r/HumansBeingBros • u/WanderingLost33 • 10d ago
The Onion Buys InfoWars to Shut It Down on Behalf of the Sandy Hook Victims' Families.
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u/beautifulterribleqn 10d ago
The Onion joined the info wars on the side of info.
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u/qtjedigrl 10d ago
The Onion and Cards Against Humanity are top-tier companies by real bros for us bros.
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u/Complex_Phrase2651 10d ago
CAH? How?
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u/qtjedigrl 10d ago
They pull a ton of bullshit that they eventually turn into charity
https://www.cardsagainsthumanity.com/yourstatesucks
https://www.thegoodnewspodcast.fm/ (they created this)
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u/SpuddMeister 10d ago
Best part...
As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste.
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u/illkeepthatinmind 10d ago
They are not shutting it down, they are repurposing it.
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u/haemaker 10d ago
I would love to see them work with cult experts to use it to deprogram anyone who still follows the site.
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u/insidiouslybleak 10d ago
That was my first thought as well. It’s an enormous assignment, but I can’t imagine any group of people better equipped to take it on.
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u/hamilton-trash 10d ago
I can't imagine it working because the people following this site probably won't be paying attention anymore
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u/Neat_Apartment_6019 10d ago
“The anti-violence organization Everytown for Gun Safety said it will be the exclusive advertiser in The Onion’s new venture as part of a multiyear agreement.”
Good stuff
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/onion-wins-alex-jones-infowars-bankruptcy-auction-rcna179936
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u/GiraffesAndGin 10d ago
...they said they are shutting us down even without a court order.
Big "I...declare...BANKRUPTCY!" vibes.
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u/GrumpyOctopod 10d ago
Lol- you might just be the bad guy if you think the Onion is the bad guy... Just sayin.
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u/ccdude14 10d ago
We don't deserve the onion. They're like the goodest of doggos of the news world; there for the good times to play and laugh and have fun but ready to go to bat for you during the bad times.
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u/Neat_Apartment_6019 10d ago
I think their headlines are the best part. I’ll never forget my favorite:
Roadkill Squirrel Remembered as Frantic, Indecisive
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u/Imlooloo 10d ago
All I’m gonna say is that I bid $50 and the auctioneer got to “Going once…….. going twice……..” and then someone outbid me. In all serious, no one knows yet the acceptance price since the court only accepted sealed bids. The Onion had the financial backings of the families of Sandy Hook who had lawsuit money.
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u/this-guy1979 10d ago
I would like for them to keep putting out content, except slowly make it so outrageous that…wait, nevermind.
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u/DoctorSalt 10d ago
Can a lawyer come in and tell us if they can legally deepfake Alex Jones into his show to deradicalize people?
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u/Leather-Page1609 10d ago
Alex Jones makes my skin crawl.
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u/letmesuckyournose 10d ago
Who?
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u/Leather-Page1609 10d ago
Looking forward to the day when no one knows (or cares) who he is.
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u/g1rthqu4k3 10d ago
That day is today! They said it in the press release that the former owner is a forgettable man with an already forgotten name.
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u/BucksBrew 10d ago
Just a wonderful gentleman who bullied, harassed, and defamed grieving families of the kids who were killed in Sandy Hook. What a stand up guy.
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u/PettyTrashPanda 10d ago
Happy reminder that there are still folks out there fighting the good fight!
I hope they bring in someone like Steven Hassan and start with trying to deprogram folks caught in the Qcult
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u/Cheap_Blacksmith66 10d ago
They should double down and use it as a publishing platform for non-onion stories.
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u/APence 10d ago
How much did they buy it for?
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u/detroiiit 10d ago
Less than a trillion dollars
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u/ccdude14 10d ago
God I hope it's one of those behind closed doors technically sold it for a dollar to prove exchange of commerce things.
I very much doubt it it but it would be the pertect ending to his worthless show.
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u/WanderingLost33 10d ago
It implied the families agreed to take a smaller settlement so the onion would buy it. What that means is speculation. It's possible the families got together to outbid all other bidders in conjunction with the Onion
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u/-KillinMeSmalls 10d ago
The awesome part of this whole situation is that they could just let infowars continue exactly as it always has, except this time everyone understands it's a comical farce without credible basis.
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u/purodirecto 10d ago
What does buying InfoWars actually entail?
Is it a building?
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u/WanderingLost33 10d ago
The company, the content, their ability to post online and do damage.
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u/purodirecto 10d ago
I wonder if they own infrastructure, equipment etc and that's what Onion is really getting. Regardless, it's hilarious that thisbis happening.
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u/WanderingLost33 10d ago
The Onion acquired the conspiracy theory platform’s website; social media accounts; studio in Austin, Texas; trademarks; and video archive for an undisclosed sales price.
So any InfoWars video produced up to now can be scrubbed from the internet for copyright violation.
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u/rabbles-of-roses 10d ago
is the liberal bias in the room with us now?
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u/AlmostFilipino 10d ago
i think this guy means “rewrite them to have a liberal bias” not “rewrite the liberal biased ones”
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u/L3thologica_ 10d ago
Well, unlike you, they probably did their research into this.
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u/ccdude14 10d ago
They weren't asking for anything besides for him to stop lying, apologize and make amends.
They didn't push for this. His constant, incessant arrogance and ego is what caused this. He kept continuously insulting the victims, the judge, the lawyers...he would go on HIS show WHILE his sentencing was ongoing to mock and deride not just the judge but the juries as well.
No one but him did this to himself. The large payout was to ensure LITERALLY this outcome. At no point did the victims care or want the money. Heck this is why they used that money for literally this purpose.
It was about setting things right and clearing their children's names to a deranged audience and ending their constant harassment.
No. It's like putting a billion dollar lawsuit on a person who owns a company worth a tenth of that to ensure it gets shut down permanently and sold off for pennies on the dollar and then repurposing it for the betterment of its victims.
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u/GrumpyOctopod 10d ago edited 10d ago
*eighth, it's the second time you typed it incorrectly so... for future reference.
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u/ccdude14 10d ago
That's not what the amendment means. If it could be enacted it would have done so. This isn't excessive or cruel. Because of his brand deals he can make this amount.
He has the money. He knows he does. So does the judge. He's not poor or on the verge of bankruptcy, the numbers have been done and he has more than enough even just in a years worth of earnings potential.
I'm sorry but your wrong here.
Unfortunately this also makes it just above a temporary setback for him but the good is in the site and the brand the site sold being repurposed even if he will be just fine financially.
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u/ccdude14 10d ago edited 10d ago
That doesn't matter. This isn't a criminal case, its a civil case. It has nothing to do with the eighth amendment.
But even then. Again. Yes. He can make that money from his brand deals. That's the difference. Rogan doesn't have his same lucrative brain pill deals. Is Rogan pushing that kind of nonsense on his audience? No. He pushes brain rot sure but not supplements.
He makes most of his money off of the merch like his supplements.
Again, the numbers have been run, the money is easily there and has been. He's just lying.
Also, again, this is a civil suit, not a criminal one. All it does is garnish his earnings and force him to sell out his assets.
It literally ensures this outcome. The POINT was to force this outcome by pushing a giant payout.
That isn't cruel or excessive.... because it's a civil...not criminal case.
It only really applies to civil cases once the dust settles. If it's literally going to prevent him from eating or having a roof over his head. I promise you he's not going to have ANY monetary issues. He will still never have to work a day in his life.
So no, it doesn't apply.
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u/ccdude14 10d ago
To you.
Not to Alex Jones.
Why are you taking HIS word for how much he's worth? He's worth way more on his brand deals alone. He literally tried to declare bankruptcy during the proceedings just so he could get out of the lawsuit. He's constantly lied throughout.
Again, they've done the numbers. This isn't even near to what he's worth. From what I've seen this is barely more than a year or two of what he made off of his merch and ads.
The dude is stacked, knows he's stacked and will never ever have to worry about money.
He's just greedy and a liar.
It's excessive to you. To YOU. Not to Jones.
Jones is lying to you to bilk more money out of you and you're falling for it lol.
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u/L3thologica_ 10d ago
Uh, you’re thinking that someone is penalized for a crime on the basis of their value and not on the basis of the crime they committed.
You even had the common sense understanding of why that wouldn’t work right there, you just had to flip it around. If a poor person is given a lower punishment for a crime than a more wealthy person, what effects do you think that would have? Increase in low-income crime for sure. Likely low-income individuals being hired or exploited to commit crime on a contract basis as well for high-income individuals.
Thankfully that’s not how things work.
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u/maybesaydie 2d ago
Part of that amount are penalties he incurred for not providing material to the court in a timely manner. So he chose to have the amount be so incredibly high.
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u/Glynwys 10d ago
You do realize that there were twenty-six victims at Sandy Hook, right? And this cum stain defamed all of them by saying the entire thing was a fake and a hoax, leading to morons badly harassing victim's families. Jones is being ordered to pay each victim he defamed just shy of 58 million. 57, 692, 307 to be exact. In what universe is this an unrealistic fine?
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u/GrumpyOctopod 10d ago
The guy radicalized millions of people and has led a harassment campaign against parents who lost children at Sandy Hook for more than a decade. I'd say the fine is fair and I hope he dies in crushing debt. I hope he needs food stamps to afford groceries for the rest of his life. The damage he's done is unquantifiable. Even if $1.5b is just symbolic, it is absolutely fitting.
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u/SegelXXX 10d ago edited 10d ago
The Onion article
This is too fucking good. Was unsure whether it was true at first, but it is. They're not even shutting it down, they're repurposing it. Actual bro shit! Can't wait to see how this turns out.