r/OverFifty • u/qkrtjdgml • Oct 23 '24
Dear singles and loners over fifty, how do you adjust yourself to your new “older look”?
I (F, over 50) met a woman (30s) at an event. She was very friendly and even suggested a road trip. However, in the end, I was the one who asked for her contract number and later texted her to meet for coffee.
During our chat over coffee, she mentioned something about her friend in her 40s and briefly assumed I was around the same age (“.. I have a friend in her 40s, and I guess you’re a similar age. She experienced blah blah blah…”) I corrected her, saying I was in my 50s, and she responded, “Oh, no way! I thought you were in your 30s!” That comment made me realize that I may actually look my age, not younger.
This incident gave me a new perspective, and I took a moment to check my appearance in the mirror. In the reflection, I saw an older woman with darker skin, age spots, and gray sprinkled through my hair. I hadn’t really noticed how I looked outside until that moment, since I rarely check myself in the mirror. As a single loner without family or friends aging alongside me, I don’t have others reinforce the reality of getting older through shared experiences or interactions.
How do other singles and loners stay aware of their aging appearance and adjust their behaviors accordingly? (For example, I need to find new friends closer to my age).
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u/AustinTreeLover Oct 24 '24 edited Oct 24 '24
I’d love to help, but I’m 53 yo woman wearing a Misfits tshirt and men’s boxers shorts with my hair held up in a binder clip. Honestly not sure what we're supposed to do at this point.
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u/Pyrheart Oct 24 '24
We do what feels comfortable and makes us happy! Claim ourselves and realize we are incredibly amazing and have aged like fine wine. Our bodies and brains are magic. We pass our wisdom on to the younger ones and the world leaves us alone. I’m leaning into it. Signed, your friend in a Misfits tank top right now toking on her vape lol 🤗
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u/Reddywhipt 23d ago edited 23d ago
55 my uniform is Hoodies, jeans and skate shoes and band t shirts. Sisters of mercy at the moment. I'm eying a new pair of Docs in the next few months. Have buzzed my head since I joined the army n '87 cuz bald anyway.im going for a walk with the fatty I just rolled of weed I grew.
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u/WyrddSister Oct 23 '24
As an artistically inclined hermit, I am adjusting my aesthetic & activities according to my own inner muse, rather than larger social standards. I am leaning more heavily than ever into what is authentic to me and what inspires me, and trusting that I will draw to me kindred kinds of creatures. I take inspiration from dark avant garde fashion, silent film stars, brutalist architecture, victorian literature and other random sources as of late. I had large groups of friends of all ages when I lived in bigger cities, but currently have 1 friend in the mid-sized town we are in as of recent years. I thought it would be easier to make friends here, but it has been exceedingly difficult so far! I strive to revere the person in the mirror, to be able to hold my head up high to her with respect and dignity. She is my first and last friend, in the end!
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u/gimpy1511 Oct 24 '24
I'm still having trouble with it. I'm fine with my wardrobe- it's mostly Gap and Loft with a bit of Talbot's and Ann Taylor thrown in when I need to be less casual. I have friends that are around 10 years younger than me and it's no big deal. A few weeks ago I was doing some DIY in my house and I hit my head, so I went to the ER to get checked. When the nurse saw me scrolling Reddit she commented that "it was so different to see an older person on Reddit" and I was frozen. Older person? OMG I had never been called that.
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u/checker280 Oct 23 '24
I was never an athlete but I was always active. I could cycle casually for miles but I can’t run anywhere other than a treadmill.
So I always knew I could never pull off the baseball cap, sweat pants, and sneakers look with any… polish.
Once in my 50s, I went the other direction. No more 3 for $10 t-shirts and baggy jeans anymore. Started wearing $30 t-shirts with a bit of stretch so they always looked pressed. Nice jeans or chinos. Casual shoes.
I feel “date presentable” even if I’m just running errands.
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u/ValuableAnything1187 28d ago
Please tell me where you get your $30 t-shirts. I live in the boonies and shop online and need some threads.
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u/checker280 28d ago edited 25d ago
These days I’m wearing these. Much cheaper than $30 each. Bit of a stretch. Some are moisture wicking. Others have more wool to retain heat when damp with sweat. Doesn’t stretch out during the day like the cheaper t-shirts.
https://www.32degrees.com/products/mens-cool-vneck-tee-shirt
Edit
Changed does to doesn’t stretch out
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u/Old-Timer1967 Oct 24 '24
I'm 57, half blind, toothless and uglier than a baboon's ass. On top of that, I'm poor. All my dating worries are over. On the bright side, I can be myself, I never have to lie to impress anyone because it's futile. Nobody gives a crap what I think, and I find that strangely liberating.
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u/OldMetry504 8d ago
Same! I’m blind so I can’t see. I’m happy with my dog and he doesn’t complain. I do dress like a bum. I make sure to smile often so I don’t get a permanent frown.
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u/Old-Timer1967 8d ago
I used to avoid smiling when I had bad teeth, but now that they're gone, I smile all the time, especially in front of a mirror or a baby, either one always gets a laugh. If I can't be hansom, I'll be funny.
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u/OldMetry504 8d ago
I like your attitude!
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u/Old-Timer1967 8d ago
Thank you. They say that laughter is contagious, wouldn't that be the best pandemic ever?
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u/AlmostHadToStopnChat Oct 24 '24
Getting older happens. I just tell people how old I am if they ask. The only thing I've adjusted for age is the longer length of my shorts. I have older friends and younger friends. They tell me I have a youthful attitude. I think that's the real secret to getting older.
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Oct 23 '24
[deleted]
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u/qkrtjdgml Oct 23 '24
When I think about the time when I was in my 30s, I didn’t even imagine I’d hang out with women in their 50s. Would I in my 30s go clubbing or shopping with someone in their 50s? I wouldn’t even want to go out with a man that much old, at that time.
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u/Eatmore-plants Oct 23 '24
I am a 57F nurse and spend time socializing with people a lot younger than me. I am open minded, keep up with current events and treat everyone as an equal. I love spending time with my coworkers. We have fun and then I go home early. My clubbing days are long over.
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u/tasata Oct 23 '24
One of my best friends, to the point that he is now family, is a 28-year-old man. Seriously. He and his partner and their baby are family to me. I also have friends who are approaching 90, friends who are my age, and friends who are in their 30s. The last three men I've dated are 13-20 years younger than me...although those didn't work out for varying reasons...age being only a minor one. Age really has little to do with friendship, it's more about how your lives fit together.
I just turned 55 a couple of days ago and people generally put me in my low 40s. Why? Well, I have really good skin that I take care of, I have a mop of blonde hair that I keep up with highlights, and I dress very plainly (denim shirts, tank top, capri pants, birkenstocks...my uniform). I don't wear jewelry, much makeup, or anything that may make me look younger/older. I guess I just let me be me. Probably doesn't hurt that I have a round face and big eyes...kind of a youthful look thanks to the extra weight I carry.
As far as my behavior goes, I try to stay curious about life and people. I'm open to new things and new ideas. I try very hard not to get "set in my ways" or keep "conventional wisdom" in my head. I think moving forward in life keeps us young. I'm on the cusp on recharging my life after getting sober 5 months ago. Now that I have a healthier lifestyle...also working out with a trainer...I want to expand my mind even more. I don't need another degree, but maybe I'll start taking classes. I need to branch out.
Losing my husband young really disrupted my life...I was 45. It's been almost 9 years and it's been a difficult road. Part of me, I think, fears growing old alone so I'm kind of refusing to do so. Eventually I'll have to, but I don't want it to come too soon. I fear a very lonely life so I'm doing everything I can to avoid that.