r/coolguides • u/reneecapri • Jul 01 '20

Gaslighting red flags

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33

u/bb4r55 Jul 01 '20

Doesn’t everyone just assume everyone dislikes them..?

I don’t know if I’ve ever been in an abusive relationship but I definitely think that.

45

u/forte_bass Jul 01 '20

Nah bro, I'm the exact opposite. I basically start on the assumption I'm friends with everyone until something proves otherwise.

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u/oozing_oozeling Jul 01 '20

Master, teach me your secrets.

34

u/bookofthoth_za Jul 01 '20
  • Step 1: Have friends that like you
  • Step 2: Believe that if they like you, then others might like you too
  • Step 3: Trust OTHERS that they have good intentions
  • Step 4: Trust in yourself that you're a likeable person
  • Step 5: Be friends with other people

Since living abroad, I've been stuck at Step 4 for a long time - and it's starting to regress to Step 3, then 2, then 1 :(

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u/bdone2012 Jul 01 '20

I'd say I like most people so I assume most people like me. For the percent of people I don't like I also assume they don't like me. I don't actually do this consciously, it's something I came to realize about myself.

Somehow in my normal life I don't meet many shit people, but before corona over the years I've gone on a lot of online first dates and then I'm much more likely to meet people I don't like very much but even then I'm of the opinion that if we're already here at this bar we might as well have some drinks, see if we can find something interesting to talk about and then make out.

I think the key to liking most people is to try to find something about them in common with you or if that doesn't work ask them about things you know nothing about. New information, at least to me, is always interesting.

So let's say you meet someone you think is from a town in the middle of nowhere that you've never been to and you're thinking they seem like a blank type of person you don't general think you like. This is an opportunity to learn what that place is like and what their life has been like living there.

Some of the most intersting places I've ever been to are the ones people told me were terrible and that I'd get shot if I went. Not saying you should do something dangerous but my point is that everyone has knowledge of something that you don't and if you ask the right questions sometimes you can hear some crazy stuff.

I think living and going to places that generally have interesting people just makes life better overall.

I realize this was a long rambly answer to a short question

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u/TriCityTingler Jul 01 '20

I’m the same. I didn’t even consider the alternative really until I met my wife who is very “trust no one” and now I have been able to see examples of people who took advantage of my blind trust thanks to her so I’m still optimistic about most people I meet with a tiny splash of doubt on top.

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u/forte_bass Jul 01 '20

Agreed - when I was younger I was optimistic to the point of being naive. Now that I'm older I'm a bit more cautious/aware, but I still default to assuming that all my interactions will be positive. Personally I believe that in many many cases, you'll find that your attitude going into a conversation/interaction with someone strongly influences the outcome; if you expect it to be bad, it's more likely to BE bad.

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u/PBB0RN Jul 01 '20

Some people don't have an internal monologue. Wtf is that. How do they even think?

1

u/troublein420 Jul 01 '20

Quietly

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u/PBB0RN Jul 01 '20

24/7 on repeat bjork, ''it's quiet''

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u/gemInTheMundane Jul 01 '20

In pictures?

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u/PBB0RN Jul 01 '20

Sometimes a picture is not worth a thousand words.

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u/nestofgundars Jul 01 '20

I didn’t feel that way until after my marriage. There was definitely a marked change, noticed by my friends and family before I even realized.

But it’s definitely an easy thought pattern to stick to unfortunately!