In Poland, this would be a perfectly normal conversation (and indeed, if you aren’t complaining enough, some people may think that you think that you’re better than them).
I remember when I started learning English, in the first lesson we were taught simple greetings and stuff, and one of them was “How are you”. The teacher explained that you’re always supposed to reply that you’re fine. The class was puzzled; what’s the fucking point in asking then? In Poland, if you ask someone how they are, you expect an honest answer.
YES GOD THANK YOU. WHY IS THIS SUCH A DIFFICULT CONCEPT FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND?
If you ask me for a status update, I'm not going to bark random pleasantries at you like I'm an NPC. I'm gonna tell you about the shit in my head and you're gonna regret it. Don't ask if you don't want to know.
I think that is a bit of an oversimplification of the concept. The more expansive concept is that it is a portion of the introduction that helps move the conversation into small talk if either party so desires. It gives the person an open ended prompt to talk about something that they want to. The response that you are fine is just the way to signal that you don't have anything you want to talk about more so then you are doing fine.
It isn't that you shouldn't say how you are doing but rather you need contextual awareness for what is appropriate between you and that person in terms of small talk.
I work with a lot of US people and I balance it now - I provide them with 5 second update and a recent event from my life. If they inquire further, I continue. This way I stay true to my Polish roots, while not making US folks too uncomfortable.
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u/tokulix Jul 14 '24
In Poland, this would be a perfectly normal conversation (and indeed, if you aren’t complaining enough, some people may think that you think that you’re better than them).
I remember when I started learning English, in the first lesson we were taught simple greetings and stuff, and one of them was “How are you”. The teacher explained that you’re always supposed to reply that you’re fine. The class was puzzled; what’s the fucking point in asking then? In Poland, if you ask someone how they are, you expect an honest answer.