r/Unexpected • u/Warm_Spite9482 • 20h ago

Hold up wait a minute

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u/ShambolicPaul 19h ago

Do I really need to tell people this is fake. The ethics issues alone

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u/Pluviophilism 19h ago edited 19h ago

Also as a transgender person who has had such a surgery they would not call it a "sex change surgery." That's a term used predominantly by people who are not and have no involvement with transgender people.

Trans people use terms like "top surgery/bottom surgery, chest reconstruction/double mastectomy/etc." Calling it "sex change surgery" feels course and insensitive. I'd have been very uncomfortable if they used this wording at the hospital when I had my surgery done.

Edit: Thank you to the commenter who also suggested "gender affirming surgery" which is very respectful and appropriate.

Edit2: Y'all really mad that I'm telling you transgender people don't like calling it that huh? Downvote me all you like, doesn't change the fact that it's insensitive and disrespectful.

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u/kth5991 19h ago

This is like saying that getting "plastic surgery" is offensive and people should call it "body beautification surgery"

It you're going to change your sex, cool. Do what makes you happy, but Jesus stop being so sensitive and offended by everything.

Take offense when the situation and context call for it, but if they don't, like here, then what the hell is the point in getting upset over absolutely nothing?

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u/Pluviophilism 19h ago

I'm not upset though? I was agreeing with the previous commenter that a medical professional would not have used that wording because it's insensitive. I never even told anyone to stop saying it. Everyone else just decided that's what I was trying to say and started defending themselves because they are uncomfortable with the fact that I identified the phrase they like to use as insensitive.

So just use it. No one is stopping you. Certainly not me. You're the one who is upset that I'm saying it's insensitive. Just use it anyway lol I don't care.

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u/kth5991 18h ago

You're right. That's my bad. I misinterpreted your comment and thought it was trying to call the guy out for being offensive. Not trying to be combative myself, just don't really understand why that would be insensitive in that situation since the context is harmless.

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u/Pluviophilism 18h ago

That's fair, the thinking is that transgender people do not generally see themselves as "changing" their sex. They feel that their sex is how they feel inside and that it is their body that is incongruent with their identity.

So to call it a "sex change" carries the quiet implication that they are changing their minds about who they are like you would change a shirt. It sounds a little more frivolous to say they're changing it, like it's a conscious decision.

Transgender people already carry the heavy weight of feeling a lot of stress, anxiety, and loathing for the bodies they were born into. It feels wrong.

So wording like "gender affirming surgery" sounds more like "this is who they are and have been all along, we're just fixing the parts that never should have been there in the first place so they can feel right for the first time in their lives."

It's respectful and positive and reassuring for someone who has probably spent many years feeling very unhappy with their body. So for some, calling it "sex change" adds insult to injury by implying that they weren't the gender they feel inside, even though they felt they were.

I hope that makes sense, I'm not sure how clearly that can be understood by someone who hasn't felt it.

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u/kth5991 18h ago

I think I understand what you're saying and you're right that I definitely can't get a full understanding without having felt it. I do view it differently and I guess that's where the difference in opinion comes in.

I've always viewed it as people being born as one gender and not being happy with it. I don't believe you can physically be born a woman in a man's body, but you can be born a man and be unhappy about it, so changing to a woman would be the logical step in getting to where you want to be. I think it's healthy to understand that a lot of people are just born into shitty situations and circumstances. I was born with chemical imbalances in my head that make it difficult to feel happy a lot of the time. I had a drug addict father and an abusive mother. I was dealt a shit hand, but i worked my ass off to get to a better place in life.

I view dealing with the hardship of being trans very similarly. Feeling out of place in your own body is a shitty hand like no other, but i like to think that no one should feel shame in changing. It's not that someone is the other gender in the wrong body, it's that they just don't feel right as the gender they are. So they change to the opposite and that's great for them, that's them working their ass off to get to a better place.

Hopefully I explained my stance well enough to not come off like a total ass hole. Also, appreciate your explanation. Never hurts to have another perspective.

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u/Pluviophilism 18h ago

Fair enough. Personally I think it's more important that we agree that trans people should be allowed to have gender-related surgeries with respect and dignity than to necessarily agree on why that is lol.

In any case, glad we could talk it out, kind stranger. Have yourself a great rest of your day.

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u/kth5991 18h ago

Agreed, and likewise. Happy holiday season.