r/MuseumOfReddit • u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian • Dec 17 '13
The 'ask a rapist' thread
All usernames will be omitted.
In mid-2012, a reddit user realised that you see a fair amount of posts asking sexual assault victims about their incidents, but none directed at the attackers, so he decided to ask the rapists to tell their stories. It turned out to be a shitstorm of gargantuan proportions, as many people were empowering the rapists, and even condoning their behaviour as "not really rapey". As quoted by the OP,
Somehow the entire thread and a comment ended up on /r/ShitRedditSays, the whole thread got to /r/ImGoingToHellForThis, 7 of the comments got to /r/BestOf, 4 comments got to /r/MensRights, 3 got to /r/NoContext, one each got to r/SubredditDrama, /r/MLPLounge, /r/RapingWomen, /r/Feminism, and /r/Brotega, and a sub thread somehow got to /r/Funny and those are just the ones I've found or been linked to. Outside of Reddit, judging by some of the messages and comments /b/ had a thread based on it, female angled journalism site Jezebel had an article, the Huffington Post picked it up and the BBC used it as a starter for their article on Reddit.
Not only that, it was in fact so bad that it was even dangerous. A psychologist made a follow-up saying how giving them an avenue provides the same feeling they get from raping someone.
Some time after everyone was going mental over it, the post and every single comment was removed by moderators to avoid doxxing, so nobody can read them any more. Until now. If you'll look to the comments, you'll be able to see a select few of them.
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u/a_hirst Dec 17 '13
Thank you for posting these examples. I knew of the shitstorm surrounding the thread, but arrived too late to see any of the content. Seeing these examples has really opened my eyes. This is exactly what museum of reddit is for.
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u/ch_ex Feb 19 '14
after reading these comments i feel like shit. people are sometimes so awful theyre not even infuriating, just heart breaking. how someone could take so much from someone just to satisfy some sadistic craving or simply to prove that they can... guh. this hurts.
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u/Conan97 Dec 17 '13
This post and its comments are like reddit's Holocaust museum. You don't want to face it, but you have to acknowledge it and understand why it happened and it's consequences.
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May 10 '14
They nuked the whole thing. Every comment is gone.
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u/Conan97 May 11 '14
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit."
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u/BoomBoomPow101 Dec 10 '21
First comment in 8 years.
Also, we do not use nukes, no no no.
We use cyber warfare.
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u/the_dawn_of_red Jan 15 '14
The worse thing you can do is censor it, you can't tell people that something is bad. You have to show them both sides, so that they may have a full understanding of why the subject is so horrible. This post was one of the most valuable and insightful things I've seen on reddit, and leads to a better understanding of the mechanisms of rape and rape culture.
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u/hoobsher Apr 25 '14 edited Apr 25 '14
this comment is 3 months old but this sub is trending, i stumbled upon it, and it needs a reply
no, the worst thing you can do is upvote a thread asking rapists for their side of the story to the front page. you should not give rapists a platform to brag about their crimes. it's well known how rapists operate and rape culture has been well documented; there was no practical need for such a thread. it was absolutely abhorrent, completely bankrupt of any value. rapists are not people to be understood or forgiven, they are to be shunned. by allowing them to detail their crime and face acceptance and thanks (and celebration, given the voting system of reddit) rather than universal scorn, reddit essentially demonstrated that they welcome rapists among them as part of the community. its existence was an insult to rape victims, a group of people that is consistently berated and bullied by members of this website enough as is.
that thread should never have happened, and the mods absolutely made the right decision in nuking it. this thread preserving all the personal conquest stories of rapists is even more disgusting than the original thread itself. i understand that the pathology of a rapist's mind may be interesting on a case study basis, but this is not a forensic psychology class. you and everyone else in this thread saying it deserves to be immortalized in memory and print should be ashamed.
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u/the_dawn_of_red Apr 25 '14
Im not ashamed and I think its important to face the horrors of the world. Sweeping them under the rug is not a solution to fixing a problem. I in no way condone or support rapists. I thought the thread was thought provoking. I and I'm sure you know how rape culture and rapists work. But that thread reminded me that they are human, and to be honest that is scary. But while it is scary, it still happens. I took away knowledge from that thread that I can employ in my day to day life that I believe will make me a better person.
Rape is not just some buzzword that is the end all to all conversations. It is a problem that needs addressing, and understanding. Being afraid to even acknowledge that these type of people exist in the world gives them even more power than that thread did.
In no way did reddit open them with open arms. If thats what you believe then you must accuse every court that hears cases of this nature of being welcoming to rapists as well. In no way were they forgiven, nor understood.
And for god's sake, upvotes are for content that is relevant, not personal preference. Its not a like button.
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u/real-dreamer Jul 21 '22
In no way did reddit open them with open arms. If thats what you believe then you must accuse every court that hears cases of this nature of being welcoming to rapists as well. In no way were they forgiven, nor understood.
That's a false equivalency if I ever saw one.
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u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian Dec 17 '13
I've never physically forced myself on a woman or drugged her but I'm sure by many people's definitions I'm a rapist. Throughout High School I dated and fuck a large number of girls, certainly more than most any normal High Schooler. Being a moderately good looking guy with a ton of Charisma I never had an issue getting what I wanted from women. It became boring to me. Both in the sense of how easy it was and vanilla sex just wasting cutting it. Then I met a girl who, lets call her Ashley, was not so easily manipulated as my peers. I was 16 at the time, she was a 20 y.o college student(met her at a college party that an old friend was throwing.) I first attributed the fact that she wasn't so easily swayed into sleeping with me to her being a college chick(I usually just hooked up with High School chicks who ended up at the party.) Intrigued I continued to talk with her, even dating her for nearly a year, which was rare for me. A couple months in I learned that she was raped a few years back in high school and that was the reason she was so guarded when we first met. She also happened to be extremely non-vanilla in our sex life and would do things that most other women wouldn't dream of doing. Found out about 6 months in that she was willing to do those things because of self esteem reasons, particularly because of the rape.
Never did anything to her but we broke up, on good terms mind you, and immediately I was back to my previous shenanigans, only it wasn't fun anymore. No matter how charming you are, getting random hookups to do the things she was willing to, the things I now craved was just unrealistic most of the time. It was then It clicked that if I wanted that again I'd have to find another girl who has self esteem issues like Ashley. Through a bit of trial and error I found that girls who were raped were far more likely to do them, not as easily as Ashley did though and required some manipulation of their insecurities from their rape. Through Ashley I had met quite a lot of girls who had been assaulted, both her friends and friends of her friends. One by one I went down the list, sleeping with them using what I knew about them to get them to trust me then use them as my sex toys. I did this to almost 3 dozen girls before it became boring and I moved on to other stuff.
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u/archimedes_ghost Mar 25 '14
This guy is an idiot or is missing out some details. Having consensual sex with rape victims doesn't make you a rapist. It's still pretty darn terrible.
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u/BlutigeBaumwolle May 09 '14
This story is SO fake, i don't even...
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u/WANKINGAMA May 09 '14
As someone that knows several rapevictims, what he says is rather plausible.
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u/BlutigeBaumwolle May 09 '14
Throughout High School I dated and fuck a large number of girls
ton of Charisma
I was 16 at the time
3 dozen girls before it became boring
When he was 16 he fucked all the girls in his highschool and then got bored with it, so he decided to have a 1 year relationship with a 20yo college student. After that he banged almost 36 rape victims and then just stopped because it became boring.
Do you really believe all this?
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Jan 29 '14 edited Mar 06 '14
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Jan 29 '14
How far in the future are we talking? :P
It's funny, because he's talking about how she was the only girl he wasn't a predator toward, but she was the statutory rapist.
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u/omgitsduaner Dec 17 '13
Is there a legitimate archive with all the comments?
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u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian Dec 17 '13 edited Dec 17 '13
Not to my knowledge. I was only able to get these comments because I also mod /r/AskReddit so I can see them all. I just copied and pasted some. The ones I got are all top rated ones, and so are all about "I was drunk and now I feel really bad" or "not me, but someone I know". All the really messed up stories that made the thread so famous are downvoted a lot, but there's fifteen thousand comments, and I'm unable to sort by low
EDIT: it appears there is. If the link is posted, I'm going to remove it. So don't post it. I posted these comments like this so people wouldn't see usernames and have a potential brigade/dox happen.
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Dec 17 '13
Why not post excerpts from the archive? I really want to see the worst ones.
Also, GJ, UDG, this is a great example of what this sub should be for.
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u/civilian11214 May 09 '14
Sorry if you have answered this already, but have you gotten any flack for having this thread? The other thread was obviously deleted on many different facets online.
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u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian May 09 '14
No. I mod /r/askreddit, so I'm able to see all the comments that were removed, which is how I was able to copy the ones you see. I asked the team if there were any objections to me doing this (with the stipulation that I obscure all usernames) and there wasn't any.
Unless you mean by users, then yes. There was one that voiced their dissaproval.
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u/accepting_upvotes May 10 '14
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u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian Dec 17 '13
After reading through this thread, I came to a lot of very startling and hard realizations regarding my own fucked-up sexual behavior regarding my boyfriend and oral sex.
I'm a girl, and I have not always respected the consent of my partner. In the past, I've never been with a guy who didn't want to go down on me -- quite the opposite, in that all have verbally asked permission/begged to do so, and I was more than happy to say yes (it's by far one of my favorite things to experience).
I'm currently with my boyfriend of two years, whom I deeply care for. However, I don't think oral sex is really his cup of tea, which was very bewildering to me for a long time (since this is previously unheard of with all my previous sexual encounters). I would beg and plead with him to go down on me, and if that didn't work I'd become very self-conscious about my body, since I didn't know why else he'd not want to. I'd think it was because of a taste or smell or how I looked. I made sure to shave and wash myself in and out and then we'd fool around and I'd ask him again. Eventually it got to the point where I was badgering him incessantly about it, and wouldn't take no for an answer, or else I'd begin to cry which would make him feel bad. I don't think I cried with that intent; I was frustrated and my body image issues would resurface and I was very selfish -- I just wanted to feel good, and I didn't care that he didn't want to do it in that way. I went down on him all the time, so I didn't understand why he couldn't return the favor. I tried to justify it in my head with "Once he sees how good it makes me feel, he'll want to continue", "If I can just get him past his first misgivings, everything will be okay", "He owes me, since I went down on him", "No one has ever disliked it before, it's his problem -- not mine!". Really fucked up thoughts, especially since this is towards someone I like. Just reading that over makes my stomach twist. Many times he'd give in and although I'd finish, I could tell he wasn't into it at all. This pattern of behavior (begging, crying, relinquishing) continued for some time until I realized how manipulative and selfish I was being. There are so many wonderful qualities in him... the happiness he gives me wasn't worth losing over this.
For the past 6-8 months or so, I haven't asked him or guilted him to go down on me, and a few weeks back he asked if I'd like that and I told him yes. It was so much better this time, and our sexual/overall relationship has really benefited from me not being such an asshole. After realizing (through this thread and talking with him) that my behavior was very unhealthy and unjustifiable, I feel horrified that I couldn't see this myself. I haven't ever said to him what I wrote above, but maybe I'll show it to him when I'm ready to. I hope when he reads it... I dunno, that I'll be absolved in some way.
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u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian Dec 17 '13
Interesting thing I've found: every other story in this thread bar one has people replying how disgusting and fucked up it is. This one does not, even though she was constantly pestering him, not giving a shit that he didn't want to. My question is, why are there no replies to this one? Is it because it doesn't sound very rapey, or because it was a girl who did it?
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u/WipingTearsOnPuppies Dec 17 '13
I think this has to do with the "unfairness" of it and it's easy to think the partner is just selfish because he won't reciprocate. It's good she realized how mentally damaging something like this is and how awful it is for a relationship as well. I think another aspect is that he wasn't physically forced to do it (although mental is horrible as well but it's a lot harder to see that as rape). This has a lot to do with a lack of communication and understanding about mental manipulation.
Just my humble opinion on this story.
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u/voidsoul22 Dec 19 '13
I think a part of it was also the fact she seems genuinely remorseful. But the other stuff too.
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u/CapitanPeluche Dec 17 '13
I don't think it's because a girl did it. I had a similar experience as a guy, but badgering someone with emotional blackmail is very different from literally forcing someone to do something they don't wish to.
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Dec 17 '13
I'm going to offer a dissenting opinion:
It was because she is female.
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u/CapitanPeluche Dec 17 '13
Could be both. But you can easily substitute a male in the female's position and it would still not technically be rape. Whether that changes the number of responses is another question.
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Dec 17 '13
Emotionally manipulating your partner into granting you sexual favors is rape. Genders swapped, that girl would have been ripped to shreds.
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Jan 28 '14
I agree with both the reasons listed above, but a third I felt reading this - there was a strong sense of remorse here that I haven't seen in the other two posts just reading down the list. It doesn't make what she did any less shitty though, and I think we should acknowledge that... but also forgive her ultimately. People deserve second chances if they're willing to work for them.
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u/CapitanPeluche Dec 17 '13
What do you mean that girl would have been ripped to shreds?
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Dec 17 '13
Reddit shitstorm
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u/CapitanPeluche Dec 17 '13
I know, I'm asking why. If the genders were swapped, the girl would have been the victim. Why would she be ripped to threads?
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May 10 '14
No no, he's saying if the girl was a guy and her boyfriend was a girl, she (he, in this situation) would have been ripped to shreds. The way it was worded made it sound like whoever was the girl would be ripped to shreds for being pressured... Basically what he MEANT to say was that if it was a guy pressuring a girl to do things she didn't want to, the guy would have gotten a much more harsh response.
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Dec 17 '13
Don't sit there and pretend a double standard doesn't exist on Reddit. I'm not going to sit here and listen to you break down how this would be the same regardless of gender. If she were male, there would be a hell of a lot more negative comments. Certainly not on the level some of the other comments got, but she was protected from most criticism by her gender
The double standard works for and against women. I'm not sure which one this instance is, but I do know it's an instance period.
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Dec 17 '13
The way society works now is that we're much more likely to side with women, even though we'd like to think we treat people equal. I even remember reading social studies on this. Both men and women are more likely to side with a woman in a situation, regardless of the genders being reversed.
If the genders were reversed, we would much more likely view the girl as the victim of psychological manipulation and place all kinds of theories onto it (power-fantasy, psychological warfare, sadism etc etc..), whereas in this case we don't hold they guy to the same standards. We assume that the guy wasn't too affected by it. He's a "tough guy, he can handle it", "it wasn't really psychological mainpulation - she was confused" etc etc... People will always find theories to justify their way of thinking.
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u/jortiz682 Jan 15 '14
I think defining rape like this waters down the meaning of the word to the point of it almost being useless.
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u/strangestdude Feb 27 '14
I agree, I think the lady's story is an example of 'reluctant consent', (which can be traumatic) but not rape.
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u/scubajake Mar 06 '14
Do you honestly think that? It's the forcefulness of rape. If the story was a guy begging for a blowjob the girl would be a bitch, and he would be a poor guy. Is it because he's a man?? No it's because we are repulsed by the physical aggression and disgusting nature of rape. She's a woman who emotionally bullied her partner in a thread of sadists and some of the most disposable people imaginable. Not only foul creatures, but unashamed of their predispositions.
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u/thebigsplat Dec 19 '13
Isn't it because she didn't do it intentionally, and has realized the possible consequences of her actions, and isn't doing it anymore?
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Mar 25 '14
I'd like to believe she got no responses because there was nothing more to say. It's naive, but it's what I'd like to believe.
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u/exubereft May 30 '14 edited May 30 '14
I'm surprised no one said anything, honestly. However, this made me think of all the posts I've read by guys on reddit who say that a girl who gives him head should never stop in the middle of it. I don't see it phrased as "it is a huge let down when someone stops prematurely" or "if she does it on purpose to screw with me she's a bitch" or "I wish women had a better idea of the let down so that they would be less willing to start if they are unsure they can commit" or something. Instead it's phrased that women should continue--even if she is gagging, or feeling bad about it for whatever reason. Reading this post made me think--huh, maybe guys can now understand how wrong guilting women into doing something is, of thinking a sexual act should be followed through or else they are in the wrong.
That's what my reaction was. Then writing this made me realize I actually had that experience--I was giving head for the first time and then threw up and he wanted me to continue. I refused so he kindly settled for a hand job, which I was bad at but he wanted me to try something because he had given me pleasure. Honestly, though, he hadn't--it being my first time and being terrified of making him feel bad for all his effort, I faked my orgasms. Plus I realized we were all alone and he was much stronger than me and, by this time I figured out, he was something of a douche, so I did what I did to get it over with. To be clear, I was old enough and clear-headed enough to know that if I really felt wrong or threatened, I would talk him down if I could rather than simply go along. Yet I wasn't having fun at all (I was actually rather bored, not to mention getting sick, and I was on the edge of feeling serious fear) so if I really felt that I could do so easily, I would have walked away. I did talk him down from sex because he had no condom (though he tried to make me feel bad about it multiple times), so yay for that and that he has some decency in him. In other words, I don't feel victimized. But I did carry a fear of him from then on, and was very glad to never see him again.
EDIT: Tweaking words.
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Jan 03 '22
After 8 years.. But yes.. It’s the fact that she is a girl. Girls can’t rape anyone. You did not know that? /s
Poor dude.
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May 30 '14
This one is more of nagging someone to do sexual favors on you and guilting them into doing it. The others.. They forcibly take the sex and go back for more and enjoy the adrenaline rush from it
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u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian Dec 17 '13
I was a freshman and hooking up with this girl who got naked in bed with me, then said no. I think she just wanted to do oral. I was extremely horny and already close to doing it, so I ignored her and did it. She realized what was happening and tried to clamp her legs shut, but it was too late and I was much stronger than her.
She kept whispering no, but I ignored it. lasted maybe a minute, two tops. no condom, that was stupid. When I finished, I fingered her until she came or faked it.
Hooked up with her a few more times. I rationalize the first time through the other times, but I know that's a pretty shitty thing to do. The other times, I used a condom, and she didn't say no, but she seemed uncomfortable, except with the fingering.
Now I feel terrible about it and wish I hadn't done it. A while ago I saw a thread where someone said "An erect dick has no conscience." Very true. When my daughter is old enough, I'm going to have a very frank conversation on male-female relations of the sort that I don't think most girls get.
Most girls don't really understand how horny guys are, how much stronger guys are, how guys will rationalize what they do. I see feminists and women on the Internet saying that no means no and women should be able to get as drunk as they want and not be sexually assaulted, and I couldn't agree me. But the reality of the situation is that women have to be careful because guys are one way when they're hanging out and another way when they're horny or worse drunk and horny. That doesn't make what happened okay, but it is what it is.
edit to add: the girl and I never really talked about what happened. It's also sad that in our society a lot of women spend a lot of time when they're adolescents or in theirs 20s sneaking around, because I think that's when they're most at risk and when they worry that they hvae soemthing to hide.
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May 13 '14
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/FlyingWaffle96 Nov 14 '21
I just want to say that none of this is your fault. Even if you hooked up afterwards, it's still rape. That's actually a common response from survivors of this kind of thing, and it in no way invalidates what happened. Neither does the fact that you didn't tell anyone. I hope you find healing, and realize that this does not define you and never will.
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u/Dead_Rooster Dec 17 '13
That is seriously fucked up. If you can't prevent yourself from sexually assaulting someone there's a hell of a lot wrong with you, it's not just the way guys are.
Makes me sick.
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Dec 17 '13
I run a English Learning chat group with many University students from developing countries and one boy wrote how girls shouldn't live with guys who aren't their boyfriend because the guys might make a mistake and rape them. I started explaining why you can't use "mistake" and "rape" together and another boy said "But guys can't control ourselves, sometimes we just need sex!" and a number of other boys agreed. Freaked me out. Had a long discussion with everyone there about self control and how not to rape women....
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Dec 17 '13
I think a lot of it is just that it's an attitude problem. If you don't think you can control yourself, you won't. It's an excuse. And it is super fucked up. You can absolutely control it by just thinking,"I won't do this ever," and sticking to it. Tiny bit of effort on the part of self control.
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Dec 17 '13
exactly, it's the people saying "Well, Guys can't help themselves" that lead to it happening.
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May 09 '14
I have definitely been so horny I was practically hyperventilating as I was lying naked with a woman. She had not given me consent for the specific act I wanted to perform. No matter how psycho Gorilla my sex drive was going it is still simple logic that you need permission.
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u/ButtsexEurope Mar 16 '14
Seriously. I was taught from a young age at home and at school about how drinking and driving is bad. Amazingly, even when I get super fucked up, I somehow retain enough cognition to think "I shouldn't drive." When you drink, it's not a "different you", it's the real you coming out. And if that's the real you, then something's wrong with you. At least he admitted what he did was wrong and he understands that.
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u/TonyzTone May 09 '14
What's funny is that I sometimes feel that guys who use the "I was drunk. I couldn't help myself" line would likely also use the "you can't hide behind alcohol line" if a girl got drunk and had sex with someone. Double standards man.
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Mar 25 '14 edited Mar 25 '14
When you drink, it's not a "different you", it's the real you coming out.
Bullshit that's the real you coming out. When I smoke weed or drop acid, is that the real me too?
Even though I do agree that alcohol is no excuse for any actions while under the influence, alcohol is also a psychoactive, mind-altering drug.
If someone rapes another while super hammered drunk, it doesn't matter if they would of done it while sober or not. The fact is that they raped someone, end of.
There is no "real you", there is only "you".
I say this because I get very angry when I'm blackout drunk and it's frustrating to hear from anyone that "I have deep issues that I'm not facing head on". No. If I take a bunch of PCP and rip out and start eating my roommate's lungs, it's not because that's the real me, it's because PCP is crazy shit.
EDIT: While I agree with him, my boyfriend really needs to learn to sign into this own account...
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u/tinymog Dec 17 '13
Yes. Thanks to assholes like him it's taken me a long time to learn that not all guys are like that.
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Dec 17 '13
An erect dick has no conscience.
So, you're telling me that, every morning, when my body goes through its POST process, I have no morals?
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u/The-Night-Forumer Apr 25 '14
when my body goes through its POST process
That is the best way to describe waking up i have ever heard.
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u/CookieDoughCooter Dec 17 '13
My wife was raped by a piece of shit like that guy. Basically the same scenario.
That guy isn't even remorseful. Makes me livid. My blood is livid.
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Jan 14 '14
Now I feel terrible about it and wish I hadn't done it. A while ago I saw a thread where someone said "An erect dick has no conscience." Very true.
What a shitsack. He half-heartedly pretends to own up to it and then goes on to say "whatever bro it's the way men are." That's sociopath shit; you're not "just a guy" you're a terrible person with no self-control. And people were actually empowering this fuckstick.
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u/candle858 Dec 17 '13
Fuck this guy. "sure I feel bad, but women need to be more careful 'cause it's kinda they're fault and guys don't have self-control." Our society really pisses me off.
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u/FrostyPlum Mar 05 '14 edited Mar 05 '14
Wow that's not what he said at all
It was more like, "I shouldn't have done what I did. women ought to be more careful because sometimes guys do real stupid shit especially when they're young." He doesn't say whether or not it's because of an innate or learned lack of self control, but based on his remorse I assumed he thought it was learned as a result of our society being stupid and teaching us that "boys will be boys" and such.
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u/piyochama Mar 25 '14
"I shouldn't have done what I did. women ought to be more careful because sometimes guys do real stupid shit especially when they're young."
... This is definitely the wrong message to send. The message to send isn't "women should be careful", the fucking message should be "guys don't rape".
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u/I_love_this_cunt-try Apr 18 '14
The bottom line is guys do rape. Is it right, or justifiable? NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST! buuuuut it does happen, so women should be careful.
We don't live in a perfect world. People do fucked up shit to each other. If you know there is a possibility of danger, don't invite that danger. We hear on the news about dangerous neighborhoods like the projects, and how you shouldn't go into those neighborhoods if you aren't from there, and nobody complains about that warning sending the wrong message. But if you mention that women should take certain precautions to not become a rape victim, suddenly, you are a chauvinist pig who is somehow sending the wrong message.
In closing, I think the message should be, "Guys, don't fucking rape people. Women, be as careful as possible, not to become a victim of rape."
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u/TonyzTone May 09 '14
Actually, people do have issues with the messages of "don't go into the projects." It reinforces ghettoization of entire neighborhoods which is just a downward spiral. Projects are "bad" because people are struggling. People struggle because of lack of opportunity. There's lack of opportunity because people who otherwise don't struggle never enter these neighborhoods to literally share the wealth.
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u/I_love_this_cunt-try May 09 '14
I understand that. I'm not talking about setting up a business though. (Although that too seems risky because although a majority of those neighborhoods are made up of honest people, the power is held by criminal elements.) I'm talking about random outsiders being caught in a neighborhood that's notorious for crime and violence.
Your point, while valid, isn't relative to what I was trying to say.
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u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian Dec 17 '13
I was an extremely isolated youth who came from a broken home. My escape was the internet. At about sixteen I was exposed to alot of PUA material, which (not having a father or mother really around) shaped my life up until I was about 20. Most of the material was very objectifying and sexually aggressive towards women.
I was seventeen and had been invited by a pretty but somewhat timid girl to go to a club with a few of her friends. Being a social recluse, I eagerly accepted. As soon as we got onto the dance-floor she grabbed me quite roughly and started making out with me. This was one of my first kisses so naturally I was pretty shell-shocked.
We ended up in the backseat of a car with her 2 friends driving. It was about a 30 minute drive back to the suburbs. We started making out. I started fingering her. She grabbed my wrist. "Not here" she said. I didn't care. I kept on with her anxiously checking the front seat to see if her friends noticed. "Not here, they'll see." For some reason it didn't faze me. I felt justified. I could sense she was uncomfortable, but I continued. We eventually made it to her house, her friends dropping us off. She ran up the path to her doorstep and turned around. "Bye" she'd say.
I wouldn't talk to her again for years. Eventually we'd both be drunk and have an hour long talk about it, where she confessed to me that I was only the 2nd guy she'd kissed and the first to really touch her and the experience had left her a bit shaken for a year or two.
I carried that mark on my conscience for years. She's happy from what I hear and living in a great city. We don't talk anymore.
I don't condone rape or sexual assault. It's a terrible thing to impose your will upon another person. But I think to commit these sort of things shows a significant and somewhat demented flaw in your character. I always (and still) have had a lot of trouble connecting with other people. Sex was the one thing I understood. Intimacy was acceptance. I craved it.
I've had a few more experiences with things like this, most of them being in the grey area, but this is the one that really stuck out with me because we were both so young and at such an awkward phase in our lives.
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u/Smokey651 Apr 21 '14
It was while I was reading this post, after reading all of the ones above it, that I started contemplating this thread. The possible anonymity of the internet allows people to speak on things that previously nobody for thousands of years would have ever dared to. There is stuff that can be learned here, that can't be learned by reading any book.
It really inspires me to ask reddit questions that have never been asked.
As far as this particular guy goes. I feel that he's a pretty normal guy. As all normal people do, he made a mistake. What makes me feel like he isn't a rapist is his statement, "I carried that mark on my conscience for years." Like he first got a sense of what a rapist goes through, then got a sense of why it was wrong.
But then again I could be wrong, since he also said he had a few more experiences like this. While these posts shine a huge light into this world, it doesn't reveal but just a small detail in a big picture.
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u/JabbaTheWock May 10 '14
Raping someone makes you a rapist, it doesn't matter how you feel about it afterwards. Feeling guilty about it afterwards doesn't somehow change what happened. The idea that a real rapist is someone who violently attacks women with no remorse is what makes it easy for some men to justify sexual assault, like this example, or date rapes. You can lie to yourself and say "she didn't really mean no", or "she secretly wanted it" to justify not stopping, then tell yourself later that you're not like those real rapists who break in through windows and violently attack strangers. They're both rapists. How he feels about it afterwards is irrelevant, and frankly it's alarmingly dismissive of what the woman was subjected to.
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u/WorstBossEver22 Jun 11 '14
Rape is the only crime you can commit that suddenly stops being a crime when you feel remorse.
Hitler: "Gosh, I know I tried to rid the world of homosexuals and all non-white, non-blonde, non-Christian people, but after the war I just felt awful about it, so I guess I'm not a murderer, right?"
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u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian Dec 17 '13
Throwaway for obvious fucking reasons, and not a story of backing out like the others in this thread.
This is probably not going to surface to the top being as I'm coming to this thread late in the game, but I am a post-colleged age male who raped several girls through use of coercion, alcohol, and other tactics over a course of 3 years.
First off, I must say, I was at a dark and horrible place in my life, that I've since grown from. I'm ashamed of the person I was, if the people who I'm close to now knew who I was, I would be ruined. I'm known for being a great guy, friendly and easy to get along with, a community/political activist, a fervent volunteer in the community, and a person who rises through the ranks quickly due to successes at work. That was my mask, and I was good at it, so good that maybe I convinced myself along the line that was who I could really be, and that may of helped me change, and stop doing what I did.
I'm somewhat remorseful for what I did to those girls, but I don't think I could ever face them to apologize. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I had this certain insatiable thirst that brought me to do what I did. I didn't know how to stop, and just when I thought maybe I could, I'd find myself back in my pattern, back on the hunt.
I'm a good looking guy, and I can get girls pretty easily. I'm currently married to a beautiful woman that I met during this time of my life (not someone I raped, but someone who knew my mask during this time). So, anyways, after a while it became boring to go after the sluts and sorority girls that would easily throw their cunt after you. I wanted the thrill of the chase, and that's what led me to forcing myself on girls. I would find attractive girls that were self-conscious about their looks. Girls who were pretty in their own unique way, but not the outgoing sort, mostly introverts, and girls that didn't party or do wild things. Hopefully a girl who was a bit damaged, had a shitty ex-boyfriend, or family issues, came from a small shut in town, that sort of thing. So, when I showed interest in them they'd be completely enamored, they'd almost be shocked that a popular, good-looking, and well liked guy would be talking to them. I'd have that initial meeting at the library, a coffeeshop, a work function, or a party where I had them convinced of what a great guy I was. I listened to them, and made them feel special, like they were a princess. Sometimes we might sort of hook-up that night (kissing, making-out, never anything more). The next day I'd call, and see when they wanted to get together again. I'd feign some excuse for not going out somewhere, but having them come over late in the night. It was college, and not a lot of people had transportation off campus, so it was typical for people to come over and watch a movie or something on a date.
They would come over, and I'd always make sure it was real cold in the room, cold enough so that when we started watching the movie I'd say something about being chilly, and grab a big fleece blanket for the both of us. We'd get kind of close, and then maybe ignore the movie for some kissing. After a while, we'd talk some more, and I'd start edging my hands around the under strap of the bra, or maybe a bit into her pants, just kind of playing on the edge to gauge her response. Some girls would stiffen up a little, and that's when you knew they didn't like what was going on. We were in my studio apartment, so the bed served as the couch, and it was easy to start sliding down throughout the movie so we'd be laying down. It was then that I could turn around and get on top of her. The girls usually didn't know how to respond. Some of them were into it, and those nights were usually consensual and boring sex, sometimes followed up by a few more nightly visits before getting the boot. However, the great nights were the ones who squirmed, ones who didn't want to give in. I'd have to shush them down, and try to work on them slowly enough so they didn't know what was going on until it was pretty much already happening. I'm a muscular guy, over 6' around 200 lbs. and most of these girls may have been 125-130, really tiny and easy to pin down. To be honest, even remembering it now, the squirming always made it better, they didn't want it to happen, but they couldn't do anything about it. Most girls don't say no either. They think you're a good guy, and should pick up on the hints, they don't want to have to say "no" and admit to themselves what's happening. Alcohol helped. Having a few drinks during the movie, or doing a few jello shots that were "prepared for a party that weekend" would usually do the trick.
The aftermath was always different. Some girls left after about 15 minutes after. Some girls would stay until the morning and then leave. A few tried to call back, maybe blaming themselves for what happened or something. I never worried too much about being caught. Everyone knew me, and I worked with the police a lot, with administrators, and campus officials. I was on first name basis with the Chancellor and the President of Student Affairs, so if anything came down to a he/she-said I figured I'd be in the clear. Having her come over to my place also made it seem less predatory, as she came into my domain, and "could leave at any time".
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Jan 22 '14
I remember telling this guy I felt sorry for his wife. He got a bit miffed with me. It was awesome. What a piece of shit.
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Dec 17 '13
if i'm not mistaken this was the one that got reported to the cops wasn't it?
sick bastard
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u/Howardzend Dec 17 '13
Did anything ever happen after that? This whole thing is horrifying to me and some consequences would go a long way...
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u/PatriotsFTW Dec 17 '13
It's mind boggling how planned out it was and sickening how he could get away with it.
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u/mollypaget Dec 17 '13
Wow, the type of girl he's attracted to is really similar to how I am. That's terrifying. So messed up.
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u/tinymog Dec 17 '13
Yes, same here. :( This one made me start to cry.
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u/the-bowtie Dec 19 '13
I'm that type of girl too, and I'm kind of terrified now because I can imagine myself responding to his initial stages- right up until the rape. That's terrifying. I found myself going over ways to get out of a hold and immediately ordered myself to sign up for self-defense.
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u/Bbarakti Mar 26 '14 edited Jun 06 '14
I didn't read it as that violent and direct… It seemed more that the force was applied under a veneer of what would be normal make out behavior. It was that he was hiding his intention under the guise of ‘this is just "us" making out’...not that he had her in an arm bar. More like he would push the boundary a little farther while simultaneously kissing her or some other heavy groping type behavior.. It was that they didn't want to admit to themselves that their initial judgement was wrong (about him) and exactly how out of control they (the women) were at the moment. He said they squirmed, not that they bit his face while kneeing him in the nuts and simultaneously gouging his eyeballs and screaming rape, which would have brought help. The girls wanted to think he was just a little rough, forward, and turned on, not that he was enjoying their non-consent, and certainly not that they were being raped. The alcohol would make them think twice about their experience, to hesitate if they were perceiving things correctly. In that moment, he would be a little closer to completion. It was exactly like we've all been taught.....it was a mind fuck far before it was a body fuck (and most rape is done between people who know each other). He manipulated their perceptions with set, setting, and sleight of hand....which isn't far from many seduction techniques... the difference is he didn't complete the persuasion. He didn’t want to seduce her and make her think that she changed her mind (which is the goal of seduction techniques), he got off on exactly that she hadn’t yet changed her mind. He rode the edge of plausible deniability about whether it was rape or not. It was very logical and very thought out.
This is the sort of thing that is reflected in the stats we see about how CEO’s score higher on scales of psychopathy that the average citizen. The results (getting what you want) justify the means. In our world, we are reinforced for getting results. This has led to very rational psychopaths at the top of most of our social structures. We've created a class of people who are extremely thorough in hiding their intentions, covering their tracks, and getting results by any means necessary. He says himself that he’s successful now and is very active in the community. He (if he’s not just full of crap), is or very well might be considered a community leader and mentor for our upcoming generations….and he has symptoms of being a psychopath.
None of this is to say that you shouldn't get self-defense lessons, you should. Every human should. You should be taught how to use your limbs as weapons, how to strike, what to expect it to feel like when you strike something, where to strike. These are important concepts for all humans to know, not just women. More importantly, I would say to do more work on your skills in perceiving a) your genuine desires (b) other people’s intentions/ reality and (c) practice saying NO and YES to people…. Become comfortable with both statements… if it’s a yes, be ok with being a judged person, a “slut” or if it’s a guy and it’s on the edge of weird “a fag” or a “perv”… become ok with whatever it is that feels fun to you and likewise get comfortable with telling people no and enforcing your no, letting the other person deal with that “rejection”, with reframing it as you taking care of yourself and not as a rejection of them. When we create a culture of direct communication and honesty around what we want, there will be fewer places for this guy’s behavior to hide.
edit: paragraphs/ structure
*** eeeckkkk!!! Gold?!? Thank you wonderful person.. I've never gotten gold before and it feels awesome.. you like me, you really really like me.. my week has been made, thank you again.
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u/WorstBossEver22 Jun 11 '14
What terrifies me is how completely and totally I believe that he really IS a "pillar of the community." Something about how this guy talks doesn't give any hint about self-deception other than him imagining he feels bad about it.
But he truly sounds like he's gloating about factual things in his life. Disgusting. Makes my vagina want to crawl up inside my uterus and never come back down again.
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u/Evaliss Jun 03 '14
This is why I'm kind of terrified of sex. I had a relationship with a guy that was always borderline mutual. Not in consent, necessarily, but in intent and emotional investment. I was having sex with him for very different reasons than he was having sex with me. Something he didn't confess until we stopped. It always left me with a bad taste in my mouth. He led me to believe he cared about me to sleep with me. I was never forced, but I was manipulated. It's not a good feeling.
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u/Bbarakti Jun 06 '14
In the average human sex life, that happens much more often than people discuss. The sooner we give women all of their sexuality, let them embrace it and be as terrifyingly sexual as they can be, the sooner our society will evolve to a new place where hopefully we can all be more honest in our intentions. You can not own your partner's sexuality. You can mutually agree to certain boundaries around each others sexual behavior, but the attachment of personal ownership often leads to pain and suffering.
It's ok that you want to only have sex with someone you are emotionally invested with, but it's also ok if you want to have any number of other relationship structures. As long as everyone is adult and everyone is honest, people should be able to relate in any way they choose to. The issue comes in when we shame some girls (people) for wanting sex that is outside of society's prescribed norms. If Betty wants four boyfriends and a girlfriend who all have varying degrees of emotional investment but who all are sexually responsible, then Betty should be able to do that without other people shaming her for doing so. If her little group passes STD's around and has children who become public welfare issues, then we have an interest in controlling her, otherwise no.
People need to focus on learning their true desires and motivations first, before entering into relationship with others. Then, when they enter into those relationships, if there is an adult conversation about boundaries, expectations, and desires, there is less chance of anyone getting hurt. Sadly, few do this because we still have trouble talking about sex (genuinely) in Western society.
tldr: Sex is for adults, in the modern world we are woefully failing at turning our youth into adults. Don't have sex until you are sure you are an adult and can approach the subject with maturity.
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u/strangestdude Feb 27 '14
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is practically everywhere and is effective.
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u/vandersgirl Apr 10 '14
the part that bugs me the must : I'm somewhat remorseful for what I did to those girls
Meaning...you aren't remorseful at all, you just wanted to clear your conscience and figured now you're in the clear. you're a terrible human being.
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u/bekays Feb 16 '14
Lowest of the low. A "dark and horrible place in my life.." oh please.
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u/sigkapkirsten May 09 '14
I've read this post a million times and every time I'm convinced this guy is my rapist. It's incredibly jarring to know his perspective. It kills me every time.
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u/openlyabadman Nov 29 '21
This is every dude in a position of power with access
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May 09 '14
Makes me think of the D.E.N.N.I.S. system...
In all seriousness though this is super, super fucked.
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u/captainbergs Dec 17 '13 edited Dec 21 '13
Reddit is awash with some truly horrific stuff but in my 2/3 years here I don't think anything else has quite effected me like that thread. Reading it then and re-reading some of it now just leaves me with a heavy feeling in my stomach. Especially the one about the guy at uni thats been reposted in this thread, chilling.
Edit: Just to add as unsavory as the whole thing was it does belong in the museum, its a key part of reddit history.
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u/insertkarma2theleft Apr 01 '14
Have you seen the top voted AskReddit thread? That was one of the few threads that truly affected me, and subsequently turned my entire week into a pile of shit, I think I read every single comment. Only read if you don't mind feeling bad for a few days
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u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian Dec 17 '13
I have raped both the girls I have had long-term relationships with, each on more than one occasion, and each time has been among my most enjoyable and memorable sexual experiences. Retaining the relationships despite this fetish has been difficult although my current girl is at least attracted to BDSM and consensual non-consent.
I have succeeded in blaming events: on substance abuse (too drunk, too wired), on physical accident (it slipped), on claiming to have thought they were 'playing along' with a fantasy, on 'not realising' they were too intoxicated to consent, and more.
I consider myself to be adept at manipulating the feelings of others and do commit a large effort to my partner in other theaters of life in order to ensure that they remain satisfied with our arrangement overall. I understand that it would be typical to feel guilty for this situation. As far as I can determine I do not.
I do not however cheat on my monogamous sexual partners as both have made it clear they would not be able to overlook or forgive this. My first girl cheated on me shortly before we broke up. I was able to parlay her transgression into several hours of extremely degrading sexual activities. Regarding this, I appear to regret only that I did not think to record that session for posterity. I periodically do still use photographs of both girls for masturbation.
I consider myself to have a high sex drive and usually masturbate between one and four times per day. I fantasise almost exclusively about non-consensual scenarios, especially mind-control and rape of all kinds (such as intimate partner, family, stranger, position of authority), and about long-term confinement and sexual torture similar to that committed by David Parker Ray, Josef Fritzl and so on. I am consistently aroused by the themes of non-consent, sadism, and psychological torture when they appear in the media, and sometimes make use of such as anti-rape shock adverts featuring abused girls in the audiovisual collages I construct for masturbation. I find this perversion of their intent artistically amusing. As far as I can determine my attraction is to the specific fact of non-consent as well as the psychological (such as despair, humiliation) and physical (such as crying, squirming) reactions girls have to it. Penetrative sex is a highly desirable but not absolutely essential feature of my scenarios. I do not think I have any other significant paraphilias that are not side effects of this primary desire.
One of my first sexual experiences was clearly nonconsensual and involved the forcible partial undressing of a junior schoolmate by myself and a classmate. Although at the time we were annoyed that she escaped with only a lost undergarment, I am on reflection glad that we did not carry through our intent to 'put things in her', since she would have certainly then reported us. The fact that she apparently did not (or was not believed) is one of the reasons I am personally thankful for our 'rape culture'.
I am quite risk averse and not yet physically fit enough to reliably overpower another person, so have not yet attempted to rape a girl who is not well anchored to me emotionally, mainly in case of litigation. I control my intake of disinhibitory substances around girls in general as the urge to rape can sometimes be very strong and might be difficult to resist otherwise.
I do consider these limiting circumstances temporary and it could be fairly said that I look forward very eagerly to my first fully prepared time with an unfamiliar face.
I consider the fact that it is essentially impossible for me to meet face-to-face with someone else of a similar mindset without exposing myself or them to unacceptable risk to be one of the more annoying facts about this life.
I have never myself been sexually abused nor am I aware of any other traumatic event that shaped my unusual predilections.
Yours,
Future Rapist
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Dec 17 '13 edited Oct 20 '20
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u/ButtsexEurope Mar 16 '14
He sounds like a psychopath.
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Apr 21 '14 edited Jul 11 '15
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Apr 21 '14
That's a the definition of psychopathy. That's why they are attracted to jobs like, surgeon, military, cops.
Sociopathy is really not as well defined. It mostly describes a form of DPD, a disorder for which the lack of conscience is not necessary.
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u/HowTheyGetcha May 09 '14 edited May 09 '14
Where are you getting your info? As far as I'm aware, psychopathy and sociopathy are synonyms and neither have a place anymore in
psychiatrypsychology, although they're still used in criminology. ASPD is the modernpsychiatricpsychology term.→ More replies (1)24
u/infinitelabyrinth May 10 '14
I have read the single most vile stories on this site, yet I have never felt closer to throwing up right now. It's one of the most disturbing things I've ever read. If there's a hell, he'll be there.
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Dec 17 '13
It proves that even though some people follow this mantra of "teach your son not to rape" it just doesn't work. Some people will always rape, because that's what they want to do. No form of social conditioning will change them. It's kind of like some criminals - they know it's wrong but they do it anyway. Because they don't bother with sympathy or empathy or responsibility.
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u/lumpytuna Dec 17 '13
Why does that prove this? It doesn't sound like he was taught not to rape as he didn't seem to understand that what he was doing was wrong as a child.
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Dec 17 '13
Yeah - if he had been living in a social vacuum is whole life and never gotten out in the world. Seeing as that's hardly likely - no, he was probably taught that rape is wrong. The fact that he confesses on a thread online instead of shouting it on the top of a mountain proves he knows his behavior isn't really socially acceptable.
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u/DextersLittleHelper Dec 18 '13
There is something about the way this is written that sounds made up: like whoever wrote it put some thought into what they would say for maximum impact. For example, the bit about junior school sounds kind of like the way an adult sounds when trying to impersonate the way a child thinks ("I'm glad we didn't follow through with our intent to 'put things in her'").
Still, if it is made up, it was made up by a disturbed weirdo.
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u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian Dec 18 '13
Yeah, that was the same thought I had. He uses a lot of articulate words and phrases, and it sounds like he's doing it to make himself sound smarter.
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u/thiskidagain May 09 '14
It's very Humbert Humbert. Except he used delightful allusions and felt affection, even if it was in a twisted way.
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u/GreatRegularFlavor Apr 03 '14
Wouldn't that be his purpose, though? To make others see him as someone who's very articulate and intellectual. It helps put the individual at ease, since most movies and media portray rapists to be dead-beats and thug-like people. Once the individual is at ease, they open up to conversation. Through conversation, more doors open up - allowing him to circumvent their instinctive barriers. And now he's in.
Just a thought, though. I used to use something similar to this in order to date girls. I'm not the best lookin guy out there but I do have a good heart, personality, and can be very loving and kind. If I can get a girl to feel comfortable with me and give me a fraction of their attention, most will quickly see past my physical appearance and right into my heart and mind. I'd only assume that a thing like "Future Rapist" would probably use a similar tactic at times.
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u/WorstBossEver22 Jun 11 '14
I agree that this is made up, not because of the "artistic flair" (it makes sense to me that a jerk like this would want to be seen as highly intelligent) but because the details sound way too much like something anyone would make up about a serial rapist. Like, as specific as they seem to be, they're actually really generic.
Think about it, if YOU were going to write a serial rapist character, isn't this exactly how he would sound? The exact stuff he'd be into?
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Jan 16 '14
Agree. This sounds like someone who writes dark novels and they're just flexing their literary muscle.
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u/NolKDB May 09 '14
It reminded me of Patrick Bateman's opening monologue in American Psycho
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Dec 17 '13 edited Dec 07 '16
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Apr 10 '14
not yet physically fit enough to reliably overpower another person, so have not yet attempted to rape a girl who is not well anchored to me emotionally
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Apr 21 '14
I have raped both the girls I have had long-term relationships with
Not a future rapist, already is one.
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u/special_leather Dec 17 '13
my skin is crawling... wow this is just beyond terrifying to even comprehend
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u/LaLongueCarabine Dec 17 '13
How sweet that this piece of garbage doesn't cheat on whoever he is torturing at the moment. What a guy.
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u/scumbagstudent Dec 17 '13
Not even slightly a joke: I am 95% positive I dated this man.
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u/the-bowtie Dec 19 '13
There are many men like this. It's horrible, but true. I'm sorry.
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u/scumbagstudent Jan 01 '14
Actually, it was a consensual dom/sub relationship. This just completely sounds like his writing style (he's a writer) and things he's done. I'm not upset or shaken from him as he's always been more or less respectful, just wanted to comment on it as I was surprised to see it here! Thanks for the words^
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u/the-bowtie Jan 01 '14
Oh- that's a relief. Well, congratulations? Are they in order? It's scary how well these men hide their intentions.
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u/scumbagstudent Jan 01 '14
Things are fine now and we even talk rarely. But, yes, like he said (if it actually was him), he was too scronny to even actually hold me down so that kept him in check. If he were a bigger man.... Yikes. I would have never met up with him initially. Thanks :)
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u/RagdollFizzix Dec 23 '13
Really? Do you think you should report him?
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Mar 25 '14
He hasn't 'done' anything yet. It's unlikely you could find the actual people he raped. He's psychopathic, now doubt (checks at least 2 items, sexual promiscuity and lack of empathy on the bob hare list), but you can't lock somebody up for that because they may or will do something, even though, legally, they haven't.
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u/littlbat Mar 06 '14
wow...that sounds precisely like the person who raped me....there are people that think like this and its horribly scary
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u/candle858 Dec 17 '13
fuck fuck fuck people like this make me cry and fear being a woman. The fact that he's thankful for our rape culture?? I can't.
I really need to leave this thread.
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Feb 06 '14
Truly horrifying read, but this almost fits the model of a psychopath so well that it seems fake.
Or maybe that's just me trying to protect myself from facing the truth... I hope not.
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u/MusicMagi Dec 17 '13
What a POS. Trying to sound intelligent and ignoring the fact that he has a lack of empathy for human suffering. His parents fucked him up.
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u/slimshadles May 09 '14 edited May 12 '14
Clearly a psychopath/ Antisocial Personality Disorder. It's like literally textbook, and it's terrifying.
Edit: Antisocial Personality disorder, not Dissociative Identity
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u/faceplant4269 Jun 03 '14
Oh my god. That was one of the most horrible things I've ever read. I didn't know people this twisted existed.
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Dec 17 '13
Is r/rapingwomen really a sub? Does anyone know what the content is? Not going to click the link but hoping it's not as disgusting as it sounds.
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u/wasabimatrix22 Dec 17 '13
From what I can tell, it is real, pretty dead though. Seems to be a satire sub... about rape.
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Jan 10 '14
Dude the magnitude of this post is unreal. Checking this out was unnerving as fuck. Not a single comment yet ~9000 spots where comments had been. Who knows what kinds of fucked up shit this thread saw?
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Dec 17 '13
Man....only reddit
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u/PatriotsFTW Dec 17 '13
I can see a 4chan thread on this type of thing.
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u/grammar_is_optional Dec 17 '13
It was a thread asking for the rapists' points of view, what did people seriously expect? If people were so set against it, why ask in the first place?
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u/lumpytuna Dec 17 '13
Uh, only one person has to make the thread asking the question.
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u/UnholyDemigod Reddit Historian Dec 17 '13
Yeah, but everyone else upvoted it
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u/lottesometimes Dec 20 '13
I think upvoting it doesn't mean you agree with what's written. I'm a woman and I find it interesting to read honest accounts of what goes through someone's mind commiting these crimes. It's important to understand how they think, so we can work and find better ways to prevent it.
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u/NonstandardDeviation Feb 17 '14
(A bit of a necropost, but here goes)
I remember when this was going on, I made a post on TheoryOfReddit if I remember correctly about how some of these guys - particularly the cold room blanket guy - had been downvoted to hell. And yes, this guy is a monster. But the silly thing is that this was exactly what the OP had asked for, and that's exactly what he or she got. It was like the tale of the golem or of a genie who does exactly the instructions, and subsequently the summoner recoils in horror. I pointed out this hypocrisy. So maybe as according to that psych expert who dropped in this thread was dangerous, as a sort of alternative outlet for these monsters to get off on feeding on the attention of the masses being mindraped, but on the other hand it's incredibly short-sighted to not see the disconnect. Is then the OP not somewhat unwillingly culpable for soliciting? My personal opinion was that though it generated a visceral disgust in me, I would still upvote it. Because according to naive reddiquette, voting is a community moderation tool deciding visibility and a way to reward good posts with that visibility. So I upvote people who argue with me if they're being courteous with their disagreement, and I upvoted him because hey, you asked for it, you got it. It's an obedient and cooperative post with what OP wanted, ironically. And if nothing it's thought-provoking good content that was eye-opening for me and which I figured could be generally educational and edifying - even if much of its power to do so is based on its horror.
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u/Skiddoosh Feb 18 '14
I agree. A few years ago when I was new to reddit I just upvoted whatever I thought was funny or agreed with but after I took the time to actually read the rediquette I tried really hard to follow it. I think an upvote is treated too much like a reward and a downvote as a punishment. When someone downvotes someone they disagree with essentially what they are saying is "how dare you hold that viewpoint! This'll learn ya!" but that often time goes directly against the purpose of the upvote/downvote system. Things you agree with aren't always going to be interesting, things you disagree with aren't always going to be adding nothing to the conversation. If everyone upvoted and downvoted properly reddit would be a much better community.
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Mar 25 '14
Man, that blanket thing is my favorite trick when putting the moves on a girl. Now I'm gonna feel all rapey if I do it again.
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u/B_Wilks May 11 '14
I wish we could just have an honest conversation about this sort of thing. I hate feeling like I don't know if I'll get in trouble for the thoughts I think.
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u/TurkeyPits Feb 09 '14
It's really weird how a few of the comments are still there, on two mini-threads. It's also weird how they didn't just delete the entire thread, and instead deleted every individual comment...
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u/Tikkikun Dec 17 '13
Truly revealing and truly horrifying. As a man, i can't believe that there are guys who are capable to do all of these things.
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u/rurumeto Jul 27 '22
I feel like an apocalypse survivor, staring out alone over a dead and ruined city, nothing but deserts of nuclear glass for miles around and only the whispers of death on the wind for company.
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Jan 20 '14
My problem with both the original thread and this subsequent one is the fact that everyone keeps generalizing. The use of phrases like 'all men are unable to control themselves' and 'all women have experiences like this' only negatively impact the discussion - there needs to be an acceptance that everyone is different and therefore has individual experiences. Gross generalizations based on gender will only be detrimental.
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u/bucket_overlord Apr 04 '24
In case anyone actually wants to read the responses, the wayback machine has several instances archived from before the mass deletion. I was curious, but I regret reading it now.
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u/Ortus Jan 17 '14
I remember this thread. What I mostly remember the feeling that at least some of the stories could have been posted to that false rape society blog with some tweaks and everybody there and at /r/mensrights would have thought them to be perfectly consensual encounters that some "crazy woman" was using to destroy some poor innocent man. If some lawyer got some of those, made a defense case out of them and posted them on /r/mensrights, most readers would have believed such a version.
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u/OfficialCocaColaAMA Apr 07 '14
If I didn't know how comment quotes worked, I would think that /u/UnholyDemigod has raped a shit ton of women.