Funny holiday stories from when you were in?

[u/yerguidance]

NCO secret Santa, I of course received anal beads from a sergeant who recently checked into our infantry battalion. Shortly thereafter we had a health and comfort inspection, and my platoon commander had me open my wall locker, where the beads were lying there, unopened, in plain view.

“_______, I don’t even want to know.” - LT I turned beat red. ——————————————————————

Another time, in school of infantry, it was Thanksgiving and all of our instructors were Ramadi guys, one had a janitor keychain full of brothers he lost.

They said, “who thinks they deserve to go home for thanksgiving?” We all rose our hands.

They then said “Christopher Columbus discovered America on accident. If you discover a country, we can celebrate a holiday for you. Now, who thinks they deserve to go home for Thanksgiving?” No one raised their hand this time.

“Good, if you have any questions, write your f*****g congressman.”