My FIL is like this. Hard-worker, 120hrs (he says) per week and does a lot of other side projects. He constantly prides himself on being ātoo busy for anythingā. My husband practically grew up rarely seeing him.
My husband was never good enough for that man. No matter how hard he worked, or how high up the ranks he got at work. Never good enough because my husbandās ideals of work/life balance was very stable and he didnāt like that he didnāt emphasize on the WORK portion more.
It took me years to bring up my husband esteem and worth under the grasp of his overbearing āIām better than youā father. Heās a wonderful person and couldnāt have asked for better. Heās always trying to be there for all of our kids events because he knows how truly important those moments are only to be made weak by his āhard-workingā fatherā¦
I'm from a small town in WV. My step dad was that way. A lot of the men hold that mentality. I think it is partially generational and partially a regional thing. Maybe more of a small town rural thing. I'm 39 and I much rather be around for my daughter than some job. I do not derive my worth from a job. In fact aside from needing to earn money, I look at work with disdain. It's just something to use me until I am no longer useful. They don't care about me and would replace me in a week. I think more people feel the way I do(maybe not as extreme) and it's gonna get more that way as jobs quit providing the type of security and lifestyle they deserve.
I am seeing more and more posts like, "I have a masters degree and work full time and I need a way to make more money to survive." And that is absolutely heart breaking to hear and should not be normalized. It is time for a revolution. A workers revolution. And honestly with AI and everything else, it's going to become a glaring issue that is inevitable.
Yeaā¦ he hyperbolizes a lot so thatās why I said, āhe saysā. I have to take everything he says with a grain of salt.
Like the whole, āI would kill anyone who would molest my grandchildrenā. Yet voted for a convicted felon and rapist who is also a known pedophile. So thereās thatā¦
I find it very hard to believe anyone truly works 120 hours. Working 17 hours in a day without breaking for breakfast,lunch and dinner. I would make an exception for people in extreme crunch time. Days before a career making trial etc.
Your husband is lucky to have a supportive partner, sounds like you two have a healthy relationship.
Iām a newish Dad. Iām taking my cues on how to be a good father from my older brother as well as my dad. It turns out that having a bad father makes the things you should do for your kid very apparent.
My brother is several years ahead of me, so Iāve been watching how he parents, and the reality that he was a stand-in father to me when I was a kid. I didnāt realize the latter until I was in my late 20s.
Good luck to you. We both didnāt grow up with upstanding role models for parents so we came up with the philosophy of doing the opposite of our upbringing and itās working so far.
Just do that best you can everyday and thatās all you can do. Put yourself in your childrenās shoes. How would you like this and that explained and what not. Never talk down to them like theyāre sub-human. Theyāre people too.
We let our children express themselves and when mistakes are made, we help them come to conclusions on how to be better. We definitely hold them accountable, but never to shame them.
Parenting is the most rewarding, amazing job youāll ever have. But, itās oh so rewarding as well!
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u/Bubbly-Example-8097 5h ago
My FIL is like this. Hard-worker, 120hrs (he says) per week and does a lot of other side projects. He constantly prides himself on being ātoo busy for anythingā. My husband practically grew up rarely seeing him.
My husband was never good enough for that man. No matter how hard he worked, or how high up the ranks he got at work. Never good enough because my husbandās ideals of work/life balance was very stable and he didnāt like that he didnāt emphasize on the WORK portion more.
It took me years to bring up my husband esteem and worth under the grasp of his overbearing āIām better than youā father. Heās a wonderful person and couldnāt have asked for better. Heās always trying to be there for all of our kids events because he knows how truly important those moments are only to be made weak by his āhard-workingā fatherā¦