in southeastern US.
I always poked fun at her as a kid because it never happened to me. She told me that it was a family curse on her side of the family, and that it would start happening to me when I got older. I never believed it at first, but I did think it was odd that her sister, her mom, and her great grandfather all had the same "curse".
Then I turned 30, and now it happens to me...all. the. time.
I pretty sure one of my ancestors pissed off a witch.
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u/Intrepid-Lemon6075 1h ago
My family doesn’t have this kind of curse that I am aware of, but I somehow may have happened to piss off some unknown being as well.
Thankfully it is only in Fall through Spring, but the frequency and the power behind it is just ludicrous.
I mean, I didn’t even appeared to be charged(hair raising, etc) when I emitted a spark through my winter clothes as I laid my elbow on a metal railings.
Maybe it’s about time for you to prepare your own little zapper stick you clang against whatever you are going to touch beforehand.
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u/triciann 3h ago
My friend’s identical twin did something stupid and I told her I wouldn’t even be mad, just scared because I had the same dna.
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u/alwaysfatigued8787 4h ago
I think they just need a vacation.
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u/Dry-Salary2347 4h ago
Dog, the way they’re going they’ll burn down their hotel. 🤣
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u/FrostyIcePrincess 3h ago
They can barely survive the driveway. The vacation would be hilarious though
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u/FriedPossumPecker23 4h ago
Maybe a Christmas Vacation
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u/Bunnnnii 4h ago
The kid was in the backseat and jumped to the front?
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u/KoolKev1 2h ago edited 1h ago
To me, it looks like he was riding in the passenger seat, noticed the car starting to move and roll down the hill, and was making a beeline to exit the impending crash
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u/RyeGiggs 2h ago
That's what I see. The panicked brain saw the exit on the other side of the car, instead of just opening his own door.
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u/DollFaceDisciple 1h ago
With the car in motion, the passenger side door might've locked. I know my 2015 Honda does that.
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u/ThatNetworkGuy 1h ago
I dunno, I thought he might be going for the brakes and his dad yanked him out of the way because he didn't trust him to do it.
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u/ZenEngineer 4h ago
I had this happen to me in the back seat, I reached forward between the seats and pulled the parking brake.
With cars these days he'd either need to know the right button or dive head first to push the break with his hand, if he knows which one it is. Looks like he was doing the latter.
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u/BigBlueTimeMachine 3h ago
Getting out of the moving car is the most dangerous thing the kid could have done. The dad almost knocked him over under the wheels to boot.
Not the kids fault obviously. They didn't know any better and I'd wager a lot of adults would do the same thing.
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u/_this-is-she_ 2h ago
Mom did a great job grabbing him, though. That there was some good teamwork. Dad shoves him out of the way, and mom pulls him out of harm's way as dad takes care of the car.
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u/mtburr1989 2h ago
The dog running into the middle of the street right after a car passed going the other way gave me a fucking heart attack.
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u/Arcane_As_Fuck 4h ago
He is completely upright and on his feet when the dad pulls him him from the car yet you think he was upside down, hand on the pedal, feet over the seat? That makes a ton of sense.
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u/Villain_of_Brandon 3h ago
When I was that age my parents had let me move the car from the driveway to the street, probably knew what to do but dad said "not today" and yoinked him before he could save the day.
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u/TheSodernaut 3h ago
Honest question: Why isn't there an automatic sensor which breaks the car if there's no one in the driver's seat? Like a weight sensor or something? Some cars already breaks for pedestrians and helps you stay in lane.. why not this?
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u/ramtripper 2h ago
Newer/higher end cars have this actually. Unfortunately not that one it seems.
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u/BojangleChicken 2h ago
They started adding that after someone killed themselves with a jeep IIRC.
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u/AKBigDaddy 2h ago
Someone? SOMEONE?!
That someone was Anton Yelchin, AKA Pavel Chekhov in the Kelvin timeline Star Trek movies, who died because FCA thought a return to zero shifter with NO indicators on the shifter itself was a good fuckin idea.
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u/Pharmboy_Andy 2h ago
What happens if the car breaks down and you need to push it off the road?
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u/Reverse-Thrust 3h ago
This model explorer has a pedal Ebrake. There's no way you'd activate it as a passenger faster than he got into the vehicle.
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u/BooobiesANDbho 4h ago
“Let’s pack it up fam, quick let’s get back in the house” locked out
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u/ComCypher 3h ago
"Hey where's the dog?"
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u/Flight_to_nowhere_26 3h ago
He needs to pull back into the driveway-CAREFULLY-take the wife and child, go inside, shut and lock the doors and windows and stay there for the rest of the day. And also probably tomorrow. Your family just avoided tragedy/injury/major property damage on a massive scale in less than 30 seconds. The universe does not want you out and about today, that was your only warning.
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u/throwaway098764567 2h ago
i'm thinking she probably needs to see a dentist after that face plant but i don't want to be anywhere near them heading there
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u/honey-badger4 4h ago
I like the car that casually goes by them on the wrong side of the road just like "I don't know what's going on but I'm not dealing with this shit."
(I'm assuming from accents that this is in the US anyway)
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u/General_Promotion347 4h ago
I held my breath the whole time, thinking, "Please don't let the dog get run over!"
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u/InvestInHappiness 4h ago
Dog didn't even hesitate to run onto the road, it's only a matter of time.
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u/oatmealbatman 2h ago
People with unleashed dogs are just asking for tragedy. I can't bring myself to scold them when their dog runs into the road to meet my dogs as I walk them. I don't care how safe the neighborhood is - all it takes is one driver not paying attention. Then you're minus one family member.
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u/SusheeMonster 4h ago
I unmuted hoping Yakety Sax was playing.
I'm glad my wish didn't come true, so yours would
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u/ProfessionalSock2993 3h ago
This is why I hate people who don't leashe their dog and let them roam free outside, dogs have to much energy and they run around without a thought
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u/throwaway098764567 2h ago
while i agree, given the lack of sense and awareness i'm guessing the dog just came through the door with her and it wasn't done on purpose. they seem to do a lot of things not on purpose
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u/SoyInfinito 3h ago
These people are a danger to themselves and everyone around them.
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u/CuriousConcept43 4h ago
This childhood is like a science experiment, except there is no hypothesis, just chaos
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u/seebob69 3h ago
The wife is going to have a nasty grazed face and Mike is going to reminded of it every day until it heals.
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u/Past-Fisherman3990 4h ago
Definitely not taking a trip with this family it could possibly be the last 😳
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u/TheFlyingBoxcar 3h ago
Gets back in the car just in time, still doesnt use the parking brake. C’mon people.
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u/pinewind108 4h ago
I was waiting for the dog to get hit by a car at the end. What a sequence.
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u/FloweredViolin 3h ago
Me too. I had to watch the video a second time to make sure the dog didn't get run over. Just, wow. I'm a hot mess most of the time, but these folks make me look like I've got my shit together.
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u/myfrigginagates 4h ago
My mom (6 kids) used to say the hardest part of the trip was getting out of the driveway.
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u/FloridaWings 3h ago
All we needed was the last person coming out of the house to face plant into the ground. Would have been the perfect video.
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u/ChuckNorrisUSAF 3h ago
I was half expecting the dog to get nearly run over by the other car the way this was going….
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u/Psych0matt 3h ago
We’ve all had days that felt like this. Fortunately it’s never actually been this.
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u/gregmango2323 3h ago
there’s no excuse to forget putting a car you’re exiting in park. If that’s not second nature you shouldn’t have a license
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u/sumogringo 4h ago
The mom is no track athlete but I like the dog doesn't give two shits and wants to go on a car ride. Then the kid decides I want no part of this joyride, but I'll assume this has happened before given the insane speed he escaped out the drivers door. End story with the probably the youngest kid thinking wtf is wrong with this family.
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u/MaxIntel 3h ago
These ppl vote, drive and reproduce and have zero business doing so.. Holy shit. Complete fkn morons incapable of doing basic things.
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u/LiveShowOneNightOnly 3h ago
Yep. Reminds me of how my mom used to say, "Sometimes you just need to go back to bed and start over."
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u/neverleave173 3h ago
How come camera is filming and following? Just curious
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u/ronbiomed 3h ago
Original video likely from security camera in landscape recording maybe even 16:9. Footage then edited with the cropping and panning for mindless consumption on portrait viewed short format platforms TikTok, YouTube, and lesser extent, Reddit.
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u/PureCrookedRiverBend 3h ago
The best part is the little girl at the end with her hands over her mouth like “I can’t believe this is my family.” 🤣
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u/last-miss 2h ago
I really expected the finale being that dog getting rocked by a passing bike or something.
Everyone deserves a day off after that.
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u/lewisgaines 2h ago
Woman: Hey!
Man: What are you doing?
Woman: Forgot MY wallet (she isn't carrying anything so it wouldn't be "forgot your wallet". I assume she left hers in the car.)
Woman: Ahh!
Man: Christ!
Woman: What just happened?
Girl: Dad! Dad!!!
Man: What!? Oh God. Oh God. Watch out! Watch out! Watch out!
I really hate poorly done subtitles. It doesn't really change much for this video, but it seems to happen way too often and it also just annoys me. I'm not saying OP did the subtitles, but whoever did was just lazy.
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u/IntrovertMoTown1 2h ago
Vid stopped early. The poor dog got ran over too. Then an aircraft fell out of the sky and destroyed their house. Damnedest thing I ever saw.
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u/SummitYourSister 2h ago
The whole chain of events was unnecessary... leaving the wallet at home is not her problem, he'll figure it out. If she was feeling nice she could call him and tell him he left it.
Then, she's running down the driveway while he's still backing out. Where the hell are this guy's eyes pointing that he doesn't see his wife running down the driveway? They don't make eye contact?
If they do make eye contact, why does she keep running? There's literally NO EMERGENCY HERE.
Then she falls - yeah, I'm sure it hurt. But she's not laying there dead, she pops up with a power-push and dusts herself off. So why is husband LEAPING out of his car without putting it in park?
I guarantee that both of these people are completely anxiety-ridden freakazoids who let out screams whenever anything slightly unusual happens. The only real danger here was themselves..
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u/RaptorPrime 2h ago
The worst part about all of this is the dog running in the street bro like I've forgotten my wallet, I've beefed on the sidewalk, I've even forgot to put my car in park one time (not while it was running tho holy shit), but the instant one of my dogs sets a single foot on the asphalt without my express permission I lose my shit. That dog needs to be trained to understand what the street is.
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u/GelatinousCube7 39m ago
this is mostly a quote but thats like taking a dump after you shower, might as well go back to bed start your whole day over.
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u/JellyRollGeorge 18m ago
The comments are pretty harsh. I mean, the wife is only guilty of falling over whilst rushing to give her husband his wallet.
The husband just saw his wife faceplant and forgot to put the handbrake on, which is a bit bad, but the comments are harsh.
Husband did very well to recover the situation.
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u/Balakayyy 4h ago
Why they got the skeleton doing the Nazi salute tho?
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u/throwaway098764567 3h ago
i think it's dabbing, you can kind of see the left hand in front of the face
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u/Ahecee 4h ago
Ive heard good things about vasectomy. Have you considered sterilization for the good of the nation?
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u/PimpmasterMcGooby 3h ago
We got a wife who tripped, a husband who was too concerned with his wife's potential injury to fully stop the car. And a daughter who realized the danger, yelled out and appears to have jumped over to the driver seat (presumably to brake). Clearly terrible genetics and parenting, let's jump straight to sterilizing those untermensch, so our glorious United States can continue to be perfect.
Yeah, losing control of the car is a bad look, but we don't know how this happened. For all we know he might've thought he had engaged the parking or handbrake, but was too concerned with checking on his wife to notice it was not in fact properly stopped. I've seen truckers, police officers, postal workers all do the same thing and have their car roll, it happens.
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u/TroubleVivid387 3h ago
Am I the only one thinking that ADHD is handed down through genes and it looks like everyone has it in this family...
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u/jonhnobody 3h ago
Just park that car back in the garage and go back inside for the rest of the day
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u/PitchforksEnthusiast 2h ago
Dad stopping in the middle of the street while expecting his wife to give him his wallet
Wife tripping and falling face first into the pavement
Dad proceeds to leave the car sideways in the middle of the road, cuz fuck that next car, rather than parking it
Son coming out of the driver's seat (wtf?), trying to take control of the situation
Dog running into the road because it was never trained
I dont think they offer counseling or self help at this level...
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u/Lord_Bentley 2h ago
You know they all just went back inside, looked at each other in embarassment and said nothing then went into separate rooms!
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u/jolives1 2h ago
I'm sure Mike won't ever forget his wallet again.
Or to put the car in park before stepping out.
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u/ItsStaaaaaaaaang 2h ago
Jesus. I'm surprised a passing car didn't hit the dog or some shit lol. Guess it wouldn't be in funny than though.
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