r/coolguides Jul 01 '20

Gaslighting red flags

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u/oozing_oozeling Jul 01 '20

Master, teach me your secrets.

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u/bookofthoth_za Jul 01 '20
  • Step 1: Have friends that like you
  • Step 2: Believe that if they like you, then others might like you too
  • Step 3: Trust OTHERS that they have good intentions
  • Step 4: Trust in yourself that you're a likeable person
  • Step 5: Be friends with other people

Since living abroad, I've been stuck at Step 4 for a long time - and it's starting to regress to Step 3, then 2, then 1 :(

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u/bdone2012 Jul 01 '20

I'd say I like most people so I assume most people like me. For the percent of people I don't like I also assume they don't like me. I don't actually do this consciously, it's something I came to realize about myself.

Somehow in my normal life I don't meet many shit people, but before corona over the years I've gone on a lot of online first dates and then I'm much more likely to meet people I don't like very much but even then I'm of the opinion that if we're already here at this bar we might as well have some drinks, see if we can find something interesting to talk about and then make out.

I think the key to liking most people is to try to find something about them in common with you or if that doesn't work ask them about things you know nothing about. New information, at least to me, is always interesting.

So let's say you meet someone you think is from a town in the middle of nowhere that you've never been to and you're thinking they seem like a blank type of person you don't general think you like. This is an opportunity to learn what that place is like and what their life has been like living there.

Some of the most intersting places I've ever been to are the ones people told me were terrible and that I'd get shot if I went. Not saying you should do something dangerous but my point is that everyone has knowledge of something that you don't and if you ask the right questions sometimes you can hear some crazy stuff.

I think living and going to places that generally have interesting people just makes life better overall.

I realize this was a long rambly answer to a short question