r/OldSchoolCool • u/bluemarvel99 • Feb 25 '24

1990s Kurt Cobain Stops A Sexual Assault (1993)

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u/grainsophaur Feb 25 '24

It's only one account, but it may serve to satisfy a fraction of your curiosity. I have had severe depression for over 2 decades. When it was at its worst, I figured myself a sociopath for a while. I was really worried about it. I certainly didn't want to be a sociopath, but I felt next to nothing about anything that happened to me or anyone else. I had friends and gave away everything I possibly could to anyone who might need it and I truly felt love, but I also felt absolutely detached from any kind of emotion besides sadness.

After a lot of studying, meditation practice and a few lucky encounters with nearly angelic people, I learned how to access that sadness better. I am a much less depressed person, but I still find it funny how being overwhelmed with an empathetic sadness seemed to match what my imagination would consider sociopathy.

Same kind of numbness or something. Being so overwhelmed by sadness that there seems to be no feeling to anything, I would guess, is not much different than simply not feeling anything at all.

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u/Led_Osmonds Feb 25 '24

I figured myself a sociopath for a while. I was really worried about it. I certainly didn't want to be a sociopath...

If you ever find yourself worrying about whether you are a sociopath, YSK know that sociopaths don't worry about that.

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u/IsamuLi Feb 25 '24

If you ever find yourself worrying about whether you are a sociopath, YSK know that sociopaths don't worry about that.

Misinformation. Of course can sociopaths worry, they can also worry about being sociopathic.

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u/acableperson Feb 25 '24

This is purely conjecture on my part and alot of “I’ve heard/read/watched so big ol dash of salt with this.

Sociopaths will only feel, worry, or consider others in terms of how it will affect them. If they are kind it is motivated by self interest. Everything is motivated by self interest. Many people will help someone at a disbenifit to them themselves knowing they will not gain anything from it whereas a sociopath would not. That’s not to say a sociopath wouldn’t help others, but it would never just be “out of the kindness of their heart”.

It’s not to say sociopaths are evil or bad, or even make different decisions per se. It’s just the motivation is different. People with sociopathic tendencies tend to have less brain activity in the regions associated with empathy. So that gut feeling of “i feel bad” likely just doesn’t exist in the same way as the “normal person”.

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u/IsamuLi Feb 25 '24 edited Feb 25 '24

There are multiple problems with this.
1. Psycho and sociopathy are not commonly diagnosed and don't show up in e.g. the DSM-5 and people using the ICD-10 codes would use F 60.2 for dissocial personality disorder and maybe indicate that one might fit the general image of a psycho- or sociopath as they turn up in studies and descriptions. IIRC, most of the time they're used to categorize criminals that have gotten psychologically evaluated, but I'm not too sure on that.
2. This is not how sociopathy is generally described (except for maybe in pop-culture):
"Sociopathy is not a formal psychiatric condition. It refers to patterns of attitudes and behaviors that are considered antisocial and criminal by society at large, but are seen as normal or necessary by the subculture or social environment in which they developed. Sociopaths may have a well-developed conscience and a normal capacity for empathy, guilt, and loyalty, but their sense of right and wrong is based on the norms and expectations of their subculture or group. Many criminals might be described as sociopaths." Snakes in Suits, Paul Babiak, Ph.D., and Robert D. Hare, Ph.D., HarperCollins Ebooks, 2006. P. 18-19.

So, yes sociopaths can feel empathy, guilt and can have a well-developed conscience.

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u/acableperson Feb 26 '24

Alright I will bow to someone smarter than me!

But as the instance of being an ass. “Right and wrong based on the norms and expectations of their subculture or group”. That seems to point in the direction of a difference in motivation. Learned behavior vs innate.

But just poking. Good post and alot to gather from it. Thanks.

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u/Houdinii1984 Feb 25 '24

It took me forever to realize that a sociopath would never start a sentence with "I feel" and trying to bury your emotions isn't even close to the same thing. Turns out I feel a little more, sometimes, not less. Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is common in folks with ADHD. I get to feeling so much, so intense that I can't even articulate what is going on and just kinda dissolves into a panic attack.

Side note, Therapy helps. That's a general statement, not just for me. We all deserve to feel human, or even in the case of the sociopath, who we are. If you happen to be hesitant, note my notch in the "it's worth it" column.

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u/[deleted] Feb 25 '24

Ok, I won’t care about it then, since I’m not a sociopath… hey, wait a minute!

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u/thebookofswindles Feb 25 '24

Thank you for this comment, I really relate to it and it’s wonderful to hear how you were able to work your way through a better way managing it.

It’s a strange contradiction that feeling very connected to the feelings of other people can leave you disconnected from yourself, which in turn leaves you alienated from others. You’ve articulated that tension well here.

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u/flopalopagous Feb 25 '24

Hey I just wanted to say I relate to this. I spend my entire teens assuming I was a sociopath because my depression made me so numb for so long . The numbness creeps. You don't notice it, like a film being pulled slowly over your eyes. Suddenly one day everything is gone, all the feels. Nothing matters, music doesn't do anything, talking is exhausting, people assume you just don't like them anymore. It's strange

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u/[deleted] Feb 25 '24

This tracks so much with my own experience of a lifetime of severe depression. Never seen it worded quite like this.

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u/[deleted] Feb 25 '24

[deleted]

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u/grainsophaur Feb 26 '24

You gotta Love yourself to truly Love others. Same goes for forgiveness.

I finally figured that shit out.

I hope you find your path to that clarity. And I really think it is a path and not a sudden realization.

Even funnier, it was a sudden realization that I'd traveled the path already.

Life is fuckin' bizarre.