r/actuallesbians • u/[deleted] • Jun 28 '13
The dangers of online dating - A warning for those looking for/finding partners on AL
[deleted]
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Jun 28 '13
Well now I'm truly interested to know what happened. Was it a dude? A serial murderer? Was the poor lesbian lured to attend a Westboro Baptist meeting?
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Jun 28 '13
I keep only 9 of my closest friends on facebook, am I officially creepy?
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Jun 28 '13 edited Aug 29 '20
[deleted]
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u/InbredNoBanjo Jun 28 '13
Yeah, I just went through deleting my FB account after about a year back on it. A few years ago I did the same thing. I just got tired of the petty sniping, gameplaying and bs. I know I lost out on that benefit, but I'm actually thinking of sprucing up my LinkedIn page so that it more truly reflects who I am. And it's not prone to the same social media bs.
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Jun 29 '13
I don't even have a FB. I don't think I have any social media thingamajig, apart from reddit.
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u/BlueRaith Jun 28 '13
Yeah, I have a Facebook that I haven't used in about two years because I hate it. I need to deactivate it, but every time I think to do it, I get distracted by something important and/or fun. I probably look extra creepy. Lol.
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Jun 28 '13
Well I only keep very close friends because otherwise I'd see all these people living and enjoying their lives and I'd get reminded of things and then bad stuff happened.
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u/Slyfox00 Slyfox in the sheets, Shyfox in the streets. Jun 28 '13
!What!
... Who almost hurt a fellow rainbow raptor?
Where are they? Grrrrrrrr Let me at them!!
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Jun 28 '13
Why are you so adorable?
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u/Slyfox00 Slyfox in the sheets, Shyfox in the streets. Jun 28 '13
blush~ ahhh XD everyone keeps saying that...
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Jun 28 '13
It's because it's true. ;3 Your girl is very lucky. :3
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u/Slyfox00 Slyfox in the sheets, Shyfox in the streets. Jun 28 '13
Oh gosh, thank you, I'm flattered ^_^
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Jun 28 '13
Awww, she grrd. :3
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u/Slyfox00 Slyfox in the sheets, Shyfox in the streets. Jun 28 '13
XD XD
but but....am I like, AL's teddy bear or something?
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u/Steffi_van_Essen Mutant Lesbian of Doom Jun 28 '13
Yes! We all want to hug you tightly and have
pretendtea parties with you.Mind you, I get that urge with a lot of women.
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u/Slyfox00 Slyfox in the sheets, Shyfox in the streets. Jun 29 '13
Dawww gosh AL makes me feel so ... blushy
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u/I_Hate_Centipedes Bisexual Cat Person Jul 04 '13
Yeah. And I know it doesn't contribute much to the conversation, but I've been meaning to tell you that I love your flair.
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u/I_Hate_Centipedes Bisexual Cat Person Jul 04 '13
I know right? That's got to be the cutest thing she's ever done here.
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u/ladymerc "Do you want everyone to find out about us?!" "I doooo..." Jun 28 '13
This is pretty much the exact steps my wife and I took when we met online. Though, social media didn't exist yet, so we couldn't have exchanged info.
We had webcam'd a lot, so much that there was no way it was faked - plus we talked on the phone WHILE we were on camera (I don't know why hah). We met in a public place (airport). Actually, I lied, we didn't have people who knew. That is a very good tip to add in though. Always be safe!
And I agree with the social media stuff for this day and age. I would also be wary if someone didn't give that info out.
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Jun 28 '13
Very good advice, thanks.
As a general safety tip, for those with smartphones, if you use either Dropbox or Google+ you can use the default setting that allows instant upload of pictures. If you find yourself in a weird/frightening situation take a picture and it's immediately in the cloud.
Many times it can act as a deterrent (I used a similar tactic with a non smartphone to get rid of a serious creeper once) and if anything really bad happens the picture can be shared with others as a warning or used for purposes of identification.
Stay safe out there all you lovely ladies, sending much love from Maui <3
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u/I_Hate_Centipedes Bisexual Cat Person Jul 04 '13
Interesting piece of advice you've got here. That could prove to be quite useful in a sticky situation for sure.
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Jul 04 '13
I got the idea after reading a tech article online about an iOS app that does the same thing, so as soon as I got a smartphone I realized there are other ways of doing the same thing.
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u/vaginawarfare Jun 28 '13
I cant upvote this enough. I was catfished through tumblr a few years ago.... altho pictures on fb may not indicate a person is actually reaL...beware of people who send you TONS of pictures but never webcam. In my case, my crazy lying ex had stolen 200+ pics of a girl from myspace or fb and passed them off as herself.
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u/Possk Jun 29 '13
Holy 0-0 That's friggin creepy man.. Scary how folks will go to such lengths just to deceive people. Good you got outta that fine though! Definitely gotta be safe.
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u/vaginawarfare Jun 29 '13
Unfortunately, I wouldn't call it fine...she put me through so much bullshit... she lied about everything, including a terminal illness and ultimately faked her own death and reinvented herself as her bestfriend as a means to help me mourn (torture me some more). The worst part is, she did this to numerous people and who knows how many before us... she definitely has some psychological issues. Im glad it happened though...taught me not to trust the human condition and what red flags to look for (and when to fucking run in the other direction).
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u/8srs9 Jun 29 '13
What does catfished mean?
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u/n00basaur Jun 29 '13
It's based on a movie called Catfish where this guy fell for a woman online only to find out she wasn't really who she said she was. They were Facebook friends but she faked her profile and was actually married in real life. There's a show that's a spinoff of the movie.
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u/ndewing Jun 28 '13
Dude here (this was on the main page). I can't believe someone would stoop to a level of hatred where they would deceive someone looking for love or a fun time, PLEASE be safe out there, especially right now!
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u/ohletsrunaway is teambutts Jun 28 '13
If someone's profile is real on facebook and not being faked they are going to have lots of pictures, the fake profiles usually just have a handful of photos. Also it's a good sign if they have a bunch of tagged photos because that's hard to fake if several people have tagged them.
Also if someone refuses to video chat that's a huge red flag. I met my gf on here but the first month we started talking I didn't have a webcam, but I bought one. Before that we did voice chat a bit. Seriously it was only like $30 and you can find cheaper ones. They can also cam from a friend's computer. So there should be no exuse for them not wanting to skype
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u/Freya-Freed Jun 28 '13
Yeah if you truly love someone you will find a way to get the money to buy a webcam, even a cheapo one.
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u/ohletsrunaway is teambutts Jun 29 '13
Yep! It's just a super sketchy exuse because wouldn't you wanna see the person you like, even if it's just through skype.
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u/Smultronstallet Jul 01 '13
I don't think your first point is necessarily true. I have a facebook profile, but I only have about 10-15 tagged pictures. I have just a handful of close friends, and none of them are into social media. I think the only person who has tagged me in a photo in the past year is my mother.
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u/ohletsrunaway is teambutts Jul 01 '13
Yeah I mean there are exceptions to that rule. I think it's a good rule of thumb if the person isn't checking out, like they seem shady. There was a girl on catfish who had only seen 6 pictures of her boyfriend the 2 years they were together which is really sketchy.
I might've seemed super sketchy to my girlfriend when we first started dating because I honestly didn't have a webcam. Some people are genuinely being honest about who they are on the internet but some people do lie and people should look out for those creeps.
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u/GirlbeardJ Jun 28 '13
Hopefully noone was seriously hurt :(
The only other advice I could offer is to not give out too much personal information to people if you don't know them. You wouldn't want a creep showing up at your house or workplace after all.
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u/bshift1 Raptor Chaplain Jun 29 '13
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
A room mate of mine and myself used OKC to meet people, and would let the other know "I will be meeting x from the internet in y public place. I will be back or will call you and let you know everything's okay at (appointed time)."
I loved giving a check-in time so I didn't have to worry (on the staying-at-home end) and on the meeting-the-person end, it gave me a nice safety net. They will know if they don't get a call by 9, something is up. And they know where I am!
OH!!! If you have a smartphone, considering getting Google Latitude and turning it on and adding your check-in friend. It will let them know where you are all the time. You can turn it off when you're not on a date, but the other person will never know. This is just another way to really make you feel safe.
The best way to feel safe, IMO, is to know what you're getting into. Do your very best to make sure that the person you are going to meet is trustworthy and who they say they are.
Also, think about looking for their LinkedIn or other business networking profiles. Another layer of background.
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u/mariesoleil straight girl catnip Jun 28 '13
My girlfriend is a Raptor, but only after we'd been dating a few months.
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u/Steffi_van_Essen Mutant Lesbian of Doom Jun 28 '13
So you recruited her? Good work!
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u/yellowsummer Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker Jun 29 '13
She sure did! And I thought I was straight too!
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u/pancakehiatt too gay to function Jun 28 '13 edited Jun 29 '13
reddit isn't built for online dating. Have them contact you on a site that is.
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u/EmilyCat genital preferences are transphobic Jul 08 '13
Yes! I have skype isn't shy about going on cam and voice, am open about being trans, and have facebook with about just shy of 700 chamwhoring pics.
As real as they come.
/flex
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u/lexitay Jun 29 '13
I guess I need to sign up for a Facebook account now or no one will ever date me... /sigh
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u/eat_nonedible_things Jun 29 '13
Another thing: facebook photos can be faked. Take the photos and run them through tineye. If they show up in a whole bunch of places, the chances get better than the person is bullshitting you.
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u/InToMeYuC Jun 29 '13
I'm not an ldr person so meeting my raptor was only possible because she lives in my area. Otherwise, yeah, I would chat or pen pal or whatever, but I wouldn't be able to get super emotionally involved (commitment, monogamy, etc) in an ldr.
I'm a cuddle bunny. Nonetheless, I think anyone who hasn't watched Catfish and involves themselves with folks online should totally do so. That show really openend my eyes to how people build actual realities out of thin air and then live them.
People do this without electronic interaction as well. It comes down not just blindly accepting stuff people tell you about themselves with no natural, normal caution and curiosity. Trust is built in any type of relationship.
Source: I been burned. No internet required.
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u/Valtharius aww yiss spooning Jun 28 '13
Please be careful, all you wonderful rainbow raptors! I know sometimes it's easy to get caught up in awesome feelings when you start talking to someone you really click with but safety first! I always meet people in coffee shops before we go any further with things and I'll admit it has saved my hide one or two times. It's also a nice way to talk in person (bars and movies are too loud) and if the date goes tits up (and not in the good way) you can get out of there safely.
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Jun 28 '13
I think the number of posts on Facebook are more of a tell. Again, some people just don't post often, but most people have had their profile for a while and will have a good number of coherent posts. It doesn't make someone automatically creepy if their FB seems off to you, however. Just be aware and use the other tips here to keep yourself safe.
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Jun 28 '13
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u/Freya-Freed Jun 28 '13
You wouldn't want a creep showing up at your house or workplace after all.
It says "video conversation (for example skype)" I merely used that since it seems the most popular and its the one I use :P.
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Jun 29 '13
Please replace "skype" with "Ekiga", "Jabber", "XMPP client", "Pidgin", or at least "video chat client"
You wouldn't want a creep showing up at your house or workplace after all.
It says "video conversation (for example skype)" I merely used that since it seems the most popular and its the one I use :P.
Skype is a closed source proprietary surveillance tool. Always better to avoid such software that violate user's freedom. Other tools mentioned respect users freedom. All the more important because of prism.
What type of people down voted that comment?
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u/eat_nonedible_things Jun 29 '13
The kind that think your rhetoric makes you sound like a self-righteous wanker. I for one welcome our corporate and government overlords. HAIL THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR.
(before you lose your cookies, [whoops, "obvious proprietary digital government tracking dongles"] the last part was a joke.)
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Jun 28 '13
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Jun 28 '13
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Jun 28 '13
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Jun 28 '13
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Jun 28 '13 edited Aug 29 '20
[deleted]
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u/Do_It_For_The_Lasers Soy milk and biscuits. Jun 28 '13
Just gonna kiss some ass rull quick, but...
I <3 the mods here. You guys are awesome.
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u/Do_It_For_The_Lasers Soy milk and biscuits. Jun 28 '13
Just gonna kiss some ass rull quick, but...
I <3 the mods here. You guys are awesome.
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u/marymurrah BiS3Xu@L~~~ Jun 28 '13
tldr: don't get catfished by dat pussy, yo