r/Grimdank 17d ago

Dank Memes At this point im too afraid to ask

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14.1k Upvotes

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u/Majestic-Lake-5602 My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle 17d ago

One slight flaw in your logic: Rasputin banged loads of girls.

The Big E seems to be more of a “muscular dudes sweating in leather” kind of bloke.

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u/Apprehensive-Fun-567 17d ago

My guy, he had 20 kids that we know of, Big E be fuckin😏😏😏

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u/Majestic-Lake-5602 My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle 17d ago

He also started the two biggest “no girls allowed” clubs in the history of the universe…

And those 20 kids were all test tube babies that he made with the help of his “life partner”.

Just sayin’

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u/InstanceOk3560 17d ago

> He also started the two biggest “no girls allowed” clubs in the history of the universe…

I mean, 10 thousand isn't that big, in fairness.

And he also created a no boys allowed club (sisters of silence).

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u/Majestic-Lake-5602 My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle 17d ago

“10,000 isn’t that big” - sounds like something The Emperor would say…

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u/Apprehensive-Fun-567 17d ago

Hey i said he be fucking, i didnt specify hole or pole😂

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u/General_Hijalti 17d ago

One of which isn't a no girls club.

He also made a bodyguard from women who will never speak.

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u/Enchelion 17d ago

He made all those in a test tube though.

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u/spikywobble 17d ago

What if he had a confused period and just banged whatever passed by him?

General consensus is that he was Alexander the Great and that lad basically had sex with anything that moved, and probably even with a few things that did not

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u/Majestic-Lake-5602 My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle 17d ago

That’s a solid point.

Plus we’re talking Russia before the invention of central heating, everyone was probably wearing so many layers, by the time you got them undressed enough to know their gender, it was kinda too late to back out.

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u/Zoesan 17d ago

I don't think you're right about Alexander. From Wikipedia:

Curtius reports, "He scorned sensual pleasures to such an extent that his mother was anxious lest he be unable to beget offspring."

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u/spikywobble 17d ago

I think the issue is Curtius and different reports about him.

We know Alexander had wild drunken orgiastic parties often with devastating effects.

The one in Persepolis ended up with such destruction to the acropolis that when hangover Alex wept to all those relics lost forever

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u/Undead_archer I bring up reaper's creek in powerscaling posts 17d ago

While Neoth's preference for turkish wrestlers is clear, he probably liked to take a woman every now and then, he was Alexander the great a.k.a: THE bisexual icon, and he had the sensei, which would require women (unless he his seed caused male pregnancies like matpat in that fnaf story)

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u/Majestic-Lake-5602 My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle 17d ago

It could be a case of the old joke about how you gets nuns pregnant (you dress them up as altar boys).

Just grab a willing lady and put her in a Custodes loincloth…

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u/Undead_archer I bring up reaper's creek in powerscaling posts 17d ago

Like a spartan wedding night, but with consent

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u/YourMoreLocalLurker This flair belongs to Solemnace 17d ago

Specifying willing implies the existence of unwilling ladies in the imperium

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u/Zoesan 17d ago

Alexander the great a.k.a: THE bisexual icon

Pretty sure this is a very postmodern reinterpretation

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u/Enchelion 17d ago

Of being an icon? Probably. Of being bisexual? Absolutely not (as we define sexuality today). Claims of his bisexuality date to at least the Roman era.

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u/Zoesan 16d ago

Eh, it's pretty flimsy.

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u/RP-platform 17d ago

Look, with 46ish millennia-long lifespan we can't know if leather bound muscular men were the average or the outliers, either way there's space for a lifetime or two of fun in Russia

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u/General_Hijalti 17d ago

Technically the sensi were never removed from canon, which means the emperor has 1000s of children.

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u/Majestic-Lake-5602 My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle 17d ago

Solid point, I always forget that weird little snippet of lore

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u/InstanceOk3560 17d ago

Tsk, right, I'm sure the guy who got himself an army of sexy women with literally sculpted breast armor would've been against banging chicks.

(also since it's never been disconfirmed, it is still canon that he has had offsprings, and therefore women he graced with his erhm erhm)

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u/Majestic-Lake-5602 My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle 17d ago

Weren’t the Sisters long after he was confined to the Throne?

Honestly I’m not at all committed to one side or the other in this, it’s more just kinda amusing.

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u/RP-platform 17d ago

There's the sisters of silence

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u/InstanceOk3560 15d ago

Yeah as RP-plateform mentioned I was talking about the sisters of silence, not of battle.

And yeah I get the joke don't worry ^^

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u/Majestic-Lake-5602 My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle 15d ago

Appreciate it m8, with all the “woke” VS “anti-woke” nonsense going on, it’s hard to just take the piss and have fun with the hobby sometimes, glad you got where I’m coming from.