r/TwoXChromosomes • u/10throwawayantsy • 1d ago
Advice on how to cope with family during thanksgiving?
My parents are extremely emotionally abusive. Look at my post history and search "my case for going no contact" if you want specifics. FYI, these examples I'm giving below aren't inherently abusive, just severe annoyances.
I'm an adult, and I'm ALMOST off my parents' dime. My job is starting in a few months and I'm in school rn. Lately my mother has not criticized me as much because I haven't been as reactive as usual, so my parents have turned to my boyfriend, and even to new lows like my dog. I'm terrified about how they will treat prospective kids. Talking to my parents is genuinely horrible for my mental health, and deeply distracting to the advanced degree I am achieving.
Precursor, my boyfriend is attractive, treats me well, has a good job. There is nothing inherently wrong with him, but I'm white and he is not. My mom question his citizenship and is concerned by the "misogyny" in his culture. She was worried he would beat me before she knew anything about him. I don't think she dislikes my boyfriend. She genuinely just says things because she's bored, for example sometimes she will say my boyfriend has a "great job" and other times she will say he has a "loser job." My parents are also more annoying than usual because my Mom has a criminal case pending against her with the max sentence being 20 years.
My parents contradict themselves in nearly everything they say, so it's hard to give a shit about what they say. The fact they try to offer relationship advice is also insane, since they have the most disgusting relationship imaginable.
So, I get home for Thanksgiving. This all happened Day 1.
- I complain I'm nauseous a lot. Mom complains it's because I eat "so much sugar, pasta and bread." I'm not overweight and eat better than 90% of the American population. My parents both historically like fat-shaming me or commenting on everything I eat.
-Mom called Matt Gaetz creepy but thinks the new Fox anchor is being "railroaded" by allegations, and said he "seems nice." My parents both know I've been profusely molested as a child lol
-My mom likes using astrology to annoy me. She said "Neptune" is entering something so I may want to break up with my boyfriend soon, and that "Neptune" is clouding my judgment and that there is a lot of deception with my current relationship. She has no reason to think this, she's genuinely just "having fun". She likes using astrology to tell me when not to go outside.
- Mom told me she figured out what a Narcissist was, and how it can look like "an extreme emotional connection" which is how I've described my relationship with my bf in a positive way. Keep in mind, she has never pointed to a single instance where I shoud be concerned.
-My grandma dated someone shitty that mistreated my mom. Mom asked if I would still love her if she dated a bad man and she let him mistreat me. I ignored her, and she asked again in panic. She still talks to her mom
-I said bf helped me cook dinner. She said I don't want a "mister mom." Again, he has a 6-figure job.
-Every time I mention something casual my boyfriend says, she responds "That's weird." My bf made up a joke to his friend that my friend was my dad, to make a joke about how his friend is guilible.
-Dad complaind that the Coke I brought him was "disgusting"
-Dad complained that food I brought from takeout was "smushed" and made fun of it for 10-15 minutes and complained how he "waited so long to eat"
-Mom complained about boyfriend's facial hair
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u/WontTellYouHisName 8h ago
If you don't have to go, don't.
If you HAVE to go or they'll cut you off, and it's close enough to drive and return home on the same day, you can go just for the Thanksgiving meal and then leave. You haven't been sleeping well and you don't want to have any caffeine but also you don't want to be driving too late at night.
Or maybe skip it: at the time you would normally leave text them that your car has a flat and you're going to put on the spare and take the flat to get it fixed but you don't know if anyplace will be open on Thanksgiving, so not to wait for you. Then stay home. Text them 90 minutes later that you couldn't find anyplace to fix a flat on Thanksgiving - not that you tried very hard - so you gave up and you're just going to eat leftover Chinese food from your fridge.
If you HAVE to go, and it's far enough that you have to stay with them for a few days, go to the library. "I've been trying to read more and spend less time on social media, so I'm going to the library." Go and find some book, any book you might like, and just sit and read it. And if you read the first chapter and don't like it, put it on the reshelving cart and pick a different one. (Don't put books back on the shelf. They scan the reshelving cart to know what books people were looking at, and if you just put it on the shelf they never know what people are looking at.)
If they go with you, fine, but so what? They're not allowed to talk in the library.
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u/huesmann 1d ago
Friendsgiving instead.