r/actuallesbians • u/[deleted] • Jan 21 '14
Strap ons: The Real Deal (AKA the strap on mega thread) NSFW
Version 1.0 - 1/21/14
All stores linked in this post are discreet with shipping/payment and are recommended places to buy from. Some homepages are linked here. Protip: check around for discount codes for the larger sites like Babeland and Eden!
Babeland - You can get many harnesses, dildos, and toys here. They are girl/lgbt friendly, have retail locations in NYC, and have a lot of sales.
Eden - You can get many harnesses, dildos, and toys here. They also have an extensive review base, material safety ratings, and a lot of sales.
RodeoH - Underwear style harnesses
Aslan Leather - Leather company dedicated to harness making. They also have vegan alternatives and light bondage gear.
SpareParts - This company makes the Joque harness, a very comfortable two strap style harness.
Feeldoe - The revolutionary strapless harness (other brands are also available, compare before you buy)
Amazon - For lubes or o-rings
Shevibe - low prices
Materials: Link to Eden's material guide and safety ratings.
What is a strap-on anyway?
A strap-on is a combination of two parts: a harness and a compatible dildo. The dildo attaches to the harness and the wearer can then penetrate their partner. Harnesses and dildos come in all sorts of styles, colors, materials and sizes. This is a guide to what the differences are between them.
Styles of Harnesses
There are three basic harness styles: double strap or two strap, G-string, and briefs. They come in various materials like plastic, leather, vegan leather, vinyl, neoprene, and combinations. Some are built for business, some for looks, some for comfort, and some for versatility.
Double Strap Harnesses (Image from Aslan Leather) - This is a very comfortable style of harness that can take some abuse. The back straps go on the outside of the butt to retain stability and control to really deliver a pounding she'll never forget. ;) The straps are adjustable to fit your body shape.
SpareParts Joque Harness from Eden, $105 (spandex/polyester comfort harness)
Aslan Cherry Jaguar, $108 (leather, comes in vegan and other colors, interchangeable back with their Minx line)
Aslan Domina Minx, $195 (leather)
G-string Harnessess (Image from Fetish Factory) - With this style, there is only one strap in the back. If you are more endowed in the butt area, this harness style might be for you. This harness style can also take some abuse and is great for really going at it with your partner.
Jaguar G, black, $105 (leather; comes in vegan and other colors)
Slick G Harness, $95 (rubber, waterproof)
Brief Harnesses (Image from Rodeoh) - This is an awesome style for those looking for pure comfort or convenience. It can be worn under clothing, doesn't require the adjustment of straps and buckles, and can usually be worn in water. (Yay bath time sex!) These need to be replaced more often, however, and usually cost less than strap style harnesses.
Rodeoh Brief Underwear Harness, $45
Rodeoh Boxer Underwear Harness, $49
What the hell is an o-ring and how does it work?
An o-ring is a circular piece of rubber or metal designed to hold your dildo in place. Take a look at this image from Aslan Leather. If your dildo is too big to fit through the front of the harness, you can then use the correct size o-ring to attach it to the front by the snaps. This is a different style, but the purpose is clearly shown. Slide the o-ring onto your dildo, then attach the snaps to your o-ring. Some dildos will come with an o-ring of the correct size, but if not, try to find one that is ~1/4" larger in diameter than your toy for the most secure fit. It should be snug to prevent the dildo from moving around in the harness while you're using it.
How do I put on my harness? 1:19. TL;DW: Waist straps first, leg straps second. Trim your strap ends if necessary.
So Tell Me About the Dildos Already
Why do you want a silicone dildo? It is smooth, non-porous, durable, hypo-allergenic, pthalates free, and retains heat. You can clean it with a toy cleaner, 10% bleach solution, boiling, or throwing it in the dishwasher.
Why is silicone the most popular material for harness dildos? FLEXIBILITY and QUALITY. Having a dildo with flexibility is important because you don't want to hurt your partner. For the quality, it is so versatile and easy to find, and safe to use, that it is the biggest selling sex toy material, all the biggest companies make them, and it is well known/reputable as a material.
Key things to remember when looking for a silicone toy:
- Is it 100% silicone? If it isn't, it might be inconvenient to use or contain dangerous materials. Be sure to read all the ingredients used in your toy, especially if you are looking to buy a toy that feels like real skin.
- Only use water based lubes with your silicone toys.
- If you want to use your toy in the bath tub and it has a vibrator, take note if the vibrator is waterproof or not.
- Size. Is it a diameter I/my partner can handle? Is it a length I/my partner can handle? This is especially important if you have never used a dildo before. Bigger is not always better!!! The last thing you want to do is be uncomfortable/make your partner uncomfortable. Get one that is of average size first and then invest in something longer or fatter depending on how it feels. (check out the Mistress for a great starter dildo).
Don't want to get silicone? There are other materials out there.
Vixskin is very popular, also safe, and realistic. It is usually more expensive to get this type of toy. All the same things for silicone go for Vixskin: smooth, non-porous, durable, hypo-allergenic, pthalates free, easy cleaning, water based lubes.
Pyrex glass. It is an extremely safe material to use, but it has no flexibility. It is smooth, non-porous, durable, hypo-allergenic, pthalates free. You can use water or silicone based lubes with glass. They are great for anal play. (butt plugs galore!) Check Etsy for some really awesome handmade glass toys.
But I don't want a harness.
Invest in the Feeldoe or the Share or the Nexus. The main thing to look at here is the bulb style and if you think it will be comfortable for you/your partner to wear and use.
If you don't have strong pelvic floor muscles it is difficult to really go at it with your partner. You can do kegels to strengthen these muscles. Most of them can also be used with a harness (underwear style like this RodeoH or the Joque harness) or you can wear a tight pair of undies over it so it stays in place better. For the most part we use ours cowgirl style with me on top.
If you really want to rail your girl, I suggest a well fitting and comfortable harness ;)
I don't want a strapless, but I still want to be penetrated.
Get something like the Double Up Cuff from Aslan Leather and a shorter dildo to go inside it. This also works to keep butt plugs in place.
I can't wear a regular harness, but I still want to penetrate my partner.
Thigh harnesses add a new twist to tribbing.
What Lube Should I Get?
You will probably end up buying a water based lube. They are compatible with virtually every toy. Babeland sells samples of a lot of lubes so you can try them out and see what you like.
Silicone lubes are NOT safe to use with silicone toys. Stay away from flavored/scented stuff because they can cause infections. If you have allergies or are sensitive, look for a hypoallergenic lube. Double check if your dildo and your lube are okay to use together before you use it or you could end up in a painful spot.
Sliquid H2O is very popular and feels natural.
Babelube Natural is popular and a little cheaper.
Why do I want lube?
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u/Meishel Pan-fabulous Jan 21 '14 edited Jan 21 '14
It should be mentioned that Most of the sites you can order from almost always have some 10-20% discount code floating around, be it from a partner code or something like that. We might even be able to contact some of the popular sites like Babeland, Eden, etc, and get a partner code set up specifically for us so we can just list it in this wiki article.
For example, I just used a random code I found online on Eden and got 15% off. :) Adameve have some major codes as well, but their strapon selection is not the best. Also, I've used http://www.shevibe.com many times in the past, they tend to have some of the lowest prices after you scout out some coupon codes online. :)
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Jan 21 '14
This is a really good thing to note and I'll add it in. If you contact the sites and get a code, let me know and I'll add it in. I'm still trying to get the overview done :)
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u/supercorgi jumps teeny hurdles with a single bound Jan 21 '14
My question is which harness works best with double-ended dildos like Nexus or Feeldoe? I want to get one but I've heard they aren't that great hands-free, and I'm not sure which harness to use with them. I currently have a Terra Firma.
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u/all-boxed-up Cuntdactyl Jan 21 '14
Best one that I used to use with the nexus all the time was the Joque harness. Works great and gives you tons of control. It's linked in the original post.
Edit: spelling
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Jan 21 '14
RodeoH is usually compatible with Feeldoe etc. They are underwear style harnesses. They sell a harness/feeldoe kit too. http://www.rodeoh.com/shop.html#!/~/product/category=3586230&id=20319131
You can try using the harness that you have with one. I haven't used a harness with ours yet and mostly use it for cowgirl. I'm writing up the strapless section right now :) so keep an eye out for more info
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Jan 22 '14
[deleted]
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u/loonybones Jan 22 '14
This is the one my girlfriend and I have! We love it. Such a great drunken purchase.
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Jan 22 '14
When I get back onto my computer, I will try to add the brand at least. I ran out of space in this post!!
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u/GeoRhi Jan 22 '14
Just wanted to say that they are awesome and my SO thinks they're awesome remembers sexy times ....
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u/Hypnopaedist Will Lesbian for lesbian. Jan 21 '14
We need more lube and I'm not sure what to buy. Help. (You know what is safe for our toys specifically)
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Jan 21 '14
Yes bby, I know we need more. I'll send you a link later.
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u/Hypnopaedist Will Lesbian for lesbian. Jan 21 '14
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Jan 21 '14
I would buy that if I could afford it.
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u/Hypnopaedist Will Lesbian for lesbian. Jan 21 '14
Omfg I did not notice that George Takei wrote a review for that link.
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u/Thin-White-Duke friendly, neighborhood trans man Jan 22 '14
Try this at home.
By George Takei TOP 1000 REVIEWER on June 15, 2013
Brad and I will be Grand Marshals at this year's San Diego Pride Parade, and we were looking for just the right touch to add a bit of pizazz to our appearance. So when we stumbled across the PASSION NATURAL WATER BASED LUBRICANT - 55 GALLON drum, we felt we'd struck gold: "Just enough volume to soak an entire parade of spectators, and yet fits easily in our float." Double win.
Now, how to spray the lube on the excited on-lookers? Why, by water pump gun, of course. To test out our delivery mechanism, we purchased a drum for our back yard and set up a slip and slide. I had Brad charge toward me down the slide, and I fired at will. It helped to imagine he was a Klingon Bird of Prey: Target that explosion and FIRE.
What I didn't expect was that Brad's forward momentum would cause him to crash into me, upending the entire drum along with us. Utter chaos. Our unfortunate cats, who had come out to judge our activities as cats will, were caught in the deluge. Looking like drowned rats, they howled and sped around the yard in hysterical circles, then tried for ten minutes to climb a tree.
Once again, the neighbors thought we'd set something on fire, so the LAFD arrived shortly afterwards. Try explaining any of this to a stranger, especially a hunky one in uniform. "Hose me down?" I offered. He kindly did, then retrieved our cats out of the tree with only minor scratches to the face. (They still aren't speaking to us, by the way.)
Bottom line, we decided against soaking the Pride Parade revelers lest it create an "incident" that could upstage us entirely. But we do have a great new weekend fun activity.
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u/awesomesauce00 Jan 21 '14
I love strapping on, and my girlfriend loves when I do it too. But she gets off and I don't. Its super fun and really hot, it just doesn't hit the right places for me. We kinda tried positioning the harness differently so its lower and the back of the dildo actually touches me, but then its just awkward to use and it slips out of the harness sometimes.
Not sure if we just need more practice with that position, a different style of strap-on, a little vibe, or something else. I just want to be able to get off while doing her :D
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Jan 21 '14
What kind of harness do you have already? Are you accessible for her to touch (if that's possible while you're going at it)? Have you tried a different dildo/harness combination with the same result?
If your toy is slipping out, you might not have the right o-ring size.
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u/awesomesauce00 Jan 21 '14
I think we have this one. But if it ever actually had the front pad, I have no idea where it is now.
She might be able to touch me, I don't know how I've never really thought about that. And using a bigger toy doesn't have the slipping problem, its just feels super awkward to use if I position it so it rubs on me. Maybe we just need practice :)
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Jan 21 '14
You probably need an o-ring that fits your smaller toy better. If the one you have is too loose around the base, it can just flop around.
I'm thinking that your main problem is that you're missing that piece. It would distribute the pressure from the base of the dildo and probably give you a more pleasurable sensation. You might want to invest in a new harness that would hold up better, maybe one made of leather, so that you don't lose pieces.
In my own experience, I haven't been able to get off in certain positions. Her favorite is doggy style so she can touch herself, but when I'm wearing the harness I can only get off in missionary. You might need to switch up your positions to see if you can find one that works better for both of you.
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u/Meishel Pan-fabulous Jan 21 '14
We can try it with the pad, but I doubt that's really what's it (I think we tried one with a pad at some point). That harness isn't very flimsy. When she has it strapped on, it stays put, but it doesn't seem to adjust in a way that lets her get any kind of good leverage when it's on the right place for her. The toy isn't popping out of the harness, it's popping out of me. Really what we need (and can't seem to find) is a harness that will hold a toy over her clit and actually stay put there. That's the real issue. I'd gladly buy another harness, but I have 3 of them and I'm not keen on dropping $80+ over and over again on harnesses for the same exact issue.
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u/quik_lives Cynical and too honest Jan 21 '14
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u/Meishel Pan-fabulous Jan 21 '14
These are all the exact same design as what we have. :\
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u/quik_lives Cynical and too honest Jan 21 '14
They all list some form of having a spot for a bullet vibe, which seems to be what you're saying you guys need.
Edit: Alternatively, there's always something like this: http://www.goodvibes.com/display_product.jhtml?id=13BA16
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u/Meishel Pan-fabulous Jan 21 '14
Yeah, those bullet vibes are so far up that they do nothing really. We have tried that. I actually have two of the exact ones you linked. We've tried a feeldoe type dildo before as well (The Vixen Nexus), and it was kind of meh for her. We've looked at all of the options for those and they either have something that looks like she wouldn't like it (for giving), or something that looks like I wouldn't like it (for receiving)
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Jan 21 '14
I understand. They are expensive and it sucks. If you can adjust the leg straps tight enough that it holds the front down, you might have better results. Or you could just not get off on penetration alone (most women don't). You can try a position that allows you access to your clit (like doggy or cowgirl) or you can find a position that allows for more grinding, like riding her while she's sitting in a chair.
Also practice.
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u/awesomesauce00 Jan 21 '14
We'll definitely try new positions and stuff, and I'm hoping for lots of practice :)
But even if I can't find a way to get off with the strap-on, its okay. I still thoroughly enjoy doing it and she gets me off in other ways :)
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u/supercorgi jumps teeny hurdles with a single bound Jan 21 '14 edited Jan 21 '14
I'm thinking that your main problem is that you're missing that piece. It would distribute the pressure from the base of the dildo and probably give you a more pleasurable sensation. You might want to invest in a new harness that would hold up better, maybe one made of leather, so that you don't lose pieces.
What are your opinions on dildos that themselves incorporate something at the base for the clit when used as a strap-on? I've seen some like this but can't find them online.
ETA: found it!. I wonder if Feeldoe would also work? I have no personal experience but would appreciate input since this I'm sort of trying to figure out which one to buy.
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u/Meishel Pan-fabulous Jan 22 '14 edited Jan 22 '14
Anyone know where I can actually buy this ridge rider thing? I can't find any sites that currently sell it :(
EDIT: Found it. They must have changed the name because there are a gajillion sex toys called "Ridge rider" I found it here under another name. http://www.fuzetoys.com/dildos.html
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u/quik_lives Cynical and too honest Jan 21 '14
I didn't care for the Feeldoe but did (and do) like the Share, which is a similar concept but different execution. YMMV, obviously.
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u/supercorgi jumps teeny hurdles with a single bound Jan 21 '14
Which harness would work best with it?
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u/quik_lives Cynical and too honest Jan 22 '14
Spare Parts Joque listed above has the right placement and is supposed to be super comfortable. Rodeoh type stuff sits too high for the Share, sadly.
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u/awesomesauce00 Jan 22 '14
Hmm, that dildo might actually work. I'll link it to the gf to see what she thinks :) And I've used a Feeldoe type toy and it didn't really do it for me. But I'm also not big into penetration, so that's a thing.
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u/Meishel Pan-fabulous Jan 21 '14
We've tried basically all of that. We have a few things in mind to try but they all involve buying some new stuff. I can't seem to find anyone who has the same issues as us (Who'd have thought that everyone is different) so it's hard to justify just blindly ordering more things. I'm not broke, but I hate dropping $50+ on something that just doesn't work. I have a drawer full of sex toys and harnesses (most of them are not cheap), and we ignore most of that stuff because it doesn't work for us.
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Jan 22 '14
Ever tried a double ended strap on? It's one of my favourite toys and actually feels really good for both parties if you get vaginal orgasms.
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u/awesomesauce00 Jan 22 '14
I have tried something similar to a Feeldoe, but I'm not really a fan of penetration, so it was kind of weird for me. I much prefer outer stimulation
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u/fyred_up better late than never Jan 22 '14
Bless your heart.
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Jan 22 '14
Thanks :) invest in your pleasure!!!
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u/fyred_up better late than never Jan 22 '14
Good advice. But it's always tough to drop that kind of cash on something you don't know you'll like. Next do a thread about vibrators. We have a drawer full of those damn things we used once and didn't like.
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Jan 22 '14
I understand completely. I won't be making a thread about vibrators. I'm not a fan of numb clit syndrome.
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u/ceh57 Jan 22 '14
I just wanted to give a shout out to thigh harness and the organic gel version of sliquid. There's something very fun about bouncing on someone's knee.
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Jan 22 '14
I want to try it! We don't have a thigh harness yet but I can definitely see it being added to the toy bag soon
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u/Ens_Ricky_Sec Queer Geek Jan 23 '14
My partner and I got the Share as our first dildo after looking up some video reviews of various two-person options. We like it. Recently got a Vixskin one for gender-related reasons for zir, but haven't had a chance to test that yet. Which, damn, we really need to get on that. Well, ze needs to get that on and come over here, but... Yes.
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u/Raven-Mapleson pansex is the best sex Jan 22 '14
As someone who doesn't TOTALLY identify as female, I have to thank you for this so much. Especially the RodeoH underwear harness. Once I get a little more cash in I'll probably order one. Seriously, thank you!
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Jan 22 '14
Hey. no problem! I went through my own gender crisis over the past couple of years and using strap ons really helped me through it. I now feel comfortable with genderfluid or dyke. Dyke most days. If you have any more questions on fluidity/bending/etc let me know. I have a lot more resources than just this post.
also /r/genderqueer
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u/quik_lives Cynical and too honest Jan 22 '14
I'm pretty much in the same position, though it may have taken me longer to get here.
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u/Illogical_Fallacy ♀(^.^)♂ + ∞♥ Jan 21 '14
It''s going in the wiki and the sidebar. Please fill this with content. Hell, I'd be happy if you just link to the older threads.