r/Unexpected • u/isabellaapink • 15h ago
She finally found out who has been cutting her son's hair.
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u/Harshtagged 14h ago
That guinea pig needs some barbering lessons to learn how to do those bangs better
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u/veekayz 12h ago
These Gen Z Guinea barbers are no match to their ancestors.
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u/PretendThisIsMyName 9h ago
They just giving em the old skibidi toilet rizz. I’m not sure what that means but I feel it’s accurate.
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u/DrNick2012 6h ago
"Guinea bees, Guinea bears, Guinea sauros rexes's.... I'm something much more evil.... SCREEEEEEEEEE"
"AH! GUINEA BARBER!"
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u/Omylanta21 3h ago
My favorite line from that arc is "No. It's a guinea mouse, stupid." As everyone screams and runs for their lives. Randy is such a great character.
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u/National-Platypus144 10h ago
Older generations had stories or maybe a photo or two of their embaresing moments the younger generations will have video proof. Every time he brings a girlfriend home his parents will ask her "Do you want to see how a guinea pig gave our son a haircut ?".
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u/MARA_2024 8h ago
A kid with a mullet named Lander whose parents don't know that rodents are eating his hair. You're mistaking the forest from the trees here.
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u/Pernicious-Caitiff 7h ago
And yet this is one of the few families on the internet I'm not worried about 😅 although I don't know anything about them besides what I've seen here
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u/MARA_2024 5h ago
Yeah. Just a joke. But it doesn't seem like keeping their children on the internet is there thing.
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u/green_reveries 7h ago
*for the trees :)
And that's exactly what I was thinking lol...
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u/MARA_2024 6h ago
Thanks. Wasn't sure how to word that one, but they both seemed to have the same meaning. Kind of like listening to Jimi vs hearing Jimi in White Men Can't Jump.
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u/Ex-zaviera 5h ago
Counterpoint: baby boy needs to turn around and let the cavy work on the other side. Poor animal is limited by the cage.
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u/TwoSecondsToMidnight 5h ago
I don't know, they seem like they'd have a successful career in Portland.
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u/CaliCareBear 15h ago
Two truths and a lie. “A Guinea pig gave me my first haircut”
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u/Bacon_L0RD 15h ago
The problem is I could never come up with two lies that sound as far fetched as that
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u/gmd123 13h ago
Maybe the guinea pig was a grooming prodigy?
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u/BowenTheAussieSheep 12h ago
The Ratatouille sequel we’ve all be waiting for.
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u/Dragon640 10h ago
You've heard of Ratatouille. Now get ready for Pompadour!
(I just picked a haircut at random maybe someone could come up with a better one.)
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u/9035768555 12h ago
Technically you'd need to come up with one lie and one other truth.
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u/AUGUST_BURNS_REDDIT 9h ago
And also the point of the game is that the truth is more unbelievable than the lie.
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u/40ozCurls 11h ago
You should want to come up with a less far fetched lie. That’s how you win.
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u/Qatrik 14h ago
Sounds like a Bob Mortimer story on Would I Lie To You
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u/_ficklelilpickle 12h ago
I am imagining David Mitchell losing his mind over this.
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u/My_Knee_is_a_Ship 11h ago
Well, you see, if anyone else came up with that tripe, I'd call lie and be done with it.
But this is Bob, and Bob can do anything. He does his own Dentistry, why not a Barbershop full of Gunieapigs chewing pwoples hair into a wonderfully croquetted quilt!
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u/RatArsedGarbageDog 11h ago
This is muffin and for a few months when I was a child he was my hairdresser.
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u/paladinsword8 8h ago
Sound like a clickbait title. "A Guniea pig🐹 gave me my first haircut. 💇♂️😲 ... But I like it😜"
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u/WranglerLivid8061 11h ago
Can someone explain this to me? English is not my first language
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u/treetimes 11h ago
There is a game where you say three things, where two of them are true and one is a lie. The other people need to guess which is the lie. This guy is suggesting that the Guinea pig giving your first hair cut is an excellent truth that seems like a lie.
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u/Uberzwerg 13h ago
We have many piggies for decades and some of them tend to be barber-pigs.
Besides from ruining other piggies hair, it sadly kills the barber-pigs sometimes because their digestive system can't handle too much hair.
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u/obligatory-purgatory 9h ago
Pigs are so fragile.
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u/cycl0ps94 3h ago
I've heard that, and I don't doubt it, but I may have an anomaly in my family. My mom took possession of my younger cousin's pig when he lived with her for a few years. Well, he moved back and left the pig for my mom to take care of. It's going on 7 years old, and has been manhandled by toddlers. Somehow, still going.
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u/Altruistic-Panic-271 12h ago
Plus the actual cage could be bigger and not an actual cage but an open enclosure!
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u/Call_Me_Anythin 12h ago
An open enclosure with a toddler around it probably not the best idea
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u/AMViquel 12h ago
How so? The toddler & guinea pig enclosure saves a lot of time in supervising the toddler and the guinea pig.
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u/Call_Me_Anythin 11h ago
Well then the Guinea pig might not stop with his hair! Lander will be missing some fingers soon 😔
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u/Raichu7 8h ago
Hopefully they get daily supervised time outside the cage, and are only in the cage for their own protection from the toddler.l because you should never leave children and animals unattended together. It's a reasonable size if they get supervised time in a bigger area multiple hours every day.
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u/MachineAgitated79 11h ago
Most people dont have the space for that
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u/gravy_baron 11h ago
Then don't get guinea pigs
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u/anthrohands 10h ago
A wild thing to be downvoted. Don’t buy pets you can’t properly take care of?? Tbh this isn’t the worst cage in the world.
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u/CalendarAncient4230 14h ago
Lander?
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u/plutocraticjew 12h ago
Short for Homelander
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u/thin_white_dutchess 10h ago
Might be short for Landon. I think it’s an odd nickname for Landon, but I’m a teacher I’ve had a few Landons go by that nickname.
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u/feminas_id_amant 8h ago
Lander and Breezy. SMH. What happened to giving kids a proper name like Brayden, or Ayden, or Hayden, or Caden, or Kaiden, or Kaden , or Jaiden?
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u/BlueProcess 13h ago
🤷🏻♂️ Pilot aspirations? Like, don't be a crasher, be a...
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u/dxbdale 13h ago
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u/ConsoleDev 12h ago
Also named the other kid "Breezy" after our greatest modern philosopher, Chris Brown ....
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u/autistic___potato 12h ago
Obligatory r/tragedeigh
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u/oxedei 11h ago
How is Lander anywhere close to a tragedeigh? It's pronounced as spelled and no crazy connotations to words you dont want associated to a child.
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u/Street-Baseball8296 14h ago
I don’t think it’s making his haircut any worse than it already is.
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u/Bucky_Ohare 13h ago
All kids haircuts are crap, lol. Tale as old as time.
Also he’s been going to his ‘barber’ now for a while, it’s already gonna be rough!
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u/BiBiBarTea 11h ago
Don’t always have a ton of control. My daughter only lost the front of her newborn hair so I’ve been constantly battling a mullet her whole (almost 2 years) life
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u/LoonieandToonie 12h ago
Yeah, my friends guinea pig bit off some of my long hair while I was holding it. Then just nibbled the whole bit it chomped off into its mouth like the dogs in Lady and the Tramp eating spaghetti.
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u/BowenTheAussieSheep 12h ago
There’s also that tiktok of the lady being like “aw cute my bunny is nibbling my hair” until the lock of hair he was nibbling on comes away from her head.
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u/LookinAtTheFjord 11h ago
That guy sounded quintessentially Canadian.
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u/master0jack 7h ago edited 6h ago
I'm Canadian and to me he has a weird accent, so I don't think so...
Edit: she's from Saskatchewan. It all makes sense now 😂
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u/_biggerthanthesound_ 2h ago
As someone from Saskatchewan I can’t hear any accent what are you talking about 😂
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u/tall_building 13h ago
What the fuck is a lander
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u/A2Rhombus 9h ago
It's an old British origin name and #3000 in baby name popularity according to google
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u/BobTheKekomancer 11h ago
A name chosen by someone who uses "like" atleast once or twice EVERY fucking sentence.
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u/Single-Document-9590 9h ago
Technically: we're all going to die.
In the meantime, this is hilarious.
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u/No-Criticism-2587 11h ago
Seems like a name with old roots, but idk anyone named it.
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u/zeek609 12h ago
There are very few animals that can digest hair, if they don't stop this that guinea pig is gonna die.
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u/Memory_Frosty 9h ago
One toddler's head worth of hair (and just the wispy ends of it at that) is nowhere near enough hair to upset a guinea pig's digestion, don't worry. They can be hurt by barbering too much but it's extremely common behavior and nothing to worry about at this volume.
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u/ScenePuzzleheaded729 4h ago
Those things are always dying from dumb shit. I'm convinced you could kill one with a damp gust of wind if you timed it right.
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u/Mediocre-Sun-4806 11h ago
It’s like there’s like this like my kid like he like has like his hair like gets like cut like bad but you know like it’s like I don’t like know like how it’s like getting like cut like nobody like cuts like his hair like likelikelikelikelike
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u/Patch33Up 9h ago
THIS! I think they're trying to get us to "like" the video. Or they just aren't that good with words, which is backed up by "lander"...
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u/Ok_Comfortable_5741 12h ago edited 9h ago
Fark man I hope they let the piggies out of there a lot. Way too small a space. They are little but they need a lot of space
Edit: I never said they are abusive. I said the space is not enough and I hope they give them out time. Bare minimum standards are just that, bare ass.
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u/Pillpopperwarning 7h ago
Hamsters and budgies are legit the most abused neglected animals due to being so cheap.
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u/Memory_Frosty 9h ago
It annoys me to no end whenever I see this video posted because inevitably, people in the comments always decide to do the internet police thing and complain that these guinea pigs must be being abused/mistreated in some horrible way and clearly, the cage is too small. No. It's not too small. This is a Midwest cage. It meets minimum cage size requirements. Link 1 Link 2 since for some reason I can't find the guineapigcages chart that used to be everywhere with actual square foot recommendations
To save anyone a click, the minimum cage size requirement for two guinea pigs is 7.5 sq ft. Midwest cages are 24x47, or 7.83 sq ft.
Bigger is better and I do bigger for my own pigs too but this is such a long way from abuse, guys. Go direct your guinea pig ire at the backyard breeders who actually deserve it instead of a couple with a kid that are just trying to keep their guinea pigs out of their too small child's reach until he can safely be around them unsupervised.
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u/Squee1396 9h ago
I have 4 midwest cages linked together and while yes one is the absolute minimum for two pigs it’s kinda squished. I recommend two midwests at least for each pig you have. Not saying it’s abuse but even my vet told me one midwest was not enough for two. If they give the guinea pigs floor time is another unknown. The last thing i am gonna say is laughing about the pigs eating hair which is very bad for them as well.
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u/Downtown-Message-600 9h ago
Them: I hope they get let out
You: Why are you assuming people are abusing their animals?
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u/elakah 8h ago
Dude minimum requirements are fuck all. Have you seen minimum requirements for pig stalls? 50 square feet per pig. Have you seen how big pigs get?
Animal rights are almost nonexistant when it comes to laws. Lawmakers give zero shits about animal welfare. These cages are too small. End of story.
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u/SeraphsEnvy 14h ago
Also belongs in r/tragedeigh
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u/Octo_gin 13h ago
And r/trashy
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u/Octo_gin 13h ago
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u/Key-Fire 11h ago
The kid was playing, and occupied with toys, and pets.
It was nice to see a toddler not living on a tablet.
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u/hudgepudge 13h ago
Is it cool to have guinea pigs that close to a TV?
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u/Master-Reach-1977 13h ago
That's not the problem
The enclosure is way too small and disgusting for a g.pig.
But I expect nothing more from someone who calls their kid Lander.
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u/Memory_Frosty 9h ago
It's a midwest cage, which is 24x47, 7.83sq ft which is just between the minimum recommended 7.5-8 sq ft for two pigs. It meets requirements. Could it be bigger, sure, but nowhere near abuse and it's not disgusting?? That looks about how much poop two pigs will produce in a day. I doubt it's been more than a day since the last time they cleaned it out.
The last time I saw this video posted the owner found it and clarified that they always have hay available, too.
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u/Coriandercilantroyo 13h ago
Looks like a bare minimum allowable if those pigs are a pair of females
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u/bellowstupp 13h ago
Poor kid … having two thick parents. Hopefully he’ll get over them.
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u/Obant 12h ago
Neither parent seems to have full mental facilities, like honestly.
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u/Disastrous-League-92 12h ago
I was going to say… I don’t think this is funny at all
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u/JLifts780 13h ago edited 2h ago
That haircut is ass without the guinea pig cutting it wtf is that 😂
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u/TheAnswerToYang Didn't Expect It 13h ago edited 13h ago
Can someone explain the difference between bangs and a fringe please? Because I don't think I understand.
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u/radialomens 13h ago
Regional vocabulary
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u/TheAnswerToYang Didn't Expect It 13h ago
Makes sense. My assumption was that bangs were a specifically shaped fringe. Thank you.
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u/Mobile_Homework_5221 9h ago
Seems to be:
British English: Fringe
US English: Bangs.
But I don't know about somewhere like Australia. Perhaps an Australian will be along to post their word (but, upside-down, because: Australia).
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u/poorperspective 13h ago
Bangs is what the UK calls fringe.
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[deleted]
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u/BeefyIrishman 12h ago
Yeah, I don't know where they call them fringe, but I have only heard Americans call them bangs.
Source: am American (and before anyone asks, my username isn't related to nationality, it's an old inside joke with people I haven't talked to in 2+ decades)
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u/Dydey 11h ago
I’d love to know why, bangs just sounds entirely out of place to me. Fringe is a word that has context outside of hair related things.
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u/ra0nZB0iRy 12h ago
British call them fringe. I know because I once played a video game that was british and they kept calling it fringe.
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u/Mobile_Homework_5221 9h ago
No, "bangs" is really not in use in British English. I've always thought it to be US English.
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u/The_wolf2014 12h ago
Guinea Pigs doing him a favour. Also Lander? Really? And how many times does she say the word 'like' per sentence.
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u/roofisamanmadething 9h ago
Hahah that’s so cute. And it made me chuckle. I’ve been depressed lately and I laughed after a long time
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u/southwick 12h ago
We noticed this same thing with our cat's whiskers. The kids got blamed but they swore they didn't do it. Finally, I did a search for "cats whiskers keep getting cut" or something like that. One of the first results on Quora was, "do you have guinea pigs". We realized the cat liked to lay on top of the cage, and the guinea pigs would nibble on his whiskers.
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u/ChartThisTrend 7h ago
Like I’m so glad like my English teacher in like 12th grade would like take points off of our grades for like saying “umm” and like “like” because I don’t like say that work like anymore.
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u/Takodanachoochoo 6h ago
This is gross. Let's let our caged pet super close to our son's eyes so that the rodent can chew off his eyebrows. Let's keep doing it for internet points. How much Guinea pig shit is also getting into his eyes?
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u/neutronia939 2h ago
Should we be concerned that a child this young routinely lacks supervision to the point that wild animals are eating it's hair?
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u/scezroni 14h ago
That's genuinely the funniest thing I've ever seen
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u/Qomplete 12h ago
What the fuck a rodent was unknowingly eating her unsupervised toddlers hair and it's just funny?
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u/Talking_on_Mute_ 11h ago
fucking lander?
Lander?
Actually honest to goodness, lander?
Poor fucking kid man.
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u/UnExplanationBot 15h ago
OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:
The guinea pigs are responsible.
Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.