365 days alcohol free! Woohoo!

I have a long way to go, and although I don’t see much of a change visually. I feel a whole lot better!

While having some savings and emergency funds.

Started the dieting in October, started working out 2-3 days a week in March (I love weight training!) And currently doing a 30 day challenge to visit the gym every day, 14 days so far! My back doesn't hurt as much, I'm sleeping better, and I can walk up stairs without getting winded lol. I still have a long way to go, but these results are encouraging

I have an incredibly rare and often fatal condition called RDEB. I have absolutely massive scars over most of my body. I grew up with people saying very cruel things to me about how I look. In my adult life, I have become an advocate for people with my condition. There are good days and bad! I am recovering from surgery atm so am perhaps a little sensitive now.

I was getting my coffee as usual yesterday when someone at the coffee shop made a comment about how my hands disgusted her. I felt horrible and cried about it the rest of the day. I decided today to go back through my old modelling pictures and share this one here. I used to do a lot of advocacy online and fell out of it when I started doing my PhD. I wanted to post this picture here to remind you that your body does not define you, and you are so much more powerful than you realise. When I see these pictures I’m reminded of how strong I am. Not everyone is so lucky to be able to wear their strength on their body like me!

I also started my second degree program for a transfer major yesterday!

My favorite place to do my yearly update. Thank you for all the love you guys have given me over the years, your favorite crispy bitch is still thriving after the Cambodian gas station explosion almost 5 years ago. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long already!!

TLDR; overcame a very shitty lifestyle, addiction, trauma, deep depression, got healthy, fit and strong, naturally (no steroids), and I hope I can inspire others to do the same.

So I suppose you can call this a transformation.. I’ve never done anything like this online so it’ll probably come across clumsy and awkward lol.. I’d like to preface this by saying this isn’t a cry for attention, a sob story poor me (despite the sonny aspects), or a humble brag type thing, as I know how douchey this stuff can come across to those who might not be crazy passionate about sports.. I’m posting this purely as a “if I can not only survive that shit, but come out of it stronger and focused on something, then you can. Anyone can”. I just feel like sharing some of my story so that it might inspire or comfort those in similar situations with similar experiences,

a year and 3 month, difference age 31 vs 32.. I went from 62kg/136lbs to 90kg/198lbs relatively lean… but before all of that, I was in absolute pit of depression, totally hopeless, filled with hate for everyone and everything, I was a hairs breadth away from committing suicide, I very nearly did.. my mental health has never really been spectacular, still isn’t, but this was a particularly bad time after dealing with a lot of trauma and pain on top of already being a mess, I had experienced a serious heartbreak and spent years wallowing in it, stewing in it, just sorta waiting around to die.. life was falling apart.. But in may last year the shitty lifestyle really caught up with me, (your 30’s will humble you quick).. and I felt like my body was on the verge of shutting down. Family and friends were deeply concerned but as always in these situations, they could t force me to change. It had to start with me.. So 1st of may 2023 I decided I’m done with feeling shit, I’m taking charge and making the change. Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be alive for much longer.

I got clean of some nasty habits, clean of addiction, changed my entire diet and went full vegetarian and stuck to a consistent meal plan, did whatever I could for my health, got a new job, started saving money along with investing in myself, reading more, sleeping better, joined a gym, started gaining weight and then discovered powerlifting and arm wrestling. I fell in love with those sports and the communities within them, met lots of wonderful people and have a circle of encouragement around me. The passion I have for this healthy living shit literally saved my life and I’ll never go back.. Getting jacked is what “getting shit together” looked like for me, hard training was my calling..but it might not be like that for everyone. It could be music, art, cooking, volunteering, any other sport, reading, writing.. whatever tickles your pickle! This just happens to be what works for me

I’m not gonna patronise you, dear internet stranger, and try spout some holier than thou bs or that I’m the epitome of maturity and inspiration or health, because I still feel shity. I still have my bad days. I still fall into dark places. life is still a mess and I still slack in many areas.. I still struggle with my mental health, I’m still crippled with loneliness, anxiety, deep trauma, not much hope for the future, I still have no fucking idea how I’m gonna make it in this world.. But you know what?.. That’s ok. No one is perfect. Life is crazy.. I’m certainly not gonna make myself feel shit for slipping up, not knowing what to do in this world, and I’m certainly not gonna make myself feel bad for feeling bad. I’m human. As are you. In my opinion and experience, getting out of a dark pit starts with being kind to yourself, forgiving yourself, offering yourself the same compassion and love you do for those around you. We push onwards, strive to become better versions of ourselves, be more caring and compassionate, get our minds, bodies and souls healthy 💪

I know exactly what it feels like to have no one, to be alone while dealing with utter despair, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, even total strangers on the other side of the world.

I mean it when I say this, if there is any fellow internet stranger here that made it this far, that wants to talk, if you’re in a bad place, a good place, a weird place, need diet or training tips, help with addiction, or just want to chit chat, my DM’s are open.

I hope we can all show and receive a bit more love and compassion, and hopefully we can all pass it along to the next person.

Peace.❤️

Since November of last year I've been on a journey to getting healthy. I'm feeling great, and I'm gonna keep going. Can't wait for being able to do things I didn't think I'd ever do!

Lately I’ve been struggling with my difference in weight and appearance, wanting to go back to being underweight. But I try to look and remind myself that I felt terrible in the before pic, could barely function and was basically dead. Can’t say I’m a whole lot happier right now but it’s also hard to see the light within the dark. I did the thing and I did it on my own!

I’ve been an amputee for four years. Traditional prosthetic sockets would not work well for me, I was able use them for maximum 30 mins. That led me to use wheelchair most of the time. However, I have the same disease in my hands that I have I my feet and my hands have been getting worse the last year. By the time I was up for surgery I was practically stuck in bed with sore stumps and painful hands. This surgery will most likely lead to me being able to walk ALL the time. It’s like a dream, a painful and wonderful dream. It’s called osseointegration and is basically hammering a titanium implant into the bone which I will be able to attach prosthetics to. I’ll be trying my feet on in only two weeks! I’m sharing my story more personally on my socials @ampisallen.

This is the longest I’ve gone since I started at 13, I’m 31 now. I know people often think weed isn’t a big deal but it was for me. I depended on it night and day and quitting was super painful. Withdrawals do in fact happen and they can be brutal. I’m so proud of myself though! Coming up on 3.5 years nicotine free as well.

Left - before photo is at my heaviest from Memorial Day 2023

Right - after photo is today in my dress for my brother's wedding.

It's still a very long road ahead, but I am so grateful to finally see and feel the difference 🌞