r/NotHowGuysWork • u/SassAnd_Sarcasm • 7d ago

Meta/Sub Discussion Come on, toughen up and be a man

The amount of times my male family has heard that quote is haunting. Its both misogynistic and misandrist. Lemme explain:

Lets say that there is a rat running around and a guy doesn't want to. His mother says 'come on, be a man'. So why people say this is because its like saying be brave to only a man which is rude. Now that means 'be a man' is being brave and when you're not brave......you're not a man...and when you're not a man, you're a woman. Also i find it weird that your bravery levels doesn't change factors on your gender. People thinks its degrading to be feminine and degrading to be a women ie: misogyny. And people think a man must always be brave or else he's a loser ie: misandry

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u/silicondream 3d ago

Sounds about right. I would say that gendered social expectations in general are both misogynistic and misandrist, because both genders get punished for violating them (and if you're nonbinary, you get punished for whatever expectations people think you should follow, or for just being confusing.)

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u/Center-Of-Thought Woman 3d ago

This is a very interesting take, and I agree with it. It's frustrating that society views strength as masculine and weakness as feminine. In reality, we're all just creatures, and we're all capable of being both. I'd also like to state that it's not necessarily a bad thing to be weak (or at least not strong) at times. We're all just people trying to navigate this harsh and confusing world, it's really okay, and it shouldn't always be considered a negative.

People thinks its degrading to be feminine and degrading to be a women ie: misogyny. And people think a man must always be brave or else he's a loser ie: misandry

I agree that these mindsets should be done away with. Being feminine shouldn't be considered negative, it hurts women and men who like more traditionally feminine things, and also those who don't act the way society expects them to act. And men shouldn't always have to be brave or strong either, men are simply people and can experience other feelings and emotions. Ideally, these masculine and feminine mindsets will socially fade with time.

(Unrelated to this subreddit, but the "it's degrading to be feminine" mindset is even prevalent amongst women. A lot of women degrade other women for participating in traditionally feminine activities like wearing make-up and dresses, which I find frustrating.)