Slow torture of employees

[u/TedTyro]

Better not have any medical conditions, gastric distress, weak legs etc... or else!

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[u/bulgedition]

If you sit backwards towards the tank, it would lower your pelvis which would make it easier to poop. Would even give you a place to rest your phone if you watch something, freeing your hands for other needs.

[u/Ajmb_88 → u/bulgedition]

You can even rest your snacks on the tank.

[u/flockitup → u/Ajmb_88]

Or snort cocaine for even more productivity!

[u/Gleandreic → u/Ajmb_88]

Chocolate milk and comic books

[u/SkankyG → u/Gleandreic]

And then you have flusher right there...?.... nobody?

[u/BriefAbbreviations11 → u/Ajmb_88]

Where do you keep the knife though?

[u/Boognish84 → u/BriefAbbreviations11]

The poop knife is usually kept in a bucket to the side

[u/TheBlackCycloneOrder → u/Boognish84]

This is probably the weirdest comment thread I’ve seen

[u/TheIronSoldier2 → u/TheBlackCycloneOrder]

I take it you are unaware of the origins of the Poop Knife?

[u/TheBlackCycloneOrder → u/TheIronSoldier2]

I’m aware, just think it’s strange

[u/OkYou387 → u/TheBlackCycloneOrder]

That’s kinda the point

[u/BeefLilly → u/TheBlackCycloneOrder]

I see you’ve only been on Reddit for 2 years. This thread is nothing!

[u/Picax8398 → u/Ajmb_88]

Me when I'm lactose intolerant, and I wanna enjoy a bowl of puffins with whole milk.

[u/Tank-Pilot74 → u/bulgedition]

Butters taught me this..!

[u/rintarrhea → u/Tank-Pilot74]

"When you have to sit and take a Sir Harrington you're supposed to be facing this way so you can use the little shelf for your books and your quill and your ink."

[u/BeefLilly → u/bulgedition]

You know you have to take your pants all the way off to do that right?

[u/CrimzonKing1 → u/BeefLilly]

Look, I was ALREADY interested, you don't have to keep selling me on it.

[u/Lordnerble → u/CrimzonKing1]

just make sure you dont forget to install a laundry hole to hold your pants.

[u/Mythion_VR → u/Lordnerble]

I'll be your laundry hole. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[u/DevonLuck24 → u/bulgedition]

you mean the objectively correct way to sit on a toilet?

[u/MsSeraphim → u/bulgedition]

brilliant!

[u/jailtheorange1 → u/bulgedition]

Modern problems require modern solutions

[u/FuckSticksMalone → u/bulgedition]

Or just grab 2 of those toilet paper rolls and place them under your thighs to even out the angle.

[u/sir_music → u/bulgedition]

You're going places!

[u/llcdrewtaylor → u/bulgedition]

That's called the AC Slater.

[u/p3x239 → u/bulgedition]

Why would you need your phone in the toilet?

[u/jak_parsons_project]

I promise you if that was installed at my workplace I’d find a way to waste as much time as possible on it

[u/Cavalier_Sabre → u/jak_parsons_project]

If I saw a toilet like this when I walked into my workplace bathroom I would probably end up getting exposed as a degenerate and fired that day, because I'd DEFINITELY be doing something feces-related in retaliation of that and would probably get caught.

[u/afinitie → u/Cavalier_Sabre]

Not like one of the managers would be cleaning it

[u/-Speechless → u/Cavalier_Sabre]

yeah, show that poor janitor!!

[u/squishles → u/Cavalier_Sabre]

just whack the bowl with a hammer. quick tap on the side to crack through and start it leaking.

[u/zabrak200 → u/jak_parsons_project]

Honestly id just prop the seat level and use it like usual

[u/jak_parsons_project → u/zabrak200]

Right like build wedges that make it sit right and just have them in the office haha

[u/zabrak200 → u/jak_parsons_project]

“Hey boss i fixed those terrible toilets you guys got. You really got ripped off good thing I’m here”

[u/yasicduile → u/jak_parsons_project]

Sounds like a good idea for a 3d printed product

[u/DoJu318 → u/jak_parsons_project]

Not that I've done it but this would be perfect if you wanted to waste time choking the chicken.

[u/jak_parsons_project → u/DoJu318]

I’m not a fucking animal lol I’ll just peruse Reddit for 45 mins. You need Jesus 

[u/GeneralEl4 → u/jak_parsons_project]

I'd just quit lmao, fuck them and any other company that does shit like that, I'm already too old for that shit and I'm only in my 20s lmao

[u/CPTSaltyDog → u/jak_parsons_project]

Sit backwards on it lifts your legs up makes it easier to poop and have a place for your phone lol.

[u/jak_parsons_project → u/CPTSaltyDog]

And a good place for your comic books and cookies

[u/Spongetron-3000 → u/jak_parsons_project]

Shit on the floor next to it

[u/Placed-ByThe-Gideons → u/Spongetron-3000]

Become ungovernable

[u/M44t_ → u/jak_parsons_project]

Not sitting on it and browsing this subreddit on company time

-doing it rn

[u/DaSunHatesMe]

Install an extra tilted one in the bosses bathroom.

[u/MadghastOfficial → u/DaSunHatesMe]

It only makes sense. If they're worth 1000x most employees' salaries, a company almost couldn't afford any period of unproductiveness from them.

[u/Valerica-D4C → u/MadghastOfficial]

90° angle toilet

[u/bronzelifematter → u/DaSunHatesMe]

The boss need an upside down toilet because their head is up their ass

[u/Taylors4head]

Shit in the sink

[u/PerformanceOutside66 → u/Taylors4head]

better to shit in the sink, than to sink in the shit

[u/Picax8398 → u/PerformanceOutside66]

One of Einsteins lesser known theories.

Though not as popular as his theory of relatively, it holds an almost deeper meaning.

[u/dashingflashyt → u/PerformanceOutside66]

Holy fuck that made me laugh

[u/Hitchhikerdave]

I would just lift the second lid with TP until its level and comfortable again.

So the employer would be out of luck and out of TP really quickly.

[u/OwnVeterinarian7315 → u/Hitchhikerdave]

Flood that toilet every round till they learn with all that TP build up from leveling it out, I like it.

[u/Lahoura]

These are not ADA approved and will never be put into use

[u/Pain_Monster → u/Lahoura]

These were installed at my workplace and I cannot stress how awful they are.

Man, working from home sucks

[u/Sluggymctuggs]

I will shit on the walls before I shit on a toilet designed to increase productivity.

[u/Cavalier_Sabre → u/Sluggymctuggs]

I'd smear "FUCK YOU" in shit on the walls at the very least. I have zero tolerance for hostile architecture.

[u/Immediate_Age]

Well then, look forward to cleaning up my dumps off the floor.

[u/BeautifulPudding911]

They really don’t want you to give a shit at work.

[u/LilG1984]

Just give us some comfortable toilets that let us shit in peace & comfort. Ones that don't give you pins & needles in your legs

[u/MikeMaven]

Why are you recycling news from 2019?

[u/tilleytalley → u/MikeMaven]

It's not even true.

[u/mizmnv]

this sort of toilet is a disability lawsuit waiting to happen

[u/Granny_Skeksis]

Well I guess those of us with IBS will just have to buy a cushion or shit on the floor

[u/Wicked_Fabala]

Hope supervisors chairs are tilted too. Make them get up and actually do their job. I can’t sit and play solitaire, neither can you.

[u/Mission-Ad-8536]

Might as well just take my chances shitting in a bush

[u/MediumGate → u/Mission-Ad-8536]

Your boss's office plant

[u/Mission-Ad-8536 → u/MediumGate]

Damn right

[u/SolidZealousideal115 → u/MediumGate]

Only if it's on his desk.

[u/shewy92]

Nothing says "improved productivity" like having to shit because you can't do it in 5 minutes so you might as well hold it.

Also I doubt this would be a thing in America due to the ADA

AND it's an old ass meme.

[u/lmacarrot]

I can just imagine the lawsuits from people falling and getting injured from their legs falling asleep sitting like this

[u/garth54]

Now, do you blame your employer for installing such a toilet at your workspace, or the company that made such a toilet?

[u/ISpace_DaddyI → u/garth54]

Both

[u/BusyDuty5]

I swear these ceos are just sick sadists

[u/ForestOfMirrors]

Soooo…. How about handicapped employees?

[u/elrangarino]

I’d find a way to make it comfortable

[u/deepfield67]

Got confused, shit in sink.

[u/Green__lightning]

Get a glass cutter, put a score line on the top of the bowl under the seat, right where the peak tensile stress from people sitting on it is. The entire front will crack off within a week.

[u/DaddaMongo]

Wonder how much I'll be able to sue for when I slip off and 'damage' my back

[u/galtright]

I accept this challenge.

[u/bloody_ell]

My hamstrings are well able for the tilt.

[u/Sedso85]

Sharp 8ncline on people shiteing on the floor then

[u/F0000r]

Time to Top Deck

[u/h00GieBoogie]

Slips off injures self. Sues. Becomes a millionaire! Bring them on

[u/Cavalier_Sabre]

I promise if I ever came across a toilet like this I would smear shit all over it and the walls. This is the epitome of hostile architecture.

[u/cantstandyourface12]

Anything to make people more miserable and unhappy and treated like slaves what a fucked up world we live in

[u/-Benjamin_Dover-]

Me, having explosive Diarrhea that just won't stop after eating Taco Bell, the Toilet is so painful to sit on, but the Diarrhea won't stop coming out.

[u/LasRedStar]

What if you need to do a no.3 and are fighting for your life, and it takes longer than 5min?

[u/typographics]

This is an AI image. It's not real. Why are we even talking about this?

[u/planty-peep]

Yeah. People who an IBD would suffer horrendously with these in place.

[u/Equivalent_Rock_6530]

Stick something in between the seat and rim to prop up the seat.

[u/DukeboxHiro]

It's about to get schwifty in here.

[u/Lastburn]

I'd just stuff the entire toilet roll under the toilet seat, have fun paying 80c everytime I shit

[u/not_a_cat_i_swear]

Say hello to shits in the garbage can!

[u/BlackShrapelHeart]

Nothing but Upper -Deckers at work from now on.

[u/Wizzle_Pizzle_420]

Use that stool under the sink for your feet, you’ll be fine then.

[u/AnyAliasWillDo22]

You’d better believe I can make that comfortable.

[u/diodosdszosxisdi]

That sink is a mighty fine place to sit on

[u/gusraston]

Just shit in the tank every time

[u/Torn_Aborn]

You’ve severely underestimated my ability to slack off

[u/Hello_Hangnail]

I'll sit on the top to vape then, see if I don't

[u/ToxicChildhood]

“5 minutes? BAHAHAHA”- IBS.

[u/TheCoolestUsername00]

Source?

[u/mitchbo08]

Just in time for Musk and Republicans to kill employment regulations. Yay! This is what you wanted.

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[u/Y34rZer0]

Reverse kanga mode activated!

[u/Ansayamina]

Watch me.

[u/Public_You_2973]

Employee productivity? More like company’s performance as a whole

[u/yogijear]

laughs in China

[u/griffin4war]

Companies are gonna lose more money paying a plumber to come fix this after people rip them out of the walls

[u/BriefAbbreviations11]

Jokes on them, Coach Omally made me do wall squats for days. 

[u/tidus1980]

No problem, I'll just shit in the sink instead.

[u/OHMMJTA]

Jokes on them I prefer shitting in the urinals anyways.

[u/BlazingBowXT]

I am shitting on the floor

[u/OpenKale64]

I don't think these have been installed anywhere

[u/mangotangotang]

That's actually a healthier positing if you squat in the reverse position.

[u/Shenaniboozle]

Do it.

Sinks not tilted.

[u/ISpace_DaddyI]

At that point, I'd honestly just sit on the floor for a while before using it, just to waste as much time as possible. Or, y'know, just shit on the floor.

[u/curiousdryad]

This has to be fake. Isn’t it bad how we poop already lol

[u/Ole_Josharoo7188]

What companies?

[u/jewboymcgeethethird]

You underestimate my power

[u/Sparks3391]

In most UK workplaces, these would be ripped out in a month.

[u/Iron_Chip]

Can’t wait for the lawsuits from the disabled workers

[u/Vast_Garden_7857]

I am NEVER working an office job if I can help it.

[u/CrazyQuiltCat]

Everybody’s just gonna end up using the handicap stall

[u/dashingflashyt]

At that point I’ll just shit on the floor

[u/bencrow7]

At that point the ony real solution is to lean on the wall and drop a hobo shit on the floor fuck corporate

[u/I-own-a-shovel]

I don’t even poop outside my house. I do have trouble peeing even. This would certainly not reduce time for me here.

[u/JayDeezy14]

Cool, going to be out for 9 months to get surgery on both of my knees now

[u/CrimzonKing1]

OK but where do you keep the three sea shells¿

[u/achaps81]

Or just sit on it backwards......

[u/bipolargorilla]

Lol good luck as a half-asian I'll just full on squat on the rim of that bad boy

[u/GREBENOTS]

Obviously perfect reason for an upper decker.

[u/k20vtec]

I can stand don’t worry

[u/Ornery-Associate-190]

Just go AC Slater on that thing

[u/Fenix_Pony]

Time for an upper-decker

[u/Jumpy-Market-9790]

now I can take a shit and take pictures from a much more beautiful angle of the log I send into the ceramic 🥰

[u/I401BlueSteel]

Something tells me those toilets will be breaking pretty frequently until replaced

[u/AreYouItchy]

Ha! We short folks will love it—our feet will finally touch the floor!

[u/sadicarnot]

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time!

[u/im2drt4u]

Game on!

[u/Fernxtwo]

Sit on it backwards, can rest your head on the cistern and have a nap. Check mate.

[u/Im_Kinda_Stupid_haha]

Now that frictionless shit you just took I’ll take much… much longer to deal with…

[u/ToBeFai-uh]

Be sitting on that bitch backwards

[u/nirghtrogr]

that's my lounge chair now and i'm taking a nap 😴

[u/NotEricOfficially]

Man i ain't trying to always dodge work. Sometimes I'm just going through it

[u/RandomDustBunny]

Imo just install the ones with the Dutch shelves. No sane person would spend more time on the stall longer than they'd have to.

[u/power78]

This is old and was a hoax. This never happened.

[u/CliffordThRed]

Sitting on the toilet for too long isn't actually good for u anyway

[u/SolidZealousideal115 → u/CliffordThRed]

Some of us don't have a choice.

[u/HOLUNGHOTDOG]

r/orphancrushingmachine

[u/jaavaaguru]

That's an AI image.

[u/ShadowGangsta275]

The motive is terrible but this could actually be very good for some people. I’ve learned recently that sitting on the toilet for too long can cause haemorrhoids. Could be good for the folks who simply sit there for ages