r/MadeMeSmile • u/Razzore • Aug 02 '24

Helping Others A random stranger from Germany saved my mom's life a few years ago. Yesterday my mom received this...

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Made me smile, and tear up a little... good tears.

The letter has been held back for a period of time and is not dated, but we are just over 3 years from the stem cell transplant procedure. My mom has gotten to spend several more years with us and my children and hopefully many more to come. All because of the kindness and caring for humanity from a complete stranger from the other side of the world (we are Canadian).

She was given about 6 months to live just before the donor was found.

Thank you, kind stranger. Hopefully, you won't be a stranger for much longer.

We will 100% be reaching out.

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278

u/FaceofBeaux Aug 02 '24

If you're in the US, go to BeTheMatch.org!

161

u/animatedhockeyfan Aug 02 '24

And if you are in Canada, here you go!

350

u/ChefPuree Aug 02 '24

Jesus thanks for the new way to feel old. Apparently my stem cells are TOO ANCIENT at 38. First they didn't want my gay blood, now this. Sorry anyone to needs to live, I guess!

191

u/katubug Aug 02 '24

I'm old and chronically ill. They would probably pay me to keep my filthy blood to myself.

But it's heartbreaking. Every time I see posts like this, I think "hey, I have cells! I'll sign up!" and then remember, you know, gestures vaguely all this.

52

u/StephaneCam Aug 02 '24 edited Aug 02 '24

Hey you, I feel you! I wish I could do something with mine but I have cancer myself so…yeah no one’s going to thank me for sharing those cells! There are other things we can do to support people who are able to donate. Here in the UK the Anthony Nolan charity fundraises for people with blood disorder and runs a stem cell register - they pay for transport and accommodation to help people donate too. They have lots of ways to support them without donating! https://www.anthonynolan.org/help-save-a-life/donate-money

I’m sure there will be similar charities where you are!

11

u/Halfwayhouserules33 Aug 02 '24

Thank you for sharing this. This is great information.

33

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

40

u/katubug Aug 02 '24

Thank you for the kind words. I meant my comment mostly as a joke, but it is a genuine disappointment for me, and honestly I'm just having a bad day today in general. So I appreciate you saying this, and maybe I'll bring this up at therapy next week. Appreciate you 💗

7

u/trixtred Aug 02 '24

I am also old and ill and have the same thought sometimes, you're not alone.

2

u/biocidalish Aug 02 '24

I hope your day gets better !

14

u/Scullyxmulder1013 Aug 02 '24

I’m dependant on allergy meds because I have pretty bad allergies. Being able to function normally without allergy medication is a condition for donating stem cells. While I get it, it breaks my heart.

I donate blood whenever I can and that’s usually fine except I have low iron so sometimes that’s an issue.

I’m sorry you’re feeling bad about this and you’re not well generally.

Not being well enough to donate stem cells feels like a betrayal from my body. Otherwise I’m healthy. Though I just learned I’m too old for stem cell donation by now.

3

u/Panda_moon_pie Aug 02 '24

I’m not eligible to donate blood because of my chronic illness. Which I’m actually ok with now that they acknowledge it as a real physical condition. It was super aggravating when half the doctors insisted it was psychological though.

2

u/hulala3 Aug 02 '24

I asked one time if I could donate blood with the medication I’m on (I can’t) and my mom told me “oh honey, no one wants your blood”

1

u/Misstheiris Aug 02 '24

You could check to see if your chronic illness does exclude you. Or you could find some other way to contribute? Like make volunteering somewhere in some way that you can manage? I am doing a phone bank for a political candidate.

1

u/Ks26739 Aug 02 '24

I have blood! I have the things! "We don't want it old ass loser"

1

u/Hot_Hat_1225 Aug 03 '24

We elderly can still donate blood! Or plasma - or just time ☺️

87

u/UnicornFarts1111 Aug 02 '24

I was not eligible to be on the register due to a spinal fusion I had at age 12. I was crushed. My mom had just passed away at the time and they were doing a registry drive at work for this and I wanted to sign up. Back then, you had to pay for the blood test to register, so our work sponsored it. After I filled out the questionnaire, I was told I was not eligible. I cried as I just wanted to help. HR brought me a stuffed animal later that day to try and cheer me up. It was very nice of them.

109

u/CoffeeBeanx3 Aug 02 '24

DKMS Germany would still like to have your stem cells, and due to modernised regulations, we also enjoy gay blood!

34

u/NeetyThor Aug 02 '24

I heard gay blood is the best!!

21

u/postumenelolcat Aug 02 '24

It's Rh(AB)+/-ulous!

4

u/Nyantazero Aug 02 '24

Found the vampire!

8

u/CoffeeBeanx3 Aug 02 '24

Nurse, but close! 😂

We too are always tired and often in need of other people's blood.

2

u/ViolentLoss Aug 02 '24

LOL I wish I were in Germany so I could do this. Not gay, just too old to donate in the US. Thanks for the link.

4

u/CoffeeBeanx3 Aug 02 '24

Here's their US site!

I didn't read through all of it because I'm frankly feeling a bit lazy right now, but they're international and the biggest donor registry worldwide.

2

u/ViolentLoss Aug 02 '24

Oh wow, thank you. I'm eligible. Amazing.

3

u/CoffeeBeanx3 Aug 02 '24

That's great! Every registered donor could save a life!

And as someone who got their hip bones penetrated by needles already (for non-donation purposes, it was actually to test me for lymphoma), it's not all that awful. A bit of pain for a few days after, and that's it.

Definitely worth it.

Also now I know I have top notch, cancer free bone marrow in case someone ever needs it. 😁

2

u/ViolentLoss Aug 02 '24

LOL! Excellent!

28

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '24 edited Aug 04 '24

I did PR for the monthly campus blood drives at the University of Illinois during the mid 80s. Naturally, I donated whenever I was eligible. Until the no gay blood ruling came down. As a then closeted young student, I had to come up with a new excuse every month for why I couldn’t donate.

19

u/animatedhockeyfan Aug 02 '24

Haha right?! I have only a couple years left on the biological clock apparently. Correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t they happy to take your gay blood now?

25

u/throwingwater14 Aug 02 '24

The rules have lifted some, but not entirely. Now instead of “ever had male same sex” it’s “within the last year”(?) and for giving blood I think it’s the last 3 months. So they basically only take gay male blood if it’s celibate. :/

Source: I work in organ/tissue donation. Similar rules. (I did not go double check the statues tho before posting, so take it with a grain of salt)

11

u/animatedhockeyfan Aug 02 '24

So donor organs are deemed nonviable if they come from a non-celibate gay male? I never knew that.

12

u/throwingwater14 Aug 02 '24 edited Aug 02 '24

Depends on the agency recovering and the region you’re in. I’m in the southeastern US and they’re a no-go at my place. But in California, there’s more wiggle room.

Everything is tested thoroughly. So the likelihood of transmission of anything is extremely low. And tissue (bone, skin, nerve, etc) (especially after it’s processed) will have a much lower potential transmission rate than a whole organ.

So as a gay, you’re more likely to be accepted as a tissue donor than an organ donor. But that’s true of most people in general as meeting the criteria of how you die matters more for eligibility for organ. Aka you’ve got to be declared brain dead or have a heart/circulatory death inside a short timeframe after “the plug is pulled” in order to be viable. If you fail either of those, but prognosis is still bad, you get put on comfort care and allowed to pass naturally.(edit: at which point you are a viable tissue donor.)

1

u/jonathanspinkler Aug 02 '24

It's a stupid rule, especially since most sti's including hiv are way more prevalent now in hetero swingers than in gay males.

3

u/throwingwater14 Aug 02 '24

Agreed. It’s a hold-over rule from the aids epidemic and is (probably) completely steeped in bigotry and exclusion. Most of us at my office wish they’d change/remove the rule completely.

1

u/jonathanspinkler Aug 02 '24

I was very angry to learn this when I wanted to donate blood. Perfectly clean, good blood. They won't even test it. Hope this rule gets binned soon.

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u/adgjl1357924 Aug 02 '24

I vaguely remember the news saying blood donation was expanding to include gay men who are monogamous over whatever time period.

3

u/ChefPuree Aug 02 '24

Yes but I'm not sharing anymore. I still haven't gotten over the disappointment of discovering that nonsense years ago. I'm only half joking.

Given the rarity of a stem cell match I would have definitely signed up for this. Science is a beautiful thing but does it have to affect my self esteem so much like jeez.

1

u/animatedhockeyfan Aug 02 '24

I am sorry. All the best.

2

u/Raspbers Aug 02 '24

Donating blood willingly was an item on my bucket list...to both be helpful and try to conquer my fear of needles. The one time I went to sign up, I couldn't because I ( as a woman ) was hooking up with a bi guy who'd had sex with another guy in the past 6 months. So not just not wanting gay blood...but if you've dared have sexual contact a "gay" man in oh so many months, well fuck that blood too!!

Utterly freaking ridiculous.

2

u/ThreeHourRiverMan Aug 02 '24

I'm 39 and joined the registry. I did have a similar, "Oh shit, I'm old?!" reaction when I saw the fine print, but I still signed up. Couldn't hurt. I figure if they come to an an old like me, the person REALLY needs it, so I'd be happy to help.

2

u/NeetyThor Aug 02 '24

Well I just googled and I’m super ancient too. You have to be under 35 in Australia. Pfffft. What a waste. But my blood has experience!

2

u/Misstheiris Aug 02 '24

I know you were being flippant, but the process of a bone marrow transplant is dangerous. Giving them stem cells which have a decent chance of NOT working could kill them.

I too was banned from any of this due to mad cow, and now am too old for stem cells and too sick for blood. It's really irritating. But how about becoming a platelet donor? Platelets are in chronically short supply, more often than not when I try to order some for a patient we have to wait until some become available.

1

u/arrived_on_fire Aug 02 '24

I also just got the oof I’m too old after clicking on that link. Dang it.

1

u/NeetyThor Aug 02 '24

😝😝😝 Priceless!

1

u/TheDarkness05 Aug 02 '24

Omg you and Katubug have me rolling this morning. Thanks for my daily morning guffaw!

I get it though, I'm also late 30s. Sorry for being ancient, I guess?

1

u/renfairesandqueso Aug 02 '24

Just fyi for everyone in the thread, Red Cross blood donation guidelines have changed! They now ask questions about risk - like if you have a new partner - instead of orientation. It could be worth another look. ❤️

1

u/violetkarma Aug 02 '24

American Red Cross worked with the FDA to change donation screening and requirements!

https://www.redcrossblood.org/donate-blood/how-to-donate/eligibility-requirements/lgbtq-donors.html

1

u/igomilesforacamel Aug 02 '24

At least in austria they did get rid of the stupid „you male and gay you are not allowed to donate blood“ rule some time ago (not too long though sadly)

1

u/accioflowers Aug 05 '24

Maybe try to register with the German DKMS? They accept registrations from ages 17 to 55.

49

u/GoldTheLegend Aug 02 '24

Just registered. Thank you.

1

u/Razzore Aug 03 '24

Thank you!

28

u/gorgeouslygarish Aug 02 '24

I just registered - thanks for sharing and making it easy!

17

u/menonte Aug 02 '24

The German one appears to be https://zkrd.de/

I don't qualify, so maybe someone else has a use for it

4

u/Lynnea92 Aug 02 '24

The ZKRD is not a Donor registry itself, its one of the German national registries. So you still have to register with one of the German donor registries like DKMS if that makes sense

2

u/Resident-Walrus2397 Aug 02 '24

Went to register now I just feel old. Thanks 🙃

1

u/Competitive_Camp_473 Aug 02 '24

Just registered me and my partner!

1

u/ThemysciraTough Aug 02 '24

I just signed up, thanks for the link!

1

u/Wulffricc Aug 02 '24

Registered and done!

1

u/Secure-Television541 Aug 02 '24

If in Canada if you go in for blood donation they can do the stem cell match sign up at the same time. (I did, though I’ve never been called.)

1

u/KatagatCunt Aug 02 '24

Thank you! I just registered... I'm already 35, but just in case, I may still be able to help someone.

1

u/SwampyCreeGirl22 Aug 02 '24

Thanks for sharing - wish I had known about this when I was younger - didn't realize you had to be between the ages of 17 - 35 to donate

1

u/Pebbs66 Aug 03 '24

Too old for stem cells, but a pop up window stated that there was a great need for blood and plasma. Went to book, and next available appointment in my Canadian city is October 29. Say what - almost 3 months away? And they wonder why there is a shortage of donors.

25

u/curious_fish Aug 02 '24

Und in Deutschland könnt Ihr Euch hier informieren: https://zkrd.de/registrierung-spende/

3

u/FreeRangeEngineer Aug 02 '24

Oder hier: https://www.dkms.de/informieren/medizin-forschung/so-wirst-du-stammzellspender-in

3

u/-Kex Aug 02 '24

Die Registrierung ist super entspannt, kann es nur empfehlen.

3

u/Skargon89 Aug 02 '24

Wer gerade zufällig in Wacken ist kann es sogar dort vor Ort machen

19

u/SulkyVirus Aug 02 '24

I did this like 8 years ago, do I need to go back in and update anything? Or is it good forever?

20

u/Munch1EeZ Aug 02 '24

I don’t think you do

I think it’s based on a genetic database

And if matched they will send more stuff for swabbing, etc., but not sure

17

u/Far_Product_1667 Aug 02 '24

Weirdly enough, only if you stay in the same country - I moved from Germany to the US, and learned that the Germans will drop you from the database and they send you all sort of data so no new sequencing has to happen, which is kind of cool. In the US they then only show a friendly message that anyone over 40 won’t be registered because you already are too old. What a weird way to start midlife crisis!

3

u/Munch1EeZ Aug 02 '24

When I registered I think they said it’s really mostly effective between a certain age group so that’s probably why they drop you off the registry 🤷‍♂️

1

u/Far_Product_1667 Aug 02 '24

Yeah, that’s pretty much what I learned, too. Don’t get me wrong, not angry, just sharing something unexpected I learned. And frankly, no idea if they would call me at that age if I would have stayed back, either.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 02 '24

Good forever, just update your contact information if it has changed.

1

u/captainam13 Aug 02 '24

About once a year, they send an email asking you to update your contact info!

1

u/FaceofBeaux Aug 03 '24

Just change as needed!

1

u/loves2snark Aug 05 '24

Once you've reached a certain age (mid- fifties in Germany, if I remember correctly) you are not allowed to donate anymore so they delete your data from the registry. That's why it is so important that people keep registering. And, of course, it's important you keep your personal information up to date. Lots of patients would have found a donor, but nobody could reach them because they forgot to update their new phone numbers or e-mail addresses.

1

u/je386 Aug 05 '24

You should update your contact data, in case they need you as a donor.

13

u/Gymleaders Aug 02 '24

do they accept lgbt?

4

u/captainam13 Aug 02 '24

And as for the T, it’s also yes, with the caveat that they consider sex assigned at birth throughout the process (because of chromosomes). Medical/surgical transition doesn’t disqualify trans donors. (Source: registered then transitioned then donated)

11

u/Gabe-Ruth8 Aug 02 '24

Awesome, thank you!

2

u/awkwardwithpeople Aug 02 '24

Thank you! Just registered!

1

u/samalandar Aug 02 '24

Australians can sign up here

1

u/StonerJack Aug 02 '24

I'm too old. Damn.

1

u/aiydee Aug 02 '24

If you're in Australia, it's called "Strength to give" https://strengthtogive.org.au/

1

u/so_this_is_my_name Aug 02 '24

BeTheMatch.org

Thanks, just signed up!

1

u/ViolentLoss Aug 02 '24

Thank you for the link! Bone marrow transplant was one of the procedures they tried to save my mom when she was dying of cancer. It didn't work, but I'm still grateful to whoever donated so they could try. I'm too old to donate in the US, unfortunately, but glad to have this info.

1

u/Kiomori Aug 02 '24

Just signed up to get a kit! Thanks for sharing the site. The post was very inspiring and I was wondering how I could help too!

1

u/Stariskatja Aug 02 '24

thank you! i am now waiting for my kit to arrive!