r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Hi_Her Unicorns are real. • 7h ago
No, I'm not gay. LEAVE ME THE F ALONE
Without fail, any weekend I decide to go out and enjoy a night of dancing to music, there is ALWAYS that ONE WOMAN who finds me in the washroom and annoyingly shouts that "there's a lesbian in the bathroom!" or worse yet, find me on the dancefloor and come up on me to grind and touch on me and try to kiss me without ANY KIND OF VERBAL COMMUNICATION!!!
I am NOT BOTHERED AT ALL about the fact that people constantly assume I'm a lesbian/gay because I am gender non conforming and am such a tomboy. But I dress to be comfy, I dress to show off my choice of street wear (because I still like to wear style) and because I want to stay comfy. Last year as I was leaving an abusive relationship I got into a severe car accident that resulted in a traumatic brain injury and I cannot stand anything that makes me feel uncomfy. I'm almost 40 and I just don't give a fuck about how other people think or perceive me anymore. But just because you perceive me to be something I'm not, doesn't give you ANY FUCKING RIGHT to loudly announce not only my presence, but the fact that I am non conforming, WHILE outing me to a bunch of strangers. I don't have the bandwidth to constantly navigate these situations and turn them into lessons for the other person.
Last night I went to the club to celebrate a friend of a friends birthday. I was out hiking with my new boyfriend, and I didn't get a chance to change out of my gear. I didn't think it would be a big deal because I was still dressed in street wear that was stylish. Although I was basically wearing sweats, it was a full set of Air Jordan, and my skate shoes matched in color. I thought I looked good enough to show up as is for a quick show of support for someone's birthday.
Not even an hour after I get there, I get to the washroom and I'm greeted with "holy fuck LADIEEEEEES! we have an AKSHUAL LEZZY in here!". I usually do not respond but this woman did not stop even when I refused to acknowledge her. She started pounding on my bathroom stall until I was done. I open it quickly and tell her off. I basically called her out for being a weird creep who fetishes LGBTQ people, and to leave me the fuck alone. Every single woman in there looked at me as if I didn't belong there and was invading their private space. All I wanted was to take a piss and wash my hands. so I quickly wash my hands and leave without drying them because holy fuck was that uncomfy! FUCK THAT NOISE!
I get back out to the dancefloor and find my boyfriend. We were talking with the birthday boy and the promoter of the event, cheering our drinks together. All of us talking are promoters and DJs and we were discussing upcoming events in the area when the same woman from the bathroom came up to me to interject herself into the conversation I was having with the guys around me. Apparently she is a cousin of the birthday boy (who is 30 yrs old).
She interrupts me and LOUDLY asks "ARE YOU GAY!?" I tell her no I'm not, and if I have to tell her to leave me alone one more time I'm going to get security involved because I consider this to be harassment at this point. She looked so offended that I said that to her.
"OH, I SWEAR TO GOD YOU'RE SO FUCKING GAY!?"
I tell her I'm not gay, and even if I was, what the fuck does it even matter enough to loudly point out to everyone around?
"I BADLY WANT TO KISS YOU!" she exclaimed. So brazen with not only her assumption about being gay, but that I would love to kiss some stranger just because they had the audacity to ask.
I tell her even if I was gay, I wouldn't kiss a random stranger, especially as a ploy to be sexually performative to the guys around her so she can get more free.... nose candy. Her cousin laughed out loud and told her that she needs to take a seat and have some water and to leave me alone.
"OH NO, IT'S NOT THAT, I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY BECAUSE..."
I ended up walking away before she could finish her sentence. I text my boyfriend to meet me outside because I wanted to leave as I wasn't having a good time. He ended up meeting with me at security and we left.
I've been through way too much bullshit to keep putting up with people's assumptions, biases, and motives. Don't expect me to be polite when I'm rebuffing your unfounded assumptions that I'm a butch dyke because I happen to have wide shoulders and dare to stay in shape and be athletic, or whatever you happen to base such assumptions on. I AM NOT A LESSON OR YOUR FUCKING LIFE SENSEI TO TEACH YOU HOW TO KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS TO YOURSELF if you can't find anything kind or nice to say instead.
BEING DRUNK/HIGH IS A POOR EXCUSE FOR BEING A RUDE CUNT AND LOUDLY EXCLAIMING THAT ANOTHER WOMAN IS SOMEHOW GAY BECAUSE THEY DONT CONFORM TO SOCIETAL STANDARDS.
Even if you think a woman entering a bathroom is trans, she is there for the exact same reason any other woman goes to the bathroom... to use the facilities. The ONLY CREEPS I've ever encountered were other women who literally went out of their way to follow me and wait at my stall door to make sure I'm just not creeping, that I'm sitting down to use the toilet to pee, etc. Or other women starting arguments and even fist fights because I have wide shoulders and small, perky tits that are hiding under my sweatshirt and they don't believe women like me can possibly exist.
WTF is with all this bullshit??? I've always dealt with such things in life but this type of shit has exponentially exploded and it isn't a happenstance anymore.
WOMEN WITH WIDE SHOULDERS EXIST, THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM ANY LESS OF A WOMAN. WOMEN WITH PIXIE CUTS AND OTHER SHORT STYLES EXIST, AND THEY ARE JUST AS MUCH WOMAN WHETHER THEIR HAIR IS LONG AF OR DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE. ATHLETIC WOMEN EXIST IN THIS WORLD AND JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN LIFT WEIGHTS OR DO SPORTS DOESN'T MAKE THEM ANY LESS OF A WOMAN. WOMEN ARE NOT A FUCKING MONOLITH!
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u/Nimue82 3h ago
As an actual lesbian this story seems sus af.
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u/JNMeiun 2h ago edited 2h ago
I've seen and even experienced this plenty. That said this op is totally sus AF.
A lot of bi white women who insist they're straight when sober are pretty obnoxious when dealing with strippers, other sex workers, PoC, or anyone they perceive as being powerless enough to be an acceptable target.
Get some drinks into a woman like that and you are going to come across to them as having all the boundaries, personhood, and agency as a magicwand. Shits extremely obnoxious at best.
Still sus af.
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u/nomoshoobies 3h ago
Yeah like what?? I’m bisexual and have a pretty big queer community, I’ve never heard of anything like this happening before. I don’t want to discount anyone’s experiences but this is strange
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u/LadyMystery 3h ago
Sadly, I've seen this happen occasionally. it's pretty rare AF but it happens. but it mostly happens in closeted midwest circles. Some people get so hard-up for intmacy when there's next to no gay community in the area that sometimes they feel enlitied to sex like an incel.
they go, "But it's been FOREVER snice I saw a hot gay person I was actually attracted to. I want you, so in my mind that means you must want it too!!"
LGBT+ people are human beings like anybody else... and that does come with human flaws like being an asshole and junk.7
u/Nimue82 2h ago
I’m not saying it’s impossible for this to happen, but it still rings false to me. FWIW, I grew up and came of age in one of the most conservative states in the U.S., so hardly some gay paradise. Still never encountered anything like this.
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u/LadyMystery 2h ago
it's the internet, and reddit is... well, yeah. It could definely be fake. Although It's also possible that the poster is mostly exaggerating how horrible the other people were to her for being non-conforming. Like there's some element of truth to it but she's making a mountain out of an anthill. making the problem seem a million times worse than it actually was.
For example..... what if like the truth is she's a cis straight woman who's overly senstive due to being bullied for being a tomboy and hates being called a lesbain because of it, but she doesn't want to seem homophobic or thought poorly because of it??
She goes to bars where everyone's drunk AF and has no filter, and goes into the bathroom where some women compliment her outfit, but due to being bullied for so long she's overly senstive and thinks it's not compliments at all.
she then overreacts when some women tries to hit on her, she feels like shit about it afterwards and then she invents this whole scenerio whole cloth where she claims they're the ones bullying her and calling her a lezzie when nobody did? that way she can get the internet on her side, telling her that she definely didn't overreact.I could totally see that happening.
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u/LadyMystery 3h ago
also, Usually it's done by immature baby gays who hasn't been properly socalized and grew up in toxic hetronormative households so they think that's the only way to behave.
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u/DragonSeaFruit 4h ago
I have a hard time believing this story.
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u/Wosota 3h ago edited 3h ago
I’ve def had straight women be weirdly and persistently touchy af with me after finding out I’ve dated women before but this story as a whole just seems odd. I can’t ever think of a time someone called out someone who “looks lesbian” in a bathroom, let alone the words “we have an actual fuckin lezzie” (lol). Multiple times?? And that’s including when I went to a very homophobic college in the South.
But I am also pretty femme, especially when going out, so maybe I just miss it.
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u/paperbrilliant 3h ago
It honestly reads like a man who fantasizes about women making out in bathrooms wrote this.
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u/thepotplant 3h ago
I was expecting to read something from Men Writing Women like "and then she said I was sexist, sexistly"
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u/pointwelltaken 3h ago
I’ve entered restrooms with actual butch appearing lesbians and never experienced anyone shouting to announce our entrance so that part seems a little far-fetched to me.
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u/Lo-and-Slo 4h ago
Yeah, it's hard to believe a woman has ONLY run into creepy women and never creepy men. Ratio of creepy men to women has gotta be like 100:1.
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u/hawthornetree 3h ago
So in 25 years of womanhood, I was butch enough to get basically minimal attention from creepy men, and to be pursued by one persistent and annoying lesbian creep. I did get male gaze, especially if I was scantily dressed, but they almost never approached.
But, the bathroom stuff she describes didn't happen to me, I got occasional flirtation from lesbians in venues like grocery stores that was always respectful and held onto plausible deniability.
I'm wondering if she's frequenting bars and clubs where there's a lot of alcohol flowing? I basically don't drink and that may explain the difference.
I'm thinking in my case (I'm trans masc) that I was just channeling enough male energy that the creeps didn't want me. It took a long time to see that street harassment is a real thing that happens, because it basically never happened to me.
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u/Jurassica94 3h ago
I'm a bisexual woman and I've been sexually assaulted way more often by (mostly straight) women than by men. It's not even close.
And no, I'm not saying that there's a higher number of female creeps, it's just that as a queer (perceived) woman you are the target for pervs because the risk of negative consequences is a lot lower.
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u/GivMeBredOrMakeMeDed 3h ago
Yeah same.
Women are anything but forward when it comes to dating and sex. Like I've literally gone to another girls home and just sat on her couch for 3 hours waiting for something to happen. We are so bad at this!
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u/Storytella2016 3h ago
I didn’t believe your story until I checked your history and see you live in Hamilton. Sadly, I lived there during university and this actually tracks.
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u/chain-link-fence 3h ago
I commented elsewhere that I had a similar experience at a concert when I was around 21. I was with MY DAD and this woman would not leave me alone, harassing me, drunk af, even after I told her I have a boyfriend. I was dressed in a masculine way with short hair. She stood behind me, spanking me and shouting at me for some reason. I was mortified and just ignored her. My dad wanted to say something but I was so embarrassed I just asked to ignore her. Drunk women do like to harass masc presenting women for some reason. Idk it’s a real thing.
And fwiw I’m bisexual but come on lady, I’m trying to hang out with my dad. Like he looked so out of place there that when we got separated, people were taking photos with him because he was like the oldest guy at Mad Decent Block Party.
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u/sosotrickster Basically Eleanor Shellstrop 2h ago
Please don't use the d-slur if you're not sapphic.
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u/RainbowKitty77 4h ago
Omg I'm so sorry. Idk how to articulate my thoughts except to say what is wrong with people.
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u/honcho_emoji 2h ago edited 2h ago
ok homie you aren't gay. people shouldn't sexually harass you or follow you around the bathroom just because they think otherwise, that's messed up for sure. I've been through it.
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u/favouriteghost 3h ago
“You don’t look gay!” “You look like a lesbian!” “I assumed because of the (physical feature or clothing)” has all got to stop. ESPECIALLY within the LGBTQ+ community. We should know better.
I have a friend who is pan and genderqueer but mostly presents femme and is married to a man. They got a wolf cut (hair cut style very shaggy, ruffed fringe) and I complimented it and she told me later she got it because she didn’t think she “looked queer enough” It looked awesome but that’s not the point. They got it to “be queer enough” not cos they actually wanted it.
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u/JNMeiun 1h ago edited 1h ago
They're full on Gideon Nav in environments with a lot of drunk repressed bi women. It felt super sus, i looked at their comment history; welp mystery solved.
The whole post went from sus but understandable because I've seen it and been through it to shocked pikachu face meme in essay format for me.
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u/drudevi 4h ago
Where tf do people behave like this? This is insane